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Author Topic: for how i acted  (Read 1946 times)

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Offline sshortguy1

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  • Posts: 118
for how i acted
« on: June 25, 2012, 07:59:15 PM »
to those i've acted towards i apologize for saying hiv isn't a big deal for alot of others in this world can be very big deal i shouldn't take for granted that hiv meds will always be out there

Offline Joe K

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  • 31 Years Poz
Re: for how i acted
« Reply #1 on: June 26, 2012, 09:46:56 AM »
Dear Members,

Iím going to ask you to consider Shortís apology, even though itís a little obtuse.  With his permission I am posting the messages that we exchanged, prior to his posting his apology.  I think the back story will clarify what he really wants to say.

My first message to Short:

Hey Short,

I'm sure I'm the last person you want to hear from, but I hope you will at least read this message.  I'm sorry that I've jumped all over you, however I have my reasons and hopefully you may agree.  This forum contains people from all over the world, many of whom have no access to medical care, let alone HIV drugs and to suggest that having HIV is no big deal is just insensitive.

For every person like you and I, there are hundreds who have done everything they could to survive, but they still died.  I agree with you that living with HIV today is very different from the past and I'm thrilled that you will never experience what I did.  But I also realize that many readers are not as lucky.  For whatever reasons, they can't beat HIV and to suggest otherwise is just immoral.

I believe that voices like yours matter, because it is important for the newly infected, to see others just like them, coping and adjusting to being poz.  I just ask that you remember that this is a support forum.  People became angry with you, not so much over what you generally said, but by the way in which you expressed your views.

I also suspect that you really need to "believe" that having HIV is no big deal and I understand that completely.  I'm sorry you have to go through this, its hell no matter what anyone says.  What I hope is that you can enjoy the forums, make your voice heard, but in a way that is sensitive to all of our members.

You are not the first person to come into these forums, with guns a blazing, but that rarely works.  What does work is to show a little respect for each other and to realize that we are here to support each other, not to demean anyone who disagrees with us.  Trust me, I'm no angel sometimes, but I find a simple post, apologizing for unintentionally hurting someone, by something that I said, works wonders.

Nobody wants to keep butting heads with you.  My hope is that you may need us, as much as we need you.

Take care,


Shorts reply to me:

ty for your time to say what you had to say, as to a few of my friends mentioned these forums are kind of a delicate issue regarding where they're located as i jumped off the bat thinking most of us are in the united states, but alot are and alot are not , and the thought about having no meds is sympathetic in my opinion i just hope 1 day  the countries that are fortunate enough to supply the meds can supply the other countries that don't have access to these meds , i appreciate your comment and made me think what i said that was wrong on my behalf i shouldn't of taken that these forums are from the united states, but not only here but all over the world

My return message to him:

Hey Short,

What you said wasn't wrong, because many people world wide have access to medical care and drugs.  What you said was unintentionally hurtful and if you would like to become an active member, I suggest you apologize.

A very simple post in off topic, where you explain to the forum, what you just told me and apologizing for unintentionally offending folks will put everything right.  We all make mistakes and we are a very supportive crowd.  It takes a really big person to admit a mistake, it takes real character to apologize for that mistake.

As I said, I hope you stay.  There's a lot here that can and will help you.


His last message to me:

as i read your comment i owe them a big apology and i'm sorry for how i reacted towards you and  alot of them and you're right this should be a place for support and understanding ty for the time to write and next time i comment i will put that into consideration that maybe they can't  get medical attention and they do have my sympathies like you have mentioned especially those who can't get meds, hiv is a very big deal


Offline drewm

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,245
Re: for how i acted
« Reply #2 on: June 26, 2012, 10:44:50 AM »
Well said Joe and I agree. As someone who burst onto this scene with "guns ablazin" awhile back, I totally understand all of the points made. Not everyone's experience is the same and as we listen to each other, hopefully more can be learned.
Diagnosed in  May of 2010 with teh AIDS.

PCP Pneumonia . CD4 8 . VL 500,000


Numbers consistent since 12/2010 - VL has remained undetectable and CD4 is anywhere from 275-325

Offline emeraldize

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Re: for how i acted
« Reply #3 on: June 26, 2012, 12:07:48 PM »
Thank you Short and Joe.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: for how i acted
« Reply #4 on: June 26, 2012, 12:42:28 PM »
Thank you shortguy. Your apology is appreciated. And thanks to you too Joe, for having the patience and compassion to reach out to shortguy. My own patience has been a little lacking lately, I have to admit.

Shortguy, it's not only people in resource-poor areas of the world who are dying from hiv related causes. Did you click on any of the links I gave you yesterday (in the now-locked thread)? It was a list of nine recently deceased forum members - seven who lived in the States and two in the UK, where, by the way, we get all our hiv care and meds for free. One of the people in the States committed suicide directly because of hiv. She was falling through the cracks - she had too much income to qualify for any financial help, but was too poor to afford health insurance and care, much less meds. She couldn't take it any more and took her own life.

Hiv is serious business indeed. Unfortunately. Fortunately, things ARE much better than they were even only ten years ago, but hiv is still a serious, life-threatening illness.

Short, I wish you well on your hiv journey - hopefully you'll be one of the lucky ones for whom it has little physical and/or emotional impact, but either way, we're all here for you and each other.
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Jeff G

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  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: for how i acted
« Reply #5 on: June 26, 2012, 02:12:53 PM »
Thanks for the apology . I'm a little short on patience this time of year myself . It so happens that the summer months mark the passing of some very dear friends .

My friend Joe died of Aids about 4 years ago this week . Joe was one of the ones who tried the hardest , laughed the loudest and wanted to keep living as much as any man I ever met . Joe was a pediatrician and worked in a low income clinic taking care of sick children .

Every other weekend you could find Joe in some parking lot in an old RV that had been converted into a mobile medical clinic . Joe had a special place in his heart for the transgendered community and felt that that segment of society was neglected or underserved by the medical community ... so Joe did what Joe did best and that's care for and love unconditionally , and heal the sick .

Joe tried every HIV treatment and regimen available but he simply never responded to any of them and he got sick one day and died about two weeks later , no doubt Joe was feeling very ill before he got sick but he just kept on healing other people and laughing and trying to live his life to the fullest .

There have been other people on the forum say that HIV is no big deal anymore and I get angry every time ... and this is why I will speak up each and every time I hear somebody say those words . If I'm going to get mad I thought you might as well know why .
« Last Edit: June 26, 2012, 02:14:42 PM by jg1962 »
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Offline tednlou2

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Re: for how i acted
« Reply #6 on: June 27, 2012, 12:53:12 AM »
Short, I always tried to see where you were coming from, or how you came to your thinking.  We newly infected or newly dx'd folks are told everything will be just peachy.  So much so, that if we're still struggling with fear, depression, and anxiety a year into diagnosis, many look at us as being totally irrational.  When we question why do will still see folks dying or with many health issues (even in the U.S.), we're often told they were living with the virus for decades, had gotten near death before better meds came about, and on very toxic treatments, which left them with many health issues and resistance issues.  We're often told we won't have that to bear.  It is a huge mixed message for the newly dx'd.  I'm glad there is so much optimism, but I think many sugarcoat everything a tad more than should be. 

I suppose what I'm saying is that I can understand how one would be convinced everything is dandy, with what we're told.  I hope things are as rosy for those dx'd today and who have access to care.     

Offline anniebc

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Re: for how i acted
« Reply #7 on: June 27, 2012, 02:53:28 AM »
Thanks for the apology Short, and thanks for letting Joe share your PM's with us.

Jan :-*
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline sshortguy1

  • Member
  • Posts: 118
Re: for how i acted
« Reply #8 on: June 27, 2012, 11:42:07 AM »
like ann said, there's limits to those who qualify for ADAP ,  the united states federal govt offered ins. for pre existing conditions which i'm falling under, in IL the limit is 32,000 a yr a appeal is made on my behalf to get recertified if not i will have to apply for the federal govt for pre existing conditions for IL ADAP told me they will help for the 1st month's meds which the med cost is 1600 for the 1st yr and they cover 100 % from now on this ins. was passed with the help of barrack obama the president i talked to my case worker and IL ADAP , they started the ins. after barrack abama was elected 3 and a half yrs ago b/c the reg. ins applicants have to wait a yr after enrolling for reg ins people in the U.S  will know about would appreciate it if they can word it better than i did ryan white foundation helps alot of people that are not fanancially capable  to buy meds or medical care

Ryan White is administered by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), Health Resources and Services Administration (HRSA), HIV/AIDS Bureau (HAB). Federal funds are awarded to agencies located around the country, which in turn deliver care to eligible individuals under funding categories called Parts, as outlined below. First authorized in 1990, the Ryan White HIV/AIDS Program is currently funded at $2.1 billion.   without the help of other orgs  like st louis  effort for aids here in st louis that i met 30 plus hiv poz people that showed me who to talk to etc

« Last Edit: June 27, 2012, 11:59:24 AM by sshortguy1 »

Offline sshortguy1

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  • Posts: 118
Re: for how i acted
« Reply #9 on: June 27, 2012, 12:05:01 PM »
maybe from what i just wrote may help recently infected others in the us lead them to who they need to contact


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