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Author Topic: HIV and My Emotion Question  (Read 1961 times)

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Offline LivingFree1989

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  • Posts: 27
HIV and My Emotion Question
« on: June 23, 2012, 02:29:50 PM »
Every since my diagnosis 4 years ago I have bouts of anger and sadness. Sometimes I get so mad that I can't control myself. I begin to cry because I feel like its nothing I can do. There is no trigger that I can identify. Its like I transform into this other woman that I don't recognize and its scary because I don't want to do something I will regret. When I began to feel this way I do things like throw stuff and I have to force myself into an area by myself to try and gain control. Then other times I am so sad that I don't want to do anything. I begin to feel sorry for myself and everyone that I have burdened with my disease. I sob and cry, I don't want to talk to anyone I just want to be alone. I cry and ask God to help me feel better. My question is, is it the HIV or is it something that I already had that was exacerbated by the HIV, Does anyone feel this way.... Any suggestions and or answers are welcomed!!!

Offline Ann

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Re: HIV and My Emotion Question
« Reply #1 on: June 23, 2012, 03:07:07 PM »
LF, The first thing that struck me is that this may be a hormonal issue with you. I've had hormonal issues in the past and your experience sounds similar to mine with the wild mood swings. Ask your hiv doctor to check out your hormone levels.

After reading your first post here, it also strikes me that this could be the result of ignoring/denying your hiv status for so long. You may find some face-to-face counseling/therapy beneficial.

I read how you've been "saved" but unless you're in a church that is very hiv/gay friendly (I realise you're not a gay man), I would go elsewhere for any counseling. Most pentecostal churches don't have a very good track record with being sympathetic towards people living with hiv. Before you decide that "God will help me through this", remember that God put other people on this earth to help us.

It reminds me of the story of a man who was stranded on his roof following a flood. He prayed to Jesus to save him. A boy in a rowboat came by and said "jump aboard mister, I'll save you" but the man said "no thank you, God will save me".

Then a few men in a inflatable speedboat came by and said "jump aboard mister, we'll save you!" but the man said "no thank you, God will save me".

Then the water rose so high and was so fast flowing that small boats could no longer safely reach him. A rescue helicopter came by and dropped him down a line and harness so they could winch him to safety. They said "put the harness on, we'll save you!" But the man said "no thank you, God will save me".

The man drowned. When he got to heaven, he asked Jesus why he didn't save him. Jesus said, I sent you a rowboat, a speedboat and a helicopter. What more did you want?

You should speak to your hiv doctor about this and have him investigate a possible hormone imbalance as being the cause, as well as recommending to you a therapist familiar with issues that we positive people face. Good luck!
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline LivingFree1989

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Re: HIV and My Emotion Question
« Reply #2 on: June 23, 2012, 03:48:35 PM »
Thanks Ann! I will definitely check into the hormone thing because I have been having other issues with my cycle that has never been investigated. Thank you for the advice about seeking out counseling, I have been told this before and maybe this is the help that God is sending me. I will keep the forums posted I go for to the doc in 5 weeks.

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: HIV and My Emotion Question
« Reply #3 on: June 23, 2012, 04:23:50 PM »
Congrats on getting your degree. 
You had quite a shock with the diagnosis, so as you said, you buried it in some ways to get on with the project of your higher education, which was a success. 
Now you are ready to start dealing with taking control of being HIV, getting tests etc etc., so its likely that you never had an opportunity to work out the extreme shock and so called "post-traumatic" processing.  What you describe sound like panic attacks to me, and I think you can work through them with some help of a specialized counselor, for HIV, or even with the help of your friends and family who are now pushing you to more active control of your hiv status.  It takes some time but I'm sure you can get through it to resolve the stress that is being called up and overwhelming you.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: HIV and My Emotion Question
« Reply #4 on: June 24, 2012, 07:28:53 AM »
LF, instead of waiting another five weeks for a referral to a counselor familiar with hiv issues, why not ring your doctor's office - or contact your local ASO - and ask for one? Even if your problem does turn out to be hormone based, counseling will still be beneficial.

And yes, maybe people urging you to get counseling is God's way of getting you help. Heed it.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Ann


edited to fix spuling spilling spelling!
« Last Edit: June 24, 2012, 07:39:26 AM by Ann »
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline LivingFree1989

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  • Posts: 27
Re: HIV and My Emotion Question
« Reply #5 on: June 29, 2012, 08:34:21 PM »
I have decided to look into ASOs because maybe I can meet other people like me. I am only 23 and sometimes I feel like I don't identify with others because from what I understand the women are usually older and already have children. Currently I am going to a general practitioner and I am now considering going to ID doc. I use to have one when I had different insurance and I loved her. I need that attention again.

 


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