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Author Topic: strong feelings of anxiety  (Read 4040 times)

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Offline magpie

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strong feelings of anxiety
« on: May 17, 2012, 05:31:02 AM »
hi everyone,

my dilemma started 3 months ago when on holiday in thailand i found myself back at the hotel room with a ladyboy, i was penetrated once and i told him to stop bacause it hurt and the penny dropped and i thought what the hell are you doing, he then masturbated on the bed next to me, but after he finished he went around behind me and stuck her finger very agressively up my backside, demanded payment and then i paid him and he left, pretty pissed off, i am a hetro male with a wife and family just feel guilty and dirty, i have since tested for syphillis and hiv and various other stds at the 6 week mark all negative, then re tested again at 12 weeks, 85 days these results were also negative just need some advice on whether or not these test are accurate am also struggling mentaly with guilt and the fact that i got myself into such a stupid situation.

cheers magpie.

Offline magpie

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Re: Unprotected receptive anal msm in thailand.
« Reply #1 on: May 17, 2012, 05:43:19 AM »
i am obviously new to this would really like to get some fedback on whether or not my testing for stds was conclusive i had the tests done back in australia and was informed that the negative hiv was correct at just 6 weeks, also would syphillis have shown up by 12 weeks or do i really need to get further testing done at say 6 months.
« Last Edit: May 17, 2012, 06:17:33 AM by magpie »

Offline magpie

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Re: Unprotected receptive anal msm in thailand.
« Reply #2 on: May 17, 2012, 06:26:21 AM »
could someone please give me some advice on my tests and whether i need to test further.

thanks magpie

Offline magpie

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hiv negative at 85 days
« Reply #3 on: May 17, 2012, 06:37:48 AM »
hi i was hoping someone would be able to give me some peace of ming after a high risk situation i have been tested in australia at 6 weks 8 weeks 10 wks and lastly 12 weeks, used the eliza test all of these were negative, also would this be enough time for syphillis to be negative as well.

thanks for reading, magpie

ps i am new to this forum so i would appreciate any advice if i am doing anything wrong.

Offline Ann

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Re: Unprotected receptive anal msm in thailand.
« Reply #4 on: May 17, 2012, 06:53:44 AM »
Mag,

You are conclusively hiv and syphilis negative. You do not have either infection.

Stop beating yourself up over this. Sex isn't dirty - it's a normal human activity. You just got yourself into an unfamiliar situation - hey, shit happens. Learn from it and move on.

You do not have hiv.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Unprotected receptive anal msm in thailand.
« Reply #5 on: May 17, 2012, 06:56:14 AM »
Mag,

I just realised you started a second thread. I've merged your other thread into your original thread - where you should post all your additional thoughts or questions. It helps us to help you when you keep everything in one thread. It doesn't matter how long it has been since you last posted in your thread or if the subject matter is different.

If you need help finding your thread when you come here, click on the "Show own posts" link under your name in the left-hand column of any forum page.

Please also read through the Welcome Thread so you can familiarize yourself with our Forum Posting Guidelines. Thank you for your cooperation.



Again, you are conclusively hiv negative and do not need further testing over the incident with the ladyboy.

You do not have hiv.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline magpie

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Re: Unprotected receptive anal msm in thailand.
« Reply #6 on: May 17, 2012, 07:07:38 AM »
thanks Ann,

i really appreciate your response and advice, i just want to move on and be a great dad to my 2 little kids and my partner i guess the guilt is over whelming as i havent stepped outside the relationship since we have been together 12 years, boy did i pick an unusual experience to say the least.

thanks heaps for your response i will sleep a little easier tonight.

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Unprotected receptive anal msm in thailand.
« Reply #7 on: May 17, 2012, 07:12:11 AM »
Mag,

You're welcome.

Dump the guilt overboard. You don't need it. You did something that widened your life experience. Look at it that way. You're human like the rest of us and you did something a little wild and crazy, like we all do from time to time. Forgive yourself and move on.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline magpie

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  • Posts: 18
Re: Unprotected receptive anal msm in thailand.
« Reply #8 on: May 17, 2012, 07:20:56 AM »
thanks so much it is such a help to have someone to talk to about these things, this website is great i just need to get myself back into a positive frame of mind and start living life to the full again as i know it is a precious gift that we need to cherish everyday i think this was the wake up call that i needed and i am not looking back.

all the very best to you Ann and thank you again for your un biased response, i will be forever grateful that i found this site.

magpie.

Offline magpie

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strong feelings of anxiety
« Reply #9 on: May 18, 2012, 04:52:22 AM »
after my short but dangerous unprotected receptive encounter with a thai ladyboy just over 3 months ago, i have tested negative for hiv at 12 weeks,i am also still concerned about the window period 6 weeks, 12 weeks or 6 months, i dont know what too believe i am really finding it difficult to accept the results i know i should be over the moon but i have also had this horrible feeling that i could pass something onto my kids just by sharing the same house as them, havent slept with my wife since i got back as well, has anybody ever had these feelings of being infected eventhough your test results have all been negative up untill 12 weeks 1 day to be exact, to make matters worse the kids both got gastro 2 weeks after i got home and now they both have hand foot and mouth, i blame myself for every ailment they get i know i have to get over this and move forward i was just wondering if anyone else has had these overwhelming feelings, mostly guilt i would assume, i am seeing a cognitave behavioral therapist for a couple of weeks hope this with help my mental state. I am on anti depressants as well have never had to take a headache tablet before this, cant believe that my life has been so screwed up over 5 minutes of madness, dont know if the feelings are worse for me as i am hetro and this was with a transsexual, i know how blessed i am to have a wonderful partner and 2 beautiful children that is why i am punishing myself for this one idiotic indisgression.

hope i can turn this around as i feel horrible at the moment.

thanks magpie

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: strong feelings of anxiety
« Reply #10 on: May 18, 2012, 06:12:52 AM »
Mag,

I've merged your new thread into your original thread - where you should post all your additional thoughts or questions. It helps us to help you when you keep everything in one thread. It doesn't matter how long it has been since you last posted in your thread or if the subject matter is different.

If you need help finding your thread when you come here, click on the "Show own posts" link under your name in the left-hand column of any forum page.

Please also read through the Welcome Thread so you can familiarize yourself with our Forum Posting Guidelines. Thank you for your cooperation.





OK, for a start, even if you had tested hiv positive, the only way you'd infect your kids is if you have unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse with them. Hiv is NOT transmitted through casual contact or even sharing eating utensils. It is NOT transmitted from objects in the environment.

But you didn't test positive and you cannot give anyone a virus you do not have. You do NOT have hiv.

The hiv testing window period has been at three months/twelve weeks for years now. You have conclusively tested hiv negative.

YOU DO NOT HAVE HIV!!!

If you cannot accept your CONCLUSIVE negative results, I would suggest that some counseling is in order to get to the bottom of why you feel the need to be punished in such a severe way for straying. It's not healthy.

If you read the Welcome Thread before posting like you're supposed to, you will have read the following posting guideline:

Quote

Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.


Please consider yourself warned!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline magpie

  • Member
  • Posts: 18
Re: strong feelings of anxiety
« Reply #11 on: May 18, 2012, 06:51:53 AM »
thanks Ann i know i cant give the kids hiv, its just a mental thing that i have going on in my head that i have some sort of other viral infection that i could pass on to them, sorry if you think i am a whacko, i really think my issues lie with a deep sense of guilt not only betraying my partner but also my kids, i have stopped doing any of the positive things in life i used too before this happened, the other reason i think i have conviced myself i have to have contracted something is the fact i was with a shemale caberet dancer/prostitute in thailand of all places and never been with a male before, i am sure if it was a one night stand with a woman from work i would be in much better shape mentally, maybe??? i just cant imagine that she wouldnt have some sort of std, just scared i guess as i said i havent strayed with this woman in 12 years.

thanks again magpie.

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: strong feelings of anxiety
« Reply #12 on: May 18, 2012, 07:11:06 AM »
Mag,

You know, not only are you judging yourself for straying, but you're also judging the woman you were with (transsexuals consider themselves women, so it's only polite to use the feminine nouns and pronouns). That's not very nice. You're assuming things about her that you could not possibly know.

Anyone could have hiv, even your co-workers. You can't tell a person's hiv status going by how they look, what job they do, how much money they make or where they live. Hiv is an equal opportunity infector.

However, YOU did NOT become infected. You do NOT have hiv.

There's nothing further we can do for you here. Keep working on the CBT - and talk this through with your therapist.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline magpie

  • Member
  • Posts: 18
Re: strong feelings of anxiety
« Reply #13 on: May 18, 2012, 07:24:06 AM »
thanks Ann,

i didnt mean to offend anyone i am no expert on transexuals or thailand or straying for that matter, believe me it has helped me by talking on this site and i do believe you that i do not have HIV and feel blessed for that.

thanks for the work you and your colleagues do i really do appreciate it.

take care and god bless

magpie.


Offline magpie

  • Member
  • Posts: 18
Re: strong feelings of anxiety
« Reply #14 on: May 19, 2012, 12:16:21 AM »
hi,

i just have one more question, i am not sure what amount of time you need to test up to as in number of weeks, to be conclusively negative for syphillis as i am in australia and cant get a definite time, i am just told that there is a 10-90 day incubation period??
Does this mean that if you are negative as i was at 85 days, i am def negative or do i need to test again at 6 months, by the way i have shown no signs, ie rash or sores.

This is a genuine question as everyone i ask here tells me i can get treatment if i am infected but i dont want to pass it on to my partner so would really appreciate a definite time for a negative result to be conclusive.

thank you.

Offline RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,288
Re: strong feelings of anxiety
« Reply #15 on: May 19, 2012, 12:30:26 AM »
Reread the replies that you have been given. Pay particular attention to the replies Ann has given you especially the WARNING.
« Last Edit: May 19, 2012, 12:32:21 AM by RapidRod »

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: strong feelings of anxiety
« Reply #16 on: May 19, 2012, 06:02:27 AM »
Mag,

I have already told you that you are also conclusively negative for syphilis as well. If you'd been infected with syphilis, your 85 day test would have been positive.

I'm giving you that time out you've been warned about. Do not attempt to create a new account to get around your time out because if you do, you will be permanently banned.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline magpie

  • Member
  • Posts: 18
Re: strong feelings of anxiety
« Reply #17 on: June 19, 2012, 04:45:06 AM »
hi guys i have tested negative for hiv and syphilis at 17 weeks, pretty happy will probably get a final at 6 months just to be completely sure, thanks for your advice i really appreciate it, i guess i am testing out to 6 months more so through guilt more than anyting else i feel good and have had no symptoms.

thanks again magpie.

Offline RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,288
Re: strong feelings of anxiety
« Reply #18 on: June 19, 2012, 04:48:46 AM »
■Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result,  or no-risk situation will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

Offline magpie

  • Member
  • Posts: 18
Re: strong feelings of anxiety
« Reply #19 on: June 19, 2012, 05:07:09 AM »
sorry teak i thought it was a high risk situation, and i have a family to protect thats all. hence i want be 100 percent hiv negative just trying to be responsible after a very irresponsible act on my behalf.

Offline RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,288
Re: strong feelings of anxiety
« Reply #20 on: June 19, 2012, 05:12:23 AM »
sorry teak i thought it was a high risk situation, and i have a family to protect thats all. hence i want be 100 percent hiv negative just trying to be responsible after a very irresponsible act on my behalf.
You are just coming back from a TO and you are right back at it. You didn't learn anything from your first time out?

Offline magpie

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Re: strong feelings of anxiety
« Reply #21 on: June 19, 2012, 05:22:40 AM »
sorry again just freaked out due to the exposure i endured, some people think they can contract hiv from licking someones nipple, as far as i am aware mine was the highest risk you can endure, receptive unprotected anal, thats it from me sorry if i have rattled your cage.

have a good life peace and health to you.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: strong feelings of anxiety
« Reply #22 on: June 19, 2012, 07:50:08 AM »
sorry again just freaked out due to the exposure i endured, some people think they can contract hiv from licking someones nipple, as far as i am aware mine was the highest risk you can endure, receptive unprotected anal, thats it from me sorry if i have rattled your cage.

have a good life peace and health to you.
You didn't rattle my cage.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: strong feelings of anxiety
« Reply #23 on: June 19, 2012, 08:27:16 AM »
Test again if you must for your peace of mind. At this point with your previous negative result you will simply get another negative.

There's really nothing more we can do for you in this setting. Your real issue is guilt for having strayed and not HIV, for which you have already conclusively tested negative.

Get on with your life. We are not going to continue this back and forth with you.
« Last Edit: June 19, 2012, 08:30:45 AM by Andy Velez »
Andy Velez

Offline magpie

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Re: strong feelings of anxiety
« Reply #24 on: June 19, 2012, 07:04:25 PM »
thank you Andy,

i agree with you about the guilt and i know at some point you need to stop with the testing i have never been in this situation before and writing your story (the truth) on a public forum isnt easy i just needed to interact with someone who could advise me you and Anne have been very helpful, i am having counceling and have some good days and lately not as many bad days so i am on the right track, also started running and boxing again which were to events i thoroughly enjoyed before my thailand trip, thank you again for your response i am really trying to believe i am in the clear and with time this will all be a distant memorie of an adventure that will never be repeated.

have a good day, god bless and thanks again for your advice.

no more from me time to move forward.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: strong feelings of anxiety
« Reply #25 on: June 19, 2012, 08:07:41 PM »
Good luck to with getting on with your life.

And knowing that HIV is not the problem.
Andy Velez

Offline magpie

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Re: strong feelings of anxiety
« Reply #26 on: June 21, 2012, 11:57:27 PM »
just one more question, why do some people on the net still insist that you need to test out to 6 months for hiv, very confusing and causing me more concern.

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: strong feelings of anxiety
« Reply #27 on: June 22, 2012, 12:21:35 AM »
just one more question, why do some people on the net still insist that you need to test out to 6 months for hiv, very confusing and causing me more concern.

Since the CDC, notoriously the last folks on the bandwagon, officially changed their testing window to three months in the early 200s, I would imagine that the people who don't know this are people whose HIV education also stopped updating at that time.

Not the sort of ringing endorsement of these people/these websites' reliability.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline magpie

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Re: strong feelings of anxiety
« Reply #28 on: June 22, 2012, 12:34:48 AM »
thanks for your reply it just confuses the hell out of me i have tested negative for syphilis and hiv after 16 weeks and just want to move on and return to my life before this happened, still worried about having unprotected sex with my wife.

thanks again will keep using condoms for a while yet.

the original clinic told me 6 weeks was conclusive.


Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
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Re: strong feelings of anxiety
« Reply #29 on: June 22, 2012, 06:12:02 AM »
Mag,

Yes, please do move on with your life. You don't have hiv nor do you have syphilis. Go have as much sex with your wife as she'll allow.

The testing window period (for both) has been three months for years now. You are conclusively negative.

You can ignore our advice if you wish and test out to six months, but you will NOT be permitted to use this forum in the mean-time to continually fret about your CONCLUSIVE negative results.

Please consider yourself warned for the LAST time!!!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline magpie

  • Member
  • Posts: 18
Re: strong feelings of anxiety
« Reply #30 on: June 22, 2012, 07:02:24 AM »
thanks Ann,

guilt is a powerful emotion and has certainly done my head in  :(

i wont post anymore i promise, i dont want to be banned as i read your comments and Andys when i an feeling low and i DO respect and believe your advice its keeping me strong and i am trying my hardest to move forward, family is everything and the best lesson for me to come out of this is it has taught me to be less selfish and be thankful for the blessings in my life, my wife and 2 children, i promise to be the best person i can for them.

thank you again your comments and wisdom are greatly appreciated.


Offline Andy Velez

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Re: strong feelings of anxiety
« Reply #31 on: June 22, 2012, 07:59:00 AM »
OK. Now move on with your life. Really.
Andy Velez

Offline magpie

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Re: strong feelings of anxiety
« Reply #32 on: June 29, 2012, 06:14:39 AM »
hi guys been reading some of the older posts, way back in 2006 and i see the window period was 3 months back then, i also finally get its not the manner of risk taken but the result of the tests that you take, sorry for my ignorance i am most appreciative of all your expert advice and have definitely learned a valuable lesson in life, love your family and make the most of everyday.

thanks again for listening to my uneducated questions and giving me your educated answers.

magpie.

Offline Ann

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Re: strong feelings of anxiety
« Reply #33 on: June 29, 2012, 08:31:16 AM »
Mag,

Get a life - one that doesn't include obsessively reading old threads on an internet forum.

YOU DO NOT HAVE HIV. Get over it already.

I'm giving you that second time out you've been warned about. Do not attempt to create a new account to get around your time out because if you do, you will be permanently banned.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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