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Author Topic: Wondering what risks were involved  (Read 727 times)

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Offline StupidlyNaiveBoy

  • member
  • Posts: 2
Wondering what risks were involved
« on: May 12, 2012, 12:34:56 PM »
Hi all,

I am very worried and did the most careless thing in my life yesterday. I have contacted a doctor who said there was close to 0% risk involved, but I would still like to here from the moderators on here. I apologise for the graphic nature of this post.

I am bisexual and in a 3-year relationship with a guy. He is the only guy I have had penetrative sex with. Despite the fact that our relationship is excellent and that I plan to settle down with my guy, my mind has wandered recently which made me meet a visitor in the city in his hotel yesterday.

We kissed for 5 mins or so, then he performed oral sex on me for 5 mins and I performed it on him for 1 min maximum (I'm worried because I think I tasted precum and I have bleeding gums). It was all very heated. He performed more oral sex on me and then licked my anus for 5mins and perhaps once or twice massaged the entrance to my anus with his penis (most worried about this). He was about to enter me without a condom, when I asked what the hell he was doing. I am 95% positive his penis did not enter me at all, because I am not acquainting with being the recipient of anal sex.

In any case, I told him he had to go and buy condoms if we were to have penetrative sex. As he was getting dressed to go to the shops, I casually asked him whether he was sexually healthy (thinking someone would tell me if I was at any risk whatsoever) and I couldn't believe the answer that he was HIV positive. I still can't believe it.

He told me that he has been on medication for the past few years which reduces the potency of the virus. Is this true? He said that he has practised unprotected sex with his negative partner for the past few years and that his partner has no contracted the virus. He was convinced that there was no exposure risk.

Could you please let me know whether there are any risks connected with what I exposed myself to? I rang a STD doctor straight after the incident and he also told me that there was a close to 0% risk of contraction.

I will obviously get tested, but as it is the weekend I will have to wait until next week.

I am very worried and have learnt the most important lesson of my life.

Thank you.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Wondering what risks were involved
« Reply #1 on: May 12, 2012, 12:53:45 PM »
You need to know the only confirmed risks for the sexual transmission of HIV are unprotected, actual insertive vaginal and anal intercourse. As long as condoms are used consistently for those activities you will be well protected.

This guy rubbing his penis against your anus is not a risk. And you would definitely have had a strong sensation if he had actually inserted into your anus. Nothing else you are reporting of your activities including mutual oral and kissing are risks for HIV.

I don't see any need for testing for HIV in relation to this incident.

You mention that you and the guy you are in a relationship with do have anal intercourse. You also need to know that the only time you can safely dispense with using condoms for intercourse is when you and your partner are in a securely monogamous relationship in which both partners have reliably tested negative together. Otherwise you should be using condoms for anal sex.

As far as this one-time experience is concerned, I don't see any need for testing.

 
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Wondering what risks were involved
« Reply #2 on: May 12, 2012, 12:54:06 PM »
Stupid,

You did nothing that put you at risk for hiv - and even if you had, with his undetectable viral load you are unlikely to have been infected from this one-off incident.

You need to know that there is a window period for hiv testing. While you do not need to test over this specific incident, you should know this information for future reference.

Where there has actually been a risk, the earliest one should test is at six weeks following the last incident of unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse. The vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by this point, with the average time to seroconversion being only 22 days.

A six week negative must be confirmed at the three month point, but is highly unlikely to change.

I hope you and your regular boyfriend both tested negative together before you started having unprotected anal intercourse. Otherwise, you have no accurate idea of your hiv status.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

ALTHOUGH YOU DO NOT NEED TO TEST FOR HIV SPECIFICALLY OVER THIS NO RISK INCIDENT, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline StupidlyNaiveBoy

  • member
  • Posts: 2
Re: Wondering what risks were involved
« Reply #3 on: May 12, 2012, 01:46:39 PM »
Thank you so much Andy and Ann for replying so quickly. This really is a great and reassuring service.

I am still in a state of disbelief not only as the rashness of meeting this other guy in the absence of my boyfriend, but also at the news he had to bear. Extremely reassuring to hear that there are no risks, but of course I will still get tested in 6 weeks for piece of mind.

This has been a huge wake-up in relation to my wandering thoughts. For myself, I need to emphasise how much I love my boyfriend. I spent the whole evening last night and day today with him, thinking about the possible consequences of what I did yesterday. I felt sick to the stomach. Others in a similar position, please bear that in mind.

Thank you once again, Andy and Ann.

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Wondering what risks were involved
« Reply #4 on: May 12, 2012, 01:59:36 PM »
Boy,

You need to realise that asking someone about their hiv status or "sexual health" doesn't always work.

Far too many people do not accurately know their status and only assume they're negative when they're actually positive. Unfortunately, some people will lie.

You hooked up with an honest bloke and I hope you treated him with the respect his honesty and respect towards you deserved.

Provided you and your regular boyfriend are 100% sure you're both hiv negative (you never said if your bf has previously tested), I fully expect you to test negative.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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