Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
Newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr Instagram
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
November 28, 2014, 03:51:41 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
  • Total Members: 24072
  • Latest: Esfesf
Stats
  • Total Posts: 647677
  • Total Topics: 49358
  • Online Today: 157
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online
Users: 2
Guests: 104
Total: 106

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: My bf recently tested positive for HIV  (Read 4710 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline dowellndoubtnot

  • Member
  • Posts: 45
My bf recently tested positive for HIV
« on: May 04, 2012, 05:13:19 PM »
We have only been together for a short time, but have gotten close very quickly and i care very much about him. I am trying to be there for him as much as possible during this difficult time, and thankfully he seems to be dealing with the situation quite well, and i even feel like going through this experience together has brought us closer.

I do have a few concerns and questions however...

My first concern is that i am worried that this will put pressure on our relationship and make it more difficult for it to thrive. I absolutely want to be with him right now, but we are both young, in our 20's, and like i said have only known eachother a short time, about 2 months, so who knows where our relationship will go in the future. I am worried that if at anytime i feel like the relationship is not working, that i am going to feel extremely guilty about breaking up because i know he is scared of dealing with it alone. Is this a typical worry on the part of partners of HIV+ individuals? Any advice or recommendations on how to deal with this worry would be greatly appreciated!

Another concern is that he guarantees that he must have contracted HIV from a random hookup he had several months back, where only oral took place...this is because prior to that he was in a 5 year long relationship, which is where he first thought he contracted it, but the ex-bf got tested and is negative. From reading this forum and information posted on here it seems pretty clear that it is not possible that he got HIV from oral sex. I really genuinely do not care at all at this point how he got it, or if he is not being fully honest about his sexual past, but at the same time i do not know if i should bring it up to him and tell him that it could not have been from the oral sex, or just let it be.

Lasty, my question is about analingus...from what i have read on here, it does not seem to be a method of contraction, but i have not read anything specifically about it, so i was wondering if my and my boyfriend are safe to go ahead and continue doing this?

Thank you so much! Any words and advice would be appreciated.

Offline dowellndoubtnot

  • Member
  • Posts: 45
Re: My bf recently tested positive for HIV
« Reply #1 on: May 10, 2012, 10:21:27 PM »
Also one more thing that i realized is going to be interesting to deal with is who to tell...he does not want to tell anybody yet,, which i totally understand...but at the same time, it is hard for me to deal with not being able to vent to my friends about the situation (most of which are also his friends)...which is actually part of the reason i found this forum! haha. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Offline Hellraiser

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,140
  • Semi-misanthropic
Re: My bf recently tested positive for HIV
« Reply #2 on: May 10, 2012, 10:51:23 PM »
Also one more thing that i realized is going to be interesting to deal with is who to tell...he does not want to tell anybody yet,, which i totally understand...but at the same time, it is hard for me to deal with not being able to vent to my friends about the situation (most of which are also his friends)...which is actually part of the reason i found this forum! haha. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

If he doesn't want you to tell, you tell no one.  It's his burden to bear.  While it's nice that he let you in on what he's dealing with you wait for him to become comfortable with it.  If you need someone to talk to, you can talk to us.  We're here 24/7 and we not only know what it's like to deal with HIV, meds, and stigma, we're also full of mirth :)

Offline Joe K

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 3,851
  • 31 Years Poz
Re: My bf recently tested positive for HIV
« Reply #3 on: May 11, 2012, 06:19:39 PM »
Also one more thing that i realized is going to be interesting to deal with is who to tell...he does not want to tell anybody yet,, which i totally understand...but at the same time, it is hard for me to deal with not being able to vent to my friends about the situation (most of which are also his friends)...which is actually part of the reason i found this forum! haha. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Hello Dowell,

I'm sorry for your situation, but glad you found your way here.  Becoming poz is an incredible individual experience and there is no right or wrong way to adjust to being poz, but adjust you both must.  Being in a sero-discordant relationship (one poz and one neg) presents challenges for you both and so you must work together to get through this.  As much as I respect your boyfriends right to decide who to tell of his status, I also think it is reasonable that you suggest one person you could tell, because you both need support that comes from without the relationship.

I've been living with HIV for 27 years and what I have learned is that adjusting to being poz is a journey, not a destination.  It's a gradual process that changes as reality changes and the goal is not to avoid the challenges, as much as finding ways to address the challenges together.  For now, tell him how you feel and explain some of your needs and seek ways that help support you both.  DO NOT tell anyone of his status, without his knowledge, because stigma and fear of poz people is very real and he's the one who must learn how to disclose his status, not you.

I encourage you to read through the forums and you can do searches to find posts that involve couples just like you.  Above all, please realize that he can lead a long and productive life and that you can have a safe personal relationship.  He has a virus, nothing more, nothing less.  We can treat the virus, however the personal cost is unavoidable.  In the end, all that matters is that you both find your way to adjust to his status.  Just give it some time, I promise it will get easier.

Joe

Offline SANJUANDUDE

  • Member
  • Posts: 125
Re: My bf recently tested positive for HIV
« Reply #4 on: May 11, 2012, 06:43:24 PM »
I wish you both the best and this should not come in between your relationship. 

I did want to comment on your comment of your boyfriend contracting the virus through oral sex.......   Of course, I am not a qualified professional; however, I would say that it is unlikely.
10/2011-CD-4-598-Undetectable
01/2012-CD-4-758-Undetectable
04/2012-CD$-780-70 Viral Load
08-2012-CD4-846--20 viral load
02/2013-CD$ 865----20 Undetectable Viral Load
08/2013- CD4-898----<20 undetectable viral load

Offline dowellndoubtnot

  • Member
  • Posts: 45
Re: My bf recently tested positive for HIV
« Reply #5 on: May 15, 2012, 04:05:44 PM »
Thanks all for your advice and kind words, i really appreciate it :)

We are both slowly adjusting to the reality, and i must say it has brought us closer going through it together. There are definitely things we are still adjusting to of course, but as of now i think we are making it work.

Offline Lad_Liam

  • Member
  • Posts: 56
  • it's a hitchhiker, not a hijacker
Re: My bf recently tested positive for HIV
« Reply #6 on: May 16, 2012, 06:39:02 AM »
Hi dowellndoubtnot
I think it's great you want to support your bf. nice guy  ;D And yeah maybe you will need someone else to talk with, but maybe not a friend coz of the privacy issues, which are paramount and let's face it, even the best friends could let the cat out of the bag, wildfire style.

As hellraiser said, it's not your cat to let out of the  bag, but but a professional with experience in this area to talk to could be good and safe. A local support org might offer a service to friends and partners. You can discuss the options with your bf. Personally, I want my bf to get involved with my health, so would welcome being asked by him about his strategies for handling the situation. Good on you for doing this.

And to answer your other question, Butt munching isn't a transmission risk.  :-*

Good luck


edited for touch screen typos
« Last Edit: May 16, 2012, 06:41:32 AM by Lad_Liam »
a new dark passenger joins the ride

Offline dowellndoubtnot

  • Member
  • Posts: 45
Re: My bf recently tested positive for HIV
« Reply #7 on: May 22, 2012, 05:06:06 PM »
Thanks Liam :) For your advice and for your kind words!

Also my bf let me know that he did indeed have unprotected sex he believes (alcohol situation) with one guy about 6 months ago, so that answers my doubts about him getting it through oral sex. My question is, is that good news in the sense that if this is the sexual encounter in which he contracted it, he has caught it early and that will help with the treatment?

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.