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Author Topic: protected bottom sex still worried  (Read 4094 times)

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Offline Fearofhiv2012

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protected bottom sex still worried
« on: April 30, 2012, 11:28:57 AM »
This story starts likes this , I'm a young 20 year old  male who decided to have insertive anal sex with another male, i just recently meet this person and we discussed our statuses and we both said we were negative. But while I was performing the condom broke ripped on the right side, i pulled out immediately once i saw that happen and put on another, but i felt to insecure and stopped like 2 minutes after replacing the condom.  Does this place at very high risk for infection, and also i asked the guy once again about hush status and he says he's clean. He's even going to provide proof to reassure that he was negative. Shoukd i worry about this event or is testing advised

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: protected bottom sex still worried
« Reply #1 on: April 30, 2012, 11:56:33 AM »
First of all, what anyone says about their HIV status should not ever be the basis on which you decide not to use a condom for intercourse. In fact the only time you can safely dispense with using condoms is if and when you find yourself in a securely monogamous relationship in which both partners have reliably tested negative together. Otherwise a condom is a must everytime. No exceptions.

Now as to your current concern, yes you did have a risk, although what I would call a low level one. As the insertive partner you would be at lower risk. And you were protected by the condom until it broke. And it was a single instance. Taking all of that into consideration I expect you to test negative. But you should get tested. You can do it initially at 6 weeks. A negative result at that point means you will likely continue to test negative for a conclusive result at 3 months.

Also, you used the term "clean" to refer to HIV status. That's considered really bad manners here. HIV is about having a virus or not having it and is not about being clean or dirty. So when talking about status stick to using positive or negative.

I expect you to come out of this incident ok.
Andy Velez

Offline Fearofhiv2012

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Re: protected bottom sex still worried
« Reply #2 on: April 30, 2012, 12:04:59 PM »
Thanks for replying and I do apologize for that, and you said my encounter was relatively low, its just so difficult to remain calm and wait for the right time to test

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: protected bottom sex still worried
« Reply #3 on: April 30, 2012, 12:41:59 PM »
Yes, I do appreciate your concern. But I do expect you to come out of this ok.

For whatever comfort it may give you, I've never known of a burst condom situation of the sort you have describe to have resulted in transmission occuring.

While waiting to test you should make an effort to focus on other things in your life. Doing that will help to pass the waiting more easily than you may imagine is possible.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline Fearofhiv2012

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Re: protected bottom sex still worried
« Reply #4 on: April 30, 2012, 03:20:29 PM »
i'll be more careful from now on, and also I'll post up my results as soon as the 6 weeks mark pass and the 3 months pass,
                                          thanks for the support

Offline Fearofhiv2012

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Re: protected bottom sex still worried
« Reply #5 on: May 12, 2012, 12:09:34 PM »
This story starts likes this , I'm a young 20 year old  male who decided to have insertive anal sex with another male, i just recently meet this person and we discussed our statuses and we both said we were negative. But while I was performing the condom broke ripped on the right side, i pulled out immediately once i saw that happen and put on another, but i felt to insecure and stopped like 2 minutes after replacing the condom.  Does this place at very high risk for infection, and also i asked the guy once again about his status and he says he's negative. He's even going to provide proof to reassure that he was negative. Should i worry about this event or is testing advised. But 2 weeks after the intial event took place, the person went in for an oralquick test and was nonreactive, now since he did actually test, what is my risk now, does his test help ease the chances of hiv  being present or not? Plus my status is negative as well

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: protected bottom sex still worried
« Reply #6 on: May 12, 2012, 12:47:06 PM »
OK, technically you have had a risk. But from what you have described of the incident it just barely qualifies as one for the very short and one time only moment in which the condom was ripped. And as the insertive partner you were at significantly lower risk than the receptive partner.

There are a number of reasons why I would never base my evaluation of risk on the other partner saying he's HIV negative and even if he presents a negative test result. For instance he could have had an unprotected exposure very recently and not yet sero-converted.

However, from what you have described I think that if you decide to get tested it is really mainly for your peace of mind. I certainly would expect you to test negative. You can do it at 6 weeks. Assuming you test negative as I expect you would, then a conclusive negative result at 3 months is virtually guaranteed in this case.

HIV is a fragile virus and not easily transmitted. Given all the facts of your situation yours qualifies just barely technically as a risk. So you have to decide if you want to get tested or not.
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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Re: protected bottom sex still worried
« Reply #7 on: May 12, 2012, 12:58:29 PM »
Fear,

I've merged your new thread into your original thread - where you should post all your additional thoughts or questions. It helps us to help you when you keep everything in one thread. It doesn't matter how long it has been since you last posted in your thread or if the subject matter is different.

If you need help finding your thread when you come here, click on the "Show own posts" link under your name in the left-hand column of any forum page.

Please also read through the Welcome Thread so you can familiarize yourself with our Forum Posting Guidelines. Thank you for your cooperation.





Did you think you would get different answers by reposting the same question?

You have a low risk as you have already been told. While you should test, I have yet to see the insertive partner end up hiv positive following a condom break. I do not expect you to be the first.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Fearofhiv2012

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Re: protected bottom sex still worried
« Reply #8 on: July 03, 2012, 09:32:11 PM »
I am male who decided to bottom for an another male, we of course used a condom, but I'm having fears of still possibly being infected because instead of using a water based lubricant he used his saliva, does this carry any traces of HIV or std's. My biggest concern is once we were done i noticed once he pulled out that there was little semen inside the condom head, does that mean the condom held up and didn't fail, as of right now i need assurance on this type of risk or was it a risk at all. plus the condom did looked to be intact to me but still having my fears....

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: protected bottom sex still worried
« Reply #9 on: July 03, 2012, 10:05:23 PM »
You had protected sex , and had absolutely no risk for HIV.

A water based lube is way preferable AND more enjoyable than saliva, though. Try to keep some on hand.

Saliva by the way is NOT an infectious body fluid.

I urge you to read our lessons section on safer sex and HIV transmission. 

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Fearofhiv2012

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Re: protected bottom sex still worried
« Reply #10 on: July 03, 2012, 10:21:53 PM »
i feel so relieved, so should i put this at rest now and forget the potential risk i never had

Offline Fearofhiv2012

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Re: protected bottom sex still worried
« Reply #11 on: July 04, 2012, 12:03:00 AM »
and also can someone give me some advice on this particular issue, im very new to this and learning more and more about this type of situation...

Offline RapidRod

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Re: protected bottom sex still worried
« Reply #12 on: July 04, 2012, 12:20:57 AM »
Please do not start a new thread every time you have another question or thought - regardless if you think your questions are related to each other or not. It helps us to help you when you keep all your thoughts or questions in one thread and it helps other readers to follow the discussion. Additional threads will be merged.

If you cannot find your thread, click on the "Show own posts" link in the left-hand column of any forum page, under your name.

Offline Ann

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Re: protected bottom sex still worried
« Reply #13 on: July 04, 2012, 07:07:44 AM »
Fear,

ONCE AGAIN I've merged your new thread into your original thread. Re-read response #7 - you are not permitted to continually start new threads.

If you'd read the Welcome Thread before posting like you're supposed to, you would know this without being told.





As Jonathan told you, saliva is not infectious and therefore using it as lube is NOT a risk for hiv infection. As Jonathan also mentioned, using water-based lube is far better than using saliva.

You have NOT had a risk for hiv infection in your latest encounter.

You want to know more? OK. This might be a little long, but read it if you really want to know how to take care of yourself. I realise you're young and probably nobody has taught you any of this. I'm taking the time, so read.

There are two main causes of condom breakage. Listen up - when you're bottoming you are at a much higher risk when a condom breaks than when it happens while you're topping.

One is not using enough water-based lube. Not using enough (or any) lube causes friction that may break the condom.

The other is having an air bubble in the tip. When putting a condom on, you need to pinch the tip between the finger and thumb of one hand, while rolling it down with the other.

Once it's on, give it a firm stroke from tip to base while watching the tip. If there is air in the tip, you'll see it. If there IS air in the tip, roll it back up and try again.

If it's dark and you can't see the tip well, when you do (what I call) the "stroke test", when you get to the bottom of the stroke, keep a firm grip of the condom and penis at the base and touch the tip with your other hand.

If there IS air present, you'll feel the bubble making the tip stand up and away from the head of the penis. If there IS NO air, the tip will be sucked up tight against the head of the penis.

Once you're sure there is no air bubble in the tip, apply plenty of water-based lube and go for it.

When you're bottoming, you can put the condom on your top to make sure it's on correctly and with no air inside. Even if your top puts the condom on himself, you can still give him the stroke test before you let him enter you. I would strongly advise you to do it every time. 

I would also advise you that when you bottom, you reach down periodically to make sure the condom is still on your top. Any time you change positions, have a quick look or feel to make sure the condom is still on him and intact (not broken).

You can use the opportunity to also put more lube on him if needed. Keep in mind that you are far more likely than your top is to know when more lube is needed. If the only lube available is saliva (not advisable but better than nothing and better than something oil-based) USE YOUR OWN to make sure you are well lubed (not for any fear of hiv). Just spit on your fingers and wipe it on your bottom.

For the record, I follow the instructions I've given you every time I bottom - which is every time, being a woman. The ONLY time I ever had a condom break was once when I neglected to do the stroke test. (And no, he didn't get infected.)

I know this is already long, but I'm going to also give you my standard spiel because you haven't had it in your thread yet. Keep reading.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

I know this is long but I hope you read the whole thing - read it a few times. You're young and I want you to understand how to protect yourself - and have fun while doing it.

Ann


edited for clarity
« Last Edit: July 04, 2012, 07:24:02 AM by Ann »
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Fearofhiv2012

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Re: protected bottom sex still worried
« Reply #14 on: August 03, 2012, 02:42:00 PM »
Hi i did go in for testing for incident about the condom breaking my results were in fact Negative, I have a few more questions though, i live in the state of Va and the concept for condoms effectiveness is 65%, hows that possible? As of right now i feel kind of uncomfortable with the thought of my own health department in my area saying that, please give me advice on what is really true and also whats the deal with unprotected oral by meaning receiving and giving to a person, how is that risk classified? or is it a risk at all?
thanks
« Last Edit: August 03, 2012, 02:43:55 PM by Fearofhiv2012 »

Offline RapidRod

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Re: protected bottom sex still worried
« Reply #15 on: August 03, 2012, 03:18:07 PM »
Latex condoms, when used consistently and correctly, are highly effective in preventing the sexual transmission of HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. In addition, consistent and correct use of latex condoms reduces the risk of other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), including diseases transmitted by genital secretions, and to a lesser degree, genital ulcer diseases. Condom use may reduce the risk for genital human papillomavirus (HPV) infection and HPV-associated diseases, e.g., genital warts and cervical cancer.

Offline Fearofhiv2012

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Re: protected bottom sex still worried
« Reply #16 on: August 05, 2012, 12:57:00 AM »
thanks but what about the idea of unprotected oral for HIV, what risks are really associated with that kind of act?

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: protected bottom sex still worried
« Reply #17 on: August 05, 2012, 02:14:21 AM »
thanks but what about the idea of unprotected oral for HIV, what risks are really associated with that kind of act?

There have been three studies of serodiscordant couples (where one is positive and one negative.) In each study, the couples used condoms for anal/vaginal sex, but no barrier for oral sex. In these three studies, which encompassed two continents, used couples on and off meds with viral loads ranging from undetectable to in the millions, not a single infection took place.

Unless you have an extreme mouth situation (google "meth mouth") you have nothing to worry about from giving oral sex.

Or course, GETTING oral sex from a positive person is not a risk whatsoever. Neither is kissing.

And of course, if your partner is positive and on medication, his viral load will likely be undetectable (something a dating partner should know) and if that's the case, then they are HIGHLY unlikely to infect, even in unprotected anal/vaginal sex.

Many, many people have very fulfilling relationships with people of a different serostatus.

Just as we positive people find people who are able to overcome the stigma, negative people find positive people willing to take total control over their virus by being adherent to meds. That, and condoms for penetrative anal/vaginal sex, and there's nothing to worry about.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Fearofhiv2012

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Re: protected bottom sex still worried
« Reply #18 on: August 05, 2012, 02:08:42 PM »
thank you so much for explaining the whole concept, as a teenager it was a scare tactic for them teaching us about HIV and others std's associated with sex, that's why i conflicting views on whose right, but you have open my eyes on the real risk that actually matter.

Offline Fearofhiv2012

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Re: protected bottom sex still worried
« Reply #19 on: July 19, 2014, 12:11:20 PM »
Ok here's my situation,
I meet another guy online for a hookup. I guess  having guilt from what I did but I'm trying to be reassured that I'm okay.
I in fact talked to the guy for a couple days before we meet up and he stated that he's married to another guy. Anyways I ask his status and he stated that he's hiv negative and ALWAYS practice safe sex. I replied back that I always practice safe sex and I was negative as well.
Okay with our encounter we started off with deep kissing and touching and massaging each other. As far I know there was no blood present on his mouth nor mine. We got Into bed I asked if he does oral he said yeah.
He did me no longer than 1 minute I guess. Than I sucked him the only problem is that he was huge and I actually deep throated him is that a concern for HIV or am I fine from that. My oral hygiene is perfect so would that help.
And lastly I did fuck him but it was with a condom and we used lube and as far I know the condom stayed intact once I pulled out and all the seamen was inside still.
From this encounter is guilt taking over me or am I okay to move from this.  Please provide any insight on why I feel like this.

Offline Jeff G

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Re: protected bottom sex still worried
« Reply #20 on: July 19, 2014, 12:22:09 PM »
You have been warned more than a few times about starting new threads . You are also getting off on the wrong foot here for trying to create a new account awhile ago to get around buying a subscription .Please do not start a new thread every time you have another question or thought - regardless if you think your questions are related to each other or not. It helps us to help you when you keep all your thoughts or questions in one thread and it helps other readers to follow the discussion. f you cannot find your thread, click on the "Show own posts" link in the left-hand column of any forum page, under your name.

The oral sex you had was not a risk and the anal sex was protected . Please read this thread again as you have already been advised what is and what is not a risk for HIV .

Offline Fearofhiv2012

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Re: protected bottom sex still worried
« Reply #21 on: July 19, 2014, 12:51:05 PM »
Sorry about that and I understand now.

 


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