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Author Topic: Had sex with HIV + partner now I am terrified  (Read 4672 times)

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Offline bushyman

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Had sex with HIV + partner now I am terrified
« on: September 28, 2006, 10:08:27 AM »
 :-[

Hi I had posted my story somewhere else, but the level of response or support was not what I expected... Someone suggested that I come here... So here I am.

I am sure that what I am about to post here was probably addressed before... but bear with me since I am quite frightened.

I am terrified. Almost a month ago I had unprotected sex with a woman I had good reasons to suspect after the act. It was insertive vaginal intercourse without a condom (how stupid of me), I am circumsized (heard there are studies that indicate it seems to reduce chances of transmission from female to male). The day after we had sex I tried convincing her to get an HIV test... she refused. I seeked PEP treatment and began the treatment at 63 hours following the sexual act.
She finally got tested last week and she is positive.
I am on my third week of PEP treatment but now that she has confirmed she is positive I am freaking out! Can't sleep, can't eat.... Can't study.

I am really afraid. My doctor told me to relax because he says that I have less of chance of being infected than I think and that compared to other behaviors, I was at a lower risk although the possibility of infection could not be ignored. This was a one time event... I am so afraid. I tested negative at the baseline for HIV and for other STDs. Has anyone ever been in my predicament and got out of it? Please help, I need to hear from others. My life is at a stand-still. Thank you.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Had sex with HIV + partner now I am terrified
« Reply #1 on: September 28, 2006, 10:33:10 AM »
Your doctor is right. HIV is not an easy virus to transmit. It's significantly harder to accomplish from female to male. Given that this was single incident the odds are very much in your favor against infection occuring. Of course, low risk is not the same as no risk so testing is definitely the thing to do.

Because you are doing PEP you need to wait 13 weeks after completing the PEP cycle to get an absolutely reliable answer. That probably seems like an eternity of waiting to you right now. You can test at 6 weeks after completing PEP. The overwhelming number of those who are going to seroconvert will do so within 4-6 weeks after an exposure. (The average time to seroconversion is 22 days).

Hopefully you will test negative. You do need to learn from this experience. You can have intercourse as often as you with and with as many partners as you like whatever their HIV status. But you must be using a latex condom everytime. No exceptions. No matter what you think you know about the other person's history or how great they look or any other details. Condoms are a must.

In the meantime you need to stay as productively busy as possible. You will be amazed at how that will help the waiting time to pass, and yes, you can discipline yourself to direct your attention to matters other than this concern. It takes effort,  but you can do it.

Good luck to you. As I said I think the odds are in your favor.

Keep us posted.
« Last Edit: September 28, 2006, 10:37:47 AM by Andy Velez »
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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Re: Had sex with HIV + partner now I am terrified
« Reply #2 on: September 28, 2006, 11:35:54 AM »
bushy,

I want to second all of what Andy has told you. You have a very good chance of coming out of this hiv negative - with or without PEP. My own hiv negative partner and I were together - and having unprotected intercourse - for a year and a half before I was diagnosed with hiv. He's still hiv negative over seven years later. We use condoms now because sooner or later our luck would have run out.

Calm down and relax. With the addition of PEP, you have an excellent chance of being just fine.

Ann


Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline bushyman

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Re: Had sex with HIV + partner now I am terrified
« Reply #3 on: September 28, 2006, 12:04:28 PM »
Dear Ann and Andy,

Thank you so much for your responses. It helps me relax a bit more.. and the dark cloud disappears for a while.
Ann I admire your courage and that of your partner through out the years, especially since you manage to find the strenght to help others like me. It is certainly one hell of a life lesson.

Many thanks!

Offline Ann

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Re: Had sex with HIV + partner now I am terrified
« Reply #4 on: September 28, 2006, 12:21:57 PM »
Bushy,

I can't help but think of the woman who just tested positive. How is she coping? Are you able to be supportive of her? As you still seem to be in contact with her, please tell her about this website and forum. She will no doubt have many questions and fears of her own right now, but she doesn't have to be alone. Please, even if you don't have anything else to do with her, send her to us. Thanks.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline bushyman

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Re: Had sex with HIV + partner now I am terrified
« Reply #5 on: September 28, 2006, 04:36:55 PM »
Hello Ann,

Unfortunately she is not in the U.S. but she is a friend of the family so she is getting some sort of support since she broke the news to a relative in confidence.

Offline Ann

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Re: Had sex with HIV + partner now I am terrified
« Reply #6 on: September 28, 2006, 05:01:02 PM »
Bushy,

She doesn't have to be in the US to access this website. If at all possible, please send her a link or give your relative the internet address of this website. I'm sure she'd appreciate having the information and support we offer here. Thanks.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Welcome

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Re: Had sex with HIV + partner now I am terrified
« Reply #7 on: September 29, 2006, 04:18:40 AM »
Let me start by saying thanks to to Ann and everyone who comforted me when i was in the same situation as you are. I know that you are going through difficult time but it is true that HIV is not a easy virus to get, though if there is risk one may get infected. Just to give you more support i will tell you about what happened to me in brief: I had unprotected sex about 6 times with someone that after somedays i had good reasons to believed that she was HIV+ and she also confirmed by testing and informing me. Unprotected sex happened last year July i had 7 negative test between 07/05 and 08/07 with my GP and GU clinic. I am not saying you should test as much as i did but take it easy, it is advisable to do  tests as required, learn from you situation and be more responsible for your life. As for the person that you had sex with I think she is going through a lot of stress, it is worth supporting each other in a matured and responsible way. You can consult GU clinic together so that you get support and more information (believe me it helps)

Offline bushyman

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Re: Had sex with HIV + partner now I am terrified
« Reply #8 on: September 29, 2006, 03:09:38 PM »
Bushy,

She doesn't have to be in the US to access this website. If at all possible, please send her a link or give your relative the internet address of this website. I'm sure she'd appreciate having the information and support we offer here. Thanks.

Ann


Hi Ann,

I did send the link to relatives but she's in the Antilles. I know that in her home she has a PC but it is not connected to the internet. I have suggested that she uses an internet cafe or even use the computers at my relatives home. Ultimately it will be up to her. From what I know so far, the news was not greeted well by my family or hers for that matter... It would seem that she was aware of her status before having sex with me and it was only because a cousin of mines insisted that she gets tested while he accompanied her to a local lab that we became aware of the situation a week and a half ago. However, I did not know this level of detail until yesterday. Things are now a bit complicated from that angle... There is anger directed at her because she deliberately engaged in an act with me while previously being aware of her status (to which she admited)... There is also some anger directed at me... for not being responsible enough to wear a condom... It will take some time before the dust settles on this one. Right now I do not know how to react to this as well. Fear and anger at the same time... I'm trying to understand why she would put me in this situation... So far telling me that she didn't want me to think less of her is just not cutting it.
I don't know how to feel... ???

Sorry but it will be a while before I post anything else... I will check-in in about 5 weeks with my first post PEP HIV test.

Thanks for listening to my misadventure.

Offline Ann

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Re: Had sex with HIV + partner now I am terrified
« Reply #9 on: September 29, 2006, 03:35:29 PM »
Bushy,

Your feelings are understandable.

Good luck with your testing and let us know how it goes. Try to keep in mind that the odds are definitely in your favour of coming out of this ok.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline bushyman

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Re: Had sex with HIV + partner now I am terrified
« Reply #10 on: October 16, 2006, 02:05:19 PM »
Hi everyone,

Got a first series of tests done and the results are waiting for me at the doctor's office. I am afraid and I am having a hard time to focus on anything. Apparently they performed some kind of new test that detects the virus itself and not the antibodies??? It supposed to be accurate... I am praying for the best but cannot help to think "what if"... Of course results were not shared with me over the phone... It will have to wait until tomorrow.

Whish me luck

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Had sex with HIV + partner now I am terrified
« Reply #11 on: October 16, 2006, 02:19:58 PM »
PCR
PCR detects specific DNA and RNA sequences that indicate the presence of HIV in the genetic structure of anyone HIV infected. After one is infected with HIV, RNA and DNA from the HIV virus circulates in the blood. The presence of these DNA and RNA "pieces" indicates the presence of HIV virus.

This test is not to be used for diagnosing HIV. The PCR test is the one we talk about on here constantly about giving false positives. PCR testing is not new at all and we don't recommend anyone getting it done.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Had sex with HIV + partner now I am terrified
« Reply #12 on: October 16, 2006, 02:22:19 PM »
Good luck. Keep us posted.

I'm confused about where things are at with your having taken PEP in relation to your testing.

Please clarify.



Andy Velez

Offline bushyman

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Re: Had sex with HIV + partner now I am terrified
« Reply #13 on: October 16, 2006, 02:36:05 PM »
I got off PEP treatment on September 27 and I completed the entire treatment as prescribed. Although it is too early to tell for HIV, I decided to repeat an entire STD screening not just for HIV but for everything else as well. I think syphilis is also one of these diseases that can take up to a month to show up or is also hard to detect. I will have to repeat the test again for HIV in another 3 weeks according to my physician and again 3 months from now.

None the less, I was so stressed when I went to get the test done that my blood pressure shot up ridiculously high.. The doc told me that I need to relax but it is difficult for me to do. Many others have posted here with the fear of being infected but not actually knowing the status of their partner... It is different ball game when you know that the person you had sex with is really positive.

So.. I'll have a first set of results tomorrow.

Offline bushyman

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Re: Had sex with HIV + partner now I am terrified
« Reply #14 on: October 17, 2006, 02:58:28 PM »
First results are in:

HIV (ELISA Test) Negative. Will have PCR results in 5 days. RapidRod mentioned something about this test giving false positives so well see.  ;D

Syphilis Negative :D
Gonorrhea - Negative ;)
Hepatitis B- Negative :)
Herpes Negative (Im not sure if I heard the doc correctly on that one since I was SO focused on the HIV results) ::)

For now I am so much more relaxed. But Im not done. I hope and pray that I continue testing negative although it is too early to tell after less than 3 weeks off PEP. SO Im NOT DONE YET! But the other results are very encouraging.

As for the other party involved, we are not on talking terms but from what I heard she is getting treated. I sincerely wish her the best. But that's that.

Thanks for listening to my plight and being supportive as well as informative. I'll keep you posted as time goes on.

Bushy

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Had sex with HIV + partner now I am terrified
« Reply #15 on: October 17, 2006, 03:48:40 PM »
Bushy,

Congrats on the neg results. I had read your post on how you are in the boat you're in and I feel your pain. I was infected by an ex who did not tell me his status. I did not test poz til 5 yrs later, I am not trying to scare you or anything like that, has heard from others here that my case was indeed rare. Anyhoo, the point I'm trying to make is that I know you are prolly pissed with this female but you need to find a way to release that anger, in a healthy way of course. For me, it was simply writing a letter to my ex, I never gave it to him but it helped me to get my thoughts/feelings out on paper. All I'm saying is do what you got to do to get it out or else it can become another health issue, you know anger=stress, which can cause other health problems. I wish you the best and will keep you in my prayers.

Queen Akasha
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
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3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
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Offline bushyman

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Re: Had sex with HIV + partner now I am terrified
« Reply #16 on: October 17, 2006, 04:35:55 PM »
Oh my god Akasha! You tested positive 5 years later??? First and foremost, I'm sorry for your situation as well as that of many others who are HIV positive or are going through the same rollercoaster ride I am.

Well what you are saying is pretty scary considering that so many here are being told that if they test negative 3-9 months down the road that they're pretty safe. Could it be that you got infected some other way by another partner that was also positive aside from the confirmed one? How long was it between the time you were in the relationship with your partner, you broke up with him and then found out you were infected???

I will retest again 3 weeks from now and another 3 months after that, but the implications of what you're stating seems like this virus can remain well hidden in your system for a long time and then show it's ugly head?

Aside from this Akasha, yes I am upset at this person... Hatred I do not feel... I have forgiven her... But the friendship is done. She's got a world of pain to deal with, I do not want to be part of it but I sincerely do hope the best for her. I've lived a nightmare for the past 2 months which  is not entirely over... Yes I am also responsible because I did not wear a condom. But that being said, she knew her status, and get this, she was already ON MEDICATIONS, and yet told me nothing. A few years ago she was also near death until meds became available for free where she lives thanks to a national government and international joint program. Apparently she must have been misinformed... either she was in denial or she actually believed that the meds cured her. I wouldn't even buy that argument because she is constantly monitored and counselled everytime she picks up her meds on a bi-weekly basis. I'm at a point where I do not want to know more details and I what I've shared with you is but a drop in the bucket. Had it not been for a relative's insistence on her getting tested in his presence we would not have found out anything about this.

I wasn't going to share all of this on this board but like you said writing is good therapy.

Now... I forgive her and from a spiritual point of view it is making me look at things from a different perspective and really appreciate the health that I do have. But I'm not up for Sainthood yet because I cannot support her as a friend. The betrayal was a life threatening one. I'd rather look forward from this point on and not look into my past... I've done that enough for the past 2 months. Tell you one thing though, my contribution at the next AIDS walk in NYC will be much more substantial since because of my intimate brush with the world of HIV and AIDS.

Take care of yourself,

Bushy



Offline Ann

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Re: Had sex with HIV + partner now I am terrified
« Reply #17 on: October 17, 2006, 05:36:30 PM »
Bushy,

There is no reason for you to be upset over what QA has said to you. She doesn't mean she was testing for those five years, she means she didn't test until after she'd been infected for five years.

Calm down.

The odds are significantly in your favour of testing negative.


Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline bushyman

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Re: Had sex with HIV + partner now I am terrified
« Reply #18 on: October 18, 2006, 08:49:29 AM »
Dear Ann and Akasha,

I did not mean to have my last message to be read with a tone of anger, as a matter of fact I was not upset. But it did provide me with some form of release as well. What ever residual anger I have on the matter is dissipating. It is more of a betrayal of trust I'm dealing with now. I guess I missunderstood Akasha when she stated that she tested positive 5 years later. I was not angry about her stating this, but as was really surprised and never read or heard of such a case!   Can't help but ask yourself "Well what if a rare occurrence such as that one happens to me as well?".

Akasha (interesting name since it means the element that gave birth to all elements) I apologize if you thought my tone was too strong.

I realise that this board is not a place to post everything, but believe me... If you knew half the story with what is going on in the other person's life, you would shake your head endlessly in disbelief... I am not the only one that was affected by her. Let's just say that I might be the most fortunate and leave it at that. Despite this, I still forgive her.

I want to thank you all for your support and I will keep you posted.

Bushy

 


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