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Author Topic: BB hook up ... they poz?  (Read 3206 times)

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Offline wan2no

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BB hook up ... they poz?
« on: April 14, 2012, 01:57:23 AM »
A friend of mine who is also poz and just breaking up from a cheating partner met a guy online for hook up, according to my friend they  had "major chemistry" the guy (a closited bi-sexual) talked about how freaky he was, and kept asking  if my friend if he was "a freak like me"  and kept trying to hit it raw, assuming this was code for POZ they had unprotected sex several times that night, after the second "mile stone" the guy stops mid STROKE and asks my friend if it's "safe" cause "I don't normally do that" My friend says he was floored  and told the guy to stop  but he's thought the guy was positive because during the "hours" of foreplay the guy kept getting freakier and freakier and asking him how freaky he could be, if he was a "freak like him". Not to be too graphic but my friend says when he asked about condoms they guy would perform analingus on him then try again to insert, according to my friend he asked for a condom but the guy kept pushing for it NOT to happen...by eating him out then trying to hit it raw. Now the horrible part for my friend is that he actually likes the guy and the guy likes him. My friend is asking me what to do LIKE I F*CKING KNOW..... :o I recognize what a potential situation this could be 'cause they had a night of bareback sex. what advice should I give.  They have only just met but they seem to have been communicating regularly and the guy has asked my friend if he's interested in dating this is the first time in a long while I have seen my friend happy, I kinda feel sorry for the guy cause I know how hard it can be to be poz and single when you really want a partner. But this situation is  PSA worthy. My friend feels mislead because the guy pushed for bareback sex, Scared to tell the hookup that he's positive because the guy is bi-sexual and dl and my friend honestly doesn't know what the guy will do.

Here's the possible solutions my  complicated friend has posed to me:

1) never have unprotected sex with the guy again and continue to date..... he  says they used a lot of lube... you know the whole lots of lube and undetectable thingy...

2) Tell the guy that he does not want to have bb sex anymore because his ex cheated and he does not know if he has anything, leave the decision up to the guy....

3) get to know him, date and "hope for the best because he's probly poz ne way... He pushed for raw sex!!!!"

4) cut the  guy off completely  inform him through the mail.

Please let me know what I should say to my friend or if I should say anything at all .... PLEASE HELP, WHAT ADVICE DO I GIVE?

Online zach

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Re: BB hook up ... they poz?
« Reply #1 on: April 14, 2012, 06:40:10 AM »
option five... never contact the bareback freak again, in any way. do not disclose to the bb freak. very risky, to much legal exposure. your friend needs to get tested for all the other std's that bareback freak may have exposed him to. and in the future clarify any misconceptions about what bareback may or may not mean to partners. sounds like both parties made a choice to go bareback, living with that choice can be difficult. why in hell would your friend go bareback?!? didn't learn the first time around?

all this is just my opinion. some may call me a monster.

btw, i assume you're also positive, since you're first posting is in the "living with" forum. i could be wrong.

« Last Edit: April 14, 2012, 06:42:43 AM by zach »

Offline mecch

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Re: BB hook up ... they poz?
« Reply #2 on: April 14, 2012, 03:49:00 PM »
The freaky freak is in denial and not good dating material.  There, isnt that easy? 

And as for your friend, I ditto what zach said.

What state are you in.  You know in some states its a crime to have unprotected sex with an HIV- person.  No matter if there is transmission, or not. Yes in some places not TELLING is a crime.  This could be another thing to clarify for your friend, going forward. 



“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Cliff

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Re: BB hook up ... they poz?
« Reply #3 on: April 15, 2012, 03:52:07 AM »
I want to know what Freaky meant to this guy?  He sure does love using that word. I would communicate less (and close out the relationship eventually) and not disclose. He's DL (assume that means he has a female partner), BI and loves BB sex with people he doesn't know. He doesn't sound like good partner material for someone just getting out of relationship with someone who cheated.

He wanted to hit it raw. That was his decision and he needs to own the consequences.  Too many unknowns and potential risk here to disclose. If that doesn't feel comfortable then have a generic conversation about the riskiness of unsafe sex and the need to get a full check up when you participate in such activities.

Offline Ann

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Re: BB hook up ... they poz?
« Reply #4 on: April 15, 2012, 06:58:46 AM »

He wanted to hit it raw. That was his decision and he needs to own the consequences. 


Well said, Cliff.

Wan2no, your friend needs to stop assuming other people are poz just because they want to bareback. If he can't bring himself to have that conversation, he needs to err on the side of caution and wrap it up - or have the other guy wrap up.

Far too many people think if nothing is said about hiv, then the other person is negative. I'm guessing this is what Freaky was thinking, not the other way around like your friend is thinking.

If I'm reading the situation correctly, Freaky was top and that puts him at lower risk, but he still had a risk. If your friend can somehow tell him anonymously that he needs to test, he should.

As for continuing to date Freaky - I'd give it a miss, but only your friend can decide what to do.
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: BB hook up ... they poz?
« Reply #5 on: April 15, 2012, 05:33:25 PM »
Here's another thing. Your friend might enjoy the BB freaky, but please let him know that neurosyphilis isn't nearly as much fun as HIV.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

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Offline mecch

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Re: BB hook up ... they poz?
« Reply #6 on: April 15, 2012, 05:40:34 PM »
I want to know what Freaky meant to this guy?  He sure does love using that word.

I know in NYC, freak, freaky in a sexual situation can mean raw, bareback.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline mecch

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Re: BB hook up ... they poz?
« Reply #7 on: April 15, 2012, 05:43:29 PM »
Want to explore the lingo more here's a discussion:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2669431/
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: BB hook up ... they poz?
« Reply #8 on: April 15, 2012, 06:08:23 PM »
I want to know what Freaky meant to this guy?  He sure does love using that word.

That was the first thing I thought as well Clifford -- I guess having sex is freaky when it's with another person who possess a penis. But if I am incorrect, I'd certainly appreciate the freaky component being fully detailed just to see if I have missed out on something in life.

I'm also betting $1.37 that wan2no never returns to this thread.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: BB hook up ... they poz?
« Reply #9 on: April 16, 2012, 12:27:32 AM »

I'm also betting $1.37 that wan2no never returns to this thread.

Yeah.
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

 


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