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Author Topic: Really Need a Friend Tonight  (Read 9831 times)

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Offline needafriend

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Really Need a Friend Tonight
« on: June 04, 2006, 07:17:51 PM »
Hello - I am hoping someone can give me some advice about going to see the doctor tomorrow for treatment. I am trying to work up the nerve but this is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do.  everytime i think about it i start crying and am making myself a nervous wreck pacing around the house. i know i need to go and the post i see on here are encouraging that treatment is available but im really scared. i have someone in my life now that i think i will lose and even worse im afraid of having this. can someone help me? thank you!!

Offline Basquo

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Re: Really Need a Friend Tonight
« Reply #1 on: June 04, 2006, 07:21:33 PM »
Until you know you're poz, you're going to see a doctor for a diagnosis, not treatment. You've been tested, may I presume? You know that the person you're worried about losing is HIV-positive?

Offline Joe K

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Re: Really Need a Friend Tonight
« Reply #2 on: June 04, 2006, 07:29:01 PM »
Hello Newbie,

The first thing you need to do is to try and relax, so just try some slow breathing, because you are worrying about too many things at once, so of course you are confused and scared.  So let's slow down a little.  I'm assuming by your post that you have tested positive.  Is that correct?  And that you are going for your first doctor visit since your diagnosis?

Assuming I have that right, then you need to just slow down and relax because nothing needs to happen tomorrow, other than you reviewing things with your doctor.  But rather than put words in your mouth, can you be a little clearer on what is happening?

We're happy to help and no matter what your fears, I'm pretty sure we can help to guide you with your doctor, we just need to know a little more information ...

Offline needafriend

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Re: Really Need a Friend Tonight
« Reply #3 on: June 04, 2006, 07:54:03 PM »
thanks! im almost certain im positive but dont really want to go into the long story...i need to go in for a test tomorrow and find out for sure and if so, discuss next steps. im almost certain the result will be + and im so afraid im not sure what to do. ive met a guy that im really crazy about and he relies on me alot..i just dont want to have to come back with bad news and if it is not sure how i would tell him. he is not + as far as i know. i have been avoiding this for a while and the anxiety, stress, etc is really wearing me down. this weekend has been particularly tough and im doing everything i can to keep the stress down, jogging, working out, etc but its almost too much.

im afraid that im going to get to the doctor tomorrow and chicken out and walk away. i keep imagining myself sitting in their waiting on results, etc and its almost overwhelming.

what do you guys think? if the result is + what next?!?! will they run other test immediately,etc. thanks so much!

Offline Ann

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Re: Really Need a Friend Tonight
« Reply #4 on: June 04, 2006, 08:09:24 PM »
need,

I moved your thread to the Am I Infected forum because until such time as you have actually tested positive, this forum is where we need you to post.

You don't say what makes you think you need to be tested. You might be worrying over nothing, so please tell us more so that we may be better placed to advise you.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Basquo

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Re: Really Need a Friend Tonight
« Reply #5 on: June 04, 2006, 08:12:58 PM »
Okay, I misunderstood your first post, sorry for that.  As killfoille said, you need to take some time to relax, slow breathing etc.  If you test positive, the doctor will probably order repeat tests for seropositivity, and check you CD4 count as well as viral level.  Unless you are acutely ill, you still have more waiting ahead of you.  For tonight, and until your appointment tomorrow, just do your best to keep yourself calm and level-headed.  Most of us here have done the waiting thing, although there are several that had their diagnosis sprung upon them.
« Last Edit: June 04, 2006, 08:15:43 PM by Basquo »

Offline needafriend

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Re: Really Need a Friend Tonight
« Reply #6 on: June 04, 2006, 08:16:19 PM »
thanks! ill do my best to stay calm but im really terrified. im not sick but i have put this off for a while and hope its not too late to get treatment if the result is +. thanks for the advice!!

Offline J220

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Re: Really Need a Friend Tonight
« Reply #7 on: June 04, 2006, 08:19:58 PM »
You cannot make a determination that you are positive on your own. Symptons, or even exposure to someone who is positive, are not conclusive indicators. Only a test will say for sure.

Having said that, if you feel so sure that you are positive (and Ann is right, unless you share the reason you feel that way we cannot give you proper advice) then the very least you need to understand is if you are positive then that is certainly not the end of the world, and that you'll be around, living a full life for a long time. Once a positive person learns and assimilates this, then life does go on.

So just wait until you get the results, and if they are positive, then take a deep breath and say "Okay, I can live with this"..because you can, and will. This is 2006, and treatment has come a long way. Furthermore many promising developments are in the pipeline, and we will see fantastic treatment vaccines in the near future.

So...one step at a time, and you'll be fine.

As far as your friend, well I really don't know what to say, except that those who love us can be surprisingly resilient, and sometimes we don't give them enough credit. So stop worrying about all this for now, and don't think about everything at once (a sure way to have an emotional burnout.) Keep things separate, and in proper perspective. It's easier to manage things emotionally that way. Keep us posted and best of luck. But remember, whatever you hear tomorrow, you'll be fine. J.

p.s. also remember, anything and everything you are feeling, most of us, if not all, have gone through as well, so, you are not alone. Think of this, it's a source of comfort.
« Last Edit: June 04, 2006, 08:29:37 PM by J220 »
"Hope is my philosophy
Just needs days in which to be
Love of Life means hope for me
Born on a New Day" - John David

Offline needafriend

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Re: Really Need a Friend Tonight
« Reply #8 on: June 04, 2006, 08:44:20 PM »
thank you so much everyone! im going to do my best to relax and try to get up enough courage to go through with it all. i think ill feel better after i know once and for all and can make decisions with the advice of a doctor and not just making up things in my head. i think the mental stress is the worst part so far and hopefully i can find a way to deal with it. im "what-iffing" myself to death practically and thinking "if im + i only have 3 yrs, 5 yrs, etc at best" - not sure where i am getting these figures but i guess the mind plays crazy tricks on us when we are under duress. nevertheless, i really appreciate everyone taking the time to comfort me a bit. im going to try to think about things not all at once and go step by step. thank you all again!

Offline needafriend

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  • Posts: 11
Re: Really Need a Friend Tonight
« Reply #9 on: June 05, 2006, 08:29:52 AM »
hello all....well it is morning and as i thought i am in a near panic about going in today. i really want to cancel but trying to get it clear in my head to do the right thing. if i am + i want to make sure i can ge on treatment and try to avoid getting sick but im really scared to even go in. im taking deep breaths as best i can but im so worried. now im thinking, "what if it is too late and they tell me that"...

thanks all!

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Really Need a Friend Tonight
« Reply #10 on: June 05, 2006, 09:17:52 AM »
The smartest thing you can do for yourself is to get tested. Whatever the result it will put you in the best position to make good decisions about your health. Hopefully and despite your fears you will test negative. But if it doesn't go that way, you will then be able to make informed decisions about where to go from there. As you may have noted in reading these pages, very often people are certain they're going to test poz and that turns out to be a mistaken assumption. 

Good luck. Keep us posted. We will be waiting to hear.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Really Need a Friend Tonight
« Reply #11 on: June 05, 2006, 09:55:35 AM »
Need,

Please don't email me again, ok? If you wanted some further input from me, you only had to ask here in your thread.

Part of the reason I didn't respond further was because you never bothered to answer my question of why are you so sure that you are hiv positive. I don't need all the gory details, but an description of your general sexual activities is necessary for risk assessment.

Unless you've been barebacking with people you don't know the hiv status of, you probably don't really have anything to worry about - but routine hiv tests are never a bad idea. Hiv is mainly transmitted through unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse - and very, very, VERY rarely through GIVING blowjobs. Getting a blowjob is not a risk at all.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs. If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Keep us posted,

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline needafriend

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: Really Need a Friend Tonight
« Reply #12 on: June 05, 2006, 12:48:11 PM »
will do, sorry Ann...i was just wigging out a bit and grasping. ok, so i am still on to go in today at 315. im very nervous and my stomach is in knots but i keep telling myself its the right thing to do. please pray to give me strenght in this as i know you all have been through it. im hoping i have a little sigh of relief after the initial visit and follow up as necessary.

Offline scotslassie

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Re: Really Need a Friend Tonight
« Reply #13 on: June 05, 2006, 03:53:23 PM »
best of luck  :)

Offline needafriend

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  • Posts: 11
I DID IT!
« Reply #14 on: June 05, 2006, 05:09:58 PM »
hey all - thanks so much for your words of encouragement and support. i just returned from the doctor and all of the wheels are in motion. the hardest part was just getting the courage to go inside but once inside i was able to focus on breathing, listen to my itunes, and relax. next thing i know they were calling me but i couldnt hear over my music...once i figured it out i just kind of rushed in like a fool. haha. the doctor showed up and i ask him if everything would be confidential and he said yes. i told him the issues and that i think i may be + and that on this 25th anniversary i decided that it was time to stop running. i also told him that what i have read (much on here) that it sounds like there is hope even if the result is +. I was suprised that he did not do an oral rapid test or whatever its called but rather ordered blood work and i should know by wed/thurs. he said they only do CD4 and viral load if the test is + but he had a lot of blood work boxes checked on the form including syphyillis, etc. do you think this is pretty much consistent with medical practice? i was hoping they would do more so i could have lots of information.

anyway, thanks so much to all of you for giving me the courage to go in. i feel like a thousand bricks have been lifted off of me and my blood pressure has gone down a lot. it was way high, like 150 something so they knew something was up. anyway, regardless of the result i feel like im taking an important first step and in hindsight the whole visit was really more disturbing in my head that the actual visit itself. gotta love the human mind! im much more relaxed now and know i will have ups and downs this week but at least the ball is in motion. i workout three days a week, jog, have great friends and honestly am not ready to check out--but ive been living my life for sometime now as if the end is near.

anyway, at least now i will know and really appreciate the guideance and advice! thanks so much!

Offline Morgan

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  • You did WHAT??
Re: Really Need a Friend Tonight
« Reply #15 on: June 05, 2006, 05:17:29 PM »
Needafriend,

I'm curious...... what have you done that you feel puts you at risk for hiv infection??  We don't mind giving moral support, but our focus is risk assessment.  You have yet to detail a risk.

Morgan
Morgan Landers

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Really Need a Friend Tonight
« Reply #16 on: June 05, 2006, 05:24:56 PM »
Need,

It sounds like the doctor was very thorough and that's a good thing - not anything to get worked up about.

Keep us posted.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline needafriend

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: Really Need a Friend Tonight
« Reply #17 on: June 05, 2006, 05:28:29 PM »
i was exposed to someone who may be + a while back (a 1 night stand) and I went in for testing which was negative...but it was only the oral test and i think i was only like 4 weeks after the exposure -- i was really sick with flu like symptoms, rash, etc--probably the sickest ive ever been.  i thought they checked everything out ok but now i believe that that is not the case. about 6 months after that i had hepatitis A and went in and assumed they tested for HIV then as well but not sure about that either. i have kind of just been running from it if you know what i mean but the stress finally caught up with me. i realize that i have to face this head on and get treatment if need be. in the meantime im feeling well so that is a plus and just need to get the results then prioritize next steps. thinking about everything all at once was just too much!

Offline Morgan

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  • You did WHAT??
Re: Really Need a Friend Tonight
« Reply #18 on: June 05, 2006, 05:36:01 PM »
Needafriend,

What specifically did you DO on this one nite stand that you feel puts you at risk??

Morgan
Morgan Landers

Offline needafriend

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GOT THE RESULTS!
« Reply #19 on: June 06, 2006, 02:29:16 PM »
hey all - my doctor just called and said that all of my bloodwork is normal - i think i am still in a state of shock and disbelief. i dont know how reliable the blood test are and feel like i should go in again. what do you think? i am a little relieved but think it could be something else they did not screen for or something. i dont want to get too excited at this point but not sure now what to do.

Offline DingoBoi

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Re: Really Need a Friend Tonight
« Reply #20 on: June 06, 2006, 02:42:54 PM »
I'd like to help you but since you aren't providing any details, there is nothing we can really say or do to help you.

We still don't know if you are even testing over a non-risk incident.

So, um... best of luck.

Offline HIVworker

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Re: Really Need a Friend Tonight
« Reply #21 on: June 06, 2006, 02:46:47 PM »
Why are you asking us these questions and not your doctor??? Here's an off the wall idea. When you next go see your doctor, ask them these questions. Ask them

1) Do these results rule out HIV
2) Is it possible that they messed up the results
3) Are you part of a government project to hide the real numbers of HIV positive people in the country.

OK, 3 was a joke. But you should make a list of things you want to know and ask THEM, not us..

R
NB. Any advice about HIV is given in addition to your own medical advice and not intended to replace it. You should never make clinical decisions based on what anyone says on the internet but rather check with your ID doctor first. Discussions from the internet are just that - Discussions. They may give you food for thought, but they should not direct you to do anything but fuel discussion.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Really Need a Friend Tonight
« Reply #22 on: June 06, 2006, 02:48:46 PM »
That's happy news about your doctor's comments, but did you have an HIV test or not?

That's the only way to reliably know your HIV status. Just clarify that with your doctor. And if it did not include an HIV test, then for your peace of mind I suggest you have one done.

Let us know.
Andy Velez

Offline needafriend

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Re: Really Need a Friend Tonight
« Reply #23 on: June 06, 2006, 02:54:12 PM »
the doctor said he did an hiv test (an i noted the check on the form) as well as general blood cell count, syphilis, and some other things i dont know what they are. i called him and he said the hiv was negative and the test are extremely accurate unless i have had an exposure in the last 6 months. im going to take another hiv test in about a week just to be sure but hopefully he is correct. thanks again to everyone for helping me work up the courage to go in and face my fear!

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Really Need a Friend Tonight
« Reply #24 on: June 06, 2006, 08:49:15 PM »
That's excellent news about the negative HIV test. The CDC recommends testing at 13 weeks after the most recent unprotected incident to get a definitive result. If your test was within that time frame then I don't see any need for further testing nor any cause to doubt the information your doctor has given you.

However, I do disagree with him about the matter of 6 months. The CDC is conservative about this kind of thing and when they say 13 weeks is sufficient, especially given the sensitivity of HIV tests these days, you can comfortably rely on their judgement.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline needafriend

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Re: Really Need a Friend Tonight
« Reply #25 on: June 07, 2006, 07:18:57 AM »
Thanks Andy! I am hoping it sets in over the next few days but still a little worried. I have been running from finding out the results for so long I think I have pretty much convinced myself but hopefully that will go away in time. I am not sure if he said 6 months or not, I was pretty shaken so that is the number that comes to mind. Good to hear the 13 weeks though! Nevertheless, this experience has taught me a very valuable lesson about safe sex and being careful - ie, not getting wasted drunk and having sex with any ol stranger on the street (joan crawford voice). It has also motivated me to do something about the fight against HIV/AIDS. I have read alot about the research, treatments etc and really want to find out more and how I can help. 25 years is too long and we can do more. 

I'll check in from time to time on this site to find out more and thanks again for everyones help, it means the world to me!

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Really Need a Friend Tonight
« Reply #26 on: June 07, 2006, 10:32:42 AM »
Glad to read that you have found the exchanges helpful.

And yes, even good news can take a while to absorb, especially when you have been in heightened state of anxiety.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

 


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