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Good Deed gone terribly wrong, now husband HIV

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mecch:
You're right, you'll have to keep on reminding him that you're married and with him for the long haul.  I wish there were a magic pill to fix his self esteem.  He's in a rut, unemployed, drinking and no money to contribute.  And you say he hasn't come to terms with the diagnosis, a year later.  This is some kind of circle of stresses feeding each other.  Who does he talk to? 

He's been undetectable for awhile it seems. I think it would be great if he got a job soon, because he sounds like he needs something new to occupy his time and his mind, something that will pump some good energy into him.

Unemployment can easily send anyone into a tailspin. IMO it is one of the worst, stressful, difficult things in life to go through and deal with.   

Blue75:
Mecch, you hit the nail on the head.  Thank you, for understanding. 

He talks to me and his mom and that's it.  I'm grateful for him being able to have us, but I really wish he had someone outside of the family that can relate to him in a way we can't.  There just aren't any support groups in our area and if there were...he wouldn't go anyway. 

Thank you everyone for your support and things are bound to turn around for us. 

Ann:

--- Quote from: Blue75 on March 20, 2013, 10:46:41 AM ---
I really wish he had someone outside of the family that can relate to him in a way we can't.  There just aren't any support groups in our area and if there were...he wouldn't go anyway. 


--- End quote ---


There are plenty of people here who will be able to relate to him.

Get him to join us. MAKE him join. Stand over him with a whip if that's what it takes. He may resist, but if he takes that little baby-step out of the pool of alcohol and self-pity in which he's currently drowning, he'll thank you in the end.

Don't let him take you down into the bottom of that pool with him, whatever you do. I knew a man who refused to come to terms with his hiv infection and it took him about ten years to drink himself to death. It wasn't pretty to watch.

Let me be absolutely clear about this - his death had everything to do with his self-pity-induced alcohol consumption and nothing to do physically with hiv.  The only thing hiv had to do with it was his inability - his stubborn refusal to even try - to come to terms with it emotionally. He hid from his hiv status in the bottom of a bottle until it finally killed him.

He caused a lot of unnecessary pain, suffering and grief for his family. Don't let your husband do that to you and your family.

My heart goes out to you. Stay strong and make sure you look after yourself.

Hugs,
Ann
xxx

myjade_84:
I was reading the whole conversation and felt sad for Blue75. Getting infection from a good deed is the worst thing ever. But i was happy when her test was negative. It would be bad for their children if she too would infected. Life is indeed unfair, isn't it?

jkinatl2:

--- Quote from: myjade_84 on June 21, 2013, 09:00:02 AM ---I was reading the whole conversation and felt sad for Blue75. Getting infection from a good deed is the worst thing ever. But i was happy when her test was negative. It would be bad for their children if she too would infected. Life is indeed unfair, isn't it?

--- End quote ---

There is so much wrong in this post that I can't even.

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