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Good Deed gone terribly wrong, now husband HIV

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Blue75:
Hi, I'm really happy to have found this site as nobody understands or can relate and no one to talk to.  I'll start from the beginning..

My husband & I have been together for 15yrs. He has 2 older children from a prior relationship and we have a child together.  We are your typical married couple, work, camping, no drug use, no crazy sexual behavior, monogomous hetersexual couple--almost boring to a point.

A couple of years ago, while at a BBQ party, a person whom we didn't know well and honestly, I didn't trust, ended up punching a window and cut his wrist and arm severely.  My husband was trying to help stop the bleeding and while leaning over to detemine exactly where the cut was (guy was bleeding profusely)...the guy clenched is fist and a full, straight stream of blood shot directly into my husband's eye.   That is the beginning and the end......

A couple of months later, this person said that he tested pos for Hep C and that my husband should be tested.  He did and fortunately he was neg.  That's the last of everything until a month ago he was contacted by the state that someone is HIV pos and that he might be infected as well. I really thought this was a sick joke but it wasn't.  We found out on Valentine's Day 2012 that my husband is HIV positive.  I tested neg for now (how is that possible?).

I love my husband more than anything.  I know this is a horrible wrong place at wrong time situation.  I will stand by his side forever.  I am so scared, worried, and the stigma is another thing.  What do I do?  I don't know anybody who has the virus, there are no support groups where we live, there is nothing.  Can't tell our kids, parents, nobody...Please tell me I (we) am not alone. :'(

Miss Philicia:
1) your husband has YOUR support, and as long as he keeps to his doctor's appointments and taking medication when that time comes, then he will be fine and live a regular life. Current treatment protocol is excellent, effective, and ultimately any side effects can be managed or not exist at all.

2) so that leaves the mental side of having HIV, i.e. the stigma you mention. Yes, there is stigma but it's also ultimately up to you and your husband how you manage and react to it. You may think you can't tell your parents right now but why exactly do you think you can't? Ultimately who you tell and don't tell is up to you. There is nothing mandating that you tell others.


3) as far as support groups, without knowing what area you live in nobody here can help you. Usually there is something somewhere, but it may involve some lengthy driving if you live in a rural environment. But rest assured, every state in the US has HIV infection statistics and you'll find by looking it up that unless you live in some remote corner of Alaska there is going to be someone other soul going to the same doctor for HIV.

Until then maybe it would be beneficial for your husband to interact on this forum as well, or does he expect you to do it all? This is going to need to be a joint activity for husband and wife ultimately.

Blue75:
Thank you Miss Philicia.  That's what he says is that he has me and I'm his "valuim".  I love that he feels that way.  He will always have me, but I guess I need someone to talk to too.  We are still waiting for his blood results to find out exactly where he is at the moment. 

I've checked and where we live (midwest), there is not an actual support group of peers in our town.  I'm very happy to have been told of this site, because I'm desperate to talk with others.  I just need someone to really break down and cry to.  I'm working on auto pilot right now and that's about to quit on me too. 

I'm just really scared, sad, and worried.  My husband is not one to talk much, I hope at some point he might interact in this forum.  I really don't know.  Denial and dismissing the topic is the emotion of the last few days lately. 

I'm worried about the meds.  I'm pretty sure my insurance will not cover the cost and there is no way we will be able to afford them.  Not to mention, making sure he stays on the regimen of regulary taking them, every night.

ImisstheOldTimes:
Well I'm sorry you have to deal with this as well as your husband having it. It's not easy, but one thing you can be thankful for is that it was caught early and he didn't have to be in a completely weakened state before being diagnosed. That makes getting started on the antiretroviral meds that more helpful as he still as somewhat of an immune system. I am slowly watching my father get sucker and sucker because he was diagnosed too late and was diagnosed with AIDS actually, we just learned about it a month ago. So keep your chin up, chances are things will go on with and your husband just as they always have except maybe a little more protection in some areas.

Best of luck, Imiss

Miss Philicia:

--- Quote from: Blue75 on March 23, 2012, 01:17:41 PM ---
I've checked and where we live (midwest), there is not an actual support group of peers in our town. 

--- End quote ---

No, they don't have support groups in every town -- the numbers wouldn't be there. How far from a larger populated area are you?

You definitely at least need to locate your closest AIDS service organization so that they can work with your to figure out your insurance coverage (why do you think they won't cover any of this if you have insurance) and if you qualify for something like ADAP (AIDS Drug Assistance Program).

I think the first line of business though should be settling on your doctor -- what kind is he seeing currently and how experienced is he with HIV seeing as how you describe your location as remote?

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