Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
July 31, 2014, 08:49:30 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 632489
  • Total Topics: 47901
  • Online Today: 262
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Im poz and his family is pushing me away....  (Read 1191 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline traviswc

  • member
  • Posts: 1
Im poz and his family is pushing me away....
« on: March 19, 2012, 02:49:07 PM »
Hello,

I would like to start by saying this is my first post and thank you for having me. I have spent countless hours looking up information in regards to hiv but have always found confort in this site for whatever reason. For this i wanted to say thank you!

Now my question may seem long and drawn out for the real root question... But just to give some history; i was diagnosed hiv+ when i was 16 years old.
Since then i have dated on and off and it never worked out. I am now 25 years old. My viral load is undetectable, i work out 6 days a week, and I have remained in overall great health.

My best friend and i have known each other for 15 years and is also gay. Recently we have started taking that friendship to a new level and exploring the possibility of a relationship. Since this has happened he has brought it up to his parents about our feelings for one another. This is where the problem lies. His parents have known of my status since shortly after my diagnosis... Now that we are exploring the option of more his parents are basically separating us... obviously we are with adults.... His family means a lot to him and have always been there for him! They have never told him who to date or what to do so we didn't think this would be a huge issue. Obviously, we were wrong. His mom calls him crying on a daily basis saying that she is terrified for him and saying that she doesn't want him to become sick. I can't say that i am 'in love' with him but i obviously have a huge Love for him because of our friendship. He has tried to educate her and explain to her what the risks are as well as how we can be safe about it but she shuts down and refuses to listen. I don't know how to proceed.

Obviously im not looking for the cure all answer; i would like to know if you guys have had a similar situation with your partners family and how it was handled.

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,254
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Im poz and his family is pushing me away....
« Reply #1 on: March 19, 2012, 03:00:35 PM »
How hideously horrible!
My take is that this is EXTREMELY manipulative behavior, on top of extreme ignorance, on the part of the mother. It feels to me that its belligerent to you, beyond disrespect.

Her own son, and her son's best friend, who she has knows for years, proves the reality and she INSISTS on her lies and fears and ignorance.  Poor woman.

Personally I think you or your friend should read her the riot act about the reality here, and tell her you are adults and she must make the effort to educate herself and overcome her fears, or suffer the consequences.  What the consequences of her continued freak out are, you and your friend can decide.....
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Buckmark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,520
  • Would you like to tie me up with your ties, Ty?
    • Henry's Home Page
Re: Im poz and his family is pushing me away....
« Reply #2 on: March 19, 2012, 05:15:11 PM »
Travis,

First, I am excited that you and your friend are exploring the possibility of a relationship.  Serodiscordant relationships can have their difficulties, but are certainly possible.  I was in such a relationship for 5 years, but never had the kind of problems with his parents that you are experiencing with regarding to me being poz and my partner being neg.  That's because he rarely spoke to his parents because they just couldn't accept that he was gay (love those Southern Baptists).

Regarding your friend's mother, I can understand how any mother would want to be protective of their child (some of the moms here could probably articulate that better).  But her reaction is a powerful reminder  of how much fear there still is in our society over people with HIV / AIDS.  Obviously she was fine with you being two being friends, but it appears to stop at the point where you become involved in deeper relationship with her son.

Your friend sounds like he is doing the right things by trying to educate her.  She may just need some time to calm down and try to understand it.  At some point, though, your friend is going to have to realize that this is her issue, not his, and let go.  If she doesn't come around, hopefully she can agree that they disagree, but even if she doesn't, it's still her issue to deal with -- let her deal with it, and don't let her drag you down into it.

A lot can depend on how you and he react to his mother's concerns.  You don't need to fearful or apologetic.  You do not need to withdraw from or avoid his mother, or even each other.  You are adults making an informed choice.  If your respond to her in a appropriate, confident and calm manner, that will send a message to everyone around you.

Hang in there, and let us know how things go.

Regards,

Henry

"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline newt

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,877
  • the one and original newt
Re: Im poz and his family is pushing me away....
« Reply #3 on: March 19, 2012, 06:38:59 PM »
Sooner or later he has to leave his mum and be his own man, maybe that time is now, maybe not, it's not you ball to play. But sooner or later eh?  If it wasn't HIV it would be something else perhaps.

Hope it's now/sooner.

Like Buck's post.

- matt
"The object is to be a well patient, not a good patient"

Offline weasel

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,641
Re: Im poz and his family is pushing me away....
« Reply #4 on: March 23, 2012, 11:34:10 PM »


       Hi Travis ,

                  Sorry to hear your could be Mother in law is out of touch .

      I have been with my   BOB   for over 32 years !

     For the most part  his family kind of HATES ME !

       They have been real  ass holes over the years !

       At first they pretended I would just DIE and be gone .

        That plan did not work , So they became EVIL   beyond anything I was

        familiar with !   

          I love my husband and it really was taking a toll on our happiness !

        It was only a couple years ago BOB finally told his sisters to get " F'd " .

      Was almost  a year before they came to see the light !

     I AM NOT GOING AWAY !   EVER !   

     Two of them pussy foot to our home sometimes .  It is better , BUT it took

     over THIRTY YEARS !     

     Bob is worth it  :-*

     I hope you can find peace sooner than I did .

                                  best of luck ,  Weasel
P.S.  You say you are not in LOVE ?
       Only time will confirm that ! 
       My husband is my life !
      We do not have a whorey LOVE .
       But we have a love that has stood the time ..........


 P.S.S.   I still have NOT given my husband HIV .
" Live and let Live "

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.