Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
Newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr Instagram
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
November 22, 2014, 05:20:54 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 646834
  • Total Topics: 49278
  • Online Today: 194
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online
Users: 2
Guests: 112
Total: 114

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Test positive on Monday (NY area)  (Read 3160 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Parker78

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
Test positive on Monday (NY area)
« on: March 01, 2012, 08:31:02 AM »
Hi all, 

I just found this site and figured i would introduce myself.  I'm 33 y/o and just found out on Monday that I am HIV positive. 
I immediately told my parents and 2 best friends as i needed immediate support.  While their support has been great, i still feel so alone.  I have such a range of emotions from anger, to embarrassment, to great despair, etc...
All the speeches i have gotten that you will still live a "normal" life b/c of how good the medicines are today has not made me feel better. 
I hate myself for making the mistake 1 time in a random hook up of not using a condom and this is what happens.  =(   
I am also terrified that my dating life is done. 
I guess i could definitely use some support on here and definitely anyone in the NY area who could help me through this.  Thanks everyone!

Offline spacebarsux

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,350
  • Survival of the Fittest
Re: Test positive on Monday (NY area)
« Reply #1 on: March 01, 2012, 08:44:36 AM »
Hi Parker,

Sorry you tested poz.

Everything that you are feeling and describing right now is perfectly normal for someone who has just tested positive.

I tested poz a year ago and I can assure you that you sound like youíre in much better place than I was when I tested poz. I can also tell you that in time the neon HIV sign that you think is omnipresent will gradually dissolve away and youíll start feeling normal again.

Testing poz is a shock and it may take a while to come to grips with it all. For now, Iíd suggest you go easy on yourself. Do whatever it is that makes you feel relaxed. Youíve already crossed one hurdle of telling your best friends and family and set up a support system, which is great!

This is a great place for information and support.

Welcome to the forums.

Hugs  :)

Edit: Have you had a Western Blot test to confirm your poz status?
« Last Edit: March 01, 2012, 08:48:49 AM by spacebarsux »
Infected-  2005 or early 2006; Diagnosed- Jan 28th, 2011; Feb '11- CD4 754 @34%, VL- 39K; July '11- CD4 907@26%,  VL-81K; Feb '12- CD4 713 @31%, VL- 41K, Nov '12- CD4- 827@31%

Offline Parker78

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
Re: Test positive on Monday (NY area)
« Reply #2 on: March 01, 2012, 08:56:32 AM »
HI space,

Thank you for your response and comments of encouragement.  Yes, my test was confirmed by the Western Blot test.

I like how you mention the "neon" sign b/c that is exactly how i feel right now.  Like i am walking around and ppl are pointing at me and saying, "he has HIV".   I know this isnt happening, but its just this strange "i don't fit in" feeling right now. =/

Offline spacebarsux

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,350
  • Survival of the Fittest
Re: Test positive on Monday (NY area)
« Reply #3 on: March 01, 2012, 09:06:53 AM »
I know how you feel buddy. We've all been there. Just allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel, without caring what others will think.

It's normal to feel the way you're feeling Parker, but do believe me that you'll be fine.

Go for walks, hang out with your friends, talk to your parents. In other words, do whatever it is that you think will make you feel good. Don't isolate yourself for long periods. Just a suggestion.

On the medical front, as you probably already know, you'd need to get your blood drawn and check your CD4 and VL levels.

Best
Infected-  2005 or early 2006; Diagnosed- Jan 28th, 2011; Feb '11- CD4 754 @34%, VL- 39K; July '11- CD4 907@26%,  VL-81K; Feb '12- CD4 713 @31%, VL- 41K, Nov '12- CD4- 827@31%

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 24,417
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: Test positive on Monday (NY area)
« Reply #4 on: March 01, 2012, 08:01:25 PM »
Hi Parker, welcome to the forums. Sorry you ended up having a + diagnosis though, but am happy that you turned for support from your family. You will appreciate that situation more in time.

If, by "NY area" you mean NYC and not state, you might want to check out this support group which I found to be a great resource when I lived there:

http://www.friendsindeed.org/

And there are a lot of poz guys in NYC that by no means does your dating life ever have to feel as if was "over" :)
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Parker78

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
Re: Test positive on Monday (NY area)
« Reply #5 on: March 02, 2012, 12:30:33 AM »
Thanks Miss!  You made my day! =)  I guess all this shock has me seeing this negative tunnel vision. lol

Offline jacken

  • Member
  • Posts: 72
Re: Test positive on Monday (NY area)
« Reply #6 on: March 05, 2012, 10:48:56 PM »
Parker, sorry to hear your dx. Let me add my support too. I tested poz almost a year ago (time flies). I am glad to hear that your parents and friends are very supportive. Once everything comes to terms, you should be fine.

Take care of yourself and follow up with doc appointments. There is still so much ahead. Poz or not, someone is out there for you.

Offline NY2011

  • Member
  • Posts: 141
Re: Test positive on Monday (NY area)
« Reply #7 on: March 06, 2012, 09:38:17 PM »
Hey,

I live in NYC too, and I felt the same as you.  I've been dealing with this since October 2011, and at first, I felt like I've gone f-ked up the rest of my life.  I would be riding the subway, looking around at others, and thinking to myself that all these people get to go on with their lives, and I get to be one of the walking dead...one hell of a price to pay for making a mistake. I would fbe thinking that I was so f-n jealous of those people on the train, because I used to be one of them: consumed with my career, making weekend plans, feeling good about myself. So, the thought of dating may not be so bad to put out of your mind for a little while,  so you can focus on other stuff that may be important to you: perhaps family, good friends, your health, or things that you enjy doing. Confidence in yourself, and knowing that you will get to that point again, is something that comes in time.  Before you know it, you will be confronted with the opportunity to date someone who you're comfortable about telling. Things are likely to go well, because I've noticed that attitudes have changed a lot.  And, you'll be back in the swing of things, and you will, once again, be that guy on the subway reading his phone, listening to music, planning for the weekend, and thinking about your future. 
« Last Edit: March 06, 2012, 10:53:41 PM by NY2011 »
10/26/2011 - SEROCONVERSION (hi fever+rash)
10/31/2011 - CD4= 154  VL>500,000 
10/31/2011 - started on Truvada+Prezista+Norvir
12/14/2011 - CD4= 750 VL=6412 (45%)
01/27/2012 - switched to Atripla
04/23/2012 - CD4=1,221 VL= 140  (47%)
06/22/2012 - CD4=1,224 VL= ud    (49%)
12/18/2012 - CD4=1,031 VL= ud    (51%)
09/16/2013 - CD4=1,151 VL= ud   ( 49%)
03/26/2014 - CD4=1,050 VL= ud

Offline arlvarunner

  • Member
  • Posts: 26
Re: Test positive on Monday (NY area)
« Reply #8 on: March 07, 2012, 12:23:08 PM »
Hi all, 

I just found this site and figured i would introduce myself.  I'm 33 y/o and just found out on Monday that I am HIV positive. 
I immediately told my parents and 2 best friends as i needed immediate support.  While their support has been great, i still feel so alone.  I have such a range of emotions from anger, to embarrassment, to great despair, etc...
All the speeches i have gotten that you will still live a "normal" life b/c of how good the medicines are today has not made me feel better. 
I hate myself for making the mistake 1 time in a random hook up of not using a condom and this is what happens.  =(   
I am also terrified that my dating life is done. 
I guess i could definitely use some support on here and definitely anyone in the NY area who could help me through this.  Thanks everyone!

Hi, Parker. I'm sorry too for your diagnosis, but mark my words now: you will get through this. As someone who tested poz almost five years ago, the feelings and emotions you feel are still very fresh in my mind, because I felt every one of them too. You will never forget how it felt when you first got the news, but in a way that's a good thing. It will remind you of why you eventually became the person you are.

I was in a very dangerous place in my life when I got my diagnosis. I was unhappy with my life and it lead me to drinking too much and too often, neglecting my body, my friends, my family and my job. I was taking risks (including having unprotected sex with multiple partners). When I found out, I was devastated. I felt as if my life was literally over. I felt isolated from everyone around me, and I was angry at myself for being so careless. I got my diagnosis on a Wednesday, and I was scheduled to go to New York City for a family function the weekend following. I put on a brave face around my father and sister and never told anyone what I was going through.

I remember walking by myself in Midtown on Monday morning before I left to come back to DC and I came across a chain link fence surrounding a construction site. On that chain link fence were hundreds of square ceramic tiles that had been painted with names, drawings, and dedications to victims of September 11th. As I read the different tiles, I realized that each of them represented a life that was taken suddenly and without warning. The people who died in those buildings that day were never offered a second chance. I thought about my diagnosis, and I realized that while I had been thinking that my life was over, I had actually been offered that second chance to change things.  From that moment on, I vowed to take control of the situation, and to do everything in my power to make sure that HIV didn't define me. I began to eat healthier, exercise more regularly, drink less; overall, I became a healthier person despite the virus. Today, I feel as though had I not gotten HIV, I would probably have a tile somewhere dedicated to my memory.

As to your concern for your dating life, my partner and I began dating after my diagnosis, and in July we will celebrate five years together. You will find someone, and you will be happy.

I know it's been several days since you found out, and I hope that you have had an opportunity to overcome the shock. I just hope that you will remember that you have all the support you could possibly want here. We are all living with the same thing you are, and we are all here for you. If you need anything at all, all you have to do is ask.

Best,

AVR
"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen." - Winston Churchill

Offline TexasPOZ

  • Member
  • Posts: 46
Re: Test positive on Monday (NY area)
« Reply #9 on: March 12, 2012, 03:45:09 PM »
Testing positive really sucks. I felt just like you do when I found out 4 years ago. But it gets better in time.

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.