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Author Topic: Weird situation (for me)  (Read 2318 times)

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Offline Rhaegar

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Weird situation (for me)
« on: February 18, 2012, 03:20:07 PM »
On Superbowl Sunday I met up with friends for the game, or at least until the end of halftime. Once Madonna finished doing her thing, the consensus was to go out to a bar or two. I met this guy that was out with us. He's the roommate of 2 of my friends that were also there that night. Throughout the night he and I were flirting and kissing at whatever bar we were in at the time. It was pretty much a given that he was coming back to my place. Before that happened, I made it a point to let him know that I was HIV+. He said that he already knew, and that he was cool with it.

We fooled around that night, a bit drunk, but penetration wasn't involved. The next morning, I wake up because he's dressed and ready to leave. So I say goodbye, and he pretty much runs out of my place without even giving me his number, which I thought odd. I look in the mirror and saw that I had dried blood beneath my one nostril. I go back and look at my pillow, and there's a small spot of blood on it. I had a nosebleed while sleeping. The dry forced air heating is murder on my nostrils, so this happens from time to time.  Clearly, I need a humidifier.

So, I imagine that he freaked out about that. I messaged him on Facebook (easy enough since we had mutual friends) and asked if everything was okay since he rushed out. He said that everything was fine, and that he thought he had to be at work or something.

Fast forward to last night. I find out that he had gone to a clinic to get tested, and decided to start prophylactic treatment for HIV.

I have no idea how to feel about this. I disclosed to him, and he knew beforehand from his roommates. I can sorta understand it, but why say you're cool with it but then freak out like this?

Has anyone else had this happen to them?  It makes me want to just stick with other poz guys, and not both dealing with negative guys.  :/

-Kevin
05/19/2011: Diagnosed.  CD4 159   VL 284,000.
04/29/2013:  CD4 789,   VL <20

Offline spacebarsux

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Re: Weird situation (for me)
« Reply #1 on: February 18, 2012, 03:50:01 PM »
Hey Kevin,

I can understand why this may be weird and mildly upsetting for you.

I think you should just tell this guy that he doesn't need PeP at all as he was at no risk whatsoever but if still wants to go ahead then that's his business.

Also, I just hope you don't feel guilty or anything about it since you didn't do anything wrong or anything of the sort. Just forget it.

It seems to me this guy thought he was cool about fooling around with poz guys but he's obviously not. His problem, not yours. Don't let it get to you.

Good luck

Edit: He went to get tested like right after the incident??? He's obviously clueless. LOL
« Last Edit: February 18, 2012, 04:06:11 PM by spacebarsux »
Infected-  2005 or early 2006; Diagnosed- Jan 28th, 2011; Feb '11- CD4 754 @34%, VL- 39K; July '11- CD4 907@26%,  VL-81K; Feb '12- CD4 713 @31%, VL- 41K, Nov '12- CD4- 827@31%

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Weird situation (for me)
« Reply #2 on: February 18, 2012, 04:12:14 PM »
Send him to AM I INFECTED and let us deal with him.

He sounds absolutely delicious.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Rhaegar

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Re: Weird situation (for me)
« Reply #3 on: February 18, 2012, 04:18:23 PM »
Thank you, spacebarsux.  I did text message (when he eventually text messaged me with his number) and let him know that I've been undetectable for nearly 2 months, and that if I wanted to talk I was open to it.  I doubt it will make a difference though. 

Send him to AM I INFECTED and let us deal with him.

He sounds absolutely delicious.

How evil.   ;D
05/19/2011: Diagnosed.  CD4 159   VL 284,000.
04/29/2013:  CD4 789,   VL <20

Offline Buckmark

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Re: Weird situation (for me)
« Reply #4 on: February 18, 2012, 06:27:57 PM »
Throughout the night he and I were flirting and kissing at whatever bar we were in at the time. It was pretty much a given that he was coming back to my place.

Ah, public displays of affection!  How cute!  I'm rather fond of them myself (insofar as I can recall -- it's been a long time for me).

Quote
Before that happened, I made it a point to let him know that I was HIV+. He said that he already knew, and that he was cool with it.

Good for your for disclosing up-front!   

Quote
We fooled around that night, a bit drunk, but penetration wasn't involved. The next morning, I wake up because he's dressed and ready to leave. So I say goodbye, and he pretty much runs out of my place without even giving me his number, which I thought odd.

"OMG, look at the time!  Gotta go!"   Haven't we all used that excuse at least once?   ;)

Quote
I look in the mirror and saw that I had dried blood beneath my one nostril. I go back and look at my pillow, and there's a small spot of blood on it. I had a nosebleed while sleeping. The dry forced air heating is murder on my nostrils, so this happens from time to time.  Clearly, I need a humidifier.

Nosebleeds definitely happen -- especially in the winter.  Doesn't sound like it involved excessive bleeding.

Quote
So, I imagine that he freaked out about that. I messaged him on Facebook (easy enough since we had mutual friends) and asked if everything was okay since he rushed out. He said that everything was fine, and that he thought he had to be at work or something.

Yep, sounds like he freaked out!   Kudos to you for following-up with him, because it's possible there could have been some other explanation.  But his response doesn't sound very forth-coming.

Quote
Fast forward to last night. I find out that he had gone to a clinic to get tested, and decided to start prophylactic treatment for HIV.

I would have loved to hear the story he told his physician to get the prophylactic treatment!  Oh, the drama....

Quote
I have no idea how to feel about this. I disclosed to him, and he knew beforehand from his roommates. I can sorta understand it, but why say you're cool with it but then freak out like this?

Lots of neg guys *say* they are cool with poz guys -- until it comes to having sex with a poz guy.  People think they have to be PC, when what they need to be are honest with themselves and with others.  Plus, that evening both he and were under the influence of all those endorphins and hormone rushing around.  Remember?    :-*

You did make an overture to him, asking him if he was OK, and offering to talk.  It's up to him now to be mature and to tell you if he wasn't.  You deserve someone who can talk openly about difficult subjects like this, not just run away.

Quote
Has anyone else had this happen to them?  It makes me want to just stick with other poz guys, and not both dealing with negative guys.  :/

This is one reason why many poz guys prefer to be with other poz guys. 

Remember what spacebarsux said above:  You didn't do anything wrong, you don't need to feel guilty, and you don't need to apologize.  He has the problem, not you!

Regards,

Henry
"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Online Ann

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Re: Weird situation (for me)
« Reply #5 on: February 18, 2012, 08:11:02 PM »

and let him know that I've been undetectable for nearly 2 months


It wouldn't have mattered if your VL was five million - he still wasn't at risk from of blood on your nose/face or pillow. Or HIS pillow, for that matter. Or face.

The doctor he saw must have been as clueless as he was - otherwise he never would have been prescribed PEP. No way.

Yeah, send him over to Am I. Jonathan and I can divvy him up for breakfast. ;D
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Online Ann

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Re: Weird situation (for me)
« Reply #6 on: February 18, 2012, 08:14:28 PM »

Edit: He went to get tested like right after the incident??? He's obviously clueless. LOL


It's actually standard protocol before PEP is prescribed, in order to rule out a pre-existing infection.
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline tednlou2

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Re: Weird situation (for me)
« Reply #7 on: February 19, 2012, 02:03:10 AM »
He may have exaggerated to the doc about what happened, and that is why the doc prescribed PEP.  I would hope the doc didn't do it for a bloody nose.  Was he so intoxicated that he thought you guys had bareback sex?  I'm sorry he ran out on you like that.  I know many guys often like to hit the road fast afterwards, but this is obviously more hurtful. 

You did everything you were suppose to do.  It is his problem.  I hope he isn't using PEP as prevention.  I know there wasn't an issue with you, but I wonder whether he does this often--possibly barebacking with guys and then running for PEP.  But, not your problem.   

Offline contagion

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Re: Weird situation (for me)
« Reply #8 on: February 19, 2012, 02:13:02 PM »
Thinking from his point of view I could see why he would be freaked out - considering the fact that he seems to be ignorant about how transmission occurs. I don't think you should take it to heart and move on. If he really liked you despite the silly incident, he would message you back. As unlikely as that is, I hope it works out for you!
I have a t-shirt with my t-cells on it.

Offline Rhaegar

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Re: Weird situation (for me)
« Reply #9 on: February 19, 2012, 03:13:40 PM »
The only reason I cared this much is because we have mutual friends.  He seems to be pretty immature from what I know of him.  So, if anything, it's his loss.
05/19/2011: Diagnosed.  CD4 159   VL 284,000.
04/29/2013:  CD4 789,   VL <20

Offline buginme2

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Re: Weird situation (for me)
« Reply #10 on: February 19, 2012, 03:38:57 PM »
Based on your post you sound like someone who has it together, is mature, and is comfortable with themselves.m

He doesn't.  It probably wouldn't have worked out anyway.  There's plenty of fish in sea!
"All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6e0gcEC1TWE

Offline mikeyb39

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Re: Weird situation (for me)
« Reply #11 on: February 19, 2012, 05:07:21 PM »
That is unfortunate sorry that happened, but the reaction isn't surprising.  Their are very few negative guys that can deal with being with a poz guy sexually.  I was that way until it happened to me, sorry to say.

I try to keep most of my sexual experiences with other pozzies  it just seems easier for me to not have to deal with these type of issues/reactions.  I know that your experience is a little different.  I'm not a big condom fan either, i know that is shocking to some, but hey it is what it is, being truthful.
11/02/2010  cd4-251, vl-591000
12/09/2010  started Atripla
02/18/2011  cd4-425, vl-800
06/10/2011  cd4-447, vl-70
10/10/2011  cd4-666, vl-80
01/05/2012  swiched med (prezista,norvir ,isentress, )
02/10/2012  cd4-733, vl-UD  Viread removed
06/10/2012  cd4-614, vl-UD
12/14/2012  cd4-764, vl-UD
09/01/2013  cd4-785, vl-UD
03/06/2014. cd4- 1078, VL-UD

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Weird situation (for me)
« Reply #12 on: February 19, 2012, 06:15:17 PM »
That is unfortunate sorry that happened, but the reaction isn't surprising.  Their are very few negative guys that can deal with being with a poz guy sexually. 

That has not been my experience. All my long term and most of my short term relationships have been serodiscordant.


"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Rev. Moon

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Re: Weird situation (for me)
« Reply #13 on: February 19, 2012, 06:18:24 PM »
That has not been my experience. All my long term and most of my short term relationships have been serodiscordant.

Same here.  And I think I've only had one openly poz trick.
"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline denb45

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Re: Weird situation (for me)
« Reply #14 on: February 19, 2012, 06:51:02 PM »
That has not been my experience. All my long term and most of my short term relationships have been serodiscordant.

Same here, at least my current LTR is, Bob has been my 1st and 18yrs. later here we still are  ;)
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Online Ann

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Re: Weird situation (for me)
« Reply #15 on: February 20, 2012, 09:11:58 AM »

So, if anything, it's his loss.


Absolutely!
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Hellraiser

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Re: Weird situation (for me)
« Reply #16 on: February 20, 2012, 09:41:38 AM »
I dunno what you guys are talking about.  At least here in Louisiana there is so much HIV-phobia as to be ridiculous.  Nobody is ok with it unless you go to where New Orleans where everyone is poz already anyway seems like.

Online Miss Philicia

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Re: Weird situation (for me)
« Reply #17 on: February 20, 2012, 02:19:11 PM »
Nobody is ok with it unless you go to where New Orleans where everyone is poz already anyway seems like.

What's that mean in non-Cajun standard English?
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline AdonisSMU

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Re: Weird situation (for me)
« Reply #18 on: February 21, 2012, 12:38:40 AM »
Many neg gay guys like to think they are progressive or are okay with poz guys but they dont want to be seen as having dated or had sex with a poz guy.

Offline Hellraiser

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Re: Weird situation (for me)
« Reply #19 on: February 21, 2012, 02:58:37 AM »
What's that mean in non-Cajun standard English?

Please refer to the "I'm Tripping!" thread.

That makes no sense even to me.  Also that's a good example of the confusion/fogginess problem sustiva induces.  Yes, I am shamelessly blaming my HIV Meds.

Offline AdonisSMU

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Re: Weird situation (for me)
« Reply #20 on: February 21, 2012, 03:11:55 AM »
On Superbowl Sunday I met up with friends for the game, or at least until the end of halftime. Once Madonna finished doing her thing, the consensus was to go out to a bar or two. I met this guy that was out with us. He's the roommate of 2 of my friends that were also there that night. Throughout the night he and I were flirting and kissing at whatever bar we were in at the time. It was pretty much a given that he was coming back to my place. Before that happened, I made it a point to let him know that I was HIV+. He said that he already knew, and that he was cool with it.

We fooled around that night, a bit drunk, but penetration wasn't involved. The next morning, I wake up because he's dressed and ready to leave. So I say goodbye, and he pretty much runs out of my place without even giving me his number, which I thought odd. I look in the mirror and saw that I had dried blood beneath my one nostril. I go back and look at my pillow, and there's a small spot of blood on it. I had a nosebleed while sleeping. The dry forced air heating is murder on my nostrils, so this happens from time to time.  Clearly, I need a humidifier.

So, I imagine that he freaked out about that. I messaged him on Facebook (easy enough since we had mutual friends) and asked if everything was okay since he rushed out. He said that everything was fine, and that he thought he had to be at work or something.

Fast forward to last night. I find out that he had gone to a clinic to get tested, and decided to start prophylactic treatment for HIV.

I have no idea how to feel about this. I disclosed to him, and he knew beforehand from his roommates. I can sorta understand it, but why say you're cool with it but then freak out like this?

Has anyone else had this happen to them?  It makes me want to just stick with other poz guys, and not both dealing with negative guys.  :/

-Kevin
I think it's good to get to know someone early. Now you know what kind of person you were dealing with. You can let them go. They'll be back or attempt to be back rest assured. Thats when you get to say drop dead.

Offline numbersguy82

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Re: Weird situation (for me)
« Reply #21 on: February 22, 2012, 08:02:43 PM »
I see the flip side to this coin. Maybe this guy isn't the one night stand kind of guy. Further complicate that by him knowing you were positive. Imagine waking up after a night of drinking and being afraid because you slept over at a guys house. Add to that the knowledge that his partner that evening was known to him as being positive. Maybe he was just scared. And for good reason. HIV is scary. We have all learned to cope because we were forced to. I think you should give him some space and accept that this perhaps had little to do with you, and more so was an internal shame that he felt for his own actions. I hope you can remain in contact with him, and hopefully educate him a bit more about his actual risks in this situation. Afterall that one night together you both were on the same page.... perhaps you will be again. Good luck!
8/10- 73 cd4, 7%, and 300k VL *First Labs*
9/10- Started Norvir, Prezista, and Truvada
10/10- 511 cd4, 22%, and 886 VL
12/10- 498 cd4, 22%, and 106 VL
3/11- 529 cd4, 29%, and 101 VL
8/11- 620 cd4, 30%, and 74 VL- Switched to Atripla
10/11- 580 ce4, 30%, and 62 VL
12/11- 684 cd4, 31%, and FINALLY *UD*

Offline Rhaegar

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Re: Weird situation (for me)
« Reply #22 on: February 22, 2012, 11:17:17 PM »
I have reach out to him.  He wants to get together this week to talk, so things won't be awkward with our mutual friends.  I'm all for it, but he keeps flaking out. 

From what my friends (his roommates) tell me, he has a revolving door of guys.  He also doesn't strike me as the relationship type.
05/19/2011: Diagnosed.  CD4 159   VL 284,000.
04/29/2013:  CD4 789,   VL <20

Offline Dr.Strangelove

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Re: Weird situation (for me)
« Reply #23 on: February 23, 2012, 12:08:44 AM »
Still, it might be a good idea to talk things over with him.
And if it's just for your peace of mind...

 


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