Meds, Mind, Body & Benefits > Mental Health & HIV

Fear of being depressed

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osric:
So I disclosed to my sister last weekend. She cried, asked why I hadn't asked for her help earlier, why I hadn't told her sooner. We talked for three hours. It was exhausting, but a big relief. I have a new ally.

I sent her a link to thebody.com so she'd have somewhere to find accurate information. There's so much bunk that you find when you google.

Things are better here. I'm journaling a lot to get my thoughts out. Seems to be helping.

I've discovered that I really need to be assertive with my doctors and their miscellaneous administrators to get things done. I'm usually really bad at communicating urgency, so this is a challenge.

Turns out there are lots of resources out there -- but they're hard to tap into, they have long lead times to get involved in, you need to fill out all sorts of paperwork, and there's not really anyone who can help coordinate it. Frustrating.

Things are moving forward, so it's progress. Feeling less hopeless now.

osric:
Well, I'll be homeless on Wednesday.

I've scouted out a couple of parks where I can sleep while the weather is still okay, and I'm going to my ASO this afternoon to try once again to see if there is any emergency housing available.

I've met a couple of guys who are homeless and they both prefer to sleep on the streets rather than in the shelters. They say it's safer. I guess I'll find out.

My meds aren't really working anymore so my doc has me going in for a CAT scan on Wed and an MRI next week. There's only so much the doctors can do in a 15-minute appointment.

I still don't have a regular therapist, so I feel like I'm dangling by a thread.

Jeff G:
Hi Osric . You mentioned in one post that you have a sister , is there anyway you can stay with her or another family member until you can figure out a place to live .

I'm very sorry you are dealing with this buddy .   

BT65:
Osric, I can tell you in the community I live in, it's much safer in the shelters than on the streets.  Please re-consider staying in a shelter.  For instance, if something were to happen to you on the street (like getting robbed or beat up), there's really no one around to offer assistance.  If you're in a shelter, this is some level of supervision so things are more under control, risk wise. 

I don't know what the size of your ASO is, but at the one where I'm employed, we don't have funds for emergency housing, so many times clients struggling financially do go to shelters. Please don't give up on the idea, if it comes to that.  Our shelters offer programs for people to become independent again.  I'm sure other shelters do the same.

Please take care of yourself, and don't give up.

osric:
Hi BT65, I've talked to my ASOs and they have me on lists for section 8 housing, but that can take months. And there are a few programs that I'm not eligible for since I don't have a job.

I was feeling extremely paranoid and afraid last weekend (I swore someone was following me and trying to get me), so I went to the nearest ER. I got sectioned in to the psych ward for the week, and that was a useless experience. No therapy, they kept forgetting to give me my meds, and the program was mostly just art classes run by OT students. Why do they let people on suicide watch make beaded necklaces?

The highlight of the week was that I killed three cockroaches in the shower.

At some point I just decided to lie to them and tell them what they wanted to hear so I could get out of that place. I'd rather be afraid and psychotic on the street than trapped in a hospital where you can't even go outside or have a cigarette.

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