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Author Topic: Thank God! my partner tested negative, but I think he wants to move on  (Read 4138 times)

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Offline ms.wannano

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  • Posts: 6
My boyfriend tested negative for HIV-thank God!  But now, I believe he's having doubts about carrying on a relationship with me.  Seems to me, he has been trying on purpose to upset me so I can retaliate back at him and then he would have an accuse to say that our relationship is over; although, he has told me in the past, when something is troubling him, he tends to say a lot of negative things that will anger a person.  After he received his results, he was so over joyed, it sort of scared me because I started thinking that he automatically has his mind made up to leave me. We resumed our relationship but he only had sex with me once since he's been negative; we just basically cuddles in bed.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm glad he's negative, but at the same time, I feel like I'm losing him.  A couple of days ago, I said some mean things to him because I felt like he had started neglecting me because usually on his days off from work, he would spend time with me but, he had made plans to hang out with friends and not once did he include me.  I know i'm feeling a bit insecure, but at the same time, I'm feeling like my heart has been shattered into pieces.  I expressed to him how i was feeling, and his response was that he don't know why i'm feeling that way when we see each other everyday, but that answer wasn't what i wanted to hear so i said a lot of cruel things and that's when he told me it was over.  I'm so hurt, i can't even focus on anything but him. :'(

Offline TabooPrincess

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  • Posts: 279
Re: Thank God! my partner tested negative, but I think he wants to move on
« Reply #1 on: February 05, 2012, 10:20:03 AM »
I'm glad your man tested neg and you don't have that to deal with on your conscience.  I think men are very bad at expressing their feelings about things, and sometimes we try and beat emotions out of them (like through saying cruel things) just to get a reaction.  I know that the man who infected me was like that and it used to frustrate me so much.  I started to feel insecure and lose my confidence and deliberately do things to get a reaction from him - just to prove to myself that if he reacted then he must care.  Perhaps you need some time to yourself to work out who you are and what you want without this man and then maybe you can work on being together in the future?
09/ 2008 - Seroconversion
11/2008 - Tested pos, cd4 640 vl 25400
12/2008 - cd4 794 vl 27798, 35%
03/2009 - cd4 844 vl 68846, 35%
06/2009 - cd4 476 vl 49151, 33% (pregnancy confirmed)
08/2009 - cd4 464 vl 54662, 32%
Started meds for pregnancy (Kaletra, AZT, Viread)
09/2009 - cd4 841 vl 3213, 42%
10/2009 - cd4 860 vl 1088, 41%
11/2009 - cd4 771 vl 563, 38%
12/2009 - cd4 885 vl 151 42%
Discontinued meds after baby born
02/2010 - cd4 841 vl 63781, 38%
05/2010 - cd4 1080 vl 113000, 39%
08/2010 - cd4 770 vl 109242
12/2010 - cd4 642 vl 111000, 34%
06/2011 - cd4 450 vl 222000, 33%
11/2011 - cd4 419 vl 212000, 24%
03/2012 - cd4 280 vl 118000, 26% (repeated Cd4 at 360)
05/2012 -cd4 360 vl 99,190
10/2012 Atripla, cd4 690, vl 80
12/2012 Darunavir, norvir, truvada, Cd4 680, vl u/d
07/2013 cd4 750,ud

Offline springfever

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  • Posts: 14
Re: Thank God! my partner tested negative, but I think he wants to move on
« Reply #2 on: February 05, 2012, 11:40:56 AM »
Hi Ms Wannamo,

I'm sorry you're going through this...  It can be very difficult to feel like you're losing someone you love because of your HIV positive status.

When I was diagnosed, I was in a long term relationship with a man I loved very much and who I know also loved me very much.  We had been together for several years all the while having unprotected sex when I tested positive and he tested negative.  Our relationship unravelled quickly after my diagnosis.  I realise that this is not always the case for sero-discordant couples, some sero-discordant couples have very successful relationships.

Keep in mind that he is probably as shocked about your HIV+ status as you initially were at the time of your diagnosis.  He might need some time to adjust to the news.

I know that I never expected to test HIV+, never even thought that I knew anybody who was HIV+ so I can only guess that he didn't either and your boyfriend didn't either.  The fact is that the negative partner always has a choice as to whether or not they have to deal with our status, where we do not.  I know I would've run away from my own status if I had the choice but I never would've left someone I loved because of their status.  By the way he didn't leave me, I left him but our relationship had changed over time to the point where I couldn't take it anymore and I had to break it off with him.  I suppose, that this served to appease some of his guilt.

I'm not saying that your relationship will turn out the way mine did but the fact is that some people are going to have a hard time dealing with your status and some will not.  Relationships are supposed to last through good and bad, the way I look at it my relationship never would've made it through any rough times, he was only in it for the good times and therefor I'm better off without him.

The experience has made it hard for me to disclose my status to other people and I haven't dated at all.  I have told myself that when the time is right for me to find love, I will disclose very early on, after a few dates and before sex so that it isn't too much of a shock to the other person and so that I am not too attached.  I have no idea how it will go, I haven't been there yet and when the time comes it will be very scary but only time will tell how it goes.

I hope your boyfriend needs time to figure things out in his head and he will come back to you.  If not then you will eventually find someone who loves you regardless of your status and someone who is strong enough to deal when things get rough or when things are less than ideal.  Don't settle for anything less because of your status.

Offline ms.wannano

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  • Posts: 6
Re: Thank God! my partner tested negative, but I think he wants to move on
« Reply #3 on: February 05, 2012, 01:08:11 PM »
I thank tabooprincess and springfever for your responses.  If this doesn't work out, then, i plan to give up on relationships, because this hurts too much, and i don't want to go through it over and over again.  I feel so isolated and lonely without him; now i wished that i hadn't said those mean things to him.  The only reason i said it is because it seemed to me that he didn't want to make time for me on his days off from work and i was being selfish.  I'm afraid to call him because he may not answer my phone calls.  I'M SICK AND TIRED OF FEELING HURT!  I can barely function.  I have school work to do but i'm feeling depressed right now.

Offline springfever

  • Member
  • Posts: 14
Re: Thank God! my partner tested negative, but I think he wants to move on
« Reply #4 on: February 05, 2012, 02:03:54 PM »
Don't give up on relationships!  Relationships can be difficult even when you're negative.  Sometimes it is a good idea to take a break thought when you've been hurt before.  I think that when we learn to be strong on our own, we are less vulnerable to being hurt by others.

If you feel really bad about saying those hurtful things to him and you don't think he deserved it then I think the best you can do is to apologize.  The rest will be up to him.

I wish you the best of luck in this and I hope everything works out for you.  Don't give up, things might just turn around.  Take care of yourself and do your school work because later on when you pull through this you will be glad you didn't let yourself fall apart.  Your school is more important for your future than any man is.

Offline ms.wannano

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  • Posts: 6
Re: Thank God! my partner tested negative, but I think he wants to move on
« Reply #5 on: February 05, 2012, 02:28:28 PM »
How can i be strong when i just found out that he's in the aptment next door visiting his sister.  I spotted his car when i looked out my window.  His sister and i are not on good terms because although she introduced me to her brother knowing my status (she's also poz) she no longer felt comfortable with me dating him.  Although he knows my status now, but he doesn't know of his sis status.  The building i live in is for women who are positive and he doesn't even know it.  His sis has a new female friend that she spends time with in the building who is also poz.  i can't help but to feel jealous and wondering if he's here visiting his sister's new friend as well.  :-[ I did apologize to him in a text a couple days ago but he didn't reply.  Right now, i'm overwhelmed with jealously, and i'm hoping that he knocks on my door.

Offline noobnooberton1979

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  • Posts: 9
Re: Thank God! my partner tested negative, but I think he wants to move on
« Reply #6 on: February 08, 2012, 10:57:56 PM »
First of all, I am 32/f .Honey I am so happy he tested neg! I am in a similar circumstance and I have been with my partner for 1 year. Unaware of my status (thought I was ok) until we had a child. Our child is neg . THANK GOD! My partner is doing the same stuff yours is. I think that he and I are going to break up... even though we have a child because he uses my status against me (ie.. no one will want you now, etc.) It's awful and the only advice I can give you is this: Life is too short to be unhappy. No one should know that more than people on this site. That being said, I know people sometimes need some to adjust, wrap their head around it. I don't know your situ (since I don't know ya) but as soon as I get my finances straight I am probably leaving mine. It's almost like he's repulsed by me. Or doing me a FAVOR by being with me. I've checked the net and there are tons of straight men who are already poz and have no prob with a poz girl. It's a disease, never mind how it was contracted.. would he treat you this way if you had CANCER? 

Ultimately it is up to you what you do .. I wish you the best of luck ;D

Nic

 


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