Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
August 20, 2014, 03:00:00 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 635228
  • Total Topics: 48183
  • Online Today: 243
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online
Users: 3
Guests: 161
Total: 164

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Welcome to Am I Infected

IMPORTANT UPDATE
Posted Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Welcome to the "Am I Infected?" POZ forum.

New members -- those who have posted three or fewer messages -- are permitted to post questions and responses, free of charge (make them count!). Ongoing participation in the "Am I Infected?" forum -- posting more than three questions or responses -- requires a paid subscription.

A seven-day subscription is $9.99, a 30-day subscription is $14.99 and a 90-day subscription is $24.99.

Anyone who needs to post more than three messages in the "Am I Infected?" forum -- including past, present and future POZ Forums members -- will need to subscribe, with secure payments made via PayPal.

There will be no charge to continue reading threads in the "Am I Infected?" forum, nor will there be a charge for participating in any of the Main Forums; Meds, Mind, Body & Benefits; and Off Topic Forums. Similarly, all POZ and AIDSmeds pages, including our "How is HIV Transmitted?" and "Am I Infected? (A Guide to Testing for HIV)" lessons, will remain accessible to all. 

NOTE: HIV testing questions will still need to be posted in the "Am I Infected?" forum; attempts to post HIV symptoms or testing questions in any other forums will be considered violations of our rules of membership and subject to time-outs and permanent bans.

To learn how to upgrade your Forums account to participate beyond three posts in the "Am I Infected?" Forum, please click here.

Thank you for your understanding and future support of the best online support service for people living with, affected by and at risk for HIV.

Author Topic: Scared to death  (Read 1510 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline atlas

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
Scared to death
« on: January 31, 2012, 03:07:18 PM »
Hello to everybody,
I've read a lot of posts and your help to many people is really invaluable.

Before I start saying my story I must point out that I suffer from a diagnosed OCD about getting infected by hiv. Been suffering from it for many years and I have been treated by a psychiatrist about it and depression by taking Seroxat (I live in a European country). At the time being, I decided to go on psychotherapy instead of taking antidepressants which cause me very unpleasant side effects.

A couple of days ago I had a sexual encounter with a guy I know for years but rarely been in contact with (i'm a guy too by the way).

He performed unprotected oral sex on me and at the same time I inserted my middle finger in his anus. Since I'm on edge throughout the whole time due to my OCD condition, I didn't insert my finger all the way in (didn't reach the rectum) and the area felt dry. Since I am a very anxious person sometimes I bite the skin around my nails. After we finished I inspected this very finger and didn't see any obvious skin opening or any sign of blood (his). I also read on the internet that rectal secretions contain the virus at same levels as vaginal fluids and can be infectious and thats the point I start freaking out...
From that point on I check this finger nail again and again over and over looking for a little skin crack that (in my mind) could be an infection entry.

Also at some point I felt stinging on the thumb at the side of the nail of this hand (very small break of the skin) probably because of the excessive sweating from both of us but I can't help the crazy ideas I get that it could have been precum from him transfered there by his hand. I know it sounds a bit crazy but thats how OCD is like.

Also this person told me once that he likes to swallow his own semen after masturbating. Now the idea that he might have done so while I was taking a shower is haunting my mind (didn't actually see him doing it though) because at some point later while we were smoking and drinking coffee, he kissed me briefly.
After that I went to the kitchen pretending I need some water and washed my mouth a couple of times.

I'm freaking out and I can't stop this haunting thoughts circling my mind over and over.
Is it possible that I could be infected with HIV? Should I get tested in proper time?

Thank you.

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 24,542
Re: Scared to death
« Reply #1 on: January 31, 2012, 05:33:01 PM »
Absolutely none of what you have reported of your sexual activities would have put you at risk for HIV transmission.

Receiving oral is one of the most common of sexual activities. In the entire history of the epidemic not a single guy has ever been confirmed to have been infected in that manner. You are not going to make history by becoming the first.

As for your having inserted your finger into his anus and yes I read about your nailbiting etc., again no risk.

Actually the ONLY confirmed risks for the sexual transmission of HIV are unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse. Period. As long as condoms are consistently used for those activities you will be well protected.

You are worrying needlessly and there is no need for HIV testing.
Andy Velez

Offline atlas

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
Re: Scared to death
« Reply #2 on: February 01, 2012, 12:59:54 AM »
Thank you so much Andy for your kind reply and help.

And I guess same thing stands for the last thing I mentioned on my first post right? In case he did it...
I'm not worried about him performing oral on me (surprisingly) but mostly for the rest I mentioned.

My OCD is my curse in this life I know it. I recently broke up from a steady 2 year relationship and I guess this is the way my grief finds its way out since I'm a closed person, always been like that.
I guess its my own way of somehow punishing myself finding contiously or subcontiuously, ways to suffer and make real only in my mind thankfuly. Most of the times I can make reason of these fears and calm myself down but its only temporarily and then I again fall in the same circle of thougts that lead to internal suffering. The funny thing is that I am a scientist myself, nevertheless I'm absolutely unable to reason about it, somehow the emotion is so strong that completely overshadows logic.

The internet isn't really the best place to seek information about it unless you read from a specific site like this one. Many of them overanalize theoretical ways of transmission (and don't stick to the real life facts) practicaly making you believe that if you had sex you could have gotten hiv by osmosis.

Prescription drugs only aleviate the "pain" as long as you take them but they can't really solve the problem (that is probably some kind of guilt for being the way I am) and you can't keep taking them your whole life because the side effects they cause are sometimes unbearable. Been on that road twice and I know. Thats why this time I'm seeing a phsychologist instead of a psychiatrist, hope this helps on the long run because this curse is preventing me to go on with my life. Not even once I can do something sexual without obsessing terribly about something that might have happened afterwards. I guess for some time I'd rather abtain from sexual activities because i'm so emotionally unstable right now that protected sex may not hurt my body (I never, ever had unprotected sex except within monogamous relationships and after testing) but it certainly hurts by sanity.

I'm so tired of suffering over nothing, I feel exausted and specially in the morning I'm at my worst.

Thank you Andy.

Offline jkinatl2

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: Scared to death
« Reply #3 on: February 01, 2012, 01:33:26 AM »
It is sad that you are suffering over nothing. I am not sure what we can really offer you except for the science.

NOTHING in your exposure was in ANY WAY a risk for HIV.

That's all there really is to say about it.

Your guilt for "being the way I am" and your suffering are not caused by any pathogen, unless you count society as a pathogen (which in many ways I suppose you could).

OCD, if you indeed have been diagnosed with that, is a tough thing to treat. It requires intensive therapy and often medication. I urge you to find a qualified therapist to help you through this darkness. Because when you are finally out from under this illogical HIV scare (through testing, getting times out/banned from these forums, or both) there will be ANOTHER thing waiting in the wings to torture you.

You shouldn't have to live like that. You don't.

PLEASE get the help you need to be cool with who you are. No one should spend their lives suffering like this.

And in case I needed to reiterate, you had NO RISK AT ALL for HIV. Wear a condom for anal and vaginal sex and you will never need to worry about HIV. Your brain hears that, I know it does. But I suspect your logic is losing a larger battle right now, one that, sadly, we are incapable of helping you fight.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline atlas

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
Re: Scared to death
« Reply #4 on: February 01, 2012, 02:27:49 AM »
You are absolutely right. If you read my first post, I wrote I've already started treatment for my OCD, this time I'm seeing a psychologist since twice in the past I've taken antidepressants but they don't work on the long run, just while you're taking them and even during that period you're not yourself, you're like an emotionless robot. Drugs only mask the symptoms, not the cause. Thats why psychotherapy is needed and I know its not going to be a quick fix. I understand my problem completely and know what to do to be helped about it but I'm a long way from the finish line right now.
I never expected phychiatric advice, I know what this forum is for and about. I just explained my case.
The science of it is enough for me and I thank you.

Offline jkinatl2

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: Scared to death
« Reply #5 on: February 01, 2012, 02:38:04 AM »
While it's true that drugs don't solve the problem, they can even you out emotionally while you are in that process.

OCD drugs are not always antidepressants, of course.

Obviously you know that. So perhaps between the science and your own admission of deeper issues, this site has run it's course for you.

I wish you the best.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline atlas

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
Re: Scared to death
« Reply #6 on: February 01, 2012, 02:42:57 AM »
Indeed it has.
Thank you all and I wish you the best too.
« Last Edit: February 02, 2012, 04:34:45 AM by atlas »

Offline atlas

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
Am I at risk?
« Reply #7 on: February 19, 2012, 02:41:19 PM »
Hello,

I was deep kissing with a guy and while doing that my inner lip surface got injured by his front teeth. I immediately stopped kissing and in the bathroom I saw that it was bleeding a bit. It stopped bleeding relatively fast. After some time after the bleeding stopped we kissed some more but not so intensively because I was kind of avoiding it because of what happened.

He had a canker in his mouth right on his tonsil, it wasn't bleeding or anything (he showed it to me before we begun kissing). It was a white coated round patch. I never tasted blood throughout the whole kissing session except when my inner lip got injured.
I know that saliva on its own cannot cause an infection but Im afraid because of his canker sore.

Do I have a risk? Do I need to get tested?
Thank you for reading this.
« Last Edit: February 19, 2012, 02:45:06 PM by atlas »

Offline RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,286
Re: Am I at risk?
« Reply #8 on: February 19, 2012, 04:11:56 PM »
Please do not start a new thread every time you have another question or thought - regardless if you think your questions are related to each other or not. It helps us to help you when you keep all your thoughts or questions in one thread and it helps other readers to follow the discussion. Additional threads will be merged.

If you cannot find your thread, click on the "Show own posts" link in the left-hand column of any forum page, under your name.

Offline atlas

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
Re: Am I at risk?
« Reply #9 on: February 19, 2012, 04:17:00 PM »
I'm really sorry, how can I fix it now? Should I post it to my previous thread and then you delete this one?
« Last Edit: February 19, 2012, 04:20:07 PM by atlas »

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 24,542
Re: Scared to death
« Reply #10 on: February 19, 2012, 04:29:46 PM »
I've merged your threads into one. In the future please follow our rule and keep anything you may want to say in this same thread.

As for your latest concern, there was absolutely no risk. In terms of the sexual risk for HIV transmission it's really very simple. The only confirmed risks are unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse. As long as you consistently use condoms for those activities everytime you will be well protected.

There's no need for further concern this time nor any need for testing.
Andy Velez

Offline atlas

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
Re: Scared to death
« Reply #11 on: February 19, 2012, 04:33:44 PM »
Thank you Andy so much.
I'm really really sorry for my mistake, forgive me :-\

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 24,542
Re: Scared to death
« Reply #12 on: February 20, 2012, 08:32:30 AM »
You're welcome. Just get on with your life and be sure to use condoms everytime for intercourse. That's the  way you can stay HIV negative.
Andy Velez

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.