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Author Topic: Disclosure blah blah blah  (Read 18419 times)

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Offline Rev. Moon

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #150 on: January 30, 2012, 12:41:58 PM »
Has anyone here had sexual contact without disclosing?

Welcome to the forums.  Are you poz?
"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #151 on: January 30, 2012, 12:43:49 PM »
All I said was to disclose to sexual partners.  Nothing that has been said here will change my mind on this.  I still feel we should disclose to all sexual partners.  I refuse to let bitchy, mean, and hateful comments determen my path.  I know there were a few supportive ones, and for those I am thankful.   In the last day of showing friends and family this they are as stunned by people's reaction to this as well.  When I said monster I meant the ass holes who regardless of anything else knowing go out and infect people.  I don't come here looking for approval.  I come here to get advise and see what others have to say.  The first and only real opion I have had at all the subject of HIV (once again to just tell sexual partners) felt like coming out in high school all over again.  I know moving forward I will tell anyone who is newly diagnosed the poz.com is a great website but stay out of the forums.  They will persecute you and ridicule you if you have a different thought then the majority's.
I like who I am and finally starting to stop hating my life and really want to move forward.  It's things like this that make me not want to go back on meds.  If I have to deal with this level of crap for sharing things and have my last post thrown in my face and feel crapy all the time, and so forth and so on.  Well like I just told my family and friends in my personal life.  Just let this run it's course and let's try again in the next life. Thanks espically to rev moon, and miss p for your extra level of coldness.

Relax already...  You never did answer my previous question regarding who in this thread said not to disclose.  You say you like who you are....  I don't buy it, sorry.  I think you haven't come to grips with what you have and it's the reason you are seeing this so very unclear.  Jake, you're jaded... understandable, happens to the best of us.

But it's this mentality of yours that makes life difficult for the rest of us.  Pointing out this post to family and friends are we?  I can see it all very clear.... "Look ma, all these people are monsters", "this is how your boy got infected!!"....

Give me a fucking break already.....

Let me paint this as clearly as possible for you and Ma to understand.  We are all for disclosure here.... Does this mean new infections are going to stop?  No...  If a negative person wants to remain so he/she needs to take personal responsibility for their own well being.  Your thinking here is part of the problem, passing the buck onto someone else just ain't cutting in the real world Jakey.... Ma at your side or not. 

I don't know what kind of fantasy world you live in bud. 

Are there some bad folks out there?  Sure, turn on the news every night and check out who shot who... 

But to align us good folks here, offering support to a guy who had a moment, as "monsters" is highly offensive.

As I pointed out to you in the other thread and made mention of in this one, all of this crap of yours is very much intertwined with how you feel about yourself and your ability to take the pills.  You just don't seem to have the ability to see it. 

Oh well.... I'm not losing any sleep.
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #152 on: January 30, 2012, 12:44:37 PM »
Maybe we need a juvenile section of the forums, because I haven't witnessed such a tantrum since my daughter was about four.  Your callous disregard for members of this forum, as witnessed by your generalizations and mean spirited comments is appalling.  You can't even demonstrate one iota of maturity by admitting that some posters made reasoned and compassionate responses to your post.  I'll bet you would not dare show this thread to your family/friends because it's very clear who the victims are here and they are not you.  You even have the gall to mention that we reference things you have said, as if having some continuity of your story is a bad thing.  Or might it be that your "words" betray you as the frightened and ungrateful person that you appear to be?

I no longer care if you take your meds or try and get your life together, because I have lost all respect for you.  You lie and attempt to manipulate what others say, in good faith, to defend whatever your issue du jour happens to be.  I'm possibly one of the most tolerant and supportive people you will ever find and it takes an awful lot to repulse me.  Jake, you repulse me by your words and deeds.

I don't expect any reasoned response from you, as you are unable to comprehend anything that does not fit into your world view.  Your last few "pithy" comments to posters, merely displays your utter contempt for anyone who challenges your views.  So stay whatever course you choose and if you remember, tell your family to let us know when you die, so your story can serve as a warning to others.

Joe

I gotta hand it to you Pastor Joe, few can lay down the Word like you can.  :-*

Can I get an Amen, motherfuckers?

MtD

Offline contagion

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #153 on: January 30, 2012, 12:48:45 PM »
Yup. What's it to you?

MtD

It made me feel better.

Miss P - I was thinking fellatio and/or fucking
I have a t-shirt with my t-cells on it.

Offline Rev. Moon

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #154 on: January 30, 2012, 12:51:05 PM »
I gotta hand it to you Pastor Joe, few can lay down the Word like you can.  :-*

Can I get an Amen, motherfuckers?

MtD

Amen, glory hallelujah!

And Amen to Skeebo as well.

Oh well.... I'm not losing any sleep.

This thread kept me up all night.  This one and the one titled "Why Be a Memory" by Skippy, tweety, or whatever his name was.
"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #155 on: January 30, 2012, 12:56:34 PM »
It made me feel better.

That is fine, chile.

It ain't down to Matty the Damned to judge what goes on in Leave it to Beaver Land.

MtD


Offline denb45

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #156 on: January 30, 2012, 12:57:30 PM »
Jake this is for you, whatever you do please don't give up young man  ;)

"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #157 on: January 30, 2012, 12:59:00 PM »

This thread kept me up all night.  This one and the one titled "Why Be a Memory" by Skippy, tweety, or whatever his name was.

I was up all night because of this dream I had, where I was required to do 8 loads of laundry in someone's basement in Manhattan and the floor was mud. Then when the clothes were washed but before they went in the dryer, I was instructed to move to another laundromat without getting any items dirty. Then during the move to the other place everything got lost because some friends appeared and we had to try and find a ramen shop, most likely by David Chang. So I woke up in a panic that all of my clothes were lost.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #158 on: January 30, 2012, 01:00:32 PM »
I should add I also appreciate the fine words of Associate Pastor Skeeter.

 8)

The Pulpit of Daddy Tim is in good hands.

Jake this is for you, whatever you do please don't give up young man  ;)



Right back at ya, Den! :)


MtD

Offline PozJeepGuy

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #159 on: January 30, 2012, 01:11:47 PM »
Rainbows and sunshine.  It's so nice.  And I don't say anything to any one I have asked to read this.  I just hand my over my iPad and say read this and tell me what you think. 

Saying we should disclose to sexual partners upsets YOU, then there's the problem
Jacob Perry

I refuse to wear my HIV as a badge of shame any longer.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #160 on: January 30, 2012, 01:14:51 PM »
Rainbows and sunshine.  It's so nice.  And I don't say anything to any one I have asked to read this.  I just hand my over my iPad and say read this and tell me what you think. 

The members of the Methodist Ladies' Auxiliary are down with iPads? Good for them! :)

Quote
Saying we should disclose to sexual partners upsets YOU, then there's the problem

The explosive diarrhoea always seems to happen before I manage to disclose, so go figger.  :o

MtD

Offline Joe K

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #161 on: January 30, 2012, 01:21:46 PM »
Jake this is for you, whatever you do please don't give up young man  ;)



Nobody is suggesting that Jake give up, but we all know that if he doesn't start to address reality, then he has already given up.  I think it's great to encourage someone, but at what point does encouragement become enabling?  Jake is unable, for whatever reasons, to come to grips with his reality and all we can do is offer the truth of what happens when you don't treat your infection.  My concern for Jake is not that he has given up, but that he refuses to consider how difficult adjusting to being poz can be for some people.  I believe we do a great disservice to members, when we offer nothing but empty messages of hope, without providing the means to make the real adjustment to being poz.  Most of us know that being poz is not a spectator sport, nor can you "wish" the nasty HIV away.

We have all been where Jake is now.  Nobody denies how hard it can be, but we do agree on the necessity of addressing your own issues, owning your infection and being responsible for how you live your life.  Jake is stuck at the victim stage and I believe he is better served by the brutal truth, than feel good slogans.  This isn't an issue of being insensitive to how he might feel, it's expressing concern about the ultimate cost of his denial.  While supportive statements might make him feel better temporarily, only the truth will serve to keep him alive.

Joe

Offline Joe K

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #162 on: January 30, 2012, 01:29:01 PM »
Rainbows and sunshine.  It's so nice.  And I don't say anything to any one I have asked to read this.  I just hand my over my iPad and say read this and tell me what you think. 

Saying we should disclose to sexual partners upsets YOU, then there's the problem

Jake,

Are you serious?  Your straw man argument has been addressed and answered.  You don't get it, you really don't?  We are not talking about disclosure issues, they have been addressed ad nausea m.  We are talking about you and your tunnel vision regarding your infection.  I can't believe you would show someone a snippet of this post and claim how terrible we are, based on one or two responses out of 100+.

You are acting like a child.  Grow up already.

Joe

Offline PozJeepGuy

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #163 on: January 30, 2012, 01:46:00 PM »
So thanks to all the private messages.  You guys don't even know how many I have received saying sorry, other members who feel uncomfortable to speak because of this mob mentality. You guys don't realize because of a select few others don't feel safe to speak up.  Shame on you for creating this type of environment where others can't post and say or ask what they want.  This is truly becoming a place of bulling and if you don't agree you will be persecuted.  I refuse to play this tired ass game. To the others who feel intimidated your voice is just as strong as any one else's. Don't give them power to take your voice away.  Remember it is the odd man out that makes real change.  We should always disclose to all sexual partners.  Do the right thing only because it's the right thing to do.
Jacob Perry

I refuse to wear my HIV as a badge of shame any longer.

Offline buginme2

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #164 on: January 30, 2012, 01:48:47 PM »
There have been a few different topics brought up in this thread.

Jake, more concerning to me (and I am sure to ALL of the other people here) is your comment on deferring treatment.  I hope you can get this worked out.  Don't hurt yourself.  It's not worth it.

You sound like someone who is still very hurt over how they became infected with HIV.  I wish you had started this thread with the title of (MY CHEATING MOTHER FUCKING BOYFRIEND GAVE ME HIV).  I think thats really what you wanted to say.  Everyone here would have understood that and jumped right on board and offered you support.  Change the title of this thread and start talking about what really the problem is.

Offline phildinftlaudy

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #165 on: January 30, 2012, 01:52:21 PM »
So thanks to all the private messages.  You guys don't even know how many I have received saying sorry, other members who feel uncomfortable to speak because of this mob mentality. You guys don't realize because of a select few others don't feel safe to speak up.  Shame on you for creating this type of environment where others can't post and say or ask what they want.  This is truly becoming a place of bulling and if you don't agree you will be persecuted.  I refuse to play this tired ass game. To the others who feel intimidated your voice is just as strong as any one else's. Don't give them power to take your voice away.  Remember it is the odd man out that makes real change.  We should always disclose to all sexual partners.  Do the right thing only because it's the right thing to do.
I haven't pulled this one out in a while - but felt it was most appropriate:

September 13, 2008 - diagnosed +
Labs:
Date    CD4    %   VL     Date  CD4  %   VL
10/08  636    35  510   9/09 473  38 2900  12/4/09 Atripla
12/09  540    30    60   
12/10  740    41  <48   
8/11    667    36  <20  
03/12  1,041  42  <20
05/12  1,241  47  <20
08/12   780    37  <20
11/12   549    35  <20
02/12  1,102  42  <20
11/12   549    35  <20

Offline Rev. Moon

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #166 on: January 30, 2012, 01:58:04 PM »
So thanks to all the private messages.

LOL... Jeebus.  Really?  What are you, like 4 years old?  This has been tried time and again, and by heads who were more hardcore than you. 

Eventually it is always revealed that this supposed avalanche of supportive PMs never existed.

What's next?  Your Swan Song Remix?  In your case I'm sure that it will be an LMFAO version featuring Rebecca Black.
"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #167 on: January 30, 2012, 02:00:25 PM »
So thanks to all the private messages.  You guys don't even know how many I have received saying sorry, other members who feel uncomfortable to speak because of this mob mentality. You guys don't realize because of a select few others don't feel safe to speak up.  Shame on you for creating this type of environment where others can't post and say or ask what they want.  This is truly becoming a place of bulling and if you don't agree you will be persecuted.  I refuse to play this tired ass game. To the others who feel intimidated your voice is just as strong as any one else's. Don't give them power to take your voice away.  Remember it is the odd man out that makes real change.  We should always disclose to all sexual partners.  Do the right thing only because it's the right thing to do.

And you should disclose.  Like I said earlier no one has said otherwise.  And at the same time you should not bully other members who are looking for support concerning disclosure issues.  They already admitted it was wrong, so King Jakey riding in on his moral high horse really wasn't necessary.

Get over yourself already...
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline denb45

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #168 on: January 30, 2012, 02:00:51 PM »
This thread is giving me extreme diarrhea, I've sat on the toilet seat and wiped my ass so many time, my ass is now chapped , you girls are gonna be the death of me  ::)
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Online Jeff G

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #169 on: January 30, 2012, 02:07:25 PM »
I hope Jake remembers all the private messages he got and never responded too offering support and advice because just like in this incident its something he wasn't ready to hear .  When things get bad the support will be there again , just as it should be .


Offline PozJeepGuy

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #170 on: January 30, 2012, 02:12:31 PM »
You know moon you don't need to post if it bugs you. I know myself and a handful of others would be just fine with that
Jacob Perry

I refuse to wear my HIV as a badge of shame any longer.

Offline Rev. Moon

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #171 on: January 30, 2012, 02:23:29 PM »
You know moon you don't need to post if it bugs you. I know myself and a handful of others would be just fine with that

Troll.  Ooh yeah, Jake.  I'm gonna go slit my wrists cause you and some fictitious supporters don't like me. Boo fawking Hoo.

You choose to ignore what has been said to you regarding your failed views and opinions.  Yet you keep trying to stir the pot.

You think you offend me or get me upset?  Chile, please.

Again, get off your fucking high horse and grow a pair.
"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline SANJUANDUDE

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #172 on: January 30, 2012, 02:24:17 PM »
If I know that I am positive, I would not have sex with anyone, especially intercourse, where I would have to inform the other individual.  I would rather "do it" myself, and not have to worry about where this information is going to travel to when and if this person declines.  Positive persons should not be discriminated against, but let's be realistic, there are people out there who simply will not hire a positive person and shun them.  It is not something that I would want traveling around, especially in a small town.  Giving someone oral, well the chance is next to nil of placing that person at risk.  Me, I still wouldn't want to deal with it, but there are just some things in this world that should remain private, and health is certainly one of them.

http://timehasshownme.com
10/2011-CD-4-598-Undetectable
01/2012-CD-4-758-Undetectable
04/2012-CD$-780-70 Viral Load
08-2012-CD4-846--20 viral load
02/2013-CD$ 865----20 Undetectable Viral Load
08/2013- CD4-898----<20 undetectable viral load

Offline Joe K

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #173 on: January 30, 2012, 02:29:08 PM »
So thanks to all the private messages.  You guys don't even know how many I have received saying sorry, other members who feel uncomfortable to speak because of this mob mentality. You guys don't realize because of a select few others don't feel safe to speak up.  Shame on you for creating this type of environment where others can't post and say or ask what they want.  This is truly becoming a place of bulling and if you don't agree you will be persecuted.  I refuse to play this tired ass game. To the others who feel intimidated your voice is just as strong as any one else's. Don't give them power to take your voice away.  Remember it is the odd man out that makes real change.  We should always disclose to all sexual partners.  Do the right thing only because it's the right thing to do.

Wow, but thanks for those comments.  The old "AIDSmeds Cabal" theory rears its ugly head.  Just wow.  Twisting words just to win the "most crazy poster" award.  Congrats, you win.  Nobody here can even come close to your level of deceit in facing these issues.  You have proven yourself to be very ethically challenged.  Sorry, I don't want to play your game any more.  You win, you are right.  Let me know how that knowledge will help to keep you alive... oh wait, it will not, but at least you will know you are right.  Dead right.

Joe

Offline thunter34

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #174 on: January 30, 2012, 02:31:07 PM »
I hope Jake remembers all the private messages he got and never responded too offering support and advice because just like in this incident its something he wasn't ready to hear .  When things get bad the support will be there again , just as it should be .

One from me, for example...to which I never heard a peep in response.  Of course, this was way back when it was new and raw and understandable.

Now it's just kind of embarassing...especially when the OP declares he would readily steer people away from the BEST and most reliable HIV+ support network on the whole WWW just because his delicate sensibilities got frazzled by genuine and realistic advice.

That says a lot.

Actually, what it says most of all is that someone is still very attached to his identity as a victim.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Online Jeff G

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #175 on: January 30, 2012, 02:37:21 PM »
One from me, for example...to which I never heard a peep in response.  Of course, this was way back when it was new and raw and understandable.

Now it's just kind of embarassing...especially when the OP declares he would readily steer people away from the BEST and most reliable HIV+ support network on the whole WWW just because his delicate sensibilities got frazzled by genuine and realistic advice.

That says a lot.

Actually, what it says most of all is that someone is still very attached to his identity as a victim.

Yep ... I was one of the people who was very concerned for him and never even got a weak thank you PM back for my trouble .

Offline Joe K

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #176 on: January 30, 2012, 02:39:26 PM »
Actually, what it says most of all is that someone is still very attached to his identity as a victim.

and with that, I believe the Fat Lady has sung.

Offline PozJeepGuy

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #177 on: January 30, 2012, 02:42:40 PM »
James I hear you.  But of there is even a slight chance you haveing sex can expose someone to HIV, I personally feel you should tell that person.  They have a right to know what they are being exposed too. And for the record it's not always bad.  Bein a chef and having cuts from time to time I felt I needed to tell my employer.  I was floored when they said your not the first and probably not the last. They have been great. 98% of my family are cool and all my friends have been great.  It's not always a bad experience.  Yes I realize I am lucky. Thank you above for that. It's such a freeing feeling not to have to hide.  Your choice is your choice. But when it comes to sex espically we should always disclose
Jacob Perry

I refuse to wear my HIV as a badge of shame any longer.

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #178 on: January 30, 2012, 02:46:30 PM »
One from me, for example...to which I never heard a peep in response.  Of course, this was way back when it was new and raw and understandable.

Now it's just kind of embarassing...especially when the OP declares he would readily steer people away from the BEST and most reliable HIV+ support network on the whole WWW just because his delicate sensibilities got frazzled by genuine and realistic advice.

That says a lot.

Actually, what it says most of all is that someone is still very attached to his identity as a victim.

Well said Tim..
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline PozJeepGuy

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #179 on: January 30, 2012, 02:46:51 PM »
I'm sorry I didn't reply to your pm.  At that time I was so depressed and just isolated myself. Really I appogolize for not responding. I messed up. 
Jacob Perry

I refuse to wear my HIV as a badge of shame any longer.

Offline denb45

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #180 on: January 30, 2012, 02:48:04 PM »
and with that, I believe the Fat Lady has sung.


AMEN BROTHER JOE

"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline Joe K

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #181 on: January 30, 2012, 02:50:13 PM »
Yep ... I was one of the people who was very concerned for him and never even got a weak thank you PM back for my trouble .

Jeff,

You were not the only one who offered support, but Jake isn't ready yet.  Our support and understanding, no matter how brutal at times, is offensive to Jake, because he needs to hate poz folks.  If we can show ourselves to be empathetic to his issues, it destroys his vision of pozzies as deranged, disease-spreading monsters.  As a victim he needs a foil and we are it.  If he considers, even for a moment, that we do understand and that we are more like him, the greater danger we represent to his world view.  It's very hard for a victim to consider becoming his own tormentor.  He's not a monster, so how can he be poz?

The issue is not that we are being mean or insensitive to him, it's that we refuse to feed his paranoia about his infection.  We refuse to allow him to remain a victim and he cannot hear us because of his fear.  This is not about any of us, only Jake.

Jake isn't ready for us yet.  All we can hope is he comes back when he is ready and we'll be here waiting for him.  We've all seen this movie before, let's just hope this one has a happy ending.

Joe

Offline PozJeepGuy

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #182 on: January 30, 2012, 03:04:05 PM »
What crock of shit. There is only one person I hate in my life.  You guys are great at turnings things around. I am trying to be apart of the HIV community more and more. I want to see change. Disclosing is the first one on my agenda. Disclosure is the first step to help change things.  Living in fear I will loose my job, my family will disown me, and so on only holds us back.  I wasn't going to bring up full disclosure because just talking about sexual disclosure has just brought on so much negativity.

I'm not ashamed anymore and moving forward I will always advocate full disclosure. I will not let the actions of others determine my actions. Change starts with us. That's why I have put my picture and my full name on here.  I talk it on my Facebook page. I talk about it with my coworkers, family, friends, and when the day comes that I do have sex again I have and will disclose to them as well. 

Jacob Perry

I refuse to wear my HIV as a badge of shame any longer.

Online Jeff G

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #183 on: January 30, 2012, 03:06:00 PM »
Jeff,

You were not the only one who offered support, but Jake isn't ready yet.  Our support and understanding, no matter how brutal at times, is offensive to Jake, because he needs to hate poz folks.  If we can show ourselves to be empathetic to his issues, it destroys his vision of pozzies as deranged, disease-spreading monsters.  As a victim he needs a foil and we are it.  If he considers, even for a moment, that we do understand and that we are more like him, the greater danger we represent to his world view.  It's very hard for a victim to consider becoming his own tormentor.  He's not a monster, so how can he be poz?

The issue is not that we are being mean or insensitive to him, it's that we refuse to feed his paranoia about his infection.  We refuse to allow him to remain a victim and he cannot hear us because of his fear.  This is not about any of us, only Jake.

Jake isn't ready for us yet.  All we can hope is he comes back when he is ready and we'll be here waiting for him.  We've all seen this movie before, let's just hope this one has a happy ending.

Joe

Thanks Joe ... I just want to point out that I am never offended when I don't hear back form someone after offering support , rather it only adds to the concern that prompted you to offer it in the first place .

Untreated HIV and internalized stigma is far more destructive than any tough love offered in this forum so I suggest that people who feel bullied read between the lines and see what the true meaning of support really is , your life may depend on it .

Offline denb45

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #184 on: January 30, 2012, 03:09:07 PM »
What crock of shit. There is only one person I hate in my life.  You guys are great at turnings things around. I am trying to be apart of the HIV community more and more. I want to see change. Disclosing is the first one on my agenda. Disclosure is the first step to help change things.  Living in fear I will loose my job, my family will disown me, and so on only holds us back.  I wasn't going to bring up full disclosure because just talking about sexual disclosure has just brought on so much negativity.

SO what, most of us in here has already been there & done all of this before  ::)
and some of us have gotten over this tried old movie, when your ready THIS will
happened to you as well, don't fight the feeling baby, it's all good  :D



"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline Rev. Moon

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #185 on: January 30, 2012, 03:11:16 PM »
What crock of shit. There is only one person I hate in my life.  You guys are great at turnings things around. I am trying to be apart of the HIV community more and more. I want to see change. Disclosing is the first one on my agenda. Disclosure is the first step to help change things.  Living in fear I will loose my job, my family will disown me, and so on only holds us back.  I wasn't going to bring up full disclosure because just talking about sexual disclosure has just brought on so much negativity.

I'm not ashamed anymore and moving forward I will always advocate full disclosure. I will not let the actions of others determine my actions. Change starts with us. That's why I have put my picture and my full name on here.  I talk it on my Facebook page. I talk about it with my coworkers, family, friends, and when the day comes that I do have sex again I have and will disclose to them as well.

Key words: "crock of shit", "hate", "agenda", "fear", "negativity"

This thread has never been truly about disclosure, something that every member of these forums supports without question.   It was YOU who turned it into something else.
"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline SANJUANDUDE

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #186 on: January 30, 2012, 03:30:57 PM »
there is no chance because I won't do it. 

on the topic of employment, I feel that it is great that your employers are so accepting on the issue.  What city are you in?  I lived for 5 years in  rural Alabama.  Had I been foolish enough to say that to my employer, they would have found a lame reason to hack me off the schedule within 24 hours.  I would have been fired for the way I wear my hair, and I'm bald.  You know, it is Alabama, ,they are not the sharpest knives in the drawer.  In New Mexico, it is much more liberal, unless you go to someplace like Tuccumcair or Hobbs.

http://timehasshownme.com
10/2011-CD-4-598-Undetectable
01/2012-CD-4-758-Undetectable
04/2012-CD$-780-70 Viral Load
08-2012-CD4-846--20 viral load
02/2013-CD$ 865----20 Undetectable Viral Load
08/2013- CD4-898----<20 undetectable viral load

Offline PozJeepGuy

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #187 on: January 30, 2012, 03:32:52 PM »
Den once again I hear you.  On my path of HIV this where I currently am. I try to think of this as coming out.  20 years ago my concerns are not the concerns I have now and I know HIV is the same. The concerns I have now won't be the ones I have in another 20 years.

Really rev leave me alone.  Just go away
Jacob Perry

I refuse to wear my HIV as a badge of shame any longer.

Offline Joe K

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #188 on: January 30, 2012, 03:37:36 PM »
What crock of shit. There is only one person I hate in my life.  You guys are great at turnings things around. I am trying to be apart of the HIV community more and more. I want to see change. Disclosing is the first one on my agenda. Disclosure is the first step to help change things.  Living in fear I will loose my job, my family will disown me, and so on only holds us back.  I wasn't going to bring up full disclosure because just talking about sexual disclosure has just brought on so much negativity.

I'm not ashamed anymore and moving forward I will always advocate full disclosure. I will not let the actions of others determine my actions. Change starts with us. That's why I have put my picture and my full name on here.  I talk it on my Facebook page. I talk about it with my coworkers, family, friends, and when the day comes that I do have sex again I have and will disclose to them as well.

Jake

What a disappointing reply and this thread stopped being about disclosure dozens of posts before.  I really hoped you would display a smattering of understanding at what has been shared with you.  Yet all you can see is how disclosure is the bedrock of living with HIV.  You don't have a clue and I fear for your safety.  You are so blinded with your mono-replies about disclosure being some form of panacea, or penance that you refuse to consider anything else we suggest.  Disclosure is the least of your worries, which you will discover, either on your own, or with the help of others.

I wish you the best.  I wish I could help you understand how dangerous your thought patterns are and that you cannot approach living with HIV, without acknowledging the truth about the disease and its treatment.  You were horribly wronged by your ex and that made you a victim.  Being a victim can feel fine for a while, but ultimately it drains your being.  The reason we stress your need to adjust to being poz, is that you don't seem to be adjusting.  There is a common thread in all of your posts, that highlights your fears and anxiety about being poz.  It's normal to feel that way, even healthy, but only to a point.

What folks here want you to understand is that we care what happens to you, but we do not seek to control you.  Some of us have lived with HIV for longer than you have been alive and we know the cost that HIV can demand.  We have learned the hard way that surviving with HIV is a marathon and slow and steady wins the race.  We don't claim it's easy, nor for the faint of heart.  We realize that each of us must find our own way, however we also know when someone is close to becoming their own worse enemy.

If nobody cared about you, we would not engage with you, which becomes especially trying, when you start to play the victim card.  It's because we do understand and we have been where you are and we know that the only way to start truly living with HIV, is to begin with how you see yourself.  You talk a good game, but your rhetoric rings hollow.  You just keep stating the same bullet points, over and over and it's the written version of plugging your ears, while yelling "La, La, La, I can't hear you."  That's why I say you are not ready yet to move past being a victim.  Being a victim is easy, as you can deflect any personal responsibility for becoming poz, whereas becoming a survivor is hard, because it requires the absolute truth... about you.

Nobody is telling you how to live or what you should do.  We are warning you, that if you refuse to address your own issues in regards to you being poz, you will never adjust to living with HIV.  Never, ever, ever.

Do with that as you may.

Joe

Offline PozJeepGuy

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #189 on: January 30, 2012, 03:40:25 PM »
Den once again I hear you.  On my path of HIV this where I currently am. I try to think of this as coming out.  20 years ago my concerns are not the concerns I have now and I know HIV is the same. The concerns I have now won't be the ones I have in another 20 years.

Really rev leave me alone.  Just go away

I am in Greeley, co.  Basically a farm town about a hour plus from Denver. Born and raised in crittenden KY. I moved to Denver roughly 2 years ago. 8 months living here I tested positive. 
Jacob Perry

I refuse to wear my HIV as a badge of shame any longer.

Offline wolfter

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #190 on: January 30, 2012, 03:43:39 PM »

I'm not ashamed anymore and moving forward I will always advocate full disclosure. I will not let the actions of others determine my actions. Change starts with us. That's why I have put my picture and my full name on here.  I talk it on my Facebook page. I talk about it with my coworkers, family, friends, and when the day comes that I do have sex again I have and will disclose to them as well.

I'll always advocate for people to make informed decisions.  There are many reasons that people can't fully disclose.  I'm pretty certain my FB friends all probably know or can garner that information from my posts, but I've never updated my status to "In a relationship with AIDS".  I've always used the "need to know" criteria for disclosure.  It has nothing to do with being fearful or ashamed, just how I conduct myself with most of my personal business. 

Wolfie

Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Offline PozJeepGuy

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #191 on: January 30, 2012, 03:57:13 PM »
Wolfie I get that sir and I'm not trying to judge. We each have to do what we have to do.  There was just a story here about a hooker in Denver that was purposely going out to infect people.  That is wrong.  That is what I'm trying to say is wrong and only a monster would purpolsey do that.  Once again purposely, with intent to hurt others. 

We all have to handle disclosure the way we have to.  I am begging people to just disclose with sexual partners. 
Jacob Perry

I refuse to wear my HIV as a badge of shame any longer.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #192 on: January 30, 2012, 04:00:46 PM »
Wolfie I get that sir and I'm not trying to judge. We each have to do what we have to do.  There was just a story here about a hooker in Denver that was purposely going out to infect people.  That is wrong.  That is what I'm trying to say is wrong and only a monster would purpolsey do that. 

So was this SEX WORKER using condoms or foregoing them, you're not clear what the "article" says. Or in your judgement HIV+ people that use condoms and have undetectable viral loads should not be allowed to be sex workers. Ever. Anywhere in the world?
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline wolfter

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #193 on: January 30, 2012, 04:07:12 PM »
Disclosure does little to combat the HIV epidemic.  This disease spreads because people don't know and therefore discloser is moot.  I'm sure there is some research out there, but I assume the majority of those infected contracted it from someone who did not know. 

Testing would be a better option but the fear of criminalizing HIV+ people for having sex produces the polar opposite result.  As was noted earlier, HIV issues are neither black nor white. 

Wolfie
Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Offline PozJeepGuy

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #194 on: January 30, 2012, 04:12:38 PM »
She was arrested before for doing it.  Then went back out,  and beacause of wr anger she went back out and didn't use condoms.  She did it to infect people on purpose. It's actions like that, that give hiv negative people the view we all are bad. Well that's not the case as we all know.  I only called those people a monster.  To go out with the intent to hurt others.
Jacob Perry

I refuse to wear my HIV as a badge of shame any longer.

Offline LM

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #195 on: January 30, 2012, 04:17:55 PM »
We all have to handle disclosure the way we have to.  I am begging people to just disclose with sexual partners. 

Why? Read Wolfie's post above. No one here wants to transmit HIV to others, but that doesn't have anything to do with disclosure. If you want to disclose to the rest of the world you have HIV, we all support you (if you can take it), but don't impose your morals on others. You're doing this to feel better about yourself, to ascertain that you are right, not for the well-being of others.

Online geobee

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #196 on: January 30, 2012, 04:19:54 PM »
Here's what I do --

1.  Disclose on my online profile(s).  [Saves time!]
2.  Don't disclose if anonymous, one-time fucking.  [I'm a top, condoms work]
3.  Don't disclose if someone wants to suck on my dick. [Don't have precum]
4.  Don't disclose if I'm sucking on someone else's dick. [Can't infect them]
4.  Disclose if people want my load in their mouth.
5.  Disclose before any kind of date or poss relationship thing. [Test waters early]

Just putting out what I do.  No judgments or shoulds for others. 

Offline LM

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #197 on: January 30, 2012, 04:26:19 PM »
And really, someone having unprotected sex with a sex worker is asking for it... I mean, c'mon.

Offline PozJeepGuy

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #198 on: January 30, 2012, 04:30:24 PM »
Wow They deserve it.  Those words will never come out of my mouth because no one deserves to be infected with HIV. You actually have me speechless.  They deserve it.  Wow.
Jacob Perry

I refuse to wear my HIV as a badge of shame any longer.

Offline denb45

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Re: Disclosure blah blah blah
« Reply #199 on: January 30, 2012, 04:30:34 PM »


I am in.  Basically a farm town about a hour plus from Denver. Born and raised in crittenden KY. I moved to Denver roughly 2 years ago. 8 months living here I tested positive.
  And do I need to take a drive up to  Greeley, Co, to give you a intervention? you know it's only about 260 miles for Albuquerque all the way up I-25..........

listen Jake, you are the master of your own destiny, if you don't remember anything else, PLEASE take this advice that were all trying to give you here young man,

 I've had teh AIDS longer than you've probably been alive ( don't know how old you are) and I lot of us here are just trying to help you understand THIS, it aint rocket science...take this help for what it's worth, so you can move forward  ;)
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

 


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