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Author Topic: Another thread about HIV disclosure  (Read 2509 times)

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Offline Miss Philicia

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  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Another thread about HIV disclosure
« on: January 13, 2012, 10:29:59 AM »
... because there can never be enough! :D

A friend of mine on facebook shared this with me, though I don't know the cute younin' in the video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UN8LlECTMlQ
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline wolfter

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Re: Another thread about HIV disclosure
« Reply #1 on: January 13, 2012, 10:41:57 AM »
Very powerful message.  What a strong and courageous young man. 

Wolfie
productivity breeds content

Offline leatherman

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Re: Another thread about HIV disclosure
« Reply #2 on: January 13, 2012, 12:08:57 PM »
thanks. I enjoyed this video and thought he put out a good message about how the situation feels.
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline LM

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Re: Another thread about HIV disclosure
« Reply #3 on: January 13, 2012, 08:38:18 PM »
That's nice, he's one brave kid.

Online tednlou2

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Re: Another thread about HIV disclosure
« Reply #4 on: January 14, 2012, 02:11:33 AM »
It is very unfortunate that this guy has had guys harass him.  They are truly scum.  I think people who attack others are projecting their own disgust and hate for themselves.  He made a good video that was very creative and funny.  I just hope he doesn't really make those noises when making out.  I admire him for putting himself out there and discussing the issue.

I would just wonder whether he has ever rejected someone for their cock size or something they cannot change.     

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Another thread about HIV disclosure
« Reply #5 on: January 14, 2012, 05:28:46 PM »
Thanks for posting.

Offline SANJUANDUDE

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Re: Another thread about HIV disclosure
« Reply #6 on: January 15, 2012, 03:00:28 PM »
 :)  Thank you so much for posting this video!!!!  It was great to watch, especially since I opened up a thread about disclosure a few weeks ago.  Me, personally, I wouldn't make a video like this.  It's way too public.  Telling a potential partner 1 on 1 is different.

http://timehasshownme.com
10/2011-CD-4-598-Undetectable
01/2012-CD-4-758-Undetectable
04/2012-CD$-780-70 Viral Load
08-2012-CD4-846--20 viral load
02/2013-CD$ 865----20 Undetectable Viral Load
08/2013- CD4-898----<20 undetectable viral load

Online tednlou2

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Re: Another thread about HIV disclosure
« Reply #7 on: January 16, 2012, 01:38:13 AM »
I've been thinking about this guy and the situation over the last couple of days.  I've read many of the youtube comments many have left for him--most in support.  That's great and I don't mean to discount what he has experienced and has to deal with.  I have no idea what it is like to have to disclose to a potential sex partner. 

But, I was thinking that if this were an overweight or not attractive poz guy, his story would have been lost.  I highly doubt it would have gotten near the number of views.  I doubt he would have gotten so many giving him their personal contact info and saying to look them up, if he's ever in their city.  If he weren't an attractive guy, I think he would have faced another kind of rejection. 

Again, I'm not discounting his experience.  Just saying there are so many forms of rejection out there.  Obviously, he can't be faulted for that, and his reality isn't any less important.  I guess I have one issue with something he said.  He said guys should at least have the balls to tell him to his face that they are scared/not comfortable of his poz status.  Ok, that's fine, but people are only human.  But, it appears from a conversation he put in his video that he didn't have "the balls" to tell at least one guy that he was poz.  Now, we can't know the exact context of that conversation, without the full conversation.  But, if it is as it appears, it is obvious that the guy is asking him whether he is poz (appears to be something not told previously), while then asking whether he was at risk from the oral sex they had.  This happens at about min 3:21.  Yes, oral sex carries an extremely low (many say nonexistent) risk, but if he expects people to have "the balls", the same could be said about him.  Again, he is only human after all and I wouldn't pass judgment for not disclosing for oral sex.  I can only imagine how difficult that situation is.  I guess I'm just saying we often don't live up to the same expectations that we would want from others.  In fairness to him, it is possible that he didn't know his status when they hooked up and this conversation was only part of a more detailed conversation of him telling the guy he learned he was poz.         

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Another thread about HIV disclosure
« Reply #8 on: January 16, 2012, 10:09:11 AM »
wow
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Joe K

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Re: Another thread about HIV disclosure
« Reply #9 on: January 16, 2012, 02:02:51 PM »
I've been thinking about this guy and the situation over the last couple of days.  I've read many of the youtube comments many have left for him--most in support.  That's great and I don't mean to discount what he has experienced and has to deal with.  I have no idea what it is like to have to disclose to a potential sex partner. 

But, I was thinking that if this were an overweight or not attractive poz guy, his story would have been lost.  I highly doubt it would have gotten near the number of views.  I doubt he would have gotten so many giving him their personal contact info and saying to look them up, if he's ever in their city.  If he weren't an attractive guy, I think he would have faced another kind of rejection. 

Again, I'm not discounting his experience.  Just saying there are so many forms of rejection out there.  Obviously, he can't be faulted for that, and his reality isn't any less important.  I guess I have one issue with something he said.  He said guys should at least have the balls to tell him to his face that they are scared/not comfortable of his poz status.  Ok, that's fine, but people are only human.  But, it appears from a conversation he put in his video that he didn't have "the balls" to tell at least one guy that he was poz.  Now, we can't know the exact context of that conversation, without the full conversation.  But, if it is as it appears, it is obvious that the guy is asking him whether he is poz (appears to be something not told previously), while then asking whether he was at risk from the oral sex they had.  This happens at about min 3:21.  Yes, oral sex carries an extremely low (many say nonexistent) risk, but if he expects people to have "the balls", the same could be said about him.  Again, he is only human after all and I wouldn't pass judgment for not disclosing for oral sex.  I can only imagine how difficult that situation is.  I guess I'm just saying we often don't live up to the same expectations that we would want from others.  In fairness to him, it is possible that he didn't know his status when they hooked up and this conversation was only part of a more detailed conversation of him telling the guy he learned he was poz.         

What exactly do you have against this guy?  You claim you don't judge, yet your entire post is judging the guy on what he should do, often based on speculation, on your part, because you don't know this guy from Jack.  You really need to stop making blanket statements about what others do and concentrate on your own issues.  I cannot help notice that almost every post you make is about YOU.  No matter what the topic, your reply is always about you, your views, what you think is important, or how others should think and act.  Frankly, it's very tiring and I wish you would stop doing it.

If you actually have something constructive to add, then do so, otherwise, keep your condescension to yourself.

Joe

Offline leatherman

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Re: Another thread about HIV disclosure
« Reply #10 on: January 16, 2012, 02:43:15 PM »
But, if it is as it appears, it is obvious that the guy is asking him whether he is poz (appears to be something not told previously), while then asking whether he was at risk from the oral sex they had.  This happens at about min 3:21.  Yes, oral sex carries an extremely low (many say nonexistent) risk, but if he expects people to have "the balls", the same could be said about him.     
yes, i noticed that part too. i just attributed that to a "past" conservation that was part of his experiences working his way forward from finding out his was poz to now when he can talk about needing disclosure.

Knowing when and where to disclosure is always a tricky situation and different most every time. I think the issue is to have the principle to disclose (before the sex LOL) and work each situation from there. So much disclosure could be mitigated, or simply done away with, if only condoms were the rule 100% of the time. Of course condoms 100% of the time would remove the need for someone to even disclose as they wouldn't have gotten infected in the first place. ::) lol
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: Another thread about HIV disclosure
« Reply #11 on: January 16, 2012, 02:53:15 PM »

   Teddy, did you mean to say John 3:21? 
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Another thread about HIV disclosure
« Reply #12 on: January 16, 2012, 04:43:32 PM »
I've been thinking about this guy and the situation over the last couple of days.  I've read many of the youtube comments many have left for him--most in support.  That's great and I don't mean to discount what he has experienced and has to deal with.  I have no idea what it is like to have to disclose to a potential sex partner. 

But, I was thinking that if this were an overweight or not attractive poz guy, his story would have been lost.  I highly doubt it would have gotten near the number of views.  I doubt he would have gotten so many giving him their personal contact info and saying to look them up, if he's ever in their city.  If he weren't an attractive guy, I think he would have faced another kind of rejection. 

Again, I'm not discounting his experience.  Just saying there are so many forms of rejection out there.  Obviously, he can't be faulted for that, and his reality isn't any less important.  I guess I have one issue with something he said.  He said guys should at least have the balls to tell him to his face that they are scared/not comfortable of his poz status.  Ok, that's fine, but people are only human.  But, it appears from a conversation he put in his video that he didn't have "the balls" to tell at least one guy that he was poz.  Now, we can't know the exact context of that conversation, without the full conversation.  But, if it is as it appears, it is obvious that the guy is asking him whether he is poz (appears to be something not told previously), while then asking whether he was at risk from the oral sex they had.  This happens at about min 3:21.  Yes, oral sex carries an extremely low (many say nonexistent) risk, but if he expects people to have "the balls", the same could be said about him.  Again, he is only human after all and I wouldn't pass judgment for not disclosing for oral sex.  I can only imagine how difficult that situation is.  I guess I'm just saying we often don't live up to the same expectations that we would want from others.  In fairness to him, it is possible that he didn't know his status when they hooked up and this conversation was only part of a more detailed conversation of him telling the guy he learned he was poz.         


This is why I submit many guys, pretty and not, do not summon the bravery to do what the YouTube guy did.

 
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline newt

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Re: Another thread about HIV disclosure
« Reply #13 on: January 16, 2012, 04:57:55 PM »
It's easy to be courageous on the internet when you're young n fit, it's a whole nother world when the man you love barfs, leaves and never speaks to you again when you tell him.

@tednlou, personally I liked your long post, whatever anyone else thought of it

- matt
"The object is to be a well patient, not a good patient"

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Another thread about HIV disclosure
« Reply #14 on: January 16, 2012, 05:27:54 PM »
It's easy to be courageous on the internet when you're young n fit, it's a whole nother world when the man you love barfs, leaves and never speaks to you again when you tell him.

@tednlou, personally I liked your long post, whatever anyone else thought of it

- matt


It is also, as YouTube shows, easy to judge, and judge harshly on the internet, when most of the people haven't a tenth of the bravery exhibited by the poster.

Ironically, when someone not young or fit or beautiful posts the same thing, people respond with "so what? What's this guy really risking?"

It really is a thankless choice, bravery.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline LM

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Re: Another thread about HIV disclosure
« Reply #15 on: January 16, 2012, 06:26:58 PM »
Well, I deeply respect his attitude, but of course, it was his call, he's not a martyr or something. He didn't need to do it, not even tell his partners about being poz if he wore condoms (depending on the local laws), so the fact that he did it anyway, for whatever reason, is still something pretty cool. Only he knows how easy or difficult it may have been.

Offline spacebarsux

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Re: Another thread about HIV disclosure
« Reply #16 on: January 17, 2012, 12:58:03 AM »
I think the youtube guy is very brave. I feel it is a bit unfair to think that the daunting and disconcerting aspect of an internet disclosure is whittled down significantly owing to someone being young and beautiful.

If the above viewpoint is valid, then it must be equally arguable that since he hasnít yet grown the thick skin (and wisdom) that come with age of dealing with the negative fall out of a public disclosure- his experience must have been/will be that much harder. Also, a middle aged, unattractive married (or committed) poz person (man or woman) who obviously isnít playing the field would likely be spared scathing remarks this guy received that he/she is trying to spread the disease, infecting innocent victims etc.

Ultimately, only he knows how hard it was for him. I find what he did very commendable. People like this guy put a face to the disease and in their own little way help all of us.

That said, I donít see any condescension in what you said tednlou. You were just being honest about your opinion, which is fine even if others disagree (including myself  ;)) .

Spacebarsux (who thinks a wholly non-judgemental person does not exist as each of us have some sort of innate moral compass shaped by our culture, experiences, personality etc)
« Last Edit: January 17, 2012, 01:33:42 AM by spacebarsux »
Infected-  2005 or early 2006; Diagnosed- Jan 28th, 2011; Feb '11- CD4 754 @34%, VL- 39K; July '11- CD4 907@26%,  VL-81K; Feb '12- CD4 713 @31%, VL- 41K, Nov '12- CD4- 827@31%

Online tednlou2

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Re: Another thread about HIV disclosure
« Reply #17 on: January 17, 2012, 01:31:14 AM »
What exactly do you have against this guy?  You claim you don't judge, yet your entire post is judging the guy on what he should do, often based on speculation, on your part, because you don't know this guy from Jack.  You really need to stop making blanket statements about what others do and concentrate on your own issues.  I cannot help notice that almost every post you make is about YOU.  No matter what the topic, your reply is always about you, your views, what you think is important, or how others should think and act.  Frankly, it's very tiring and I wish you would stop doing it.

If you actually have something constructive to add, then do so, otherwise, keep your condescension to yourself.

Joe

Joe, I believe your comments about me are way off base.  I cannot find where I tried to swing the conversation around in an attempt to talk about myself.  I was only adding to the dialogue about the topic.  You do it.  I do it.  Everyone does it.  That's what we do here.  What members say may be spot on, totally rubbish, or somewhere in between.  But, I know I've often seen things from a different point of view that I probably wouldn't have otherwise, from reading members' takes on a subject.  Case in point, I just read a comment here saying an unattractive poz guy probably wouldn't have to deal with all the negative comments on his youtube channel.  That is something I hadn't considered.  That is a very valid point and a different way to look at it.  And, I said I admired this guy and tried very hard to be fair to him about the context of the conversation he put in his video.  It wasn't an attack on him.  I was simply trying to say we often have higher expectations of others than we do of ourselves.  And, this would hold true, even if the context of his conversation was not as it would seem.       

About everything always being about ME, I don't get that either.  In different topics, most of us share our experiences.  Come on Joe, you share things about your life all the time in threads.  And, you make judgement calls and give your opinions.  And, that's great and needed.  We all have our experiences and opinions.  As I said, I wouldn't discount this guy's experience--just looking at things from a different pov, and I'm seeing things from different points of view.       

 

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: Another thread about HIV disclosure
« Reply #18 on: January 17, 2012, 07:47:51 AM »


  True that!  Great point Teddy.  I also want to add perhaps the guy should disclose when his clothes are still on.  I certainly hope his method displayed in the vids was purely for cinematic effect.

  The way I see it, this has very little to do with being "another disclosure thread."

  But, I do agree though, it is a bit brave..... and a little selfish, making a video complaining about people not wanting to sleep with you after you've disclosed to them.   So what if they tell him they gotta put their clothes back on because they have a dental appointment. 

  It's their way of being nice about it.....

  This speaks well for all us pozbods in some way I guess!
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline AdonisSMU

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Re: Another thread about HIV disclosure
« Reply #19 on: January 17, 2012, 09:23:36 AM »
That guy is so courageous. If I can't tell someone, I usually just don't let it get to the sex stage. By some guys standards, I am really good looking and attractive to them but as soon as I tell them i'm HIV positive, they lose interest....even the guys that say it doesn't bother them. I try to serosort but that has failed mostly because I haven't found anyone that I would be interested in despite my in-theory prime location.

This HIV+ thing really the only major baggage I have hanging over me at this time.

I still feel like I want to kill myself and make life easier on everyone else...despite having a really good job that many would be envious of and a nice family... I'm just not successful on the love front and I want to cry and hide but I can't because other people are depending on me. I just want it to be over. I'm getting depressed which is something I normally don't ever do....but now I am... depressed.

« Last Edit: January 17, 2012, 09:40:58 AM by AdonisSMU »

Offline SANJUANDUDE

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Re: Another thread about HIV disclosure
« Reply #20 on: January 18, 2012, 01:09:50 PM »
yes, this nice looking young man is quite courageous.  I will admit that I wouldn't have done it, but that is his choice.  There are certain things that I would not want a potential employer to know and that is one of them. 

http://timehasshownme.com
10/2011-CD-4-598-Undetectable
01/2012-CD-4-758-Undetectable
04/2012-CD$-780-70 Viral Load
08-2012-CD4-846--20 viral load
02/2013-CD$ 865----20 Undetectable Viral Load
08/2013- CD4-898----<20 undetectable viral load

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Another thread about HIV disclosure
« Reply #21 on: January 18, 2012, 01:14:34 PM »
I'm with Teddy.

Rory is a dewsh.

MtD

Offline SANJUANDUDE

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Re: Another thread about HIV disclosure
« Reply #22 on: January 18, 2012, 01:18:29 PM »
why would you say that...???  He informs any potential partners that he has.....
10/2011-CD-4-598-Undetectable
01/2012-CD-4-758-Undetectable
04/2012-CD$-780-70 Viral Load
08-2012-CD4-846--20 viral load
02/2013-CD$ 865----20 Undetectable Viral Load
08/2013- CD4-898----<20 undetectable viral load

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Another thread about HIV disclosure
« Reply #23 on: January 18, 2012, 01:25:03 PM »
why would you say that...???


Because I'm an asshole, Jimmy. It's my shtick.

Quote
He informs any potential partners that he has.....

He's a credit to our kind.

MtD

Offline SANJUANDUDE

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Re: Another thread about HIV disclosure
« Reply #24 on: January 18, 2012, 01:26:07 PM »
I guess, whatever turns you on.

http://timehasshownme.com
10/2011-CD-4-598-Undetectable
01/2012-CD-4-758-Undetectable
04/2012-CD$-780-70 Viral Load
08-2012-CD4-846--20 viral load
02/2013-CD$ 865----20 Undetectable Viral Load
08/2013- CD4-898----<20 undetectable viral load

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Another thread about HIV disclosure
« Reply #25 on: January 18, 2012, 01:30:22 PM »

Offline SANJUANDUDE

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Re: Another thread about HIV disclosure
« Reply #26 on: January 18, 2012, 01:50:02 PM »
you sure can Matty.  I actually just went to your blog.  What a hideous picture when I opened it up/  But your probably a nice guy.

http://timehasshownme.com
10/2011-CD-4-598-Undetectable
01/2012-CD-4-758-Undetectable
04/2012-CD$-780-70 Viral Load
08-2012-CD4-846--20 viral load
02/2013-CD$ 865----20 Undetectable Viral Load
08/2013- CD4-898----<20 undetectable viral load

Offline Growler

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Re: Another thread about HIV disclosure
« Reply #27 on: January 18, 2012, 02:13:57 PM »
you sure can Matty.  I actually just went to your blog.  What a hideous picture when I opened it up/  But your probably a nice guy.

http://timehasshownme.com

Actually he's a total C', but he does give great head which means he's forgiven all sins.
Amen!

GROWLER
ďIf loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.Ē

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Another thread about HIV disclosure
« Reply #28 on: January 21, 2012, 01:13:17 PM »
you sure can Matty.  I actually just went to your blog.  What a hideous picture when I opened it up/  But your probably a nice guy.

Horrible, isn't it?  :(

MtD




Offline emeraldize

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Re: Another thread about HIV disclosure
« Reply #29 on: January 21, 2012, 01:52:34 PM »
I still feel like I want to kill myself and make life easier on everyone else...despite having a really good job that many would be envious of and a nice family... I'm just not successful on the love front and I want to cry and hide but I can't because other people are depending on me. I just want it to be over. I'm getting depressed which is something I normally don't ever do....but now I am... depressed.

Hey Adonis,

I hope others picked up on your post here. Perhaps others have sent you PMs.
This is an important and serious disclosure on your part.

Em

 


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