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Author Topic: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.  (Read 3879 times)

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Offline AdonisSMU

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What do I do when a guy forces me into a morally compromising position? I guess I should ask what do you do when a guy puts you in a morally compromising position?
« Last Edit: January 17, 2012, 10:08:41 AM by AdonisSMU »

Offline Ann

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #1 on: January 17, 2012, 10:17:10 AM »
If it's a moral I'm not happy to compromise myself, unless he's holding a gun to my head or a knife to my throat, I tell him to fuck off.

What do YOU do?
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Offline AdonisSMU

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #2 on: January 17, 2012, 11:08:24 AM »
If it's a moral I'm not happy to compromise myself, unless he's holding a gun to my head or a knife to my throat, I tell him to fuck off.

What do YOU do?
I don't know what to do that's why I am asking. I've over analyzed. I've freaked out and now I'm depressed. On my way to counseling now.
« Last Edit: January 17, 2012, 11:15:09 AM by AdonisSMU »

Offline denb45

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #3 on: January 17, 2012, 11:16:52 AM »
I don't know what to do that's why I am asking. I've over analyzed. I've freaked out and now I'm depressed. On my way to counseling now.

Call the Police, nobody can really force you to do something you don't want to do...........right?
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Online Miss Philicia

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #4 on: January 17, 2012, 11:48:29 AM »
I'm not even sure what a "morally compromising position" is... but then again I have no morals.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline spacebarsux

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #5 on: January 17, 2012, 12:33:40 PM »
Hi Adonis, seems you're having a tough time. Can you elaborate for us what's going on exactly?

I don't really understand what a morally compromising position is either. Are you being emotionally arm-twisted into doing something you don't want to?
Infected-  2005 or early 2006; Diagnosed- Jan 28th, 2011; Feb '11- CD4 754 @34%, VL- 39K; July '11- CD4 907@26%,  VL-81K; Feb '12- CD4 713 @31%, VL- 41K, Nov '12- CD4- 827@31%

Offline Hellraiser

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #6 on: January 17, 2012, 12:35:45 PM »
Perhaps his friend is positive and barebacking a naive guy who is negative.  That could be potentially very compromising if your morals dictate that someone should always disclose.  I mean there a lot of ways for this to play out of course if we had more details we could at least give our input.

Offline Theyer

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #7 on: January 17, 2012, 06:29:19 PM »
You call his bluff.
If this situation forces you to do something that you will anyways regret, then the right moral choice will at least not leave you with a lifetime off having compromised yourself, leaving guilt/remorse.  It may  make the short term hellish,but the long term?

You say you are off to counselling , unless this scenario is breaking a law the counsellor is not going to tell you what to do. If an others safety is at stake that must carry enormous weight .If any one involved is legally a child you have no moral choice our society makes it very plain the child must be protected.

All off us could go on but it is worthless without any further information.
I am sorry you are in this position.
mhtv
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Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #8 on: January 18, 2012, 10:28:25 AM »
What do I do when a guy forces me into a morally compromising position? I guess I should ask what do you do when a guy puts you in a morally compromising position?

You mean why do you feel bad when you have unprotected sex with another chap without telling him you have teh AIDS, right?

MtD

Offline PozJeepGuy

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #9 on: January 18, 2012, 04:07:33 PM »
Your morals are just that your morals. Either you have them or you don't. If you have them then stick to them regardless of out side influences
Jacob Perry

I refuse to wear my HIV as a badge of shame any longer.

Offline AdonisSMU

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #10 on: January 28, 2012, 10:55:44 AM »
What happened is that we were kissing and touching and stuff and he wanted to go have sex well I told him he could just rub it against my butt and he did that and then out of nowhere he holds my waist and pushes it it in...and fed me a line like ohhh well I'm just putting the head in. I stopped it a few mins later by telling him to take it out repeatedly and pulling away... and freaked as I went home. It was the first date I had went on with the guy. I wasn't ready to have full on sex.

Offline mecch

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #11 on: January 28, 2012, 11:08:05 AM »
1) What the guy did.  He didn't respect what you wanted in sex.  So, I hope you don't call back that guy.  Sounds like a selfish type, not your style, anyway at least.

2)  I don't know what the morally compromised position is....  He seems to have different morals than you.  He's a guy who does what he wants.  You want communication.   He didn't compromise your "morals".  But he was piggish and you fought him off and got out of there.  He's the one who is morally suspect, or compromised, not you.

3)  Were you (are you) worried about STD or HIV risks?? 
« Last Edit: January 28, 2012, 11:11:18 AM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline AdonisSMU

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #12 on: January 28, 2012, 11:24:26 AM »
1) What the guy did.  He didn't respect what you wanted in sex.  So, I hope you don't call back that guy.  Sounds like a selfish type, not your style, anyway at least.

2)  I don't know what the morally compromised position is....  He seems to have different morals than you.  He's a guy who does what he wants.  You want communication.   He didn't compromise your "morals".  But he was piggish and you fought him off and got out of there.  He's the one who is morally suspect, or compromised, not you.

3)  Were you (are you) worried about STD or HIV risks??
I wasnt worried about me. I was worried about him...because we didnt have the status discussion. I'm undetectable but that doesn't stop all transmissions from the bottom to the top.
« Last Edit: January 28, 2012, 11:26:15 AM by AdonisSMU »

Offline mecch

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #13 on: January 29, 2012, 07:02:30 AM »
1) I think you have read in the other threads the general consensus that the risk of transmission is very very small. 

If you are feeling a personal moral obligation to tell him anyway, despite the small risk, there are at least two considerations before you do so.

2) Check if there are any legal issues about non-disclosure, in your location.

If there are, remember number (1) -- you still might consider saying nothing.  You might a legal obligation. But not a moral one. The risk is tiny. And you didn't give permission for what he did.   

After all, you didn't OK his unprotected entry....why should you have been expected to disclose beforehand, or now!  This is a moral argument, of course, and not a legal one.)

Putting yourself at legal risk, because of a stupid law you probably don't agree with and which many HIV+ find prejudicial against our individual rights, because another person put themselves at a tiny teeny tiny very small risk, (and without your permission) seems kinda silly and counterproductive.

The above, my opinions purely....

3) What does it mean to YOU if this guy knows you are HIV+.

Is he going to make life difficult for you if he knows that?

_____________

Just wanted to say again that overall I think you have the "moral" high road here.

The guy is a jerk.

During the encounter, you set your rules, so you weren't expected to blurt out "get your dick out me I'm HIV+" -- you felt forced, or maybe you liked him a bit and didn't want rejection. Or there was the trill of the penetration, or maybe it felt good.  Its a very confusing moment.  Obviously there were many thoughts running through your mind during the time.  Including you DIDN'T want it and also probably the realization that he was fucking with your morals (though he may not have known it) giving you a legal issue to wonder about.  That's why eventually you pushed him off of you. 

Really he's a jerk to dump so much complication on someone (you) just to get his nib some raw action.  I hope you don't fret too much about what he needs or doesn't need, what you need to do for him, etc. etc.
« Last Edit: January 29, 2012, 09:24:50 AM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline AdonisSMU

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #14 on: January 29, 2012, 12:32:44 PM »
The wording of this thread actually came from the guy in question when I confronted him about our lack of condom use and my problems with it.

My friends didn't like him that much once I told them what had happened. They still don't understand what I see in the guy. I don't either. I'm currently withholding intimacy/sex from him until I decide what to do.
« Last Edit: January 29, 2012, 12:39:33 PM by AdonisSMU »

Offline mecch

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #15 on: January 29, 2012, 03:01:41 PM »
Ah so you have recently spoken to this guy, after the pushy bareback entry?

Do you still want to continue seeing him?

I'm more with your friends' opinions, but what does your heart say?
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline bocker3

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #16 on: January 29, 2012, 04:34:29 PM »
The wording of this thread actually came from the guy in question when I confronted him about our lack of condom use and my problems with it.

My friends didn't like him that much once I told them what had happened. They still don't understand what I see in the guy. I don't either. I'm currently withholding intimacy/sex from him until I decide what to do.

And what is the decision?  Whether to continue seeing someone who raped you? 
If he was willing to treat you like this on a first date, what sort of future do you think there is that doesn't potentially spiral down.  I would NOT be concerned with disclosing anything to him -- who knows how he would respond here.  Something is simply not right with him and how he views others. 
If it were me, he would never hear from me again.

edited to add: 
How were you forced into a morally compromising position.  If your story is truthful, then you did nothing wrong -- you set boundaries and he ignored them. 

Mike
« Last Edit: January 29, 2012, 04:36:14 PM by bocker3 »
Atripla - Started 12/05
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Labs - Pre-Meds
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Offline buginme2

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #17 on: January 29, 2012, 05:57:58 PM »
What happened is that we were kissing and touching and stuff and he wanted to go have sex well I told him he could just rub it against my butt and he did that and then out of nowhere he holds my waist and pushes it it in...and fed me a line like ohhh well I'm just putting the head in. I stopped it a few mins later by telling him to take it out repeatedly and pulling away... and freaked as I went home. It was the first date I had went on with the guy. I wasn't ready to have full on sex.

You should have yelled out " I got the AIDS" when he pushed it in and you weren't ready.   That would have got him to stop.   

I really don't understand the dilemma here.  One date.  Your have put a lot of time and energy and mental capacity into worrying about some guy you had one date with (and from your own words that didn't end well). 

Love, respectfully, grow a pair!

Don't be fancy, just get dancey

Offline WillyWump

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #18 on: January 29, 2012, 06:01:19 PM »

They still don't understand what I see in the guy. I don't either. I'm currently withholding intimacy/sex from him until I decide what to do.

Withholding sex from him? Well that'll teach him wont it. ::)

Are you like 93 yo with no other possibilities of having a relationship? If not then why all the handwringing over this jerk.

Move on without any hesitation I say.

-W
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Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir
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Online Miss Philicia

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #19 on: January 29, 2012, 06:06:23 PM »
why all the handwringing over this jerk.

Move on without any hesitation I say.

-W

mebbe he looked like Justin Beiber -- surely you, of all people, would understand that dilemma.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline Rev. Moon

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #20 on: January 29, 2012, 06:21:42 PM »
mebbe he looked like Justin Beiber -- surely you, of all people, would understand that dilemma.

I'm sure that La Willy has bought multiple copies of V Magazine.  Justina, the next Thierry Mugler muse.







"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline WillyWump

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #21 on: January 29, 2012, 06:27:12 PM »
I'm sure that La Willy has bought multiple copies of V Magazine.  Justina, the next Thierry Mugler muse.


It's so good to have you back after your absence  ::)

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Last Labs-
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6/3/14 CD4- 736, UD 34%
6/25/13 CD4- 1036, UD,
2/4/13, CD4 - 489, UD, 28%

Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir
.

Offline mecch

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #22 on: January 29, 2012, 06:57:32 PM »
I see a pretty girl with cheap shoes and limited social graces.

Just saw this one, catching up..  I do think the only satisfying ending for season 1 is mutual understanding between Victoria and Emily, since they have both been hideously abused by Grayson and the immorality of the super rich, which destroyed the one man they both loved, Emily's daddy. The fatherr of Victoria's daughter....   or so it seems...
They will join forces for new intriques in Season 2.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline denb45

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #23 on: January 29, 2012, 07:15:31 PM »
I'm sure that La Willy has bought multiple copies of V Magazine.  Justina, the next Thierry Mugler muse.



Oh Please, no more Beiber Psyhcosis, I can't take it anymore  ::)
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline thunter34

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #24 on: January 29, 2012, 07:18:07 PM »
If I was with somebody in that situation and said no to full-on sex, and then he pushed it in anyway and gave the whole "just the head" routine, I probably would have pushed back as the best power bottom I could be and rode that puppy til dawn, daring him to spill a drop.

Any righteous indignation will be accepted gleefully.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline denb45

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #25 on: January 29, 2012, 07:20:47 PM »
If I was with somebody in that situation and said no to full-on sex, and then he pushed it in anyway and gave the whole "just the head" routine, I probably would have pushed back as the best power bottom I could be and rode that puppy til dawn, daring him to spill a drop.

Any righteous indignation will be accepted gleefully.

OH Tim, your my kinda man  :P
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Online Miss Philicia

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #26 on: January 29, 2012, 07:24:02 PM »
If I was with somebody in that situation and said no to full-on sex, and then he pushed it in anyway and gave the whole "just the head" routine, I probably would have pushed back as the best power bottom I could be and rode that puppy til dawn, daring him to spill a drop.

Any righteous indignation will be accepted gleefully.

"if"?

Barbara please. Been there, done that one. At first I disliked the rape aspect, then suddenly was really turned on by it. Helped he had huge cock as well and that I'd picked him up at the Spike leather bar. His car had a lot of rust and he played heavy metal.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline phildinftlaudy

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #27 on: January 29, 2012, 07:49:38 PM »
September 13, 2008 - diagnosed +
Labs:
Date    CD4    %   VL     Date  CD4  %   VL
10/08  636    35  510   9/09 473  38 2900  12/4/09 Atripla
12/09  540    30    60   
12/10  740    41  <48   
8/11    667    36  <20  
03/12  1,041  42  <20
05/12  1,241  47  <20
08/12   780    37  <20
11/12   549    35  <20
02/12  1,102  42  <20
11/12   549    35  <20

Offline Rev. Moon

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #28 on: January 29, 2012, 10:34:34 PM »
Just saw this one, catching up..  I do think the only satisfying ending for season 1 is mutual understanding between Victoria and Emily, since they have both been hideously abused by Grayson and the immorality of the super rich, which destroyed the one man they both loved, Emily's daddy. The fatherr of Victoria's daughter....   or so it seems...
They will join forces for new intriques in Season 2.

They have to, otherwise I can't see how this faboolous show can go beyond one more season.  Then again, the whole "rape" misunderstanding may make it quite difficult for Emily to forgive her.

I haven't liked a tv drama this much in a good while.
"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline Rev. Moon

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #29 on: January 29, 2012, 10:36:11 PM »
It's so good to have you back after your absence  ::)

Dahling, please.  You missed me and my tender ways like crazy.
"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline AdonisSMU

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #30 on: January 30, 2012, 12:22:05 AM »
If I was with somebody in that situation and said no to full-on sex, and then he pushed it in anyway and gave the whole "just the head" routine, I probably would have pushed back as the best power bottom I could be and rode that puppy til dawn, daring him to spill a drop.

Any righteous indignation will be accepted gleefully.
I wish I could be brave but I'm not brave in this area yet. Im getting there but I'm not there yet. Stay tuned. I'm going to have an update sometime this week.
« Last Edit: January 30, 2012, 12:23:41 AM by AdonisSMU »

Offline AdonisSMU

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Re: What do you do when forced into a morally compromising position.
« Reply #31 on: January 30, 2012, 10:22:51 PM »
Well so I'm back. We had our discussion. He said he cares about me and wants me to be okay. I'm like I will be okay. I then told him I think we should take a break and he said we should talk some more about it this weekend.

 


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