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Author Topic: worried sick - how long should i wait it out?  (Read 2310 times)

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Offline danielacc80

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worried sick - how long should i wait it out?
« on: January 16, 2012, 02:38:52 PM »
Four weeks ago I gave unprotected oral to a man for about 90 seconds - he didn't ejaculate. We also did lots of frottage and while at the time I was certain he didn't penetrate me vaginally (because if i thought he had, i would have stopped him immediately!) i've since started driving myself insane with worry that he did (i know, i know - seems unlikely that i wouldn't have realised if he had - especially as he's thick/big and i was 100% sober etc). If he did penetrate it would have been for a couple of minutes - and no ejaculation.
Anyway - i am now going crazy with worry that i could have caught HIV - and i am so angry with myself as i have been in this situation with this man before, when we had unprotected vaginal about 9 months ago (and i tested for all stds and got the all clear).
I have been feeling unwell for the past 2 weeks - on and off sore throat and fatigue - but this is also exactly how i felt after i had sex with him last year and was waiting out the 3 months to test. I am almost sure it is stress causing my "symptoms" and i am almost sure (!) there was no penetration and therefore no risk anyway... but i am not sure if i can move on from this without testing. I can't get a DUO test where i live, only an insti - is there any point me testing at 6 weeks? Or should i wait it out for the 12 weeks?
thanks for any advice you can give me

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: worried sick - how long should i wait it out?
« Reply #1 on: January 16, 2012, 04:13:58 PM »
The only real sexual  risks for HIV are unprotected anal and vaginal sex.

Given the incident as you describe it, I honestly do not see this as an HIV situation in any way.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline danielacc80

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Re: worried sick - how long should i wait it out?
« Reply #2 on: January 16, 2012, 05:23:32 PM »
thanks for your reply - i know that you're right that the only real sexual risks are unprotected anal/vaginal - and that's why after the incident i felt fine about it all. But then this dread started to creep in that maybe he did enter me (but didn't ejaculate), and now that i am finding it hard to get that out of my head i think i am going to have to test to get peace of mind. So as my only option is an insti test, i am wondering if a 6 week test is just a waste of time and should i wait it out until the 12wk mark?

Offline RapidRod

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Re: worried sick - how long should i wait it out?
« Reply #3 on: January 16, 2012, 06:03:23 PM »
thanks for your reply - i know that you're right that the only real sexual risks are unprotected anal/vaginal - and that's why after the incident i felt fine about it all. But then this dread started to creep in that maybe he did enter me (but didn't ejaculate), and now that i am finding it hard to get that out of my head i think i am going to have to test to get peace of mind. So as my only option is an insti test, i am wondering if a 6 week test is just a waste of time and should i wait it out until the 12wk mark?
You do not need an HIV test.

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: worried sick - how long should i wait it out?
« Reply #4 on: January 16, 2012, 06:22:53 PM »
Honestly? Any HIV test over this specific event would be, in my opinion, a waste of time and energy (you will, no doubt, be worrying until/during the process).

What I might recommend is that, as a sexually active person, you begin having regular STD testing done which INCLUDE an HIV test. Twice a year, if you can afford it, but once a year minimum. That way you can be assured of your status going forward.

Moreover, if you begin this habit, then the notion of an HIV test will not be the burden it seems to be to so many people - as if getting tested was, in some way, a punishment for sexual activity. Rather than some hand-wringing awful stress, it's another in a battery of routine tests that you get done once (or twice) a year.

What you need to understand, however, is that though HIV is not an easy virus to acquire, other STDs are MUCH more easy to transmit. Including syphilis, which shares the three month testing window with HIV. And like HIV, syphilis can show few if any noticeable initial symptoms (the chancre might be inside your mouth, for example, and utterly painless). And like HIV, syphilis can be devastating, even lethal, if untreated.

Quite often on this site we see people obsess over HIV (and the HIV test) to the point where other STDs are not even CONSIDERED. So they get an HIV test, not a full STD panel - and another STD (like syphilis) goes untreated. Please don't be that person. Of all the things to lose your sight/hearing/sanity/life to, something as easy to treat as primary syphilis? That's a tragedy.

So why not just wait three months and then get that STD panel done? Not that you need an HIV test over the incident as you describe it, but because it's an important part of being a responsible sexually active person.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Ann

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Re: worried sick - how long should i wait it out?
« Reply #5 on: January 17, 2012, 04:27:48 AM »
Daniella,

I totally agree with Rodney and JK that this is not an hiv situation.

I also particularly agree with JK's discussion of other STIs being more easily transmitted and can be present with no obvious symptoms. While frottage is not a risk for hiv infection, it IS a risk for herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea and chlamydia.

In addition to syphilis, chlamydia and gonorrhea can also be present with no obvious symptoms. I urge you to get checked for these. Chlamydia in particular - unnoticed and therefore untreated chlamydia is one of the leading causes of infertility in women. It can cause scar tissue to form in your fallopian tubes, which prevents conception. Great if you don't ever want children, but devastating when you do.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

ALTHOUGH YOU DO NOT NEED TO TEST FOR HIV OVER THIS SPECIFIC SITUATION, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline danielacc80

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Re: worried sick - how long should i wait it out?
« Reply #6 on: January 17, 2012, 06:39:17 AM »
Thanks guys (and gal) for your advice, i really appreciate it. I will wait another 2 months and have the full std panel done. I was thinking about syphilis anyway as when i got tested last year i was only about 5 weeks post exposure and got the all-clear and the clinic told me i was good to go. Obviously i re-tested for hiv at 4months just to be safe, but the syphilis thing nagged me (i wasn't completely sure what the window period was, but i suspected it was more than 5 weeks) - so now at least when i next test i can put my mind at rest over the whole lot. i do find it a bit disturbing that a clinic can give you the all-clear when you're still in the window period though... maybe they don't see much syphillis, but that's no excuse really! At least you guys know what you're talking about! Thanks again, daniela

Offline Ann

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Re: worried sick - how long should i wait it out?
« Reply #7 on: January 17, 2012, 09:09:08 AM »
Daniella,

You do not need to retest at four months. Three months is conclusive.

In fact, the vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by six WEEKS, with the average time to seroconversion being only 22 days. A six week negative is highly unlikely to change, but must be confirmed at the three month point.

You did not have a risk for hiv infection anyway, so an hiv test for you at any time will be conclusive.

Syphilis shares a three month testing window period with hiv and like hiv, a positive will normally show up much earlier than three months. Three months is for a conclusive negative.

You should NOT wait two months to be checked for infections like chlamydia and gonorrhea. If you do have asymptomatic (without symptoms) chlamydia for example, it will be silently doing damage while you're untreated. Most STIs can be checked for ten days to two weeks following an incident. Hiv and syphilis are the main exceptions.

Ann
« Last Edit: January 17, 2012, 09:10:42 AM by Ann »
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline danielacc80

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Re: worried sick - how long should i wait it out?
« Reply #8 on: January 24, 2012, 04:48:01 AM »
Hi - i went and got tested for chlam + gon yesterday and got the all-clear. The HIV thing is still bothering me though as I am not 100% sure that penetration did not occur (but ejaculation definitely did not occur). If i wait until 6 weeks the clinic say the rapid test they use is pretty much conclusive - it's an antibody+antigen one, called determine combi or something - but they don't think i really need to test. I think i do though - for peace of mind. Thanks for your advice, and ann, i do want babies at some point so thank you for kicking me up the butt about the chlam test!

Offline RapidRod

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Re: worried sick - how long should i wait it out?
« Reply #9 on: January 24, 2012, 04:52:01 AM »
Hi - i went and got tested for chlam + gon yesterday and got the all-clear. The HIV thing is still bothering me though as I am not 100% sure that penetration did not occur (but ejaculation definitely did not occur). If i wait until 6 weeks the clinic say the rapid test they use is pretty much conclusive - it's an antibody+antigen one, called determine combi or something - but they don't think i really need to test. I think i do though - for peace of mind. Thanks for your advice, and ann, i do want babies at some point so thank you for kicking me up the butt about the chlam test!
All tests are conclusive at 3 months.

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: worried sick - how long should i wait it out?
« Reply #10 on: January 24, 2012, 09:40:02 AM »
Daniela,

A six week negative is highly unlikely to change, but must be confirmed at the three month point - where there has been an actual risk. I don't believe you have had a risk. If you had been penetrated, you would have known.

I'm glad to hear you had the other tests. Make getting a complete sexual health check up a once or twice yearly routine, just like going for dental check ups. You may not have a toothache, but you go anyway.

Ann
« Last Edit: January 24, 2012, 09:44:21 AM by Ann »
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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