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Author Topic: Evolution of my First Three Weeks  (Read 2208 times)

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Offline SetList

  • Member
  • Posts: 10
  • Year One: Dealing
Evolution of my First Three Weeks
« on: January 12, 2012, 11:12:36 AM »
DAY 1: Preliminary positive, Rapid Elisa test.  I took the news very hard, and I almost passed out.  I spent the next 24 hours in bed, panicked, crying and shaking.  Bad, bad day.  One of the worst ever.

WEEK 1: Researched, researched, researched until my eyes were bloodshot.  At first I mostly looked for "false positive" stats.  I partly searched for what I need to do if my Western Blot confirms I'm pos.  Very anxious, sad, depressed & felt extreme guilt.

WEEK 2: Better each day.  Started getting proactive.  Although the testing center told me to wait on confirmation to set up doctor's appointments I found this advice to be bad.  DONT LEAVE YOUR HEALTH UP TO TESTING CENTER!  I called a General Practitioner with an HIV background, a consoler and a Specialist.  I got things on the books with all three even though my confirmation wasn't back.

WEEK 3: Confirmation came in positive.  It still feels surreal to write that.  However, I realize I'm still ME.  And I believe all the materials and research that tell me if I take meds and take good care of myself I will be fine.

BLOOD TESTS:  I had a doctor's appointment the very next day after my confirmation.  He has ordered a long list of blood work for me for Friday.  I don't think I'll have much blood left!!

I have another counseling session in a week.  And in two weeks I'll meet with the doc about my blood results to think over treatment.

I still haven't told anyone, and I am OK with that.  I'm still processing and have heard great advice that I need to be emotionally strong before I put this news on someone who cares about me.  That will come as needed, and it is something I will work out in counseling.  I feel I'm still "me" and I am hopeful I won't have a med-resistant strain and my numbers will come back in good order.  Sure wish I'd make "elite controller" status.

Offline wolfter

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,028
Re: Evolution of my First Three Weeks
« Reply #1 on: January 12, 2012, 11:21:08 AM »
Welcome to the forums.  You're dealing with a lot but it sounds you're on the correct path.  There will be varying opinions about disclosure.  I'm from the old days where non disclosure was immediately preached.  I personally feel it's important to grasp everything before making a rash decision.  You can always disclose later, but you can NEVER undisclose.

Take care and best wishes. 

Wolfie
Judging someone does not define them, it defines you. 

True peace is not merely the absence of war, it is the presence of justice.

Offline Joe K

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 3,180
  • 30 Years Poz
Re: Evolution of my First Three Weeks
« Reply #2 on: January 12, 2012, 12:24:00 PM »
I still haven't told anyone, and I am OK with that.  I'm still processing and have heard great advice that I need to be emotionally strong before I put this news on someone who cares about me.  That will come as needed, and it is something I will work out in counseling.  I feel I'm still "me" and I am hopeful I won't have a med-resistant strain and my numbers will come back in good order.  Sure wish I'd make "elite controller" status.

Hey Set,

Sorry to hear you are poz but welcome to the forums.  There is a wealth of information and experience here so feel free to discuss any issues you may have.  That being said, I wish to offer you some food for thought.  Becoming poz is one of the hardest challenges you will ever face in life.  It will affect virtually every aspect of your life, not always for the bad, however it will be a part of you forever.  Adjusting to becoming poz is a unique journey for each of us and many times it is much easier to make this journey with others.  People who care for us, do just that, they care for us.  Imagine how you might feel if someone close to you, faced such a situation and did not tell you, for fear of hurting your feelings.

I'm not suggesting that you must tell someone right now, however you may want to do so, because there are times when the challenges of life are too large for any one person to bear.  The idea of support is to help each other overcome obstacles and tough times.  Nobody can prepare us for becoming poz, just as you cannot prepare to contract cancer.  It's normal to feel powerless and hopeless at times like these and while the emotions are not present today, they will emerge, they always do.  That's why it's important to realize there are people who can help you.  Yes they may be shocked, but if they truly care for you, they will stand beside you.

A funny thing about family and friends is that we never know how powerful they can be, until we ask.  Seeking support is not a sign of weakness, rather of great strength.  Acknowledging that there are things we cannot handle alone, allows us to lean on others and it's what families and friends do best.  Take your time in making any decisions, but don't deprive yourself of the support you may want, because you are underestimating the power of those who care for you.

Joe
Life is what happens, when you are busy making other plans.

Though you may be only one person in the entire world, to one person, you may be the entire world.

I wish to become half the man, that my dog thinks I am.

Remember me with simple acts of kindness and I will live forever.

Offline Rhaegar

  • Member
  • Posts: 99
Re: Evolution of my First Three Weeks
« Reply #3 on: January 14, 2012, 10:34:25 AM »
First things first, you're going to be okay.  *hugs*

I went through almost the same thing back in May.  You're doing everything you're supposed to be doing right now, so kudos to you for being proactive.  The hard part is waiting for labs and what your plan of care will be.  Even if you do have a resistant strain there different first-line drug treatments, assuming you even have to start medication.

As for not telling anyone, that's okay too.  At some point it might be therapeutic to tell a close friend.  Having someone to lean on that knows you can definitely help.  Until then, definitely use the counseling sessions.

Best of luck, and welcome.

-Kevin
05/19/2011: Diagnosed.  CD4 159   VL 284,000.
04/29/2013:  CD4 789,   VL <20

Offline spacebarsux

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,350
  • Survival of the Fittest
Re: Evolution of my First Three Weeks
« Reply #4 on: January 14, 2012, 03:03:27 PM »
Hi Setlist,

Sorry you tested poz. You've already got some great advice.

I tested pos a year ago. It takes time to come to terms with everything and just allow yourself that time. You are still "you" and that's never going to change. In time, the HIV that you might think is imprinted on your forehead and in your thoughts will gradually dissipate and things will resume to a 'new normal'.

Take your time with disclosure but don't keep it bottled up longer than necessary. The main question I'd ask myself prior to disclosing (other than in a sexual/relationship setting) is: How will I stand do gain by disclosing to Mr. X or Ms. Y ?

Best
Infected-  2005 or early 2006; Diagnosed- Jan 28th, 2011; Feb '11- CD4 754 @34%, VL- 39K; July '11- CD4 907@26%,  VL-81K; Feb '12- CD4 713 @31%, VL- 41K, Nov '12- CD4- 827@31%

 


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