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Author Topic: My Story  (Read 4283 times)

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Offline deccco

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My Story
« on: January 09, 2012, 01:24:23 PM »
Hi everyone. I just want to post my story and see what some of the experts think.

I am male. I am in a monogonous relationship with my girlfriend and was STI clean (and so is she) up until about 3 weeks ago. Myself and my gf were going through a rough patch and I did something I will regret til the day I die. I had unprotected oral sex with a TS CSW and had protected anal sex (I was the insertive partner). The condom did not fail. The TS did not ejaculate in my mouth and the oral may have lasted about 5-10mins. About 5 days after I had a sore throat (left side of my throat was sore when swallowing) and was slightly clammy in bed for a few nights. Looking back now I am fairly sure that the TS had HIV as i noticed that he/she wore a glove on her/hand and seem to cover some lesion which was dark and looked like Karposi Sarcoma. Also I have read that that particulat TS takes cum in the mouth so obviously isn't risk adverse. I am completely destroyed over this incident and cannot come to terms with my stupid selfish behaviour. I went to the Dr today (24 days post exposure) and he took some blood samples and did the full sti panel. All clear so far but am waiting for the blood results back on friday. However, before I realised how risky I had been (I was completely naive about HIV modes of transmission until I started reading about it on the internet) I had protected sex with my gf 1 week after my incident. I thought i had no chance of an infection after reading on this site and medhelp. The following week I had unprotected sex with my gf (i did not ejaculate). But immdeiately after it she didn't feel well and then vomited. She felt like she'd been hit by a train. This is the moment I realised I had done something so terrible. I started to retch at the thought that I have given her HIV. I am so ashamed. I began reading on the internet that you are most infectious in the first 6 weeks and I think I have just infected the woman I love. I am devastated. She was still sick the next day and it wasn't until the eveing time that she began to feel somewhat ok. A week after this she told me she had an inflammed lymph node in her arm pit. I am at my wits end. I cannot believe I have ruined her life and mine and destoyed our families.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I have read through may posts by Andy, Ann, Rapidrod, and others re the risk of transmission. Even the doctor said it was low risk and would be a rare event, but I just have a sinking feeling that I have contracted HIV through my foolish behaviour 3 weeks ago.
« Last Edit: January 09, 2012, 01:27:07 PM by deccco »

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: My Story
« Reply #1 on: January 09, 2012, 03:41:14 PM »
Dec, you are putting a lot of bits and pieces together to further your fears and all with no basis in HIV science. Your saliva has over a dozen elements and proteins which very effectively prevent the transmision of viable HIV.

The ONLY confirmed risks for the sexual transmission of HIV are unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse. That's it. As long as condoms are used consistently for those activities you will be well protected.

Stopy surfing the net. It will only feed your fears and all to no good purpose.

You did not have a risk for HIV and there is no need for testing. As for your gf, you can't give her a virus you don't have. If she is still unwell she should discuss it with her doctor.

This is NOT an HIV situation. Period. 
Andy Velez

Offline deccco

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Re: My Story
« Reply #2 on: January 10, 2012, 12:58:03 PM »
Thanks for the reply Andy. It was somewhat comforting last night.

However today I have noticed some numbness/irritation in my groin (lymph nodes). I cannot get over the fact that I've ruined everything for her. I spend my time crying in my car travelling to and from work. I am 100% certain that I have contracted HIV. I am really struggling to see any light here at all. Its devastating. I just cant help thinking about every dream my gf has will be extinguished from now on. I am so ashamed.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: My Story
« Reply #3 on: January 10, 2012, 02:04:52 PM »
You have absolutely no basis for concern about HIV. Zero. Zilch. None! Really.

This is about guilt and shame, which are of course powerful forces of their own. You did what you did and you can't undo it. It is not a testament to your higher character to beat up on yourself. Giving that up and getting on with your life is the best thing you can do for all concerned. No kidding.
Andy Velez

Offline deccco

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Re: My Story
« Reply #4 on: January 11, 2012, 12:45:39 PM »
I know Andy you are trying to be considerate in your repsonse but I just know myself that this is it. There are too many signs for it to be a coincidence. The numbness in my groin has persisted today with the odd pang from under my jaw and armpit. I was perfectly healthy before this and so was my gf. She is feeling fine at the moment but it is only 11 days post exposure for her. The next two weeks she will start to show signs too. I'm sure of it. I am going to be the statistic of 1 in 10000 for oral exposure. Its completely crushing.

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: My Story
« Reply #5 on: January 11, 2012, 12:52:22 PM »
Andy was not being "considerate. "

He was being accurate.

This is not an HIV situation.
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline deccco

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Re: My Story
« Reply #6 on: January 11, 2012, 12:59:28 PM »
Andy was not being "considerate. "

He was being accurate.

This is not an HIV situation.

I sincerely hope you are right. The consequences otherwise for the life of my gf and I are just too horrendous to even think about. The night she vomited I thought about telling her everything and rushing her to the ER to go on PEP but decided against it becuase on here and medhelp they say there is no risk from oral. I will get my 3 week blood results back on friday. I know thats too early to be definitive but it could be encouraging or disastrous.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: My Story
« Reply #7 on: January 11, 2012, 01:11:39 PM »
I don't see that we can do anything further for you in this setting. You did not have a risk for HIV. Period.

Testing is strictly for your peace of mind and hopefully the inevitable negative result will give that to you.
Andy Velez

Offline deccco

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Re: My Story
« Reply #8 on: January 11, 2012, 01:15:48 PM »
I don't see that we can do anything further for you in this setting. You did not have a risk for HIV. Period.

Testing is strictly for your peace of mind and hopefully the inevitable negative result will give that to you.

Thanks Andy. I hope so too. I will report back on Friday.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: My Story
« Reply #9 on: January 11, 2012, 02:21:41 PM »
OK. I don't have to wish you luck because I expect you to test negative.
Andy Velez

Offline deccco

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Re: My Story
« Reply #10 on: January 13, 2012, 12:39:09 PM »
OK. I don't have to wish you luck because I expect you to test negative.

Got my results back today. All negative. Thats 23/24 days post exposure. Too early still but a tiny bit encouraging. I'm going back at the 6 week mark to get tested then. The pain in my right groin has persisted and is starting to freak me out completely. The next 2 weeks are going to be horrendous as I wait and watch for the inevitable signs in my gf. This is without a doubt the toughest time I've ever experienced in my whole life. Its incredibly depressing.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: My Story
« Reply #11 on: January 13, 2012, 02:39:14 PM »
I'm not expecting anything other than continuing negative results for you. Period.
Andy Velez

Offline deccco

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Re: My Story
« Reply #12 on: January 21, 2012, 09:06:49 AM »
Just an update. The pain in my groin has persisted but is not as frequent as before. I still get the odd pain in other lymph node areas. My gf told me last week that she thought she was developing some thrush. Today she has had cold like symptoms and doesn't feel great (exactly 3 weeks post exposure!). I'm nearly at breaking point with worry. There is way too many things going on for it all to be a coincidence.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: My Story
« Reply #13 on: January 21, 2012, 09:18:44 AM »
Just an update. The pain in my groin has persisted but is not as frequent as before. I still get the odd pain in other lymph node areas. My gf told me last week that she thought she was developing some thrush. Today she has had cold like symptoms and doesn't feel great (exactly 3 weeks post exposure!). I'm nearly at breaking point with worry. There is way too many things going on for it all to be a coincidence.
If you are concerned about your signs and symptoms see your doctor, you do not have an HIV concern.

Offline deccco

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Re: My Story
« Reply #14 on: January 31, 2012, 12:43:16 PM »
I've decided now against going for a 6 week test. If I am going to get bad news I want to put it off til the 3 month mark. At least then the result will be definitive.

The pain in my groin seems to have completely eased and I only get the odd sharp pain in other lymph node areas (armpit, chest, behind ear/back of jaw).

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: My Story
« Reply #15 on: January 31, 2012, 05:40:35 PM »
Yes, and this is still NOT an HIV situation. Period.
Andy Velez

Offline deccco

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  • Posts: 12
Re: My Story
« Reply #16 on: February 11, 2012, 05:33:12 AM »
Well its 8 weeks post exposure now. Another 4 to go before I test again. I still get shooting pains in my armpits and under my jaw and along my neck every now and then but other than that I'm physically feeling ok. Mentally, I'm exhausted with worry and anxiety.

Its 6 weeks post exposure for my gf and she's been having sporadic headaches, some nausea and dizziness, fatigue and also a bout of bad skin which is unusual for her. She's also complained of a pain in her abdomen every couple of days, which again is freaking me out.

Despite what has been said to me here I still can't escape from the feeling that I've contracted Hiv and passed it onto my gf. There is so much conflicting evidence out there regarding oral. My living hell continues.

I have become more aware of this disease and the struggle people go through with it (something I was completely ignorant of) and the complications scientists and the medical profession have with developing a vaccine and cure. It has been an eye opener to say the least and my thoughts and prayers are with everybody involved.
« Last Edit: February 11, 2012, 05:35:08 AM by deccco »

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
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Re: My Story
« Reply #17 on: February 11, 2012, 07:16:09 AM »
Dec,

None of your symptoms and none of your gf's symptoms are in any way hiv specific. In fact, they sound nothing like seroconversion illness. For a start, both you and your gf started feeling unwell far too soon for it to have been seroconversion. It normally takes at least two weeks to develop - NOT five days or immediately. Besides, many, many people never have a single symptom of seroconversion. Symptoms or even the lack of symptoms will ever tell you a single thing about your hiv status.

Feelings are not facts and the facts in your case is that you have not had a risk for hiv infection. Don't be surprised when you get another negative result.

If you read the Welcome Thread before posting like you're supposed to, you will have read the following posting guideline:

Quote

Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.


Please consider yourself warned!

Feel free to come back to report your next negative result, but don't expect to use this site in the mean-time to wring your hands over this no risk situation. If both or either of you continue to feel unwell, go see a doctor to find out what is going on. It's not hiv.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline deccco

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Re: My Story
« Reply #18 on: February 14, 2012, 12:24:02 PM »
Dec,


Feel free to come back to report your next negative result, but don't expect to use this site in the mean-time to wring your hands over this no risk situation. If both or either of you continue to feel unwell, go see a doctor to find out what is going on. It's not hiv.

Ann

Ann,

I actually now think that my sore throat was a run of the mill sore throat but the pain that started in my abdomen and lymph node areas is the seroconersion process. My gf sickness on the night of her exposure was imo due to being infected while I was in the window period (when the viral load reaches very high levels) and her having an adverse reaction to this exposure to such a high level of the virus. Her seroconverison occured 3 weeks later when she had a strange cold for a day.  Anyway this is all conjecture on my part until I get that final test result.

I'm sorry for infringing on the site rules and will not post again until I get a conclusive result at 3 months (about 4 weeks from now).

Again my sincere apologies.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: My Story
« Reply #19 on: February 14, 2012, 12:32:17 PM »
dec,

Why do you keep telling us about your symptoms when we can't do a damn thing about them? We can't diagnose them and we can't fix them either.

I know someone who CAN diagnose and fix you though - YOUR DOCTOR. Go see him or her. NOW. Whatever is going on has nothing to do with hiv.

For the last time, you did NOT have a risk for hiv infection.

I'm giving you that time out you've been warned about. Do not attempt to create a new account to get around your time out because if you do, you will be permanently banned.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline jkinatl2

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  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: My Story
« Reply #20 on: February 14, 2012, 12:35:06 PM »
How can you seroconvert is you have not had a risk for HIV? Is there something you have not told us?

Unless there is, I cannot imagine the moderators of this forum are going to continue to let you go on and on about a virus that you can NOT possibly have.

And I cannot imagine you will have your hand held through the three month process of testing for a virus that you could not possibly acquire through the details you provided in your first post.

I understand you have guilt over straying. But HIV is not a punishment for doing morally questionable things. It is a pathogen. Honestly, it's a bit insulting to those of us with the virus that you would think that.

PLEASE talk about this irrational fear with someone trained to counsel you. I can assure you that we can't provide that service here in these forums.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline deccco

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Re: My Story
« Reply #21 on: March 14, 2012, 03:20:11 PM »
Went for my 3 month tests (87 days) on Monday. The results should be back on Friday. Will report back then.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: My Story
« Reply #22 on: March 14, 2012, 09:21:55 PM »
Since despite your worrying, you didn't have a risk, there's no reason to expect other than a negative result.
Andy Velez

Offline deccco

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Re: My Story
« Reply #23 on: March 16, 2012, 12:38:26 PM »
Results back today. All negative!!! I'm in a state of shock to be honest. I had completely convinced myself that I had contracted HIV. I'm a little bit confused also. All the weird symtoms I had (and my gf) are baffling me a bit right now.

I wish to apologise to Andy, Ann, Rod and JK for doubting your advice to me. I was so overwhelmed by the stupidity of my actions I obviously wasn't thinking right and had entered a permanent state of panic.

Now, I have to rebuild my mental health. The last 3 months have been the most traumatic and terrifying of my life. To the above mentioned mods I wish to say a sincere thankyou for the time you took to read my posts and respond with accurate information and encouragement. You are all people to be admired and supported. I wish you all the best into the future and long and happy lives. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

This whole epsiode for me has made me reflect on the course of my life and I intend to make the most of every day from now. My outlook on life has completely changed. I've learned so much about HIV over the last 3 months that I plan to get involved and contribute as best as I can towards eventually developing a cure . For now, goodbye and thankyou.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: My Story
« Reply #24 on: March 16, 2012, 01:20:43 PM »
It's always good to get a negative result even when as in this case it was totally to be expected.

Get on with your life. Good luck to you.
Andy Velez

 


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