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Author Topic: A Very Happy and Luminous New Year Everybody  (Read 1435 times)

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Offline spacebarsux

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,350
  • Survival of the Fittest
A Very Happy and Luminous New Year Everybody
« on: December 31, 2011, 08:06:00 AM »
I have something to say, something before the clock strikes midnight on this last day of this fateful year. Up until a few months ago, I was utterly convinced that 2011 was the worst year I could possibly breathe through in this life. It altered my blood, changed my goals, transformed my soul, in my eyes. My purpose, bent out of recognition, forever. An undying nightmare, an alternate existence.

It all flashed before me. Everything I Was, Everything I Dreamt of, Everything I Wanted, Everything I Aspired to Be and Dreams I Could Now Dare Not Dream, The Eternally Unsatisfied Wants, Every Peak I Knew I Could Never Reach, Everything I Knew I Would Never Be.

As the year 2011 starting inching towards conclusion, something stirred in me which made me think that perhaps I was mistaken somewhere. Perhaps I was wrong. Perhaps God had charted a grander plan for me, much grander and more purposeful than the bounds of my mind could ever conjure up. It does presently seem so, for before the sun set on the year 2011, I stumbled upon an ancient gem whose light was so wholly snuffed out by the creeping darkness that Iíd forgotten where it resided. Its flame extinguished.

From the moment I discovered its presence, the gem ignited and its bright embers started to come alive, in the year 2011. In the same year it began to radiate with vigour and light, carefully nurtured by my warmth. It started to beam with an optimistic heat that it didnít know its heart possessed. And its rays warmed my core, never failed in rescuing me if I ever got trapped in a dark abyss. Yes, this happened in 2011 too.

I always believed that no God could ever be so unkind to saddle someone with a monumental problem without bestowing the matching strength to fight it. I always hoped I was right about this. Perhaps I am. Perhaps the gem was only meant to glow its power when the darkness swallowed it raw and whole, like it did this year. But I suspect there is something more telling I learnt about myself whilst engulfed in the dark cloud. Maybe, just maybe, somewhere deep down the gem knew that it needed stirring warm rays to fall on it from the outside, from other gems who shared the same dark space, in order for its true beauty to sparkle.

Perhaps Destiny put me in this darkness because he had envisioned that Iíd find other sparkling jewels to guide me through the shade. Perhaps it was written, that their  brilliance would shine on me to remind me of the space I inhabit in this world, and likewise that only when my heartís torch would shed my innate fire on other souls swimming in the black, could my gem shimmer like a beautiful star in the stony night.

So you see, I was mistaken about 2011 being a uniformly bad year, for it cannot be. It cannot, because it was also the year in which I discovered there was a gem that lay at my core from which I derived strength and a new character.

Maybe God knew we would find each other in the hopeless night. Maybe he put us both there to remind each of us, we held deep within us, luminous light. A bright oasis in the black desert. Maybe he knew we needed one another to remind us we contained in us, the fight and toughness to survive. And we did precisely that. Yes, that was also 2011.

I hope my gem keeps burning, and so does the source of its light.

And I wish the same for all of us for many many more years.

A Very Happy and Luminous New Year Everybody.

Infected-  2005 or early 2006; Diagnosed- Jan 28th, 2011; Feb '11- CD4 754 @34%, VL- 39K; July '11- CD4 907@26%,  VL-81K; Feb '12- CD4 713 @31%, VL- 41K, Nov '12- CD4- 827@31%

Offline J.R.E.

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,497
  • Joined Dec-2003 Living positive, since 1985.
Re: A Very Happy and Luminous New Year Everybody
« Reply #1 on: December 31, 2011, 08:43:41 AM »

Awesome,  Wonderful post !!  Happy New year to you also, and to all the members / Staff of Aidsmeds forums, and their families.

Current Meds ; Viramune, Epzicom, 40mg of simvastatin, 25 mg of Hydrochlorothiazide.
Metoprolol tartrate 25mg






Diagnosed positive in 1985,.. In October of 2003, My t-cell count was 16, Viral load was over 500,000, Percentage at that time was 5%. I started on  HAART on October 24th, 2003.

 As of 9/16/16,  t-cells are at 501,   Viral load remains <40

Current % is at 12%

 64 years young.

Offline phildinftlaudy

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  • sweet Ann what you think babe...
Re: A Very Happy and Luminous New Year Everybody
« Reply #2 on: December 31, 2011, 10:55:05 AM »
Great post!

May everyone safe, healthy, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

I may journey down to South Beach to partake in some early activities - but will definitely be back before darkness falls (as there are too many crazy people out and about and I have not gone through everything I have with HIV to be struck down by a bullet falling out of the sky that some ignorant party-goer who has no clue as to how gravity works has decided to shoot up into the night sky as part of their misguided revelry -- because, unfortunately, that is how these fools roll in Miami)

-Have a Happy One!

Phil D. (who shall proudly take his "to have chronic Hep B or to not have chronic Hep B self to South Beach and scream it out loudly in hopes of scaring people away and finding a convenient parking space  ;)   )
September 13, 2008 - diagnosed +
Date    CD4    %   VL     Date  CD4  %   VL
10/08  636    35  510   9/09 473  38 2900  12/4/09 Atripla
12/09  540    30    60   
12/10  740    41  <48   
8/11    667    36  <20  
03/12  1,041  42  <20
05/12  1,241  47  <20
08/12   780    37  <20
11/12   549    35  <20
02/12  1,102  42  <20
11/12   549    35  <20

Offline denb45

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  • Posts: 5,053
  • "1987 Classic Old School POZ+"
Re: A Very Happy and Luminous New Year Everybody
« Reply #3 on: December 31, 2011, 11:00:48 AM »

I'm gonna hide in my bed-room with steel skillet on my head, dam stupid people pooping off all their hand-guns @ midnight, you'd think they would understand that what go's up must come down somewhere  >:(
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline Since2005

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  • Posts: 430
Re: A Very Happy and Luminous New Year Everybody
« Reply #4 on: December 31, 2011, 02:47:23 PM »
A very Happy New Year to the forums family!!

Offline sevillano

  • Member
  • Posts: 43
Re: A Very Happy and Luminous New Year Everybody
« Reply #5 on: January 02, 2012, 12:37:25 PM »
Hmmmm.. ;D a question..is it me that gem you are talking about????
dec 2010       - tested neg
22.01.2011    - infection
10.02.2011    - tested poz (test of 4th generation)
18.02.2011    - ELISA test poz
                    - VL: 5 mio
                    - CD4: 421 (19 %)
                    - CD3: 1709 (78%)
                    - CD8: 1267 (58%)
may 2011 - CD4: 428 (21%)
                  VL: 250 000
august 2011 - CD4: 398 (24%)
                      VL: 50 000
november 2011 - CD4: 320 (24%)
                           VL: 134 000
09.12.2011 - CD4: 284 (26%)
16.12.2011 - started TRUVADA/REYATAZ/NORVIR
16.3.2012 - CD4: 373 (25%), VL: 459

Offline spacebarsux

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  • Posts: 1,350
  • Survival of the Fittest
Re: A Very Happy and Luminous New Year Everybody
« Reply #6 on: January 02, 2012, 01:42:11 PM »
Hmmmm.. ;D a question..is it me that gem you are talking about????

Slavic "studs" can be quite hot, I reckon. LOL   ;)
Infected-  2005 or early 2006; Diagnosed- Jan 28th, 2011; Feb '11- CD4 754 @34%, VL- 39K; July '11- CD4 907@26%,  VL-81K; Feb '12- CD4 713 @31%, VL- 41K, Nov '12- CD4- 827@31%


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