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Author Topic: Please help I think I screwed up majorly  (Read 2418 times)

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Offline cinnabunny1

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Please help I think I screwed up majorly
« on: December 21, 2011, 06:00:09 PM »
Hi everyone, where do I start. Well I am married-about 3 years I had an affair with someone I met online. It's something I regret everyday and now I am sure I have a good reason to feel regret. I did not know his status but never thought anything of it. We had unprotected sex once where he ejaculated in me. I was incredibly stupid. Afterwards when I went to the bathroom I noticed I was bleeding but again at the time I didn't think of the possibility he might have HIV. I ended things with him shortly afterward(but not soon enough because my husband found out). About 7 weeks after the unprotected sex I had a rash on both sides of my chin, which were small and flat and resembled perioral dermatitis(the rash didn't spread anywhere else but my chin). I thought at the time I might have had an allergic reaction to the face cream I was using. I didn't have any other ARS symptoms. It wasn't until sometime later that I started to worry about being infected. I've had problems such as occasional swollen glands, pain in the back of the throat whenever I'd swallow, mouth ulcers, a bad cough that took forever to go away, rashes on my lower arms, swollen salivary glands, over the past 3 years. This year though I have felt fine except for protein in my urine and also I recently had a UTI.

Here is where is gets bad though. I got pregnant at the beginning of the year. I was nervous about the prenatal bloodwork because I knew I might be infected. I remember when the lady took my blood I just signed the consent form for HIV without bothering to read it. I work 3rd shift and 2 days later my husband woke me up to tell me I was supposed to call my doctor back. Now from what I remember he told me it was someone from the lab that called but what he made it sound like was that I was supposed to talk to my doctor. At the time I was not aware of the fact that HIV status is kept confidential. So I called my doctor and talked to her nurse who informed me that everything on the bloodwork came back normal. She said she didn't know why the person from the lab called, "she must not have realized you were a prenatal patient", is what she told me. So I went through the rest of my pregnancy with enormous relief.

Well I gave birth and had a vaginal delivery, I needed assistance and they broke my bag of water and used a vacuum to get my son out. After I left the hospital and looked through my discharge papers, I saw my bloodwork was on there and my HIV status was left blank. No negative or positive on there. That's when I started to wonder. I started to look online and that's when I learned about confidentiality with HIV results. I am so scared that I have infected my son and my husband. I wonder if I was supposed to talk to the person in the lab because I tested  positive. However she never called me back. Wouldn't they have made sure that someone talked to me over something serious like this? From what I've read, certain people do find out a person's status, like health care providers. Does that include gynocologists? Or do they rely on pregnant women to inform their gynos themselves if they are positive? Do they do both the ELISA and western blot tests to confirm a positive diagnosis at the same time with prenatal bloodwork, or do they call you back to get another test and then inform the doctor if you are positive? Anyone know? I have no idea how it works or what to think and do.

I also got a call from a nurse from the health care department inquiring about my son and his birth, she offered to do a weight check and water testing. She said she does that for most pregnant women in the county, but that made me wonder if I tested positive and they sent my name to the HD. However when I checked the state HIV surveillance report on the website there were no new cases in my county reported for the year.

As I said I have no idea what to think. I don't know what to do. I could never forgive myself if I infected my son and my husband, but I don't want to say anything unless I know for sure I am positive. It just breaks my heart because of my son possibly being infected when it was something that could of easily been prevented. I know the prognosis for children with HIV is much worse than it is for adults. I just don't know how I could live with myself when he could be healthy had I not been so stupid and careless. I also want to keep this secret from everyone including our families and relatives. My mom has enough to deal with emotionally because her brother has terminal cancer, and my dad has heart problems. My husband's family, well, I'm worried what they'll do to me because they don't like me and they are not exactly the nicest people. I can't rely on my husband though to be discreet-he has a horrible temper and when he found out I was cheating on him, not only did he tell my parents and his whole family but he even posted our marital problems on Myspace for everyone to see. I'm really in a bind here and could use some advice.  :'( :-\

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Please help I think I screwed up majorly
« Reply #1 on: December 21, 2011, 06:02:44 PM »
They don't do an HIV test at all without your knowledge. You can test at anytime and your results will be conclusive.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Please help I think I screwed up majorly
« Reply #2 on: December 21, 2011, 08:32:22 PM »
I agree with Rod. Stop worrying and wondering. Just get tested and resolve the issue. You may very well be worrying needlessly. Given what you have reported I think you would have been told if you tested positive. But get tested because HIV status is never something to guess about.

Keep us posted. Good luck.
Andy Velez

Offline cinnabunny1

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Re: Please help I think I screwed up majorly
« Reply #3 on: December 22, 2011, 08:31:21 AM »
I should of been more specific, they did test for HIV when I did the prenatal bloodwork. I knew I was getting tested for HIV and that was what the consent form was for, I just didn't read it.
That's why I was wondering what the likelihood it was that they were calling me back to tell me I'm positive. They did tell me they wouldn't call unless the results were abnormal, but the lady never called me back and as I said I didn't think to specifically ask for her when I called back because I thought the nurse would have the result. I just wonder with something like that if she would of called me back the next day after not hearing from me.
I do want to get tested again to be sure but I am not sure how to go about it without my husband finding out. What about anonymous testing-can I get tested anonymously for free at the health department? I do remember the name of the lab person who called-would they still have the result for my HIV test if I were to talk to her? It was about 8 or 9 months ago that I had the bloodwork done.
I'm just really scared right now, for what will happen if I am positive, mostly for my son. He was a low birthweight baby and had a small head circumferance, plus he's already been sick and had problems with thrush. If it weren't for a baby being involved I wouldn't be so worried because I know HIV is a treatable disease. I am scared for my son and also my husband. I don't care about what happens to me-I just can't live with myself if they both tested positive.
« Last Edit: December 22, 2011, 08:36:38 AM by cinnabunny1 »

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Please help I think I screwed up majorly
« Reply #4 on: December 22, 2011, 08:34:44 AM »
You are making this situation way more complicated than it has to be. I suspect that maybe because of lingering guilt over your having strayed.

If you had tested positive you would have been told so.

The only reason to re-test at this point is if you want a negative test result to put your mind at ease.
Andy Velez

Offline cinnabunny1

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Re: Please help I think I screwed up majorly
« Reply #5 on: December 22, 2011, 11:02:38 AM »
I just want to make sure there was no misunderstanding...you did read the part where I said they called me back right? It was the lab person who called, I just did not talk to her personally or call her back. Or are you saying my doctor would of known and told me? That's really the one thing I'm wondering is whether or not my gyno would of known the test result. I wouldn't have worried if I hadn't looked at my discharge papers and saw my HIV status was blank.
Sorry if I sound annoying but I don't really understand how HIV confidentiality works with test results, other than only certain people know your status. Of course you would know a lot more than me about this-I really hope that you are right and that I am worrying for nothing.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Please help I think I screwed up majorly
« Reply #6 on: December 22, 2011, 11:07:00 AM »
Of course your doctor would know and again if you were not asked for approval to summit to an HIV test you were not given one.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Please help I think I screwed up majorly
« Reply #7 on: December 22, 2011, 01:06:35 PM »
The only reason to re-test at this point is if you want a negative test result to put your mind at ease.

I don't have anything more to say about your situation.
Andy Velez

Offline cinnabunny1

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Re: Please help I think I screwed up majorly
« Reply #8 on: December 27, 2011, 09:12:50 AM »
Well i left a message with my doctors office to call me back regarding my concerns over my bloodwork and they never called me back. That cant be a good sign because if everything really was normal they wouldnt have a problem sharing that on the phone and from what i heard some doctors have different people break the news to positive patients. Well i will call the nurse who contacted me from the hd to find out. I dont want to go through getting tested again.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Please help I think I screwed up majorly
« Reply #9 on: December 27, 2011, 10:59:30 AM »
Your not having been given a call back just means you haven't gotten a call back. Nothing more and nothing less. You are of course (mis)interpreting everything through your fears.

You are making this situation way more complicated than it has to be. I suspect that maybe because of lingering guilt over your having strayed.

If you had tested positive you would have been told so.

The only reason to re-test at this point is if you want a negative test result to put your mind at ease.
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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Re: Please help I think I screwed up majorly
« Reply #10 on: December 27, 2011, 01:59:28 PM »
Bunny,

Get a grip. Labs and doctor's offices are often backed up during the Christmas/New Year holiday with people who are actually sick. They're not going to break their backs to give you a negative hiv result.

If you had tested positive when you were tested prenatally, believe me, you would have known. Getting you on meds so your baby could be ensured of being born hiv negative would have been made a priority, even possibly to the extent of compromising your privacy.

Please learn from this. There may come a time in future where you once again find yourself in a sexual relationship outside your marriage. And that's fine, you won't get any judgements here. However, make sure the fella is using condoms. No glove, no love, baby!

I'm fully expecting you to test negative. If you were poz, you would have been informed when you were pregnant. Trust me, the treatment of hiv positive pregnant women is always made a priority to protect the baby.

Now relax and enjoy the rest of the holidays.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline cinnabunny1

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Re: Please help I think I screwed up majorly
« Reply #11 on: December 30, 2011, 01:24:23 PM »
Well I got a call from my gynocologist's nurse, and she told me my HIV test result was non-reactive. I know I should put this behind me but I can't help but worry anyway. For one thing she was naming off stuff that I got tested for and said something about CMV, I never got tested for CMV but they did test for herpes-unless that's what she had meant. Also I heard HIV test results generally are not given out on the phone-I just wonder if she either lied, thinking I wasn't who I said I was, or if she was looking at someone elses medical record by mistake.
I also talked to the receptionist in the lab and she never heard of the person who called me all those months ago when I first got tested,  so it wasn't someone from the lab who called it was someone else, so I have no idea who it was that called or why, but my gyno is the sort who has other people call patients for her.
Then there's the whole my HIV status being left off my discharge papers when I came home from the hospital. I don't understand why that was left blank if I'm negative.
Also they just called me back-I had a 6 week post-partum checkup and they did a pap smear. Well it came back slightly abnormal. My understanding is that abnormal pap smears are extremely common in positive women. So they tested me for HPV and that was negative, so they told me technically it's not really abnormal. I don't need to get another one for a year. But it just seems like ever since my affair I've had all these problems with my health that I've never had before.
Ann I know you're probably right I'm sure everything would be done to make sure I was taking care of myself and my baby if I was positive. I know in some areas babies are tested even if the mother refuses an HIV test early in pregnancy. But at the same time when it comes to privacy some people are so gung-ho about it that I can see a negligent mistake being made. 
I know I shouldn't worry but as I said I've had issues with my health ever since my affair and then to top it off with my son's health issues as well.

Offline Ann

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Re: Please help I think I screwed up majorly
« Reply #12 on: December 30, 2011, 02:20:52 PM »
Bunny,

Look. It's simple. If you are worried about your hiv status, go to POZ.com's Health Services Directory, find a testing center near you, go get a rapid test and put this to rest once and for all.

We're not in the business of constantly holding your hand while you fret and try to remember things clearly. Just go test and get it over with.

It's not uncommon for a woman who recently gave birth to have an abnormal PAP result. They're NOT limited to hiv positive women.

I fully expect you to test negative. Just go do it and put yourself out of this guessing game misery.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline cinnabunny1

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Re: Please help I think I screwed up majorly
« Reply #13 on: January 02, 2012, 08:45:55 AM »
Does planned parenthood do free testing? I dont want to have to explain this to my husband. Maybe i am just a hypochondriac. The nurse i talked to on the phone said my result was non reactive but i still worry.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Please help I think I screwed up majorly
« Reply #14 on: January 02, 2012, 09:24:46 AM »
Bunny,

Look. It's simple. If you are worried about your hiv status, go to POZ.com's Health Services Directory, find a testing center near you, go get a rapid test and put this to rest once and for all.

We're not in the business of constantly holding your hand while you fret and try to remember things clearly. Just go test and get it over with.

It's not uncommon for a woman who recently gave birth to have an abnormal PAP result. They're NOT limited to hiv positive women.

I fully expect you to test negative. Just go do it and put yourself out of this guessing game misery.

Ann

Ann has told you what to do. Whether you believe it or not you have tested negative.

It seems to me that your guilt over having strayed is the real issue here, but re-test if you must for your peace of mind. If you have a question about Planned Parenthood's policy, just give them a call.
Andy Velez

Offline cinnabunny1

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Re: Please help I think I screwed up majorly
« Reply #15 on: January 04, 2012, 09:17:30 AM »
I probably dont need to retest. I talked to another nurse from my doctors office, just to verify and she was a bit more helpful, she said the same thing the other one said, that im hiv negative. I feel a bit better now about this. I guess there is no reason for me to keep worrying. I havent had any exposure since before my pregnancy so unless my husband has been messing around i have no reason to worry.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Please help I think I screwed up majorly
« Reply #16 on: January 04, 2012, 09:22:19 AM »
OK. Get on with your life and do whatever you need to do to put this concern behind you.
Andy Velez

 


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