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Author Topic: Broke my cardinal rule  (Read 955 times)

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Offline danh

  • member
  • Posts: 2
Broke my cardinal rule
« on: December 19, 2011, 01:30:04 PM »
So - I'm 45 and never have had unprotected anal sex. On a recent business trip, I broke that rule and topped (unprotected) a guy I've known for the past couple of years. He insists he's negative (I have no reason not to believe him) but today I had a dr appt for a totally unrelated issue and learned I have a Urinary Tract Infection. The first of these I've ever had in my life. Of course, I know this isn't indicative of anything but it's got my mind running wild. I know, based on what I've read on this forum, my risk is low and that I do need to get tested. In the mean time, I'm just freaking and feeling alone. How freaked out should I be?

Offline jkinatl2

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  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: Broke my cardinal rule
« Reply #1 on: December 19, 2011, 02:39:56 PM »
Your risk, though substantial, was lower than if you had been the receptive partner in anal sex. It's still on the higher end of a difficult to pin down scale.

But of course you know that.

As I am sure you are aware, the only way to know your status is to wait out the three months and test for HIV and other STDs, of which syphilis shares that three month window.

There are many things, sexual and not, that can trigger a UTI. It's really not germane to the discussion except maybe for the timing.

What IS germane, however is your statement regarding having no reason to doubt his claim to be negative. Quite often, people simply do not know their status. He might have undergone seroconversion since his last test. He might simply not get tested often. It's not always malice that causes these lapses (i.e. lying about ones' status) but being simply unaware.

Your cardinal rule is a good one. The best way to insure your HIV negative status is to treat every sexual partner as though s/he is HIV positive and wear a condom for penetrative sex. And, of course, the best - and only way - to accurately know your status is to test at the three month period.

A test at six weeks will be all but conclusive, but the three month test remains, for now, the global gold standard.

How freaked out should you be? Hopefully not very. It will make the time pass much more slowly. All I can say is that your Cardinal Rule is a good one.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 24,560
Re: Broke my cardinal rule
« Reply #2 on: December 19, 2011, 04:18:33 PM »
In the future, no matter how well you think you know someone and of their history, whoever is the insertive partner must always be wearing a condom for intercourse. Even well meaning people don't always accurately know their HIV status.

You can only dispense with condoms if and when you find yourself in a securely monogamous relationship and both partners have reliably tested negative together. Otherwise a condom is a must everytime. No exceptions.   

Odds are in your favor you will test negative this time, but HIV is never something to take chances with.
Andy Velez

Offline danh

  • member
  • Posts: 2
Re: Broke my cardinal rule
« Reply #3 on: December 29, 2011, 09:17:42 AM »
Thank you for your responses. I'm really trying not to dwell on this. As it turned out, I did not have a UTI. I do have traces of white blood cells in my urine (Pyuria). Again, I know this is not indicative of HIV but googling suggests it could be indicative of other STDs among over things. And i know having another STD increases transmission rates  I need to follow up with my physician to determine the underlying cause but I'm traveling and haven't had a chance to see him yet. I'm so disappointed in myself for allowing this to happen. Its embarrassing to even have to have this discussion.

I did talk to my friend. He tested neg in November. I tested neg in October. Just throwing out what I know. Any encouraging words are appreciated.

DH

Offline Andy Velez

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  • Member
  • Posts: 24,560
Re: Broke my cardinal rule
« Reply #4 on: December 29, 2011, 10:13:55 AM »
The only test result that matters in terms of HIV status is an HIV specific test.

Do yourself a favor and stop googling. You will likely just find more fodder to feed your worst fears and all to no good purpose.

You're only more susceptible to HIV if you have an already active STD, not if you happen to pick one up currently when having unprotected intercourse. Given what you have reported of your incident, I still say the odds are in your favor that you will test negative.

Meantime make a real effort to focus on other matters in your life. It will make the waiting time to test pass more easily than you may imagine is possible at this moment. Really.
Andy Velez

 


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