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Author Topic: Did I blow it?  (Read 2706 times)

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Offline bongo2011

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Did I blow it?
« on: December 13, 2011, 10:46:01 PM »
Tested neg in April after a scare - after three months of waiting.  Been cautious.  Really.

However, here are the new facts:

I have unprotected with my girlfriend.  In September, I had a guy give me a BJ.  Since that BJ three days later, I have had slight testicle pain that has now grown to a constant.  It's now December.  Doctors treated me for std's - but nothing conclusive, more of a precaution, as I disclosed what happened.  Now I have muscle aches, joint pain, and nausea.  Testicle pain is constant.

Girlfriend has horrible odor down there too, now has nausea, fever here and there.

I am beginning to think I've caused something here.  Since Dr.s have not found anything conclusive, is it time for another HIV test?  I don't see the risk, unless my gf was with someone, but these symptoms doesn't sound like the way HIV presents itself.

Thoughts?  Please help...just trying to be reasonable here.   

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Did I blow it?
« Reply #1 on: December 13, 2011, 11:05:54 PM »
Getting a blow job is IN NO WAY a means of getting HIV.

You CAN get all kinds of other STDs however, from chlamydia to gonorrhea to syphilis. Which you can, of course, pass to your girlfriend.

This is absolutely NOT a HIV situation.
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline bongo2011

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Re: Did I blow it?
« Reply #2 on: December 14, 2011, 01:12:10 AM »
I understand that.  But I'm beginning to question...if I had a BJ with someone, what's to make me think my girlfriend didn't mess around and have sex with someone.  Not trying to be irrational here, just trying to think through this.

Based on these symptoms, HIV has got to be considered a concern, no?  Maybe not from the BJ, but it could be the other way around...from her. 

I'm not trying to flip this...I also don't want to run to the doctor every minute either.  They can't find anything.  Even the urologist can't find anything.  Nobody checked for HIV.  It never came up.

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Did I blow it?
« Reply #3 on: December 14, 2011, 01:17:33 AM »
I understand that.  But I'm beginning to question...if I had a BJ with someone, what's to make me think my girlfriend didn't mess around and have sex with someone.  Not trying to be irrational here, just trying to think through this.

Based on these symptoms, HIV has got to be considered a concern, no?  Maybe not from the BJ, but it could be the other way around...from her. 

I'm not trying to flip this...I also don't want to run to the doctor every minute either.  They can't find anything.  Even the urologist can't find anything.  Nobody checked for HIV.  It never came up.

Hey you have a valid point. If you were/are capable of being unfaithful, who is to say that your girlfriend isn't as well?

Though her symptoms sound absolutely nothing like ARS (and you know how we feel about discussing symptoms anyhow) this might be a good time to re-evaluate your mutual decision to have unprotected sex until such time as you are BOTH reliably monogamous and have BOTH tested for all STDS, including HIV at the appropriate time.

Like Ann is wont to say, to consent to unprotected sex IS to consent to the possibility, however remote, of acquiring an STD, including HIV. It's something BOTH parties in any relationship ought to think about before making what might possibly be a life-altering choice.


"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline bongo2011

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Re: Did I blow it?
« Reply #4 on: December 14, 2011, 01:32:40 AM »
Dammmmmm!  Yea, crap!  I don't want to get into symptom-management.  It sucks though.

I have no choice now.  It has to be ruled out.  I'm not sure if my symptoms are remotely tied to ARS.  I don't believe they sustain for months and gradually get worse. 

Maybe the doctors simply have not prescribed the appropriate antibiotics, or it could be one of the gazillion viruses - to include those not identified.  Nevertheless, I allowed the BJ because I didn't consider it a big deal, but never thought that it could actually be the other way around.  I don't want to blame her.  I just want to take responsibility and work through this.

Offline bongo2011

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Re: Did I blow it?
« Reply #5 on: December 14, 2011, 09:51:49 AM »
She has had unprotected sex.  With a few people.  I just found out.  Shit.  She knows them.  Kind of.  This is mind blowing all around.  Not because she had sex, but because it was unprotected, or she said she doesn't quite remember.

Everything is starting to fit.  The vagina odor, her pains, my on-going penis pain, body chills, fatigue, muscle aches.  My fault.  Read here somewhere that HIV positive people have infections that don't go away and keep coming back. 

It's possible that while I may have not noticed ARS in either of us, that it could have happened and maybe we are in the primary mode.  Urrrghhh!

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Did I blow it?
« Reply #6 on: December 14, 2011, 09:59:59 AM »
Not everyone has ARS symptoms.

Offline bongo2011

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Re: Did I blow it?
« Reply #7 on: December 14, 2011, 10:19:44 AM »
Well, that's pretty optimistic.  I know not everyone has ARS. 

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Did I blow it?
« Reply #8 on: December 14, 2011, 10:23:08 AM »
In any case, neither the presence nor the absence of symptoms will ever tell you anything conclusively about your HIV status. Only an HIV-specific test can do that. You should get tested at 3 months after the most recent unprotected incident with your gf.

If your relationship is ongoing with her, you need to be using condoms everytime you have vaginal or anal intercourse. No exceptions.

As for the possibility of other STDs, that's something to discuss with your doctor. She should do the same.

 
Andy Velez

Offline bongo2011

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Re: Did I blow it?
« Reply #9 on: December 14, 2011, 12:26:23 PM »
Well, doctors seem to give less information compared to here.  It's possible I'm part of a small majority that can't stand going to them.  Maybe if they followed the symptoms of patients, they might properly diagnose, probably wouldn't of been here on this site, but after months of problems - yea, I have a bit of anxiety.

And yes, agreed - the presence of symptoms can't tell me conclusively about HIV.  It's just a major suck having them.

Offline bongo2011

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Re: Did I blow it?
« Reply #10 on: December 14, 2011, 01:24:01 PM »
My last unprotected sex date was two days ago.  Since I have been feeling this way for 12 or so weeks, should I test today, or should I wait it out and test in six weeks?

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Did I blow it?
« Reply #11 on: December 14, 2011, 04:11:00 PM »
It's way too early to test for any meaningful result. Do it first at 6 weeks. If you test negative then that is a very good sign. Re-test at 3 months for a conclusive negative.
Andy Velez

Offline bongo2011

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Re: Did I blow it?
« Reply #12 on: December 15, 2011, 03:24:40 PM »
I am sending a donation.  I don't have much money.  It's only $25.00.  I am sending it to this address, I hope it's right:

AIDSmeds.com,
462 Seventh Avenue, 19th Floor,
New York, NY 10018.

Does the site have a PayPal account before I mail this?  It's easier.  Just curious.

Also, back on topic, I know I have to use a condom until my test, but I have lots of oral sex with my girlfriend.  I go down on her for quite some time.  I know that we get into BJ's and that it's not a way for HIV to transfer, but what about the other way around?  I don't know if I should stop this practice too.  The vagina is hear is a breeding ground for the virus.  I really don't know.  Any advice would be helpful.

Offline Ann

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Re: Did I blow it?
« Reply #13 on: December 15, 2011, 03:31:06 PM »
Bongo,

Yes, that's the correct address. No, we do not have a PayPal account. Make your check payable to AIDSmeds.com. Thank you!

Going down on a woman is not a risk for hiv infection and it's not a risk to the woman either.

And just so you know, I found your phrase "The vagina is hear is a breeding ground for the virus" offensive. It's not.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline bongo2011

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Re: Did I blow it?
« Reply #14 on: December 15, 2011, 03:55:08 PM »
Ms. Ann, in consideration and a review of reading my post, I deeply apologize.  I don't know where I got that information from, but I humbly request that you disregard that phrase.  It is not my intention to be offensive.

I'm just confused because if my gf does have a virus, what I believe is that it would most likely transmit from her vagina to me.  I can't catch it from kissing, so I'm trying to make sense of it rationally.  I just don't see how a hole of a penis is the only entry point to contract compared to my mouth and tongue. 

I'm just looking to determine a responsible approach to the next six weeks.  Should I avoid oral sex too?  I am in the waiting period for HIV, unless a determination is made on the symptoms we both have. 

Offline Ann

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Re: Did I blow it?
« Reply #15 on: December 15, 2011, 04:03:05 PM »
Bongo,

You are NOT in the window period over that blowjob you got from some guy. You did not have a risk when he blew you.

As for you and your girlfriend, why don't you just go get tested together. If either of you isn't being monogamous, you should be using condoms anyway.

It sounds like she may have something going on with her genitalia, but it sure doesn't sound like hiv. It sounds bacterial. She needs to get checked out. The testicular pain you are experiencing could be the same infection and you CAN get bacterial infections like gonorrhea and chlamydia from being blown. You could have given it to her.

You both need to get a FULL STI check up with both swabs and blood tests. Ask for a full panel.



Hiv transmission doesn't stand a chance of happening via female genitals to mouth - there are just too many obstacles on the oral route.

The first obstacle is the mouth itself. The mouth is a veritable fortress, standing against all sorts of pathogens we come into contact with every minute of our lives. It's a very hostile environment and saliva has been shown to contain over a dozen different proteins and enzymes that damage hiv.

Hiv is a very fragile virus - literally. Its outer surface doesn't take kindly to changes in its preferred environment; slight changes in temperature, moisture content and pH levels all damage the outer surface. Importantly, it needs this outer surface to be intact before it can latch onto a few, very specific cell types and infect. 

Which leads to the second obstacle. Hiv can only latch onto certain types of cells, cells which are not found in abundance in the mouth.

The third obstacle to transmission this way is having hiv present in the first place. The female secretion where hiv has been shown to be present is the cervicovaginal fluid. This fluid is actually a thick mucus that covers and protects the cervix.

The fluid a woman produces when sexually excited comes from the Bartholin's glands, located on either side of the vaginal opening. I have yet to discover one shred of evidence (and believe me, I've looked) that shows this lubricating fluid to have any more hiv present than other bodily secretions such as saliva, sweat or tears. Saliva, sweat and tears are NOT infectious fluids.

So there you have it. Once the results of the serodiscordant studies* started rolling in, what we know about hiv transmission on the cellular level was validated. The only people who were getting infected were those who had unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse. Period. One of the three studies went on for ten years and involved hundreds of couples. That's a lot of nookie.

*There have been three long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline bongo2011

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Re: Did I blow it?
« Reply #16 on: December 15, 2011, 04:31:17 PM »
That's incredible information.  Thank you. 

We do have unprotected sex, vaginal and anal and oral.  She has had other partners recently, and I have had an oral - that's it.  Never really minded that she had other partners, as she is my girlfriend, but that term is subjective.

Now I'm worried about it because I should've been more responsible.

So I got it.  It's most likely an STI and though I have been to the doctor I will ask for a "full panel."

Again, I'm sorry Ms. Ann.  I didn't mean to say what I did.  It was a childish assumption.  I read that statement at a site called the ukcoalition dot org.  Sorry.  I didn't like that statement either.

Offline Ann

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Re: Did I blow it?
« Reply #17 on: December 15, 2011, 07:09:42 PM »
Bongo,

Your girlfriend also needs a complete sexual health check up. If the tests pick a bacterial infection up in her, you should also be treated for it, regardless of what your test results show.

If you two regard each other as a couple, perhaps you should agree to make sure condoms are being used outside your relationship. If you can't trust that this is being done outside your relationship, then you should be using them within your relationship. There's nothing wrong with open relationships as long as you are protecting your health.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline bongo2011

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Re: Did I blow it?
« Reply #18 on: December 15, 2011, 11:03:26 PM »
ok, so even if nothing pops up in my tests, I should disclose to my doctor what popped up in her tests to get treatment.

Good move - proactive.  I like.  I just have to get that point through to my doctor, I guess, but I will do that.

Just a last question...but is this common with std's?  That tests may not necessarily show anything in one partner, but they can still actually have something because the other one had something reactive?  It's almost as if many infections seem to be harder to detect. Not like HIV, whereas a three month test is conclusive.

Offline Ann

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Re: Did I blow it?
« Reply #19 on: December 16, 2011, 05:06:23 AM »
Bongo,

Yes, it can happen sometimes with the bacterial STIs. That's why the partner of someone who has been infected with something like chlamydia (for example) should always also be treated, regardless.

This is one of those instances that points out the importance of regular sexual health screening. You (both) should do it at least once a year, or more often if one has multiple partners or if unprotected intercourse occurs.

Provided condoms are consistently used in a non-monogamous setting, these screenings are likely to come back with negative results. However, think of it like going to the dentist for annual check ups. Just because you don't have a toothache doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. They are both things that responsible adults do to protect and preserve their health.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline bongo2011

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Re: Did I blow it?
« Reply #20 on: December 21, 2011, 02:35:44 PM »
Very informative Ann...and thank you for everything. 

Offline bongo2011

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Re: Did I blow it?
« Reply #21 on: December 29, 2011, 01:15:40 PM »
OK, got in to see DR and had a full STD panel along with gf (she went for her visit).

I was shipped to urology again and they said viral prostititis, not bacterial - personally I never heard of it.  They put me on 45 days of antibiotics.  That just bugged me out because I asked if this is an effect of early HIV.  The Dr said unlikely.  I am asking on this site for a trusted second discussion to make sure because the pain is severe and spread to by butt and legs along with muscle aches. 

Dr said it could be herpes too (as I had previously tested positive for that a long while ago).  I don't understand how herpes can cause butt pain like pins and needles with I have no visible outbreaks.  This is all very confusing.

I have to wait four weeks for a true HIV test, but if this is a possible symptom I should get tested now.

All STD's came back negative for both my gf and I.  Only the HIV test eludes us.  I can't help but being afraid.  I wish we had a place to discuss comprehensive std-related infections.  I trust this forum.  I don't want to violate rules.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Did I blow it?
« Reply #22 on: December 29, 2011, 02:55:33 PM »
The symptoms you are experiencing are in no way suggestive of HIV to me.
Andy Velez

Offline bongo2011

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Re: Did I blow it?
« Reply #23 on: December 31, 2011, 01:32:27 AM »
Hmmm, IDK, gf results came back, no std's - me either, at least from the full panel.  Neither of us took HIV test...and not to dwell on symptoms, but now my mouth is completely numb, back of throat sore, kind of like white stuff.  IDK, maybe strep.

Forget symptoms...may I ask a question...

Does an increase in viral load equate to more symptoms in HIV?  I have been dealing with this for four months now - each day getting worse.  I've been to dr's. 

I think I should just test now instead of waiting the additional four weeks.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Did I blow it?
« Reply #24 on: December 31, 2011, 02:02:16 AM »
Not necessarily, as you were previously told, not all people have symptoms.   

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Did I blow it?
« Reply #25 on: December 31, 2011, 08:26:40 AM »
You are still (mis)interpreting symptoms as a sign of HIV.

Test now if you want to. Hopefully you will get a negative result. You will still need to re-test at 13 weeks for a conclusive, negative result.
Andy Velez

Offline bongo2011

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Re: Did I blow it?
« Reply #26 on: January 06, 2012, 12:03:10 PM »
I am sorry to be back, but here is an update.

I have that constant pain in the base of my penis, pain in buttocks that I can't sit, a severe pain has confronted my lower back, I have complete muscle aches and pain in my neck, and now red dots on the tip of my tongue.  Symptoms are gradually getting worse.

My doctor can't see me today so I am with no choice but the ER because I can barely walk now, pain.  I don't know if the ER can do an HIV test.  I have been trying to get this off my mind, but I have no choice but to seek out a doctor.  All other std tests previously came back negative, but I did not take an HIV test. Urologist said prostititis and gave me a long-term treatment with Cipro, but something just doesn't feel right - muscle aches, pain in both sides of my neck, red dots on my tongue.   

I can't believe I am in this situation after a September BJ and unknown status of my gf.  I don't want to use this site as a rant, but I feel I most likely have some sort of viral infection, possibly HIV, not sure if my case is the way HIV presents itself. 

If it is HIV, it means possibly that my body may be adjusting to it, and/or it's settling in my body.

I'm sorry for this posting.  I'm scared now.  Really scared.  I am trying, as always, to look at this situation rationally.  I'm just frightened that if all else has been ruled out, it might mean HIV is ruled in. 

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Did I blow it?
« Reply #27 on: January 06, 2012, 03:22:40 PM »
Sorry to hear you are having such discomfort. For what it's worth, nothing you are reporting is suggestive of ARS/HIV infection.

Good luck with sorting it out and getting help with whatever the real cause is.
Andy Velez

Offline bongo2011

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Re: Did I blow it?
« Reply #28 on: January 06, 2012, 07:41:44 PM »
Yea, sorry for that previous post.  I am just in a panic.  I did see my doc thankfully instead of the ER.  They got me in but very late.  Said something else is going on, could be viral, but not HIV and that I need to stay the course and wait it out. 

Said ARS does not come on gradually, like every week something new.  You either get it at once, or you don't get it at all.

I did ask what if I skipped ARS, like never had any ARS, and could I be dealing with HIV just loading up.  He said for me to stop that I would be the first person in medical history, even if I did had true exposure, for me to rapidly deal with all of these symptoms.

But I thought it was a good question for my doctor.  What if I have been HIV poz since after my last neg test in April?  Would that be reasonable time to have immune problems and get gradual symptoms because of a high viral load?

That's when he lost patience with me.

He did say that I could be dealing with another type of viral strain or even a bacterial strain (that has not shown up on blood tests, or unidentified), but thinks that if I think about it too much that it can actually cause perceived symptoms or even make my immune system to react to something because my mind makes it think its there when it's not.

It might not be HIV poz.  It might just be me torturing me.  I have to go back early next week and he can take blood.  The person who handles that scope of work was off today. 

 


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