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Author Topic: Very very worried....  (Read 2015 times)

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Offline And now

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Very very worried....
« on: December 10, 2011, 12:02:39 PM »
Hi, i am male, 35 yers old, married and one son. I would like to get your reassurance over what I did. Sometimes I fell like a bit ignorant about the transmission of HIV and STD.

That's my history:

On dec 1st i decided to see a transsexual sex worker. During our encounter I performed oral sex on her (sucked her penis). Before starting to suck her off i asked her to put on a condom what she did. I did not pay enough attention to see if the condon was inserted accordingly nor if it had any small hole. I sucked her dick for about 3 to 5 minutes. She did not get full erection nor ejaculate. Besides that, i did some hand job to here with my bare hands.

I am freaking out now as it was the first (and the last) experience like that and I fell now the worst man on planet. Just freaking out about the possibility to lose my family and son.

Given all above I would like to ask you:

A) am i under a serious or tinny risk of having contracted HIV and/or STD?
B) assuming the condom had any hole on it, was I at greater risk?
C) she did not ejaculate but i cannot say about pre cum, was that i risk to me?
D) 8 days before exposure, i did a 4th generation test which came back negative. I know it's too early but now I know if i got HIV it will be from this exposure...is there any assurance on this test?
E) i am avoiding to have sex with my wife until I get sure about my status now. Is this a reasonable action?
F) 2 days after exposure i went to see a doctor and told her all the history. She sais pep was not warrants in my case as the risk was really low...she seemed more worried about possible STD than HIV and prescribed some medicines against gono, shipylis, clamidya,... Did she do the right thing?

I am new here so i am sorry if this is not the correct place to post my fears...

Thank you very for the great work you are doing here. You are helping a lot of people....

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Very very worried....
« Reply #1 on: December 10, 2011, 12:04:35 PM »
You never had a risk of contracting HIV in the situations you've provided.

Offline And now

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Re: Very very worried....
« Reply #2 on: December 10, 2011, 12:09:07 PM »
Just one detail I forgot - it's been a while since my last visit to dentist so I dont know how my oral health is...
I have only minor bleeding after tooth brush and i still have to remove my wisdom tooth...not sure if this make any difference but i would like to hear from you..

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Very very worried....
« Reply #3 on: December 10, 2011, 12:10:51 PM »
Doesn't make a difference at all. You did not have an exposure.

Offline And now

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Re: Very very worried....
« Reply #4 on: December 10, 2011, 12:26:13 PM »
It Would make any difference if she was without a condom and if i got in contact to her precum?

Offline Ann

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Re: Very very worried....
« Reply #5 on: December 10, 2011, 12:30:54 PM »
And,

With or without a condom, nothing you did was a risk for hiv infection.

The hiv test you took before this incident means you do not have hiv - and that result is still valid as you did NOT have a risk.

Go have sex with your wife. You're not going to give her a virus you do not have.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline And now

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Re: Very very worried....
« Reply #6 on: December 10, 2011, 12:41:43 PM »
Ann - thank you for your words. The test was done 8 days after and not before the inciddent. Not sure if it changes anything, just want to clarify. Rapid, tank you very much to you too...

Why is so difficult to move on? Why am I keep thinking what if scenarios? I really terrified about everything...

Offline Ann

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Re: Very very worried....
« Reply #7 on: December 10, 2011, 12:54:56 PM »
And,

If you cannot let go of your irrational fears, you'll have to seek counselling. We cannot help you with that here. You will not be permitted to use this website to continue wringing your hands over this NO RISK incident.

You do NOT have hiv.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline And now

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Re: Very very worried....
« Reply #8 on: December 10, 2011, 01:49:20 PM »
Dont want to misuse this fórum. Sorry. I am just very worried....

Bottomline is: oral sex is not a risk at all? Thats the reason why the doctor i went to see didnt prescribe Pep?

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Very very worried....
« Reply #9 on: December 10, 2011, 02:35:37 PM »
That's right , you were not at risk. So of course PEP was not warranted.

Fortunately fears are not facts. You have no basis in HIV science to be hanging on to these irrational fears.

This is your final warning about getting on with your life. If you come back with more of the same you are going to get a Time Out from this site. HIV is not your problem.

Andy Velez

Offline And now

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Re: Very very worried....
« Reply #10 on: December 10, 2011, 06:21:22 PM »
Andy thank you and I am sorry. I don't want to be repetitive neither doing spam all over around. I am not a native english speaker so sorry my English.

I was just hope to be able to get more details about oral sex being no risk. Elsewhere you can read that there is a low risk for oral sex specially if there is precut or semen inside the active partner mouth (sucker). You have here a different line and I would like to understand. If not possible, that's ok.


Offline And now

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Re: Very very worried....
« Reply #11 on: December 11, 2011, 07:56:01 AM »
Does anyone have something else to say?

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Very very worried....
« Reply #12 on: December 11, 2011, 08:12:51 AM »
■Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Very very worried....
« Reply #13 on: December 11, 2011, 09:59:22 AM »
I am going to make one final comment here regarding oral sex. Longterm studies have been conducted of sero-discordant couples, both gay and straight. There was lots of mutual unprotected  oral sex and only protected vaginal and anal intercourse.

To date not one sero-negative partner has become infected.

Apply that to your situation. As often happens with straying partners the issue is really about guilt for having wandered rather than a genuine risk.

You did what you did and it can't be undone. You were not at risk for HIV. Accept that and get on with your life.
Andy Velez

Offline And now

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Re: Very very worried....
« Reply #14 on: December 11, 2011, 04:35:18 PM »
Andy and Ann, i am going to trust in every single word i read. Even being dificult to do that now i will do my best.
I am sure the transex did have HIV (they have the highest índices) and as ir was my the first i was doing something like this i am now afraid i could have damaged the condom and hurted her penis with my teeths. Anyway there is nothing to do but wait hoping for the best. I will let you know when i have sure about how i am.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Very very worried....
« Reply #15 on: December 11, 2011, 04:44:34 PM »
■Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Very very worried....
« Reply #16 on: December 11, 2011, 04:56:17 PM »
I
You did what you did and it can't be undone. You were not at risk for HIV. Accept that and get on with your life.

And I am going to repeat Rod's warning, that if you continue to return here with more what ifs and worries, you are going to get a Time Out from the site. HIV is not your problem. The issue is about fears and not facts.
Andy Velez

Offline And now

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To Ann
« Reply #17 on: December 12, 2011, 07:52:42 AM »
Ann, good morning.

I can imagine how upset you should be with so many questions about no risk incidents from the users. I am sorry to be one of them who keep calling for your attention with something you judge meaningless.

I am hanging on your words about the no HIV risk for giving a BJ on a transexual/man. However, I have called the HIV public service in Brazil and they told the risk exists and is real. According to them, the virus can infect someone if get in contact with some caried tooth, throat,....

Now I have to admit i got lost about all of that. Is there or is not there a risk? Not sure if they are saying that to cover their ass but....

Offline RapidRod

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Re: To Ann
« Reply #18 on: December 12, 2011, 08:05:04 AM »
Please do not start a new thread every time you have another question or thought - regardless if you think your questions are related to each other or not. It helps us to help you when you keep all your thoughts or questions in one thread and it helps other readers to follow the discussion. Additional threads will be merged.

If you cannot find your thread, click on the "Show own posts" link in the left-hand column of any forum page, under your name.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Very very worried....
« Reply #19 on: December 12, 2011, 08:40:09 AM »
I've merged your threads here. Please follow our rule and keep your entries in this same thread.

As to your latest burst of anxiety because of what someone at the Brazilian Health Service told you, if you insist on continuing to search the web and elsewhere, I can guarantee you will find more to fuel your worst fears. And all to no good purpose of course. Theoretically anything other than sex with your own hand is a risk.

But whether you can accept it or not, giving a blowjob with a condom is  a non-risk incident. Period.

This is really all about guilt and not an actual risk for HIV.

Now I am going to warn you that if you continue to return here about the same incident you are going to find yourself getting a time out from the site. HIV is your problem.
Andy Velez

Offline And now

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Re: Very very worried....
« Reply #20 on: December 12, 2011, 08:53:34 AM »
I am really sorry...It is not intentional...believe me, i am not enjoying these times. I agree with you about Internet but sometimes it seems stronger than i. On one hand, i have this guilty which is consuming me and on the other hand fears (which are not facts). I REALLY WANT TO BELIEVE HIV IS NOT MY PROBLEM,  and I will make it...just need to relax....

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Very very worried....
« Reply #21 on: December 12, 2011, 08:59:47 AM »
Guilt is powerful. But it doesn't change the science-based facts of your situation. You were not at risk.

If you can't let go of this unwarranted fear then get some professional help to address the issue. We can't help you with that in this setting. All we can tell you with assurance is that HIV is not your problem. 
Andy Velez

Offline And now

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Re: Very very worried....
« Reply #22 on: December 12, 2011, 09:14:42 AM »
Thank you thank you very much for your assurance and most important for your patience with me. I am seeking for professional counselling to get over my guilty. As you said, what i did i did and cannot be undone. I have to be well to see my only son grow and to get old beside my wife...

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Very very worried....
« Reply #23 on: December 12, 2011, 09:30:17 AM »
OK. Good luck in getting matters squared away satisfactorily.
Andy Velez

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Re: Very very worried....
« Reply #24 on: December 12, 2011, 12:38:48 PM »
Just one final and I promisse this is one is the final: the risk assessment you gave to me (no risk for protected oral sex performed on a penis) would be the same if happened without condom (unprotected oral sex given to a penis)?

Offline Ann

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Re: Very very worried....
« Reply #25 on: December 12, 2011, 12:56:03 PM »
And,

I already told you in my first reply to you that you had no risk, with or without a condom.

I'm giving you that time out you've been warned about. Do not attempt to create a new account to get around your time out because if you do, you will be permanently banned.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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