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Author Topic: Boyfriend Tested...HIV status still unknown??  (Read 2625 times)

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Offline someonelikeyou

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Boyfriend Tested...HIV status still unknown??
« on: December 07, 2011, 04:54:47 PM »
I am currently dating someone who might be HIV+.

According to my current boyfriend, he had been dating his ex-boyfriend for a total of 6 years, 2 years long distance and 4 years together.  During that time, my current boyfriend informed me that his ex-boyfriend gained exposure to HIV.  His ex-boyfriend is now HIV positive.  My current boyfriend did not know that his ex-boyfriend was exposed to the virus.  He has explained to me that he had consistently used a condom with his ex-boyfriend, but failed to do so a couple of times during their relationship.   

My boyfriend has been going to get tested consistently to see if he has been exposed to the virus through his ex-boyfriend since they broke up 2 years ago.  My boyfriend has informed me that he has consistently tested NEGATIVE since that relationship ended. 

I have not done enough research on HIV/AIDS to know his risks in this situation.  From my experience with HIV Rapid test sites and test site counseling, your exposure to the virus can be verified 6 months after your last sexual encounter.  According to my boyfriend, the exposure risks are much greater and he has informed me that he is still in the window period to test positive since he was at a higher risk with his HIV+ ex-boyfriend. 

We recently (as in earlier this week), went to get him tested since we are now engaging in protected sexual intercourse with one another.  The doctor performed a blood test on him and he received the results a couple of days ago.  The doctor wants him to come back in a month (January 2012) and retest.  The doctor informed him that his blood work levels were 'off'.  However, my boyfriends profession, which he recently started this past February, requires him to perform physical labor that is hard on his body, so the doctor said this could be due in part to his strenuous job duties.

I am also very nervous about engaging in protected anal intercourse with him since learning of this situation.  We have not been dating that long and the possibility of him being at a higher risk for HIV has scared me.  I want to build a relationship with him, however, want to make sure we are taking the necessary precautions before engaging in sexual intercourse.  We recently attempted to have sex after he informed me of the possibility of him being exposed, however, I told him my apprehension to do so and we decided not to. 

With this being said, I am extremely confused as to why my boyfriend needs to be tested consistently for the virus after being negative for 2 years?  What are his risks after 2 years if he has consistently been tested negative?  Should I be waiting to engage in sex with him until after his follow-up test in January?




Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Boyfriend Tested...HIV status still unknown??
« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2011, 05:11:12 PM »
If your boyfriend has been test for HIV in the past 2 years like he is claiming and had consistent negative results then he's not infected. He's either telling you bullshit or he's been told bullshit by someone else.

Also, the fact that you think you're going to get infected when still using a condom for anal sex is fault. I would adress this issue or you're going to live life never relaxed during sex. You should also think about how you're viewing every HIV positive person as some sort of Typhoid Mary.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline someonelikeyou

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Re: Boyfriend Tested...HIV status still unknown??
« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2011, 05:27:31 PM »
Thanks for the information.

Yes, I informed him that the window period would be 6 months, however he still insisted that his doctor told him that the window period was much longer.  I am not sure if he is paranoid by the situation or just misinformed.

Also, I am sorry if I came off like I view an HIV positive person differently, that is not my intention or feelings at all.  My intention is to educate myself so I am more knowledgeable on my current situation as I have never dealt with this. 

With this being said, if he did receive a blood test from the doctor, what would they be looking for?  And why would he need to return?

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Boyfriend Tested...HIV status still unknown??
« Reply #3 on: December 07, 2011, 06:08:18 PM »

Also, I am sorry if I came off like I view an HIV positive person differently, that is not my intention or feelings at all.  My intention is to educate myself so I am more knowledgeable on my current situation as I have never dealt with this.

My larger point was that if you are using condoms with every sex partner, and assuming that this current guy isn't the first sex partner you've ever had in your entire life, then odds are that you've already slept with someone HIV+ and just didn't know it. Do you require notarized recent HIV tests from every person you have sex with?


With this being said, if he did receive a blood test from the doctor, what would they be looking for?  And why would he need to return?

I'll say it again -- lots that you're being told doesn't add up. Don't look at me, look at your boyfriend. Obviously that doctor tested him for more than just HIV. There's no way anyone can answer these questions fully for you. Your boyfriend is either misinformed, not disclosing everything to you, or likes to give his money to quacks.
« Last Edit: December 07, 2011, 06:10:55 PM by Miss Philicia »
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline someonelikeyou

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Re: Boyfriend Tested...HIV status still unknown??
« Reply #4 on: December 07, 2011, 06:23:29 PM »
Yes, I will discuss this with him when I get the chance since it is not adding up.

And no, you're right, I have not received notarized results from everyone I have had sex with.   :P

Offline someonelikeyou

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Re: Boyfriend Tested...HIV status still unknown??
« Reply #5 on: December 07, 2011, 06:23:49 PM »
I will try to lighten up lol

Offline Ann

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Re: Boyfriend Tested...HIV status still unknown??
« Reply #6 on: December 08, 2011, 11:41:19 AM »
Someone,

I've moved your thread to the Am I Infected forum. As neither you nor your boyfriend are hiv positive, that is the more appropriate place for it.

The hiv testing window period is three months for a conclusive negative result. Not six months and certainly not two years. Three months. It's been three months for quite a few years now, although some doctors (and some websites) are not up-to-date with their hiv information.

The vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by six WEEKS, with the average time to seroconversion being only 22 days. A six week negative must be confirmed at three months, but is highly unlikely to change.

Provided your boyfriend has tested negative at or more than three months after his last incident of unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse - with ANYONE - then he is hiv negative.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

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Offline someonelikeyou

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Re: Boyfriend Tested...HIV status still unknown??
« Reply #7 on: December 21, 2011, 08:15:33 PM »
Thank you so much Ann for all the advice.

My boyfriend and I are on a hiatus due to this situation because I believe he is withholding information from me, not being truthful about his status.  I feel as if he is fearful to tell me that he is positive.  I am not sure if it is a denial thing or if he would just prefer not to inform me of his situation. 

I went to get tested today, 12/21 and though it has not quite been 3 weeks since my last protected sexual encounter with him, I tested negative.  I also talked to a counselor at the testing site about my situation and they too agree that he is probably positive.  I had previously taken my boyfriend to the clinic to get tested and he had his blood drawn.  We had to go back to the clinic to get his results and he was informed he would have to come back again.  I did not push for information, however on that visit my boyfriend did not inform me if he was positive or negative.  He simply told me that he had to come back in a month.

With this being said, I am not sure if he is on medication or not.  We have had sex a handful of times since starting to date...I would say 4-5.  All of my sexual anal encounters with him have been protected and I have been the bottom.  Should I be re-testing at the definite 3 week and 3 month marks?  Also, should I even be concerned since I was using protection every time we had anal intercourse?


Online Andy Velez

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Re: Boyfriend Tested...HIV status still unknown??
« Reply #8 on: December 21, 2011, 08:25:01 PM »
Condoms provide very  effective protection. As long as there was no breakage -- and it would have been very apparent if a condom had failed -- then there is no need for testing.

Just keep using a condom everytime for intercourse.





































Andy Velez

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Boyfriend Tested...HIV status still unknown??
« Reply #9 on: December 21, 2011, 09:28:49 PM »
You have always had protected sex and therefore were and are not at risk for HIV.
Perhaps your boyfriend noticed your phobia regarding HIV? It sounds a lot like you would not knowingly date someone with HIV, and maybe your boyfriend picked up on that.

Which is, of course, ridiculous. But its absolutely your right to determine your dating parameters.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline someonelikeyou

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Re: Boyfriend Tested...HIV status still unknown??
« Reply #10 on: December 22, 2011, 01:36:09 AM »
Thanks for the responses.


Online Andy Velez

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Re: Boyfriend Tested...HIV status still unknown??
« Reply #11 on: December 22, 2011, 08:37:08 AM »
You're welcome. Get on with your life.
Andy Velez

 


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