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Author Topic: Worried, not sure I should be.  (Read 2302 times)

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Offline lookingforadvice

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Worried, not sure I should be.
« on: November 27, 2011, 08:20:09 PM »
First, thanks to everyone who runs this board.

In late 2008, I had protected anal and unprotected oral with an Asian TS while visiting a nearby major American city in the midwest. I also performed oral on her and recall some precum. I also remember the lube was strawberry flavored and I'm not sure it was even meant for anal, condom did stay intact entire time. I also thought I saw some blood on the condom tip when I removed it, but didn't look thoroughly because I wanted to leave. I felt some strange guilt after the encounter, which most likely had to do with struggling with my own sexuality.

About 6 weeks later, I had a headache that lasted for days (I normally get headaches but these were much worse) and some neck/back pain. I never had any stomach flu symptoms, no fever, no rash whatsoever.

Before the encounter, we had sent some texts. I asked her when she had been tested, and she said it was recent and everything was ok. Also, she was not a TS sex worker, led a very successful life and had won a TS beauty pageant. I know that doesn't matter but did want to point it out. I had not been tested since college a few years back, and I had only had 2 sex partners in college, both white females who were also inexperienced sexually like myself. I didn't worry about those encounters.

During this timeframe when I didn't feel well, I asked her again about her status, told her I wasn't feeling well, and she was offended, making me wonder if she was honest. I explained how the statistics of HIV were higher among the TS population, and I just wanted to make sure. She explained she really cared about me and would not do that to me, and wanted this to continue, but I told her we had to end it.

I did visit a local ENT doctor around that time because I had a deviated septum and wasn't breathing well lately. He felt my lymph nodes (normal) and said the headaches were related to the deviated septum combined with the climate change. He said it was not the flu or any type of cold (which was a relief because I knew ARS had flu like symptoms). After I had my deviated septum fixed (a few months later), the headaches have not returned with such intensity, although I still do occasionally get headaches.

Besides that, I've had a few unprotected vaginal encounters with some women (under 5, most were protected) and did have one threesome involving a man and a woman (both white) in which I did perform oral on the man, there was no precum and no anal took place. I did have brief unprotected vaginal with the female. Looking back, I now think he may have been on the downlow, which caused me to worry again. I never had any kind of symptoms, and after that experience it was when I realized I was straight.

I know it's not good to have any unprotected sex, even vaginal with a woman in a low-risk area. I'm not worried about those encounters, and I've only had protected vaginal the last few encounters.

I came from a strict conservative upbringing and wasn't really seen as masculine enough for my Hispanic culture, which over time caused some confusion regarding my sexuality. Seeing all the statistics about how HIV affects black/hispanic populations more now, I start to wonder if being of color means there is some biological disposition to contract HIV easier than whites. This makes me think that if I had been exposed to it, even one time just through oral, the probability would be higher. I did have a urethra cotton swab STD test about a year ago, and everything was fine, but it did not test for HIV.

I live in smaller community, and am worried just off my appearance that I would be seen as automatically high-risk and they wouldn't believe I only have had 2 encounters in my life that I worry about.

Am I just needlessly worried? Any replies are appreciated.
« Last Edit: November 29, 2011, 01:29:34 AM by lookingforadvice »

Offline Ann

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Re: Worried, not sure I should be.
« Reply #1 on: November 28, 2011, 07:59:44 AM »

Neither symptoms nor even the lack of symptoms will ever tell you a single thing about your hiv status - ONLY testing will. For that reason, we do not discuss symptoms here. Symptoms are for doctors to sort out face-to-face.

There's something here you need to understand before you end up hiv positive because of it - PEOPLE are not high or low or no risk, ACTIVITIES  are high or low or no risk. It's not WHO you do, it's HOW you do it.

The only true risk group, sexually speaking, are those people who have unprotected intercourse with persons of positive or unknown hiv status. That puts YOU into a risk group.

You have engaged in risk behaviours - namely unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse. You need to test at three months past the last time you had unprotected intercourse, no matter who it was with. As a sexually active adult, you should be having a full sexual health check-up at least once a year anyway - it's what responsible adults do.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline lookingforadvice

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Re: Worried, not sure I should be.
« Reply #2 on: November 28, 2011, 05:10:34 PM »
Thank you for replying.

I know it sounds stereotypical, I was mainly worried about the TS encounter. I did use a condom for anal, but did have unprotected oral.

Sometimes, I think there is a counterproductive mechanism with HIV statistics by way of advertisements. It's like there isn't enough out there for straight people worried about HIV. If you don't believe me, look at how many anonymous HIV testing centers there are in major cities, specifically in gay neighborhoods. The same things need to be done for everyone, these centers should not cater specifically to gays, and should be all-inclusive. I understand anyone can go, but it would be good for society to have such centers for the population at large, without having to feel you're stepping into a different society. Even looking at this site, and others, the ads for HIV drugs almost always feature a stereotypically gay-appearing male, or a black person, followed by a self-empowering statement. It's rare to see anyone out of the current stereotype. It's known HIV affects anyone, yet this does not seem reflected in the HIV awareness community. The video that currently shows up at on this page, shows two men. I'm trying to explain as best I can, I don't think the HIV awareness community does enough for heterosexuals, and somehow paints HIV as largely still being a "specific population" affecting disease. Everywhere you look, it's displayed a certain way that fits the stereotype. The HIV awareness community does not want these stereotypes, yet also plays into the stereotypes that currently do exist.

I'm only trying to explain why that particular encounter had me more worried. One cannot fault someone for having extra concern over a gay or TS encounter. I do understand all encounters should be viewed the same. From reading this forum, it appears as if unprotected oral is only a theoretical risk. The CDC does say it's happened before, which is enough to make anyone worry.
« Last Edit: November 29, 2011, 01:32:18 AM by lookingforadvice »

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Worried, not sure I should be.
« Reply #3 on: November 29, 2011, 12:37:02 AM »
Any reason for you to continue to edit your post, we've already read it.

Offline lookingforadvice

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Re: Worried, not sure I should be.
« Reply #4 on: November 29, 2011, 01:30:27 AM »
I apologize, I thought it may have been too long and had wanted to simplify it, assuming more replies.

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Worried, not sure I should be.
« Reply #5 on: November 29, 2011, 07:54:46 AM »
We like to keep it simple too.

If you have had unprotected intercourse you can check your HIV status by getting tested at 3 months after the most recent such incident. If you test negative then that is a reliable result and you are HIV negative.

You can protect your negative status just as Ann has told you, by always using condoms for vaginal and anal intercourse. Yes, it is just that simple.

Andy Velez

Offline lookingforadvice

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Re: Worried, not sure I should be.
« Reply #6 on: November 29, 2011, 05:35:18 PM »
Thanks again for the replies, I do appreciate it.

Main concern was over the TS encounter, even having used condom for anal. The unprotected oral statistics seem contradictory everywhere I look. As for the few unprotected vaginal encounters, those partners did tell me they had been tested recently (I always ask, even if it offends the person), but you still never know what to believe with anyone.

Anyways, I didn't feel well around 6 weeks after the unprotected oral encounter with the TS and that is what I was worried about. Everything sort of got diverted to other encounters. I admit, the fact it was a same-sex encounter worried me more, even having protected anal.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Worried, not sure I should be.
« Reply #7 on: November 29, 2011, 05:48:46 PM »
You never had a risk of contracting HIV from getting your dick sucked.

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Worried, not sure I should be.
« Reply #8 on: November 29, 2011, 05:49:15 PM »
Asking someone about their status is understandable but essentially a waste of times and in many instances is a rude thing to do.

And even when someone in good faith says they are negative, the truth is that a significant percentage of those who are HIV positive do not know their status accurately.

That's why you need to always keep in mind that you are responsible for protecting your own health and that means always without exception using condoms for vaginal and anal intercourse.

And as Rod has very accurately said, "you never had a risk for HIV from getting your dick sucked." HIV transmission simply does not happen that.
« Last Edit: November 29, 2011, 05:55:46 PM by Andy Velez »
Andy Velez

Offline lookingforadvice

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Re: Worried, not sure I should be.
« Reply #9 on: November 29, 2011, 07:14:11 PM »
I also performed oral on the TS, although it was brief and slight precum was there. I've read some data that does suggest it is possible to contract HIV this way, that was my main concern.

I also think I may have overdone the questions regarding status with her. The HIV rate among TS in urban areas and knowing TS oftentimes do have sex with gay/bisexual men made me worry. I don't want to be stereotyping, but at the same time, it is hard not to. I hope this is understood, and I never meant to offend anyone, which I thought is why there were few replies initially.

From what I've read on this forum, by those who are much more knowledgeable, it does not seem like unprotected oral should be a concern.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Worried, not sure I should be.
« Reply #10 on: November 29, 2011, 07:36:37 PM »
It's not a concern for HIV.

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Worried, not sure I should be.
« Reply #11 on: November 29, 2011, 10:58:04 PM »
Your saliva, which contains over a dozen elements and proteins, acts as a very effective barrier against the transmission of viable HIV.

You have no cause for concern for HIV.

Give it up and get on with your life.
Andy Velez


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