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Author Topic: Posting a face pic on mix Hiv- & +ve dating sites, with status +ve  (Read 3168 times)

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Offline Mr X

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Where do I start, I been positive since 2006, not open about my status to most my friends, started meds 2 years after, never been healthy like now :). I am gay, 39 yrs old from Toronto, I almost dealt with most issues regards living with HIV except few. One of them is dating. Well, after I tested +ve, defiantly I was disgusted of having sex, isolated myself but now I feel enough is enough and I am ready. Have a profile on poz personals but lately decided to create a profile on other dating sites but still debating if it is worth it to post a face pic since I am going to check the box HIV POSITIVE. certain days I feel that I have the courage doing that and some other days I think maybe it is not a good idea, due to stigma and what others will think.
What do you think, any advice.
have a fantastic day:) :-\

Offline mecch

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Re: Posting a face pic on mix Hiv- & +ve dating sites, with status +ve
« Reply #1 on: October 29, 2011, 08:42:17 PM »
Please describe the "disclosure" options in detail on the web site or say which site you are taking about, please.


Is it?

HIV STATUS.  ___ neg ____ poz _____ don't know


Is there a specific question about HIV status which is answered and appears on EVERY account.  Or if it is unanswered, does the category disappear?

There was on site that had the option + / - / and "Ask Me" 

Ask Me seemed to require actual communication and seemed like a good option.


“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline spacebarsux

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Re: Posting a face pic on mix Hiv- & +ve dating sites, with status +ve
« Reply #2 on: October 30, 2011, 01:25:25 AM »
Hey Mr. X,

If you're a little apprehensive to put your status online, out there for everyone to see then don't do it until you're ready. Why not go out and date guys and let them get to know you as a person without bringing HIV into the mix ? I mean, you needn't bring HIV up until you decide to have sex- and if you think that your date is not leading anywhere then you needn't bring up HIV at all.

The above applies to dating HIV negative guys. Of course none of this applies if you date other pozzies.

Good luck.
Infected-  2005 or early 2006; Diagnosed- Jan 28th, 2011; Feb '11- CD4 754 @34%, VL- 39K; July '11- CD4 907@26%,  VL-81K; Feb '12- CD4 713 @31%, VL- 41K, Nov '12- CD4- 827@31%

Offline Ann

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Re: Posting a face pic on mix Hiv- & +ve dating sites, with status +ve
« Reply #3 on: October 30, 2011, 08:07:57 AM »
Hi Mr X, welcome to the forum.

You originally posted this in the "Someone I Care About" forum, but that is for hiv negative people who are close to someone who is poz. I've moved your thread to the "Living With" forum, which is the more appropriate place for your post.

Personally, I think checking the poz box on online dating profiles is the right thing to do for several reasons. The main reason as far as I'm concerned is that is will save you a lot of bother. It will help weed out the people who are paranoid about hiv and would only reject you when you eventually tell them. There are other reasons too, but where you're concerned that's the main one right now.

However, if you're not quite that open about your status in real life, then you might not want to put a facial photo up. You can always exchange such photos once you've been in contact with someone and you feel comfortable with them.

I'm very open about my hiv status and I find it's easier all round. I live in a small island community where everyone knows everyone else (it's like two degrees of separation here, instead of the usual six or seven). Sure, it was scary in the early days, but it's never been a problem. It took me a few years before I ever posted a face photo here but when I eventually did, the sky didn't fall. You'll know when you feel comfortable enough to post face pictures associated with your poz status. Don't rush.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline buginme2

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Re: Posting a face pic on mix Hiv- & +ve dating sites, with status +ve
« Reply #4 on: October 30, 2011, 02:00:35 PM »
Hey Mr X

So you can either put on your online profile that your positive and have some people judge you for that.  However, you won't necessarily know it. 

Or you can not and be left to tell people at a later time.  They will/may still judge you but now you will be acutely aware of it. 

Its a hard thing to get comfortable with people judging you.  When you get there let me know how you did it.   :)

Offline Ann

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Re: Posting a face pic on mix Hiv- & +ve dating sites, with status +ve
« Reply #5 on: October 30, 2011, 02:57:36 PM »

Its a hard thing to get comfortable with people judging you.  When you get there let me know how you did it.   :)


You're never going to stop worrying about what other people think of you or how they judge you until you are comfortable and secure in your own skin. Once you're happy with who you are, people will stop having that control over you.

Yes, you're giving control of your own life away when you worry about being judged.

Examples - I don't care if people judge me because of the way I dress. The clothes I wear are clean and comfortable and not bought from companies who employ a sweatshop workforce. If other people don't like the way I dress, it's their problem, not mine.

If people judge me by my spiritual beliefs, it's their problem, not mine. I have inner peace and that's what matters.

If people judge me because of my hiv status, again, that's their problem, not mine. I've not done anything nearly every other sexually active adult hasn't done as some point in their lives - I had unprotected intercourse. There but for the grace go they. I do my best to make sure my virus goes no further and I invest a lot of time in educating others about hiv. I'm comfortable with my hiv status and if they aren't, past an attempt to educate, why waste time on them?

When you're happy with yourself, you won't care about people judging you. The only opinion about you that really matters is your own.
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline denb45

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Re: Posting a face pic on mix Hiv- & +ve dating sites, with status +ve
« Reply #6 on: October 30, 2011, 03:05:32 PM »
PREACH Sis-ta Ann  :-*
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Posting a face pic on mix Hiv- & +ve dating sites, with status +ve
« Reply #7 on: October 30, 2011, 03:06:42 PM »
However, if you're not quite that open about your status in real life, then you might not want to put a facial photo up. You can always exchange such photos once you've been in contact with someone and you feel comfortable with them.

I agree with Ann on the above and the previous post.

Offline newt

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Re: Posting a face pic on mix Hiv- & +ve dating sites, with status +ve
« Reply #8 on: October 30, 2011, 03:46:20 PM »
Quote
You're never going to stop worrying about what other people think of you or how they judge you until you are comfortable and secure in your own skin. Once you're happy with who you are, people will stop having that control over you.

Chapter and verse

Quote
I don't care if people judge me because of the way I dress.

@Ann have ordered Gok Wan for you to punch (Brit TV joke, soz rest of the world)

- matt


"The object is to be a well patient, not a good patient"

Offline PozJeepGuy

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Re: Posting a face pic on mix Hiv- & +ve dating sites, with status +ve
« Reply #9 on: October 30, 2011, 03:53:32 PM »
Who the hell is anyone to judge another.  It would be a huge mistake to live your life wondering what others think. Live your life and be free!!!
Jacob Perry

I refuse to wear my HIV as a badge of shame any longer.

Offline Ann

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Re: Posting a face pic on mix Hiv- & +ve dating sites, with status +ve
« Reply #10 on: October 30, 2011, 03:54:54 PM »

@Ann have ordered Gok Wan for you to punch (Brit TV joke, soz rest of the world)

- matt

Gok can stop by and rummage through my drawers any day. Whether or not I'd follow his advice is another thing. He's got a thing about putting women in dresses and he and I would most definitely have a cat fight over that. Take my jeans away from me at your peril!


Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline spacebarsux

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Re: Posting a face pic on mix Hiv- & +ve dating sites, with status +ve
« Reply #11 on: October 30, 2011, 03:59:41 PM »
I completely agree with what Ann said.

However, I also think that not worrying about what other people think of you is not an easy thing to do.

I mean, isn't it human nature to think about what others think of you ? It's hard to live in a world comprised of people (who're social animals), most of whom do think a great deal about and are very affected by what others think of them - whether it is their looks or their intelligence or their performance in the bedroom or their dress or whatever.

My point is when a large chunk of the world wants to separate HIV + as some sort of inferior breed of humanity, either from a moral or health standpoint, it takes some extra thick skin to not get stung by such a lethal bite. And I don't think one develops that overnight.

Edited typo
« Last Edit: October 30, 2011, 04:12:30 PM by spacebarsux »
Infected-  2005 or early 2006; Diagnosed- Jan 28th, 2011; Feb '11- CD4 754 @34%, VL- 39K; July '11- CD4 907@26%,  VL-81K; Feb '12- CD4 713 @31%, VL- 41K, Nov '12- CD4- 827@31%

Offline Since2005

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Re: Posting a face pic on mix Hiv- & +ve dating sites, with status +ve
« Reply #12 on: October 30, 2011, 04:14:53 PM »
I completely agree with what Ann said.

However, .....

How one completely agrees when there is a "however".... not comprehending..

"However"... I completely agree with what you said and there is no however..

which is
I mean, isn't it human nature to think about what others think of you ? .... it takes some extra thick skin to not get stung by such a lethal bite. And I don't think one develops that overnight.

For that very same reason, I dress up nicely ( for me of course) but also for others so that others could say I look good.
For that very same reason, I go work out ( for me of course to stay healthy) but also for others so others could say I look damn good with my muscle.

The point is, we could never be worry free ( except for few) of not thinking how others think. We always think of others and do things so that they could think of what we want them to think ..of/about us.

Offline spacebarsux

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Re: Posting a face pic on mix Hiv- & +ve dating sites, with status +ve
« Reply #13 on: October 30, 2011, 04:23:39 PM »
How one completely agrees when there is a "however".... not comprehending..

"However"... I completely agree with what you said and there is no however..

I completely agree with the solution with the caveat that it is a hard thing to do.

Edited to add: I think, perception of self is inextricably linked to your perception of what others think of you, for most people. That's what makes it difficult.
« Last Edit: October 30, 2011, 04:59:20 PM by spacebarsux »
Infected-  2005 or early 2006; Diagnosed- Jan 28th, 2011; Feb '11- CD4 754 @34%, VL- 39K; July '11- CD4 907@26%,  VL-81K; Feb '12- CD4 713 @31%, VL- 41K, Nov '12- CD4- 827@31%

Offline Joe K

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Re: Posting a face pic on mix Hiv- & +ve dating sites, with status +ve
« Reply #14 on: October 30, 2011, 06:40:25 PM »
However, I also think that not worrying about what other people think of you is not an easy thing to do.

I mean, isn't it human nature to think about what others think of you ? It's hard to live in a world comprised of people (who're social animals), most of whom do think a great deal about and are very affected by what others think of them - whether it is their looks or their intelligence or their performance in the bedroom or their dress or whatever.

My point is when a large chunk of the world wants to separate HIV + as some sort of inferior breed of humanity, either from a moral or health standpoint, it takes some extra thick skin to not get stung by such a lethal bite. And I don't think one develops that overnight.

Ann has it right and as long as you give your power away you will continue to fear what others think of you.  I spent decades worrying about what others thought of me and it brought me nothing but pain.  When you become able to be your own best friend and to realize that the only opinion of how you are perceived is the one you hold in your mind.  That's not to say that you may want people to think well of you, because that's a pretty common emotion.  The difference lies in whether you need others to like you, to feel good about yourself.  When you believe that you are who you are, that you are a decent person and for you, that is enough, that's when real change can occur.

Fear of being judged can be difficult, but the only opinions I care about are from my friends and people who know me.  If someone wants to judge/exclude me because of my dress or looks, there is no loss for me.  If someone is so shallow to blow you off over some "superficial" issue, then do you really think they would have any potential as a friend or more?  If you allow yourself to be "defined" by the opinions of others, you may never discover exactly who you are, or more important, who you want to be.


Offline Bucko

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Re: Posting a face pic on mix Hiv- & +ve dating sites, with status +ve
« Reply #15 on: October 30, 2011, 08:09:35 PM »

The point is, we could never be worry free ( except for few) of not thinking how others think. We always think of others and do things so that they could think of what we want them to think ..of/about us.


Actually, there's a lot of us in the world who truly don't care about the opinions of strangers (or greater society in general). We're called nonconformists for a good reason. I draw the line at sociopathy, but truly it's been decades since I was afraid of the negative opinions of people whom I didn't care about.

Growing up with a disabled sister (CP and an autistic affect) taught me everything I needed to know about how strangely judgemental people can be of each other; it's bullshit.

I find disclosing my status is much like disclosing my sexual orientation: if I'd ever been concerned about what someone whom I'd never met thought of my orientation then I'd probably still be in the closet: same thing applies to my HIV status. 
Blessed with brains, talent and gorgeous tits.

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Blathering on AIDSmeds since 2005, provocative from birth

Offline Mr X

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Re: Posting a face pic on mix Hiv- & +ve dating sites, with status +ve
« Reply #16 on: October 31, 2011, 07:11:53 PM »
Thank you so much for your input, all replies been usefull . I decided to start with a pic where I partially covered my face (only on the mix +ve, -ve websites), and a full pic on poz personals. it still a start, next will be all with face pic. ;)

 


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