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Author Topic: Anal Sex and Risk--please help  (Read 6161 times)

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Offline need advice

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Anal Sex and Risk--please help
« on: September 19, 2006, 11:09:55 PM »
Hello all - need some advice. I recently had sex with a guy (i am male) and I was the insertive partner. I wore a condom and do not believe that it broke. I had been drinking but was checking regularly to make sure it was not broken. I am negative and he said he was too. If the condom happened to have broken or torn am I at a big risk? I am paranoid that I might have missed something. If not, and the condom was in tact, should I be ok? Thanks so much!

Offline need advice

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Re: Anal Sex and Risk--please help
« Reply #1 on: September 20, 2006, 01:21:39 AM »
Ok I am officially freaking out...can someone please advise?! I am having a terrible time sleeping and cant get this out of my head. Thanks so much!

Offline need advice

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Virus Test vs HIV Test
« Reply #2 on: September 20, 2006, 01:52:31 AM »
I heard that there is a test you can take that looks for the virus instead of antibodies before the 13 week period. Is this true and if so do you have details? I dont think I can wait. Thanks!

Offline Ann

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Re: Anal Sex and Risk--please help
« Reply #3 on: September 20, 2006, 05:38:06 AM »
Need,

I've merged your new thread into your original thread - where you should post all your additional thoughts or questions. It helps us to help you when you keep all your additional thoughts or questions in one thread.

If you need help finding your thread when you come here, click on the "Show own posts" link under your name in the left-hand column of any forum page.

Please also read through the Welcome Thread so you can familiarize yourself with our Forum Posting Guidelines. Follow the Lessons links and read them as well. Thank you for your cooperation.

Protected intercourse is just that, protected. Condoms have been PROVEN to be effective for the prevention of hiv transmission. Condoms don't have little holes and when they break, they do so in a spectacular fashion - you WOULD have noticed if yours broke.

You don't need testing over this incident as you had no risk. The test that looks for the virus you mention is called PCR testing and it is NOT approved for diagnostic purposes as they have a high rate of FALSE positive results - and you surely don't want one of those.

Here's some general information for you:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL STIs together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with a sexually transmitted infection.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Although you do NOT need to test over this specific incident, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms and you will avoid hiv infection - condoms prevent hiv transmission. It really is that simple!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline need advice

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Re: Anal Sex and Risk--please help
« Reply #4 on: September 20, 2006, 08:33:51 AM »
Thank you Ann for your reply. When you say "Condoms don't have little holes and when they break, they do so in a spectacular fashion - you WOULD have noticed if yours broke."

Can you elaborate? I am 99% sure it did not but wondering if maybe it tore on the tip or something. When I removed I remember pulling it off like normal but concerned it might have had a small tear that I did not know about. If it had torn would it have rolled down to the base of my penis or something?

thanks so much!

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Anal Sex and Risk--please help
« Reply #5 on: September 20, 2006, 08:36:34 AM »
Need,

Once a tear or hole forms in a condom, they really open up. Think of a run in a pair of women's nylons or a burst ballon.

You would have noticed a broken condom. Trust me on that.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline need advice

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Re: Anal Sex and Risk--please help
« Reply #6 on: September 20, 2006, 08:51:51 AM »
Thanks Ann! I think I have somehow convinced myself that it tore but will do my best to relax and move on. Hopefullly it is just my mind playing tricks on me -- again, I remember pulling it off so I think I am just being paranoid. Thanks for the counsel! I have not slept in days and think I should see a counselor to walk me through all of this.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Anal Sex and Risk--please help
« Reply #7 on: September 20, 2006, 08:54:39 AM »
need,

If this worry is taking over your life, you won't regret getting a bit of help and support from a counselor.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Anal Sex and Risk--please help
« Reply #8 on: September 20, 2006, 08:57:20 AM »
Your fears notwithstanding, condoms provide very effective protection against HIV transmission. By consistently wearing a latex condom everytime you have intercourse you can have as much sex as you want to and whether your partner is HIV+ or not is irrelevant.

There have been longterm studies of many serodystonic partners who consistently used condoms for intercourse. The results were that none of the HIV negative partners became infected.

Perhaps you are new to anal sex and/or male to male sex. If that's so along with the excitement it's not unusual for there to be anxiety as well.

As long as you consistently follow safer sex guidelines you will be fine as far as HIV is concerned.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline need advice

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Re: Anal Sex and Risk--please help
« Reply #9 on: September 20, 2006, 09:03:00 AM »
Thanks Andy! I think most of it is fear but I am worried that somehow the condom broke and I did not know it because I had been drinking. I do not think that was the case but maybe it did. I think I would have noticed based on Ann's description. From now on I am going to stick to oral and save anal for a commited relationship.

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Anal Sex and Risk--please help
« Reply #10 on: September 20, 2006, 09:31:46 AM »
Well, that's a plan.

And I would also suggest that you avoid mixing casual/impulsive sex with excessive drinking. Too many I have known ended up becoming HIV+ because they were drunk and couldn't negotiate safer sex. So stay awake to that danger!

As for your plan, it's always good to work out what you're comfortable with in terms of safer sex and to stick with that.

Cheers, 
Andy Velez

Offline need advice

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Re: Anal Sex and Risk--please help
« Reply #11 on: September 20, 2006, 01:38:27 PM »
Thanks Andy and I will definitely be more careful from now on. I really just hope the condom was ok and they did not accidentally expose myself in some way. I have heard that there is a risk but a top during unprotected anal sex but its usually very low....some say like 3 in 10,000 - that is what i read on planet out. Do you think that is true? I would never intentionally have unprotected anal sex but trying to guage my risk should the condom break, etc.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Anal Sex and Risk--please help
« Reply #12 on: September 20, 2006, 02:09:17 PM »
need,

Those kind of stats are meaningless if you're one of the three. We don't deal in those kind of stats here.

Make sure you use condoms and use them correctly and you won't have to worry about numbers like that.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline need advice

  • Member
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Re: Anal Sex and Risk--please help
« Reply #13 on: September 20, 2006, 02:22:47 PM »
got it, thanks Ann! the thing i am struggling with is "did the condom break?" and i didnt know it. it was not even a consideration until the doctor asked me and now its all i can think about. if it had broken would it have rolled up to the base of my penis or just stayed partially on? when i pulled out i removed the condom pretty quickly and recall pulling it off of my penis..in other words...i removed it versus it just kind of being half on---I think...but this was at orgasm so maybe i missed something.

ok be honest, am i being a paranoid freak? :)

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Anal Sex and Risk--please help
« Reply #14 on: September 20, 2006, 02:30:27 PM »
need,

Yes, you're being paranoid. You would have noticed if the condom was broken. It would have been hanging off you penis. You would have noticed!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline need advice

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Re: Anal Sex and Risk--please help
« Reply #15 on: September 20, 2006, 02:33:45 PM »
Ok Ann - I think you are right. I am going to stop bothering you about this as its probably irritating - heck I am driving myself crazy about it and I am sure you all are too. Haha. Thanks for your advice and I will be more careful. I will also get a test at 6 weeks and 13 just to be sure.  ;D

Offline need advice

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Re: Anal Sex and Risk--please help
« Reply #16 on: September 20, 2006, 10:55:37 PM »
Ann - how often do condoms fail? I took a few condoms out tonight and guess I never really realized how tough they are...I stretched it out, etc and only after using my fingernail was I able to put a tear in it. Thinking back on my episode I am 99% sure I would have noticed had it broken. Do they typically tear or pop from the air at the tip? i want to make sure i am using them correctly to reduce the danger but overall they seem pretty rugged.

Thanks!

Also, is oral sex - giving or receiving the safest sex besides things like masturbation?

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Anal Sex and Risk--please help
« Reply #17 on: September 21, 2006, 06:45:28 AM »
need,

Honestly? I don't know how often they break. I always make sure they are being used correctly and I've NEVER had one break on me.

I can tell you this though, with anal intercourse you need to make certain that plenty of lube is being used. Read through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline need advice

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Re: Anal Sex and Risk--please help
« Reply #18 on: September 21, 2006, 09:06:24 PM »
Follow up question - a friend of mine said he had a condom break on him once during anal sex with a guy - he was the insertive partner - and he was freaking out about it. Have you encountered anyone that has ever become positive from a broken condom incident or would that be a rare occurence? Thanks!

I am going to see a therapist tomorrow to help me through some of my fears, concerns, etc.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Anal Sex and Risk--please help
« Reply #19 on: September 21, 2006, 09:12:56 PM »
To be honest with you I have never heard of anyone that is been infected by a broken condom. I'm also not saying it hasn't happened.

Offline need advice

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Re: Anal Sex and Risk--please help
« Reply #20 on: September 21, 2006, 09:20:08 PM »
thanks! i also read that genital herpes can dramatically increase your chances of getting hiv. does that mean if you wear a condom you are still at risk under those circumstances or are you ok? i dont think i have herpes but should go and be checked out too i suppose. i was screened for syphilis, gonorhea, chlamydia etc a few months ago but not sure about herpes.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Anal Sex and Risk--please help
« Reply #21 on: September 21, 2006, 09:35:16 PM »
Genital herpes only increases your risk if you have an out break an have unprotected sex. 

Offline need advice

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Re: Anal Sex and Risk--please help
« Reply #22 on: September 21, 2006, 09:43:07 PM »
ok cool. finally - are all condoms basically the same quality or are some better than others? in other words, are some thicker than others and provide more protection or are there minimum standards of compliance in order ot make a condom? any recommendations on the best?

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Anal Sex and Risk--please help
« Reply #23 on: September 21, 2006, 09:46:53 PM »
I recommend that you find one of Ann's posts and click on the "Condom" link at the bottom of her posts.

Offline need advice

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oral sex
« Reply #24 on: September 24, 2006, 10:52:19 PM »
hey all - i have been reading on the internet trying to find out as much info as i can about safe sex, etc. it seems as if oral is pretty safe, particularly receiving. is it possible to get HIV from receiving oral without a condom? thanks!

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Anal Sex and Risk--please help
« Reply #25 on: September 25, 2006, 01:33:04 AM »
NO, no one has ever been infected by receiving a blowjob.

 


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