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Author Topic: May I ask about oral  (Read 2339 times)

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Offline 3birds

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May I ask about oral
« on: January 10, 2012, 11:49:48 PM »
I read the post just below mine, "Oral and a little bit more," and my case is very similar. Mutual masturbation in a shower, rubbing of the penis, his and mine, together, minor insertive fingering of me, into me, by him and some possible anal rubbing and pressure with his penis head at my anal opening but no real insertion, especially not past the sphincter muscle and probably not even that far. At most his head would have barely entered the outer anal area but I do know his fingers went in deep, penis just limited to outside of the anus---if I am making any sense here. There was lot's of soap everywhere and I cleaned up after with anti-bacterial soap/wash additionally. Of course, he states he has no diseases.

He put his penis there pretty fast and I did tell him to stop and pushed it away when I realized where it was going or could go and I am pretty certain he was not actually trying to penetrate, he just liked the teasing pressure.

Do I have a risk, do I need to test? I will not pester you guys with endless what ifs, just need a level headed non involved opinion---PLEASE.

Thank you,
J

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Mutual masturbation, rubbing and a bit more
« Reply #1 on: January 11, 2012, 12:57:01 AM »
You were not at risk for HIV. It is not spread by the ACT of penetration, it is spread by viral particles released DURING penetration.

If you absolutely feel you have to test, then do so at the three month period. I personally would not consider this an HIV event in any way, shape or form.
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline 3birds

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Re: Mutual masturbation, rubbing and a bit more
« Reply #2 on: January 11, 2012, 07:29:47 AM »
Thank you, I don't think I understand the first sentence at all???? Did you mean ejaculation or body fluid?

Could I also get a comment from one of the global mods also please?

J.
« Last Edit: January 11, 2012, 08:01:48 AM by 3birds »

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Mutual masturbation, rubbing and a bit more
« Reply #3 on: January 11, 2012, 08:44:10 AM »
Let's keep this simple. From what you have described no actual penetration took place which means there was no risk. And nothing else that you did was risky for HIV.

There is no reason for further concern nor any need for testing.

Get on with your life and just make sure that if and when you have anal intercourse a condom is used everytime by the insertive partner. Then you will be effectively protected.
Andy Velez

Offline 3birds

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Re: Mutual masturbation, rubbing and a bit more
« Reply #4 on: January 11, 2012, 09:12:14 PM »
Thanks for the responses, both of you. It sounds like the two data point consensus is that I had no risk and therefore no need to take a test as a result of this incident.

Am I correct? Because if so then I am not, NOT, going to test for this incident. I generally don't do things like this, but I did. I would like to believe that I could have a monogamous relation and not require a condom or worry over hurting a monogamous (future) partner by passing on a dangerous virus.

BTW, I had a close relative/friend pass on from AIDS some years back. This and other things have me ultra paranoid, thus my needing/wanting objective views on my incident.

Thanks,
J

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Mutual masturbation, rubbing and a bit more
« Reply #5 on: January 11, 2012, 09:36:30 PM »
That's right, there is no need for testing because you didn't do anything risky.

Remember for the future that if and when you may meet someone and you both decide you want to be together and not use condoms, you must both reliably test negative together and be sure you are going to be in a securely monogamous relationship.

Until such time as that may happen, if you are having anal intercourse, whoever is the insertive partner must always wear a condom. That's a must no matter how great the guy looks, no matter what you think you know about his history and any thing else. A condom is a must.
Andy Velez

Offline 3birds

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Re: Mutual masturbation, rubbing and a bit more
« Reply #6 on: January 11, 2012, 09:50:20 PM »
Again thanks. I understand the importance of testing. I have never been promiscuous and I am not being judgmental (maybe if I were smart, handsome and rich I would be--opportunity ya know ;) ). I did take a HIV test some months back and well outside of any conceivably useful window period and it was negative but I was so terrified standing alone in a testing facility I simply cannot do that again right now or anytime soon again. I just cannot unless it is really needed. It sounds like it isn't and I am still reliably negative so I am not going to test for this described incident. I think it is not needed and your educated views agree.

I said I would not bug you guys, so I will not. Thanks. I hope everybody has a great new year.
J.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Mutual masturbation, rubbing and a bit more
« Reply #7 on: January 12, 2012, 08:55:09 AM »
No risk equals no need for testing.

Stop the unnecessary drama and get on with your life. Really.
Andy Velez

Offline 3birds

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May I ask about oral
« Reply #8 on: January 15, 2012, 03:37:04 AM »
Sooo, more hypothetical, are we saying that a person can give oral, other STDs aside, with no concern for HIV? I am sorry to ask this, this is really a difficult thing to understand given all of the hyperbole and opinions. The amount of pressure that occurs to many guys and girls as a result of being asked to do this (without a rubber) is just tremendous. Sorry if I am off base.

Jay

Offline Ann

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Re: May I ask about oral
« Reply #9 on: January 15, 2012, 05:41:33 AM »
Jay,


I've merged your new thread into your original thread - where you should post all your additional thoughts or questions. It helps us to help you when you keep everything in one thread. It doesn't matter how long it has been since you last posted in your thread or if the subject matter is different.

If you need help finding your thread when you come here, click on the "Show own posts" link under your name in the left-hand column of any forum page.

Please also read through the Welcome Thread so you can familiarize yourself with our Forum Posting Guidelines. Thank you for your cooperation.





Unless you have absolutely terrible oral health (picture meth-mouth), then you really don't need to worry about hiv were oral is concerned. While oral transmission when giving a blowjob is theoretically possible, it is exceedingly rare. It's also a theoretical risk that you will be hit by lightning on a clear day while out walking the dog, but is it going to happen? If you like giving oral, keep your mouth healthy and stop worrying.

You do need to understand that you can get oral chlamydia, gonorrhea (oral gonorrhea is increasingly common in MSM) and syphilis and not know you have any of them. The presence (pre-existing) of these infections can increase your oral risk. This is why regular STI testing (not only hiv testing) is so very important. Don't be afraid to ask for oral swabs if you give blowjobs.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline 3birds

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Re: May I ask about oral
« Reply #10 on: January 16, 2012, 09:34:44 PM »
Thank you all so much. I know I said I would not bug you. I am just trying to learn, not going OCD, just trying to learn.

So, if I told you that I gave a guy I did not know very well a blow job who was probably a gay fellow and probably somewhat promiscuous, we are saying that I need not test or worry about HIV? I usually know people, pretty good, this was a very unusual thing, in fact, a one and only, he was attractive, what can I say, I am so foolish  :-[. But, it is true, I do like doing that for my partners. Please do not judge me for this.

I have by the way excellent oral health, I see a dentist regularly and all is in order in that regard. I am,  ;), a relatively normal person, go to school and work, pay my taxes, help old ladies across the cross walk, stop for small animals and have great teeth and gums, so my dentist says.  ;D

OK, if one of the mods answers this, I will not post again about these same questions. I do appreciate your service to all of us out there who are scared, for good reasons or no reasons. Peace and prosperity.

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: May I ask about oral
« Reply #11 on: January 16, 2012, 10:57:44 PM »
I would not consider the situation as you describe it to be an HIV risk.
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: May I ask about oral
« Reply #12 on: January 17, 2012, 04:35:31 AM »

I am so foolish  :-[. But, it is true, I do like doing that for my partners. Please do not judge me for this.


3B,

Foolish? NO! Human? YES! Why on earth would we judge you for not only doing something that is natural and pleasurable, but also doing something we have all done and enjoyed? Dump the shame overboard. You don't need it. Shame and stigma over sexual acts fuels the fire of hiv. We don't engage in such things in this forum.

Make sure you're getting regular, routine sexual health check ups, just like you get regular dental check ups. You might not have a toothache, but you go anyway. Yes? Same thing applies to sexual health check ups. It's what responsible adults do to protect and ensure their health and in the case of sexual health, the health of their partners.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline 3birds

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Re: May I ask about oral
« Reply #13 on: January 17, 2012, 08:30:50 PM »
OK, thanks jkinatl and Ann. Maybe it is shame that is making me go nuts. I usually (always) know people, as in being friends or in a relationship. Guess also I was a bit ignorant and thus my fear. By asking not to be judged also I am in fact judging, I am sorry.

I met these guys, one at a dance club, the other while I was laying out getting some sun at the beach. I was attracted to them I guess because they were attracted to me. Yada, yada, yada, next thing ya know---. But I think I realize, with my reading and your help, that nothing I did was a conduit or danger for HIV, nobody was hurt so I should not be ashamed and drop it and move on, lessons learned.

Simple, use condoms for anal or vaginal sex every time is a MUST and that will protect me and my future relationships from HIV. I think I understand the science, my behavior not so much.

So again thanks. Especially to Ann.

Signing off. Love,
J

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: May I ask about oral
« Reply #14 on: January 18, 2012, 06:34:07 AM »
J,

Yes! You're getting there. You're definitely learning not only about hiv, but yourself as well.

Despite what some people (ie "religious" people, mainly) may try to tell you, sex is a normal, natural part of the human experience. We are hard-wired to enjoy sex and we're made that way for a reason. Some people's wiring makes them prefer people of the same sex, some people are made to prefer the opposite sex, and some like both. Again, this is normal and natural and occurs throughout the animal kingdom. We are part of the animal kingdom after all.

Provided you treat your partners - and yourself - with respect, don't worry about what others might think. The use of condoms is part and parcel of that respect, particularly self-respect. I had to learn that the hard way and hopefully my experience might help you and others to learn from my mistake. The use of condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse will allow you to remain hiv negative.

Yes, it really is that simple!

Ann

PS...


By asking not to be judged also I am in fact judging, I am sorry.


This is a really important moment of self-awareness. Yes, you're right. Asking to not be judged does involve judgement on your part - but the important thing is that you realised it. I understand how easy it is to do this when we live in a society that does not yet fully accept that some people are born gay, a society that wants to demonise something as natural as the enjoyment of sexual acts. As I said before, provided you treat yourself and your sex partners with respect, forget what the prudes and nay-sayers think. It's their loss. They're the ones who are missing out on living life to the full. They are the ones who forget one of the most basic beliefs of that book they hold so dear; "judge not lest ye be judged". Ironic, eh?
« Last Edit: January 18, 2012, 06:45:46 AM by Ann »
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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