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Author Topic: Regaining empathy  (Read 899 times)

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Offline wolfter

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,265
Regaining empathy
« on: September 30, 2015, 01:43:36 PM »
I had to take a break for a while.  Instead of continuing to post here once I lost my ability to feel for others' situations, it was better for all if I just shut out.  Hopefully I didn't impose those feelings on too many before making this decision.

I think my brother once again played me, but in a productive way.  We were holding a benefit for a family that lost their young son.  I've always been the organizer of these types of events.  This one hit too close and I initially said no.  I thought it'd anger me; having thoughts of figure our how to bury your child and such.

I pretty much avoided the parents as I dutifully carried out my duties.  Towards the end, my brother spoke on the mic detailing how much we had raised and provided some details on their loss.  Their 14 year old son will killed almost a year ago and they have been working hard to purchase a small marker for his grave. 

I stood in the back while trying to stop the tears from flowing.  My son recently died and has a beautiful headstone after such a short time.  The first time I visited his grave with just bare dirt just about killed me.  I made the decision to not return until the marker was complete.  My son was an adult while these people lost their young son and probably deal with looking at a bare patch of grass regularly.

Strange how a simple episode changes you.  I'm back but trying to figure out the new me.  Once again in this life, I've got to figure out my "new normal".

bless you all!

Being honest is not wronging others, continuing the dishonesty is.

Offline Joe K

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  • Posts: 5,731
  • 31 Years Poz
Re: Regaining empathy
« Reply #1 on: September 30, 2015, 02:39:59 PM »
Hey Greg,

I think that we sometimes feel we have lost something, instead of a greater need being present.  When you lost your son, your needs became paramount, you didn't stop being empathetic or anything else, you needed to face your loss.  I don't believe that we must lose traits, to deal with others.  I believe, you will always be who you are and at any given time, your various traits will be working to help you deal with reality at that given moment.


Offline Ptrk3

  • Member
  • Posts: 297
Re: Regaining empathy
« Reply #2 on: September 30, 2015, 02:47:09 PM »
Welcome back, Greg.  I, and I'm sure many others, missed your insightful forum posts.

My thoughts remain with you upon the sudden loss of your son.  I can't even imagine the sorrows you are going through. I wish you continued strength and peace of mind.

Offline wolfter

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,265
Re: Regaining empathy
« Reply #3 on: October 28, 2015, 02:04:46 PM »
An important member of our family passed away suddenly yesterday.  My brother referred to him as his husband-in-law.  We've all loved Rick since childhood and I watched my brother go in to total breakdown mood last night.

Even today as people stopped by with offers of how they could help, I couldn't help but think of all of our recent losses.  Rick meant so much to all of us. 

It's odd that I think of how people think they might die from having unprotected sex with a dildo while not living life to the fullest.  I was accustomed to loosing beloved friends but deaths have gotten out of control recently.
Being honest is not wronging others, continuing the dishonesty is.

Offline Wade

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  • Member
  • Posts: 910
Re: Regaining empathy
« Reply #4 on: October 28, 2015, 08:31:00 PM »
Greg , I'm sorry for your loss,
I hope you and your family can find comfort in each other .
"Who put the pepper in the....Vaseline  ? " Coffee Butler

Offline bocker3

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,763
  • You gotta enjoy life......
Re: Regaining empathy
« Reply #5 on: October 28, 2015, 10:34:27 PM »
Greg -

I am so sorry for your loss.  Thinking of you and sending some positive thoughts your way!!

Atripla - Started 12/05
Reyataz/Norvir - Added 6/06
Labs - Pre-Meds
Sep05 T=350/25% VL98,559
Nov05 288/18%  47,564
Current Labs
May2015 969/28% <20

Offline BT65

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  • Posts: 10,464
Re: Regaining empathy
« Reply #6 on: October 29, 2015, 05:55:41 AM »
Greg, so sorry you're experiencing another loss.  Please accept my condolences.

My roommate goes to 12 step meetings, has for 26 years, and lately there have been a disproportionate number of people who were in recovery from drugs, then relapsed and overdosed.  Whether or not these overdoses were intentional is anyone's guess because we know how a lot of times addicts "accidentally" overdose. 

Then someone I know just lost a co-worker to domestic violence.  So yes, it seems that there has been a lot of death lately.  Life is fragile.

I hope you and your brother find peace.

I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline initforlife

  • Member
  • Posts: 770
Re: Regaining empathy
« Reply #7 on: October 29, 2015, 03:28:17 PM »
Greg, I'm sorry. hang in there. I too have had my share of loss the last couple of years starting with my dad.  then my sister. then a very special friend just a few weeks ago.. It is hard to let go of someone we love and even harder watching their loves ones hurting. Hugs and love to you!
sometimes it is best to say nothing at all. then to offend

Offline Jody

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  • Posts: 1,890
Re: Regaining empathy
« Reply #8 on: October 30, 2015, 02:26:32 PM »
Greg...so sorry for all the tragedies you have had to deal with of late.  You have been through so very much.  Hugs to you from a distance and I hope you find peace and comfort real soon. :(

"Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world".
 "Try to discover that you are the song that the morning brings."

Grateful Dead

Offline wolfter

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,265
Re: Regaining empathy
« Reply #9 on: November 01, 2015, 06:47:05 PM »
Thanks for all the kind words.  His elderly mother approached me Friday night and I immediately hugged and loved her.  She reminded me how we're now both in the horrible club of loosing a child.  So I guess it's not an age thing.

Rick's wife is also a dear friend.  We obviously all love each other as we can horrible arguments and pretend it didn't happen the next morning....just like both of our families.  :)

I had an off feeling about her today and called her up.  She didn't sound normal so I just kept her expressing her feelings. 
Towards the ends, she thanked me.  I asked for what and she said "for asking how I'm doing".

I've seen this written by countless through the years that initial support is great but it fades.  And it does.  There were some periods I wish someone would have called and asked that question.  Very few even asked when seeing me in person. 

And I totally understand the whys.  Supporting and enabling is such a blurred wine....or maybe that's this glass of line I've poured?  :)
Being honest is not wronging others, continuing the dishonesty is.

Offline ImisstheOldTimes

  • Member
  • Posts: 162
Re: Regaining empathy
« Reply #10 on: November 02, 2015, 03:47:30 PM »
Hey Wolf,

Sorry to hear you are going through another loss, this has been a tragic year indeed for death.  Hope you are doing well, and be well. 

Life is a BANQUET, and most poor suckers are starving to death!

                             ~Auntie Mame

Offline ShadowBlue

  • Member
  • Posts: 33
Re: Regaining empathy
« Reply #11 on: November 20, 2015, 06:36:32 PM »
So sorry to hear about such a great loss. I don't have children, so I can't fathom the pain. Stay strong and never give up! ❤


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