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Author Topic: i know its a sign that they love me and care but....  (Read 2591 times)

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Offline bedder1

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i know its a sign that they love me and care but....
« on: September 20, 2006, 09:18:38 PM »
ive only tested poz almost a month ago now and ive told my closest friends and my family and several people at work everyone is incredibly supportive HOWEVER  does anyone else who has supportive people like this in their life feel the way im starting to feel ALREADY  ...I am almost sorry ive told several of them and its probably a selfish reason...several call me EVERY day to see how im feeling.  they all seem to want to do something nice for me or do something different or in a diffrent way then we have ever done in the past...i only told these people of my situation because a. i think my family has the right to knwo and b.  i had my closest friend in the world my plutonic soulmate pass of aids in 94' and as close as i thought we were he had never told me that he had hiv and i was too blind to see it as he got sick..i wont go on about him because i still have issues about it (i think of him daily still) but i DO feel it was unfair of him not to trust me...anyway back to my point...evryone seems to be too nicey nice to me since ive let them know i kinda feel like theres this outpouring of sympathy  which is something i really dont want...i really would prefer that they treat me the same they always have.
god i sound so selfish cuz i know everyone of them means well  but good lord do ya need to ask me how im doin EVERY dam day????  LOL.
even this morning, my partner (long term partner hes neg weve not been sexual in a couple years but still in love) told me that his friday charter was cancelled and why dont we go to see URINETOWN...me , not being up to date on whats playing where just assumed he meant broadway 9he didnt he meant patchougue theatere--which has WONDERFUL productions) but i responded to him, well id love to, but to be honest id REALLY like to see RENT againso instead of just saying well no, urinetown is not in nyc, he said well i ll get the tix for urinetown and when i get home tonite i ll see whats available for next week for rent.....whats wrong with that you may ask?   thats not his style the real big daddy (thats what i call him lol) would say well if you wanna see rent again YOU get the tickets and we ll go, im getting tix to URINETOWN  you see what i mean? i do appreciate the kindess and the goodness he has in his heasrt for me...but folks im not dyin next week  in fact i plan on bein around quite awhile longer......do they get over it and go back to treating you like they always have  and if so when!!!!! lol
theres only us
theres only this
forget regret
or life is yours to miss
no other road
no other way
no day but today!

Offline Jerry71

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  • Genvoya CD4 525 10-20-16
Re: i know its a sign that they love me and care but....
« Reply #1 on: September 20, 2006, 09:25:03 PM »
Give them a few months and things will go back to being normal. My family and friends were the same way and they tend to just forget that you are living with this damn disease. Just hang in there at the moment and take all the love you can because one day you will wish where is the love now.
« Last Edit: September 20, 2006, 09:28:21 PM by Jerry71 »

Offline allopathicholistic

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Re: i know its a sign that they love me and care but....
« Reply #2 on: September 20, 2006, 09:25:53 PM »
...i really would prefer that they treat me the same they always have.

i think you can expect that not too long from now. same story with me and mine too. now i even occasionally wonder "hmm, what happened to all the nicey-nicey from last year?"  :D  :D

Offline Life

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Re: i know its a sign that they love me and care but....
« Reply #3 on: September 20, 2006, 11:02:27 PM »

Disclosure in the beginning is always interesting... I did something similar and wonder if it truly was necessary.  My partner to this day has told know one because to him, "right now, its a non-issue.  Why worry them?  I don't plan on going anywhere for a very long time."  William is also allot more emotionally stable than I am.  I have told everyone that you have.   Of course the repercussions is that they all have this in their minds.  I get know special treatment from them and I do not expect it either.  If you are doing this out of selfish reasons, do not disclose.  If you are doing it to build a support circle around you (I highly recommend) then go for it..   Just be careful, once you have opened that door, it can never be closed again...

As Jerry said,  things will return to normal once they see you have not turned into the elephant man.. ;D

« Last Edit: September 20, 2006, 11:06:43 PM by Eric »

Offline fearless

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Re: i know its a sign that they love me and care but....
« Reply #4 on: September 20, 2006, 11:11:53 PM »
I can understand how annoying that must be, my friends just kept on treating me the same as they always had - most of them being HIV probably helped but they did mostly seem underwhelmed by the news, except my work mates.

If it is really bothering you I'd say something to them just like what you told us. Reassure them that you are OK and that their concern, whilst admirable, is not what you want or need at this time. I'm sure they'll understand. Alternatively, you could sit back and let them all wait on you and pamper you 24/7 for a little while till they get sick of it. Just a thougth  ;D

ps. I have a "Singing in the Rain" cap you may wish to borrow when you go see URINETOWN.  :D

Be forgiving, be grateful, be optimistic

Offline Strayboy74

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Re: i know its a sign that they love me and care but....
« Reply #5 on: September 20, 2006, 11:38:11 PM »

Same thing happened to me. :)  Everyone was so nice to me.  :) Mem'ries... light the corners of my mind...

Okay, so...  Here's the thing.  You have, by telling them your status, invited them into your world, which they probably have very little experience with - in terms of chronic illnesses.  And, unfortunately, you can't "untell" someone (unless of course you had a false-negative result - which isn't all that common anymore).  What you need is an old-fashioned diversion!!!

You see, sometimes, at lunch, when my friends have something on their plates that I want, I will yell out, "Oh My God!!!  There goes (insert famous dead person here - in a pinch, I use Elvis)!!!" and when they turn their heads, I steal what's on their plate.  Usually it's a mushroom, or their false teeth, or something else that they won't miss.  And when they turn around, viola!  Gone!!  And nobody knows the better!

You see, once they find something more interesting to focus on, they'll forget ALL about you.  Believe me, they will.  And then it'll be back in the saddle, rump-ridin' with the real daddy, singin' harmonies to the soundtrack of Rent in Urinetown.  Hell, that diversion I just mentioned may just do the trick, and they might really think they see Elvis, or the Olson Twins (who, by the way, aren't dead, but their careers are) - forgeting their plate all together.  And, the best part is, nobody will give a shit unless you remind them, or they tell two new friends, who tell two more friends, and so on, and so forth...  Of course, that means you just run the risk of becoming the next local aids joke. :) 

But hey, I don't want to give you anxieties over things you hadn't considered...  at least not without a fee. :)

So, buddy...  They'll get over it, even without the diversion.  After all... there's always another meal, and another diversion, even if it isn't yours. :)

All the best. :)  And, good luck! :)

« Last Edit: September 20, 2006, 11:40:28 PM by Strayboy74 »

Offline MoltenStorm

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Re: i know its a sign that they love me and care but....
« Reply #6 on: September 21, 2006, 10:24:52 AM »
Hey Bedder1,

Just think of this way... you had to come to grips with having HIV, right? This "bubbling over with sympathy" is their way of coming to grips with you having HIV. They are wanting to show you that they are there for you, and this may be the only way they know how. Give it time, if they're like my friends, they'll forget all about the HIV until YOU bring it up. (That was a shocker for me) They see you for the person you are and have always been.

Be patient with them while they deal with it too. It may be, for some of them, that this is the first time they have a face to go with HIV. It's not just an acronym on paper anymore. It's something that has effected a person in their world.

It'll be ok. :)
"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful nor conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, adaptation in A Walk To Remember

CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 7 Nov 2006
CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 5 Feb 2007

Offline Iggy

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Re: i know its a sign that they love me and care but....
« Reply #7 on: September 21, 2006, 10:28:02 AM »

« Last Edit: January 12, 2007, 09:03:02 PM by Iggy »

Offline ACinKC

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Re: i know its a sign that they love me and care but....
« Reply #8 on: September 21, 2006, 10:36:27 AM »
I will echo what everyone else is saying with the only exception being Mom and Dad.  Anytime I get the damn flu I get like 10 calls JUST TO MAKE SURE im ok.  Im like "CHRIST cant a guy DIE in peace!  Trust me, if I was in bad shape, all you bitches would know!  I aint goin quietly!"

I use a lot of humor with my closest ones.  I refer to it as Cooties cause it just sounds cuter.  I have a picture of the HIV virus on my cell phone wall paper, which gives me great joy everytime a friend that doesnt know picks up my phone!  They have no clue they just think its a  really COOL graphic!

Hang in there man, human nature will take them back to normal and then pretty soon you'll be like HEY fuckers, IM SICK!
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A


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