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Author Topic: Question for you.  (Read 1734 times)

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Offline wjaxon

  • Member
  • Posts: 23
Question for you.
« on: October 17, 2011, 07:30:20 AM »
My partner thinks I should be mad upset or angry with the person that infected me (I got infected before we got together).  The problem I am having with this thought process is I know for certain this person did not know he was infected at the time.  He found out on his birthday about 2 weeks after we had our moment. 

Am I wrong for not being angry or having any emotions directed to him?

Question 2...have any one here infected another person unknowingly?  If so, how did you feel when you found out?

Thanks
Infected Aug 2011; Dx Sept 2011; Started meds Sept 2011 VL >10 million  CD4 258.  10/2011 VL 2890 33.6% CD4 706.  11/2011  VL 1300  CD4 778

Offline surf18

  • Member
  • Posts: 525
Re: Question for you.
« Reply #1 on: October 17, 2011, 08:02:40 AM »
well yea sure we wanna be mad at the person that infected us whether they knew they had it or not but...........
No one put a gun to my head and said fuck without rubbers. It was a choice I made many times and the only person we should be upset with is our selves.but again i dont beat myself up either. people have unprotected sex all the time. i knew the risks and chose to not have them wrap it all the time.

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,244
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Question for you.
« Reply #2 on: October 17, 2011, 08:43:32 AM »

Am I wrong for not being angry or having any emotions directed to him?


No. That's how you feel about it. And its reasonable.

Question 2...have any one here infected another person unknowingly?  

No.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline buginme2

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,834
Re: Question for you.
« Reply #3 on: October 17, 2011, 11:18:02 AM »
Question 1.  I never thought too much about the person I caught HIV from.  I was more upset with myself. 

Question 2.  No

Whats the point of getting angry with the person you caught this from?  You are just as culpible. 

Offline Joe K

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 3,495
Re: Question for you.
« Reply #4 on: October 17, 2011, 01:41:48 PM »
My partner thinks I should be mad upset or angry with the person that infected me (I got infected before we got together).  The problem I am having with this thought process is I know for certain this person did not know he was infected at the time.  He found out on his birthday about 2 weeks after we had our moment. 

Am I wrong for not being angry or having any emotions directed to him?

Question 2...have any one here infected another person unknowingly?  If so, how did you feel when you found out?

Thanks

I'm more interested in why your partner thinks he needs to tell you what to think or how to feel.  You may want to tell him, what you told us and given the facts, then ask HIM why he thinks you should be angry at that guy when you both chose not to use protection.  I am always leery of people who want to tell you how you should feel about something.  My guess is this has more to do with him than with you.

Offline Hellraiser

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,136
  • Semi-misanthropic
Re: Question for you.
« Reply #5 on: October 17, 2011, 03:02:52 PM »
Question 1.  I never thought too much about the person I caught HIV from.  I was more upset with myself. 

Whats the point of getting angry with the person you caught this from?  You are just as culpible. 

This is precisely how I felt about it.  My mind was reeling but my thoughts were focused inward not outward.  As for question number 2 I've posted about it before.  No one has ever contacted me saying I've infected them.  No health department has ever contacted me with the same message, but at the end of the day I was a seriously sick man for a while and I was undiagnosed for most likely a long time.  So while it bothers me that I may have infected someone the proverbial milk has been spilled.  There is literally nothing I can do about it at this point.

Offline WillyWump

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,100
  • 1DPxR156NnouErf4f51CsCMubMYw84j5Kv
Re: Question for you.
« Reply #6 on: October 17, 2011, 07:43:27 PM »
Anger will only eat you up. Let it go and continue living your wonderful life.

-Will
POZ since '08

Last Labs-
6/3/14 CD4- 736, UD 34%
6/25/13 CD4- 1036, UD,
2/4/13, CD4 - 489, UD, 28%

Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir
.

Offline wjaxon

  • Member
  • Posts: 23
Re: Question for you.
« Reply #7 on: October 19, 2011, 03:52:11 AM »
I totally agree with you.  it is neither here nor there in my opinion.  I did receive a call last week from someone I was intimate with prior to me knowing and they were poz now too.  Hurts to know that but it is what it is.  :(
Infected Aug 2011; Dx Sept 2011; Started meds Sept 2011 VL >10 million  CD4 258.  10/2011 VL 2890 33.6% CD4 706.  11/2011  VL 1300  CD4 778

Offline weasel

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,638
Re: Question for you.
« Reply #8 on: October 19, 2011, 11:25:32 AM »


 For # 1    I am very GLAD   you feel this way .  I was not so composed about it .

                You are not wrong  !   I wish I had had the sense to be that forgiving

              about having   AIDS !

  For # 2   As a Very L O N G  term  HIV  Survivor   .  I would find it very strange  to think

               ANY   person infected  before  1985  would NOT think they infected someone else .

              Unless they were not having any sex !

              I was in New York City  in the late 1970's and  many people were sick and did not know why .

              Many  of us had NO IDEA  we were infected back then . The rest were dropping dead !

                                                                                   
                                                                                     Weasel

         
" Live and let Live "

Offline wolfter

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,379
Re: Question for you.
« Reply #9 on: October 20, 2011, 08:43:06 AM »
I would be more upset that partner thinks he has the right to dictate how I should feel.  Angry or not, you own the resulting feelings and that can't be changed because someone else says so.

I never knowingly transmitted this virus to someone, but I guess it's a very real possibility.  The 80's were definitely a fun decade and I was a little more willing to participate in the fun. :o  For many of us, by the time we totally became aware what was truly happening, it was too late. 

Wolfie
productivity breeds content

Offline wjaxon

  • Member
  • Posts: 23
Re: Question for you.
« Reply #10 on: October 21, 2011, 06:55:49 AM »
Thanks I agree.  I can not be focused and angry at someone for not knowing their status.  I did this on my own volition and I have to deal with the consequences.  No one raped me with a loaded dick (sorry for the bluntness).  I am dealing with this till the day we all get our cure  ;D  I plan on staying healthy and living life to the fullest. 

I am taking this opportunity to keep my body in great condition and staying optimistic in my head. 

Thanks all!
Infected Aug 2011; Dx Sept 2011; Started meds Sept 2011 VL >10 million  CD4 258.  10/2011 VL 2890 33.6% CD4 706.  11/2011  VL 1300  CD4 778

Offline LM

  • Member
  • Posts: 409
Re: Question for you.
« Reply #11 on: October 21, 2011, 04:08:39 PM »
I don't know if the person who infected me knew he had it or not. Either way, it's like you said, no one forced us to do it. If I had anyone to blame, it would be myself. I (and everyone else) should know better than having unprotected sex.

Offline spacebarsux

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,350
  • Survival of the Fittest
Re: Question for you.
« Reply #12 on: October 22, 2011, 02:48:36 AM »
Hi wjaxon, I think you're handling things very well.

I never got angry at the person from whom I got HIV cos I don't (and will probably never) know for sure who it was or how I contracted it. Even if I did know who it was, I would hold no ill-feeling toward him, my infection was due to my actions.

I did however go through the whole anger at myself and 'self-loathing' process. The fact that you're not torturing yourself is great. Anger gets you nowhere.

Best
Infected-  2005 or early 2006; Diagnosed- Jan 28th, 2011; Feb '11- CD4 754 @34%, VL- 39K; July '11- CD4 907@26%,  VL-81K; Feb '12- CD4 713 @31%, VL- 41K, Nov '12- CD4- 827@31%

Offline TonyDewitt

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 49
Re: Question for you.
« Reply #13 on: December 29, 2011, 07:57:11 PM »
Late to the discussion, but as everyone else has said, you're doing the mentally healthy thing by not being angry. Someone who doesn't know they're infected simply doesn't know, so demonizing that person doesn't undo the damage done to yourself, it only makes it worse by adding perpetual anger to your life. I didn't feel well right after my exposure, so I made sure that I didn't do anything with anyone until I saw a doctor and got tested. I'm relieved that it worked out that way, since I wouldn't want anyone to blame me for passing this to them had I experienced delayed (or no) symptoms like most folks do. I'm also glad to hear that no one would be risky with anyone else as well - I seen more decency and humanity and intelligence on this forum than I've seen in the real world, so I thank all of you for bringing that to the table.

 


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