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Author Topic: CSW Incident  (Read 2813 times)

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Offline sosilly

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CSW Incident
« on: October 10, 2011, 03:15:40 PM »
Hi,

I hope you can help me!

I have done something terrible. I had a bad argument with my wife then ended up booking in with a csw. I don't even know why I did it but I did and I can't change it.

So the event involved some initial foreplay where we kissed a little and rub genitals. She had her knickers on at this point and I had my boxers on. (was this a risk)

Then she put a condom on me with her mouth and proceeded to give me oral sex with a condom. After this we had full sex with a condom I don't think the condom split at any point but maybe it did or maybe there was a little hole. I also fingered her.

So my concerns are when we kissed I had small mouth ulcers on my inner lip, could that put me at risk? Also what about the fingering or rubbing of genitals?

Finally could she have infected me before the condom was on when she put it on with her mouth? And then what if the condom split or had a little hole through the rest of it? Would I know of a split? Or would a little hole be a problem? Would I know about that?

So was I at a risk? Am I going to put my wife at risk?

Sorry

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: CSW Incident
« Reply #1 on: October 10, 2011, 04:01:31 PM »
You can breathe easy, So. Nothing you are reporting would have put you at risk for HIV. The most important thing is that you used a condom for intercourse. The only confirmed risks for the sexual transmission of HIV are unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse. Condoms provide very effective protection against that.

And you don't have to be concerned about itty bitty holes in the condom because that is not how a condom fails. When a condom goes it is very clear what has happened because it ends up looking like a hoop with fringe on your penis.

Nothing else of your various activities put you at risk for HIV. Even if she hadn't used a condom to give you a blowjob, it still would not have been a risk for HIV.

You don't have to worry about passing HIV to your wife so just get on with your life.
Andy Velez

Offline sosilly

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Re: CSW Incident
« Reply #2 on: October 10, 2011, 06:44:35 PM »
Hi Andy,

Thank you for your response.

OK just so I am clear, fingering is not a problem, oral is not a problem. Rubbing of genitals is not a problem. Do I have that correct?

So the only thing really playing on my mind is the condom failure. You are saying that t would be very evident if it broke completely. But if it did have little holes and didn't break completely would that pose a risk?

Thank you.

So Silly

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: CSW Incident
« Reply #3 on: October 10, 2011, 07:10:36 PM »
Hey, you ARE being Silly. Teeny little holes in condoms are an urban myth. They just don't happen. Because when a condom fails it becomes immediately grossly apparent.

And that's right, none of those other activities were risky.

Often when spouses or partners have strayed the real issue is lingering guilt which fuels unwarranted fears. You did what you did. It can't be undone. Do yourself and everyone a favor, see it, accept that, take a breath and let it go and then move on with your life. Really.
Andy Velez

Offline sosilly

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Re: CSW Incident
« Reply #4 on: October 10, 2011, 07:15:21 PM »
Hi,

Sorry I know what you mean about tiny holes, but I am more referring to if she bit it by accident and inadvertently caused a hole. Would that then become a risk? So the condom doesn't become a hoop but there does exist a small hole?

Sorry I don't mean to go on and won't If you could just let me know if the above has any merit or if I really should just move on and try to get on with my life?

I promise I will be gone!

Thank you

So Silly

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: CSW Incident
« Reply #5 on: October 10, 2011, 07:50:49 PM »
Sure a person can bite a tiny hole in a condom.

And you would likely miss it.

Until you put the condom on.

Try biting a hold in a balloon and blowing it up. The stretching of the latex causes it to burst. A condom is far thinner than a balloon, and the way it's made (a double dipping process) would cause any small hole to tear as soon as it was put on an erect penis. They are made to fail catastrophically for that very reason.

You really had no risk. Seriously.

*edited for typos and clarification

« Last Edit: October 10, 2011, 09:16:26 PM by jkinatl2 »
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: CSW Incident
« Reply #6 on: October 10, 2011, 08:49:32 PM »
Hey, you ARE being Silly. Teeny little holes in condoms are an urban myth. They just don't happen. Because when a condom fails it becomes immediately grossly apparent.

And that's right, none of those other activities were risky.

Often when spouses or partners have strayed the real issue is lingering guilt which fuels unwarranted fears. You did what you did. It can't be undone. Do yourself and everyone a favor, see it, accept that, take a breath and let it go and then move on with your life. Really.

Please re-read that spouse/partner comment. Yes, you are worrying needlessly.
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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Re: CSW Incident
« Reply #7 on: October 11, 2011, 12:02:40 PM »
Silly,

I removed your PM privilege. You're not supposed to be PMing people with questions that should be asked here in the forum. You would have known that if you bothered to read the Welcome Thread before posting like you're supposed to. And don't ask for me to reinstate it - I won't.

As you have been told, you have not had a risk for hiv infection.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline sosilly

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Re: CSW Incident
« Reply #8 on: October 17, 2011, 05:17:12 AM »
Hi Ann,

I am sorry about that. The only reason I did was that I wasn't sure the question was ok to post in the open forum.

I understand what you are saying though so I will adhere to the rules.

The question was only to do with the fact that I performed a condom test if you will where, I made a little hole in the condom and then put it on. It did not break as is thought it should. I was expecting a hula hoop but I didn't get it.

So my question is, taking into account the fact that on this occasion it didn't fail dramatically, if there was a little hole in the condom which didn't lead to a breakage, would that change my risk factor? Or would you still say not a risk?

Thank you for your input and sorry for breaking the rules.

Sosilly

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: CSW Incident
« Reply #9 on: October 17, 2011, 08:01:33 AM »
Silly,

The "water test" does not replicate the conditions during intercourse. If there were a small hole in your condom during intercourse, it would break as we describe.

The practice of putting a condom on with the mouth is a fairly common one - but she would have had to gnaw on your penis in order to put a hole in the condom.  Believe me, sex workers would not use this technique if it resulted in small holes in the condom. Sex workers use condoms to protect THEMSELVES, not you. Why would they do something that would put THEM in danger of acquiring an STI?

Condoms have been PROVEN to prevent hiv infection. There have been three long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one.

You are worrying needlessly.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline sosilly

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Re: CSW Incident
« Reply #10 on: October 17, 2011, 08:11:11 AM »
Hi Ann,

I appreciate your feedback, but I did test putting it on with a slight hole and then masturbating to try and reproduce the circumstances and it did not break.

So with the above information would you still say that I am worrying needlessly and I should perhaps just move on and stop wasting this forums time?

Thanks

Silly

Offline Ann

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Re: CSW Incident
« Reply #11 on: October 17, 2011, 08:43:48 AM »
Silly,

Yes, I still say you're worrying needlessly and you should move on with your life.

If you cannot put this behind you, go test and collect your negative result. You have not had a risk for hiv infection.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline sosilly

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Re: CSW Incident
« Reply #12 on: October 17, 2011, 08:52:20 AM »
Hi Ann,

Thank you for your advice.

Silly

Offline sosilly

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Re: CSW Incident
« Reply #13 on: October 23, 2011, 08:06:53 AM »
Hi All,

I am struggling with this. I have been reading on the internet all sorts about condoms containing tiny microscopic holes and how the holes are too small for sperm to get through but more than big enough for virus's. Is this just propaganda crap that I am reading by someone with an agenda? I am just concerned that there was some sort of hole there (man made or not) that could have gone unnoticed and put me at risk?

But then the other side of me says that if there were a hole it would have to touch the condom first which would maybe make the virus ineffective as it is delicate to start with? What are your thoughts on all of the above?

If I decide to get tested I have the option of the RNA PCR test which I can do now but apparently has a high percentage of false positives? Is that correct?

The other option is the Duo which can be done in 2 weeks at 28 days.

Which would you guys recommend for me?

I hope you all have a good weekend?

Sosilly?

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: CSW Incident
« Reply #14 on: October 23, 2011, 09:38:19 AM »
You need to stop surfing the net where you will just find more to feed your unnecessary fears and all to no good purpose.

It's the DNA pcr which has a history of false positives and which was never intended to be a diagnostic tool. Keep it simple and just do a standard Elisa test. Ultimately it doesn't much matter which test you use since you didn't have a risk. You're just going to collect the inevitable negative result.

Given your anxious non-thinking at this point, I wonder if you are going to be willing to accept a negative result at less than 3 months.

Your anxious response is a very familiar one. It's really about the guilt over having strayed rather than a genuine HIV risk.
Andy Velez

Offline sosilly

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Re: CSW Incident
« Reply #15 on: October 23, 2011, 10:08:23 AM »
Hi Andy,

Thank you for your response.

I know what you mean. But if I do collect a negative at 28 days could I consider it conclusive? For my incident I mean?

Thanks

Sosilly

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: CSW Incident
« Reply #16 on: October 23, 2011, 12:11:51 PM »
You can test anytime you want to because you didn't have a risk. So it's up to you.
Andy Velez

Offline sosilly

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Re: CSW Incident
« Reply #17 on: November 02, 2011, 12:18:38 PM »
Hi Everyone,

Just a quick one. I have been suffering with so much anxiety that I decided to book a test. I am going to do the 28 duo one. I actually felt better once I knew it was booked in however I am a few days away from it now and suddenly I feel a million times worse. This is pretty much 100% anxiety but I lost my appetite and feel really lonely inside.

I had a sore throat and had a cold last week for about 5-6 days which went away and now has returned. Should I be concerned by this? Also I get ulcers anyway but usually inside my mouth, over the past weeks I have had some appear on the inside of my lip? Is that something I should worry about?

What I am trying to say or ask for here? I don't know, I guess reassurance that I am just being stupid! I have no one else to talk to about this incident so this is the only place I can talk through my fears! I am sorry for this!

I have read that even in the case of unprotected sex or condom breakage it is still not a guarantee that one would contract the virus, and in fact it is much more difficult from female to male, is this correct?

I am I going to be ok people?

Thank you for your understanding.

Sosilly

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: CSW Incident
« Reply #18 on: November 02, 2011, 03:21:51 PM »
Fortunately fears are not facts. We've been telling you along that you did not have a risk. Testing is strictly for your peace of mind and yes, we do expect you will test negative.

There's really nothing more for us to say at this point.
Andy Velez

 


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