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Author Topic: Seriously worried  (Read 1474 times)

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Offline Dotcomboy

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Seriously worried
« on: October 06, 2011, 02:37:26 PM »
Basically, after a drunken night out during Freshers' week (I'm 18), I ended up having sex with some one who I thought was a nice guy.

We had protected anal sex (me being active) and unprotected oral both ways. There was also a lot of kissing, but I understand that this is not something to worry about when it comes to HIV.

In the morning, he informed me that he was HIV+. I was absolutely furious that he was selfish enough to put someone else at risk like that, and not inform me of his status at the appropriate time.

Being the overly-anxious hypercondriac that I am, I went to a clinic the next day. I explained the situation to the doctor, who then informed me that there was nothing to worry about and the chance that I'm infected is extremely low. Due to the fact that I was drunk and some details of the night are a bit hazy, I pushed and pushed to be put onto PEP, so the doctor let me.

24 hours into it, I have thrown up more times than I can count, I am physically incapable of eating anything and I have no energy - meaning I miss my classes at Uni.

My question is - am I just being too paranoid? I feel as if the whole thing was just a horrible mistake, and I'd be heartbroken to learn that my first drunken sexual experience at University could have such repercussions for my future.  :'(

Like I said the doctor seemed to think PEP was unnecessary, so should I just give it up (and spend the next 3 months worrying until a proper HIV test can be done)? Or should I just continue with the meds and have a thoroughly unpleasant month which could mess up my social/academic life?

Sorry if it's a bit long, I would just really appreciate some opinions.  :-\

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Seriously worried
« Reply #1 on: October 06, 2011, 02:46:58 PM »
The only documented HIV risks are unprotected anal and vaginal sex. Your sex was protected. You were never at risk for HIV.

Kudos to you for protecting YOURSELF. Please continue to do so. Kudos also to your partner for not putting either of you at risk for HIV.  Disclosure id no substitute for that. Please assume any and al; partners are HIV positive until such time as you are in a secure monogamous relationship.

I imagine you had to push indeed to get PEP for this no-risk event. You do not, however, need to take the pills.
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Dotcomboy

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Re: Seriously worried
« Reply #2 on: October 06, 2011, 02:56:15 PM »
The only documented HIV risks are unprotected anal and vaginal sex. Your sex was protected. You were never at risk for HIV.

Kudos to you for protecting YOURSELF. Please continue to do so. Kudos also to your partner for not putting either of you at risk for HIV.  Disclosure id no substitute for that. Please assume any and al; partners are HIV positive until such time as you are in a secure monogamous relationship.

I imagine you had to push indeed to get PEP for this no-risk event. You do not, however, need to take the pills.

Do you not think it's a little immoral to keep it a secret until after? Regardless of whether I'm infected or not, it's put me in such a horrible place and I don't think I've ever been as genuinely scared for my health.

From the sounds of it I'm just being OTT, maybe I'm just looking for concrete facts and reassurance.  :-\

Thanks for you words.  :)

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Seriously worried
« Reply #3 on: October 06, 2011, 03:23:24 PM »
The concrete facts are that nothing you did placed you at risk for HIV.

Serodiscordant couples (where one partner is positive and one is negative) have been researched and followed in three separate studies on two continents. When couples used condoms for penetrative sex (anal and vaginal) yet chose to forego condoms for oral sex, there were no instances of HIV infection.

You were not at risk for HIV infection.

As to your other query, I think it is as immoral to fail to disclose HIV as it is to fail to have the conversation and assume a partner is negative before sex. 

Morality aside, you had no risk for HIV from the encounter you described.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Dotcomboy

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Re: Seriously worried
« Reply #4 on: October 06, 2011, 03:28:10 PM »
The concrete facts are that nothing you did placed you at risk for HIV.

Serodiscordant couples (where one partner is positive and one is negative) have been researched and followed in three separate studies on two continents. When couples used condoms for penetrative sex (anal and vaginal) yet chose to forego condoms for oral sex, there were no instances of HIV infection.

You were not at risk for HIV infection.

As to your other query, I think it is as immoral to fail to disclose HIV as it is to fail to have the conversation and assume a partner is negative before sex. 

Morality aside, you had no risk for HIV from the encounter you described.

Hmm, interesting. Well I'm starting to feel a bit better about it, but I've read that pre-cum is especially infectious. I do have a bad habit of biting my inner lip, would the oral have been a risk then due to my somewhat more exposed inner mouth?

Honestly, I feel so guilty about this. I really hate the fact that I was so ignorant about HIV, whether I turn out to - or + I really feel like doing some kind of work to help raise awareness of HIV or something.

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Seriously worried
« Reply #5 on: October 06, 2011, 04:09:16 PM »
From a purely scientific hard-data standpoint, saliva contains over a dozen elements that neutralize and inhibit HIV.

I would not think to recommend testing for HIV over this specific incident, regardless of circumstances like those you mention.

Please understand that a significant number of HIV infections in young gay men happen when the positive partner does not know his status. As a matter of fact, it is not unheard of for guys to avoid testing altogether in order to maintain their comfortable ignorance. At the end of the day (or night) it is vitally important for everyone to simply protect himself from STDs, and clearly communicate negotiated risks.

I also really recommend that sexually active people get a complete STD panel including an HIV test at least once (I actually think twice is better) a year. Many STDs can be asymptomatic in men and can potentially cause some serious, permanent damage if untreated.

I hope I don't come across as too harsh here. It's just that you are at the perfect age to develop great habits that will make HIV a non-issue for the rest off your life, and will likely reduce your stress over it as well.
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

 


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