Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
Newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr Instagram
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
November 24, 2014, 09:07:39 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 647089
  • Total Topics: 49297
  • Online Today: 181
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week  (Read 6318 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline hope_for_a_cure

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,502
I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« on: October 01, 2011, 07:38:27 AM »
A childhood friend of mine has a sister who died unexpectedly this past week.  She was only 51 and died from a sudden heart attack.  Her brother and I were the best of friends while growing up here in this small town and we shared many childhood experiences with each other (i.e., playing in the woods, riding bikes, camping out, etc.).  When I moved back to this area last year I made an effort to get in touch with him and his wife and did visit on an occasion or two.  The reception from him has been lukewarm at best but thats ok... people grow up and have their own lives and I understand that.  

I thought it would be a nice idea to do something for my buddy who just lost his sister so I baked a key lime pie and wanted to take it over to their house.  I called him on the phone and his son answered and when I asked to speak with him, he indicated that his dad was busy but his mom was available... no problem... I would gladly speak with her.  I mainly wanted to make sure somebody was home so I could take the pie to them.  While speaking with her I mentioned that I had baked a pie for them and would like to bring it by if they were going to be home.  At that point her husband got on the phone and he mentioned that they were about to head out for a while and it would be best for me to come another time.  OK.. here is the 'brush' part.  I could hear his wife in the background saying 'we dont need to get AIDS from...' just as he was about to hang up the phone.  

I could hardly believe what I heard but do know that I heard those words.  WOW.  I think I will take it to them anyhow as a good gesture sometime this morning.  I feel certain that it will just end up in the trash though.  

While this behavior is not that uncommon, its the first time I have had to deal with it personally.  
« Last Edit: October 01, 2011, 07:43:46 AM by hope_for_a_cure »

Offline Assurbanipal

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,173
  • Taking a forums break, still see PM's
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #1 on: October 01, 2011, 09:43:31 AM »
That was a really thoughful thing for you to do for your friend.

What a response....

 

Your unfortunate friend appears to be married to a woman who is both ignorant and unkind.
5/06 VL 1M+, CD4 22, 5% , pneumonia, thrush -- O2 support 2 months, 6/06 +Kaletra/Truvada
9/06 VL 3959 CD4 297 13.5% 12/06 VL <400 CD4 350 15.2% +Pravachol
2007 VL<400, 70, 50 CD4 408-729 16.0% -19.7%
2008 VL UD CD4 468 - 538 16.7% - 24.6% Osteoporosis 11/08 doubled Pravachol, +Calcium/D
02/09 VL 100 CD4 616 23.7% 03/09 VL 130 5/09 VL 100 CD4 540 28.4% +Actonel (osteoporosis) 7/09 VL 130
8/09  new regimen Isentress/Epzicom 9/09 VL UD CD4 621 32.7% 11/09 VL UD CD4 607 26.4% swap Isentress for Prezista/Norvir 12/09 (liver and muscle issues) VL 50
2010 VL UD CD4 573-680 26.1% - 30.9% 12/10 VL 20
2011 VL UD-20 CD4 568-673 24.7%-30.6%
2012 VL UD swap Prezista/Norvir for Reyataz drop statin CD4 768-828 26.7%-30.7%

Offline bocker3

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,443
  • You gotta enjoy life......
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #2 on: October 01, 2011, 10:00:31 AM »
Sorry you experienced that -- of course, we aren't responsible for the ignorance of others.

Perhaps -- instead of key lime pie -- run out and see the movie "The Help" and then bake a chocolate pie instead................................

Hugs,
M
Atripla - Started 12/05
Reyataz/Norvir - Added 6/06
Labs - Pre-Meds
Sep05 T=350/25% VL98,559
Nov05 288/18%  47,564
Current Labs
May2013 691/31% <20

Offline hope_for_a_cure

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,502
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #3 on: October 01, 2011, 10:05:56 AM »
Your unfortunate friend appears to be married to a woman who is both ignorant and unkind.

She is generally nice but has some bad information when it comes to the subject of the AIDS. 


Perhaps -- instead of key lime pie -- run out and see the movie "The Help" and then bake a chocolate pie instead................................

Hugs,
M


I hear ya Mike!  I saw that and do believe that was one of my favorite scenes in the entire movie. 

Offline denb45

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,051
  • "1987 Classic Old School POZ+"
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #4 on: October 01, 2011, 10:13:58 AM »

James, it's unfortunate that some folks still have bad information when it comes to the subject of the AIDS. 
even in 2011 , you know what they say " ignorance" is bliss" but "knowledge is  powerful"



"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline hope_for_a_cure

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,502
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #5 on: October 01, 2011, 10:27:02 AM »
James, it's unfortunate that some folks still have bad information when it comes to the subject of the AIDS. 
even in 2011 , you know what they say " ignorance" is bliss" but "knowledge is  powerful"


I delivered the pie about 30 minutes ago and left a card with it.  Nobody was home so that was ok by me.  Its a nice cool morning here so it should not spoil before they toss it!  Who knows, they may actually eat some of it... she may suggest they microwave it on high for 2 hours first.  LOL

I payed my respects and thats all I can do at this point.  Come to think of it... my first M2M experience was with her husband when we were kids.  She may want to go get tested.


Offline denb45

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,051
  • "1987 Classic Old School POZ+"
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #6 on: October 01, 2011, 10:33:21 AM »
I delivered the pie about 30 minutes ago and left a card with it.  Nobody was home so that was ok by me.  Its a nice cool morning here so it should not spoil before they toss it!  Who knows, they may actually eat some of it... she may suggest they microwave it on high for 2 hours first.  LOL

I payed my respects and thats all I can do at this point.  Come to think of it... my first M2M experience was with her husband when we were kids.  She may want to go get tested.



Ahh don't feel bad, my twin-sister acts the very same way towards me, and so does her husband and her grown kids , that was one of my reasons for moving to New Mexico, I just couldn't take it anymore, and that was 10 yrs ago......
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline spacebarsux

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,350
  • Survival of the Fittest
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #7 on: October 01, 2011, 10:42:18 AM »
I'm sorry you had to go through this Hope. May be it is time to move on from this friendship ?
Infected-  2005 or early 2006; Diagnosed- Jan 28th, 2011; Feb '11- CD4 754 @34%, VL- 39K; July '11- CD4 907@26%,  VL-81K; Feb '12- CD4 713 @31%, VL- 41K, Nov '12- CD4- 827@31%

Offline hope_for_a_cure

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,502
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #8 on: October 01, 2011, 10:48:59 AM »
I'm sorry you had to go through this Hope. May be it is time to move on from this friendship ?

I hear ya Space.  We are not exactly close friends these days but did grow up together and I knew his sister pretty well too.  I doubt I will make much of an effort to do much with them (he and his wife) at this point.  I think that I will run into this mindset again at some point again but this first occurrence struck a little nerve with me.  Oh well... such is life.


Offline Robert

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,648
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #9 on: October 01, 2011, 10:54:50 AM »
It seems like such a waste of perfectly good, delicious even, key lime pie.  Next time something like this comes.   up, let me know.  You can overnight it to me.  It might be expensive but I know it would be worth it.
..........

Offline hope_for_a_cure

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,502
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #10 on: October 01, 2011, 11:00:07 AM »
Hey Robert!!  I would be delighted to make a fresh one for you.  Of course that means I need to get out to the coast so I can make it there!  They really are not hard to make but I doubt they would be ideal for shipping.


Online Jeff G

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 12,750
  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #11 on: October 01, 2011, 11:01:06 AM »
You are a nice guy and did the right thing . If there isn't enough satisfaction in doing the right thing there is always the chocolate pie route LOL .

Offline LM

  • Member
  • Posts: 409
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #12 on: October 01, 2011, 11:10:23 AM »
Ignorance can make the nicest people do the worst of evils. Still, what you did was commendable.

Offline WillyWump

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,239
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #13 on: October 01, 2011, 11:13:46 AM »
Hard to believe there is that kind of ignorance today, "AIDS from pies" and such, it's sad.

However you did an amazing thing by still following through and taking the pie and leaving a card. You cant control the ignorance of others, but you dont have to let the ignorance ruin your day :) Good for you. I am not sure I would be as strong.

Regardless of what they do with the pie, your good deed and caring attitude stands  ;)

-Will
POZ since '08

Last Labs-
11-6-14 CD4- 871, UD
6/3/14 CD4- 736, UD 34%
6/25/13 CD4- 1036, UD,
2/4/13, CD4 - 489, UD, 28%

Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir
.

Offline OneTampa

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,295
  • "Butterflies are free."
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #14 on: October 01, 2011, 08:12:55 PM »
Hope,

You did a very thoughtful thing for an old friend.  You can file your wonderful gesture under "no regrets".

(Now as the first chords of that well worn oldies hit entitled "Ignorance" plays in the background)  You mentioned that you and your friend messed around years earlier and that the wife may want to get tested.  I wonder if there is a long running serial back story in their own house with royalties being paid to feed the 800 pound elephant in the room (who also probably ate your delicious key lime pie you left at their house).

You take care.

 
« Last Edit: October 01, 2011, 08:25:49 PM by OneTampa »
"He is my oldest child. The shy and retiring one over there with the Haitian headdress serving pescaíto frito."

Offline leatherman

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,305
  • Google and HIV meds are Your Friends
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #15 on: October 01, 2011, 08:20:36 PM »
I thought my "aids cookies" were bad (thankfully we renamed the chinese almond cookies with cherry icing red ribbons to "positive cookies"); but "aids pie"?!?! ::) You know my mom and I both think your "aids pickles" and "aids jams" were the bomb. ;D Next time we get together, you bring me an "aids key lime pie" and I'll bring you some "aids lemon bars", how does that sound, buddy?

(BTW are we going to have to go to Seattle to see each other again, or is this the month we were going to make some plans??  :D)

However you did an amazing thing by still following through and taking the pie and leaving a card.
...
Regardless of what they do with the pie, your good deed and caring attitude stands
WW, I totally agree! James is a great guy (and a great cook!) and following through to give his "friends" that pie is just the kind of guy he is.

Bully for you Hopey!! I'm sorry this situation was upsetting for you; but you did a good thing. Everyone should be so lucky to have a friend like you. :-*
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline Basquo

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,272
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #16 on: October 01, 2011, 08:33:44 PM »
Next time we get together, you bring me an "aids key lime pie" and I'll bring you some "aids lemon bars", how does that sound, buddy?

Mikie you beat me to the "AIDS-pie" bit but are you sure you don't mean "Lemon AIDS Bars"??  :D

Offline leatherman

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,305
  • Google and HIV meds are Your Friends
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #17 on: October 02, 2011, 12:44:07 AM »
but are you sure you don't mean "Lemon AIDS Bars"??  :D
yes! that would be a much "better" name.  :D
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline mikeyb39

  • Member
  • Posts: 946
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #18 on: October 02, 2011, 01:06:48 AM »
I dont know if i told yall this, but i got the disease from eating an infected cheesecake.  it was very tramatic.  :'(
11/02/2010  cd4-251, vl-591000
12/09/2010  started Atripla
02/18/2011  cd4-425, vl-800
06/10/2011  cd4-447, vl-70
10/10/2011  cd4-666, vl-80
01/05/2012  swiched med (prezista,norvir ,isentress, )
02/10/2012  cd4-733, vl-UD  Viread removed
06/10/2012  cd4-614, vl-UD
12/14/2012  cd4-764, vl-UD
09/01/2013  cd4-785, vl-UD
03/06/2014. cd4- 1078, VL-UD
09/05/2014  cd4-850 , VL-UD

Offline hope_for_a_cure

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,502
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #19 on: October 02, 2011, 05:23:31 AM »
Thanks for all the feedback everybody.  I am actually more bothered by the fact that my friend's sister died so young than the remark made by his spouse (but it DID strike a nerve).  They will continue to exist with the mindset entrenched within and I have now had my first direct brush with such.  Hell, she did not even know I heard it so I really wonder what she would have done had I not called first but dropped in and presented it in person.   

No more pies for them! 

Cheesecake?  I hear that can be deadly if eaten.

Offline hope_for_a_cure

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,502
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #20 on: October 02, 2011, 05:24:26 AM »
Mikie - I want to do a day trip to Charlotte during the week of October 9th if that works for you.  Let me know buddy.

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,049
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #21 on: October 02, 2011, 06:38:52 AM »
The reception has been "luke warm" from your childhood friend, or from the couple together?

I am getting the feeling that you should not let that ignorance stand.  And at sometime in the future, you should drop by again, or find an opportunity where you will see this woman, and you will calmly tell her,

"I overheard you worried about catching AIDS from my pie.  HIV is not transmitted by food. Why would you say something like that?"

People really do NOT have a right to be ignorant and/or mean.

I am betting she is just a mean prejudiced person and knows damn well HIV is not transmitted by food.

“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Growler

  • Member
  • Posts: 567
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #22 on: October 02, 2011, 06:42:45 AM »
Next time may I suggest that you cut the pie whilst you're there and insist that everyone must have a piece, NOW. Then you'll have the pleasure of watching her choke on her own words.

Growler....who has never tried key lime pie but kill for a piece after seeing it in Natural Born Killers.
 
“If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.”

Offline hope_for_a_cure

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,502
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #23 on: October 02, 2011, 08:13:31 AM »
The reception has been "luke warm" from your childhood friend, or from the couple together?

People really do NOT have a right to be ignorant and/or mean.

I made a few efforts to get together with them (as a couple) when I moved back to this area last year and they did not seem to be interested.  And you're correct when you state that people do not have a right to be mean. I really doubt she knows much about the virus but could be wrong about that.  Perhaps I will take them something else when the holidays come around. 

Offline phildinftlaudy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,975
  • sweet Ann what you think babe...
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #24 on: October 02, 2011, 10:48:21 AM »
Sorry you had to go through that ---

Maybe next time you take them something - give them an "easy to read" pamphlet or short video on the facts about HIV/AIDS - or just do it as a stand along "gift."  Sometimes it is best to try to be empathetic to someone's lack of knowledge --- even though it is hard in this day and age of ease of access to information - and provide the person with some resources to take away any excuse for not knowing the facts, presented in an understandable way..... Then, after providing such information, if the person still responds the same way, all "excuses" for the behavior can be safely removed and then you can give her a different gift...
may I suggest something like this.....


 ;D
September 13, 2008 - diagnosed +
Labs:
Date    CD4    %   VL     Date  CD4  %   VL
10/08  636    35  510   9/09 473  38 2900  12/4/09 Atripla
12/09  540    30    60   
12/10  740    41  <48   
8/11    667    36  <20  
03/12  1,041  42  <20
05/12  1,241  47  <20
08/12   780    37  <20
11/12   549    35  <20
02/12  1,102  42  <20
11/12   549    35  <20

Offline spacebarsux

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,350
  • Survival of the Fittest
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #25 on: October 02, 2011, 01:02:49 PM »
If they get back to you thanking you for the wonderful pie, tell them your AIDSy man-juice was the key ingredient that brought out the flavour.  ;)
« Last Edit: October 03, 2011, 03:46:53 AM by spacebarsux »
Infected-  2005 or early 2006; Diagnosed- Jan 28th, 2011; Feb '11- CD4 754 @34%, VL- 39K; July '11- CD4 907@26%,  VL-81K; Feb '12- CD4 713 @31%, VL- 41K, Nov '12- CD4- 827@31%

Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,762
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #26 on: October 02, 2011, 01:04:01 PM »
that sucks man. you're pretty awesome for still delivering the pie without any retaliation. after the grieving passes maybe you can make some lemon aids bars or positive cookies for the wife.

take care,
d
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline marriedmansam

  • Member
  • Posts: 45
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #27 on: October 02, 2011, 06:15:09 PM »
That was not a nice experience for you.

Thank you for sharing it with us ... there will always be small minded people in the world.

Your experience has made me decide that i will be very very careful who i disclose my status to.

sam
June/July 2011- Infected
30 Aug 2011    - First test
31 Aug 2011     - Call to tell me first test was poz

3 Sept 2011       - Joined this forum
5 Sept 2011       - clinic appointment for retest
16 Sept 2011     VL 75 400 CD4 428 and 28%
next appointment  3 Jan 2012
3 Jan 2012          - VL 71 300 CD4 460 and 23%

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,706
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #28 on: October 03, 2011, 07:43:09 AM »
I am betting she is just a mean prejudiced person and knows damn well HIV is not transmitted by food.

I was thinking the same thing.  She probably locks her car doors upon seeing a black person in the crosswalk...

Well, he's stuck with her... at least she's not your sister.

Skeebo
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Grasshopper

  • Member
  • Posts: 454
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #29 on: October 03, 2011, 08:10:48 AM »
I made a few efforts to get together with them (as a couple) when I moved back to this area last year and they did not seem to be interested......  Perhaps I will take them something else when the holidays come around. 

They did not seem interested in getting together with you, then they basically refused your home baked pie gesture. And yet you want to make another attempt when the holidays come around ?

Apparently it hurt or offended you enough to write about it here. Do you really need another disappointment ? Feel the need to do some good ? bake a pie or a couple and donate them to some Charity, at least they will appreciate it/them.

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,049
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #30 on: October 03, 2011, 08:33:30 AM »
My suggestion to poke it a bit further is based on the possibility the OP likes his guy friend, and that its the wife who has the HIV+ bias.  If there isn't much interest in the former childhood friend, or if they seem both to be lost causes on the HIV+ bias, of course, drop them, who needs it.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline hope_for_a_cure

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,502
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #31 on: October 03, 2011, 08:50:43 AM »
I was being facetious when I said that I would take them something during the holidays.  Its water under the bridge now and I have gotten past the initial shock of her statement. 

Mecch, you are correct... I do like him and have fond memories of when we were kids growing up together in the same town.  He was the first dude to ever try and top me (we were only 12 or 13 at the time)... of course he was not successful because I did not have lube at that time, and he was a 'big boy'.  LOL 

She even posted a little thankyou on my FB yesterday.  I will never know for sure if the pie was tossed out or not and at this point it does not matter to me what they did with it. 


Offline brenner

  • Member
  • Posts: 91
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #32 on: October 03, 2011, 09:32:08 AM »
Personally, I would just mention it to her that you heard what she said about the pie, and that there is no way of contracting the aids through food.  That would teach her something, and let her stew in her guilt.  Maybe she will learn some compassion through that.  I wouldn't let her get away so easy with that kind of behavior.  Just my 2 cents.
Feb 23. 2011  poz diagnosed
Feb 28.  cd4 257, vl 262400, %21
Mar 14.  start Atripla
May 18.  cd4 639, vl 690, %33
Aug 19.  cd4 583, vl 60, %38
Nov 18.  cd4 450, vl UD, %38
2012
Feb.19   cd4 649, vl UD, %35
Jun 08.  cd4 524, vl UD, %34
Sep 16.  cd4 567, vl UD, %35
Dec 02.  cd4 592, vl UD, %35
2013
Mar 10.  cd4 688, vl UD, %35

Offline wolfter

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,700
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #33 on: October 04, 2011, 07:07:10 AM »
Since she posted on your FB, I would send her a polite PM indicating that you overheard her comment.  Explain how disappointed and hurt you were and use it as a teaching experience.

Have you even considered that she suspects her husband likes a little man action is worried that you guys will "play doctor"? ;D  Not an excuse for her bad behavior, but maybe she doesn't trust HIM!

Wolfie
Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Online Jeff G

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 12,750
  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #34 on: October 04, 2011, 07:29:32 AM »
Since she posted on your FB, I would send her a polite PM indicating that you overheard her comment.  Explain how disappointed and hurt you were and use it as a teaching experience.

Have you even considered that she suspects her husband likes a little man action is worried that you guys will "play doctor"? ;D  Not an excuse for her bad behavior, but maybe she doesn't trust HIM!

Wolfie

Kind of like serving her a big ole piece of humble pie  :D . Personally I just try to avoid people like her but if I ever do cross paths with them I rush in for a big hug , then walk away in a fit of hacking and coughing .

Online Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 25,142
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #35 on: October 04, 2011, 08:30:38 AM »
Ouch. Ignorance. There's a lot of that going around.

You did the right thing that a friend does in  sad circumstances.  If they ain't up to that level of friendship, coppula eam, se non posit acceptera jocularum is wot I say. (The latter part of that Latin phrase is "if they can't take a joke.") You'll figure out the beginning part.

For what it's worth, I'll bet your old friend misses you.

Oh, and I love key lime pie. Just saying. 
Andy Velez

Offline hope_for_a_cure

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,502
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #36 on: October 04, 2011, 08:12:15 PM »
I actually deleted her post from my wall but did send her an e-mail via facebook and basically said that I was glad they enjoyed the pie.  An opportunity will present itself for me to speak with her in person at some point.  For me personally, its best for to do the 'confrontational thing' when I have cooled off a bit.  It may be at the grocery store, the bank, or wherever we happen to cross paths... at that time I will calmly state that I overheard her remarks that day and explain to her that by no means was she at risk. 

Two wrongs dont make a right so I would not be inclined to be rude or hateful... just factual.  Thanks everybody for the responses.


Offline WillyWump

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,239
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #37 on: October 04, 2011, 08:20:03 PM »
Two wrongs dont make a right so I would not be inclined to be rude or hateful... just factual. 


POZ since '08

Last Labs-
11-6-14 CD4- 871, UD
6/3/14 CD4- 736, UD 34%
6/25/13 CD4- 1036, UD,
2/4/13, CD4 - 489, UD, 28%

Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir
.

Offline rocky48

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #38 on: October 04, 2011, 09:16:19 PM »
I agree with wolfter maybe the man likes some man action and the wife does not trust him.
Started Atripla on 4/23/11
5/27/11   CD4 - 572 VL - 130
9/30/11   CD4 - 566 VL - UD
3/23/12   CD4 - 640 VL - UD
9/21/12   CD4 - 699 VL - UD

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 24,420
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #39 on: October 04, 2011, 10:12:55 PM »
I would have slashed her car tires. Two wrongs make five wrongs.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline spacebarsux

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,350
  • Survival of the Fittest
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #40 on: October 05, 2011, 03:13:42 AM »
Two wrongs dont make a right so I would not be inclined to be rude or hateful... just factual.  Thanks everybody for the responses.

Ya, but if you let such things pass, she'll repeat that behaviour with you or someone else because she knows she can get away with it.  

If it were me, I'd make sure I let her know that not only is she ignorant but also that her primitive thinking caused deep offence. And like others have said, it is more than likely that she knows exactly how HIV is transmitted which would mean that it's not really the 'ignorance' that needs addressing.

« Last Edit: October 05, 2011, 05:48:58 AM by spacebarsux »
Infected-  2005 or early 2006; Diagnosed- Jan 28th, 2011; Feb '11- CD4 754 @34%, VL- 39K; July '11- CD4 907@26%,  VL-81K; Feb '12- CD4 713 @31%, VL- 41K, Nov '12- CD4- 827@31%

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,049
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #41 on: October 05, 2011, 07:41:15 AM »
Yeah maybe she knows her husband diddled with you as a boy and that, plus you being a grown man who is gay and HIV+, it just makes here anxious, so that becomes meanness.  Who knows. I agree, don't write off your friend because his wife is a nutcase.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,706
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #42 on: October 05, 2011, 08:09:11 AM »
Two wrongs dont make a right so I would not be inclined to be rude or hateful... just factual.  Thanks everybody for the responses.

Having conversed with you before, I am not surprised.  You are a good person.

Since she enjoyed it so much I would make her another....  This time go over and offer to serve both of them personally.  Make sure you put on a bunch of bandaids all over your fingers and say something about an accident with the mixer.  And, be sure to talk about childhood memories while there......

That'll teach em....

I dunno, sometimes doing wrong  can make you feel so good.... it's worth a chuckle at least. 
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Since2005

  • Member
  • Posts: 421
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #43 on: October 08, 2011, 05:49:38 PM »
To be honest, lots of people out there are as ignorant as she is. It's just that you overheard what she was thinking/saying. What if you did not hear it then you would still think that she really enjoyed the pie. Life is like that , there are lots of people around I am just glad that I don't know 'what they are thinking'.

Your approach is great. You are trying to save the relationship with your friend. I believe giving anyone a second chance. if you present the fact and they accept it then you could just forget about the whole thing and move forwad and if they don't take it easy then hey at least you tried and then you could say " I have enough with your ignorance". All in all, you are in the high place because you are the one who is making the moves to be nice to them and see what happens.

Sorry you had to go through this. Thanks for sharing!
« Last Edit: October 09, 2011, 05:11:31 AM by Since2005 »

Offline hope_for_a_cure

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,502
Re: I had a 'brush' with ignorance this week
« Reply #44 on: October 09, 2011, 09:13:46 AM »
I may run into them next weekend at a little oyster festival at the beach.  They have not missed it in years and I may have an opportunity to chat with them.  Thanks again ALL !  I guess the next time anything similar happens to me I will be ready to address it immediately. 
« Last Edit: October 09, 2011, 09:15:25 AM by hope_for_a_cure »

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.