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Author Topic: I know I have a risk, but how bad is it?  (Read 3242 times)

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Offline cdguy

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I know I have a risk, but how bad is it?
« on: September 15, 2011, 04:02:29 PM »
Ok, so I am married, 28 yr old male. I have had sex outside of marriage once, about a week ago. Obviously, I'm feeling guilty, nervous and paranoid. The person I had sex with is also a male. He is 55 yr old and married as well. We meet online about 3 weeks before the hookup. We talked, not all sexual. I asked him several times if he was disease free, he assured me he was. When we meet up, there was kissing, and oral, both of which I know are non-risk activities. He did however, penetrate me, unprotected. It was brief, 1-2 minutes  top, and he did not ejaculate in me. There was no blood, and he was lubed. I know it was a stupid thing to do, and I plan on getting tested in a few weeks. I guess I am looking for reassurance. How bad is my risk?

Offline Ann

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Re: I know I have a risk, but how bad is it?
« Reply #1 on: September 15, 2011, 04:10:47 PM »
cd,

Unprotected receptive anal intercourse is the most risky thing you can engage in when it comes to hiv transmission. Pre-cum is also infectious, so him not cumming in you only reduces your risk by a small amount.

The earliest you should test is at six weeks as the vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by this time. A six week negative must be confirmed at the three month point, but is highly unlikely to change.

You absolutely cannot go by what a person tells you about their hiv status. Some people lie and some people only think they're hiv negative. In future, you need to use condoms outside your marriage, no exceptions.

Speaking of which, you'll need to use condoms with your wife while you wait to test. Newly infected people are at their most infectious due to the very high viral loads that go hand in hand with a new infection.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline cdguy

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Re: I know I have a risk, but how bad is it?
« Reply #2 on: September 15, 2011, 04:20:49 PM »
Thanks for the quick reply Ann

Offline cdguy

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Re: I know I have a risk, but how bad is it?
« Reply #3 on: September 17, 2011, 05:01:45 PM »
I am freaking out a bit right now. I have a fever and sore throat, and I'm congested. I think its probably a cold, but then I read about primary  hiv infections. How long do symptoms take to show up? For me it has been about a week. I talked to the guy I had sex with, we still chat and are friendly. He last got tested 6 months ago and was negative.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I know I have a risk, but how bad is it?
« Reply #4 on: September 17, 2011, 06:03:25 PM »
Your symptoms are not in any way HIV specific. And neither the presence nor the absence of symptoms will ever tell you anything accurately about your HIV status. Only an HIV test taken at the proper time can give you that answer.

You can test initially at 6 weeks after the incident. A negative at that point points to the likelihood that you will continue to test negative at 3 months. The average time to seroconversion is 22 days.

Right now you are unfortunately in a state of jitters and interpreting and misinterpreting everything that happens to you as another indication of your worst fears coming true. Keep in mind you had a single and brief risk. It was a risk of course but the odds are in your favor that you will come out of this ok.

You need to learn from this experience. If you have anal sex in the future, whoever is the insertive partner must always a wear a condom. No exceptions.

Good luck with your test. 
Andy Velez

Offline cdguy

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Re: I know I have a risk, but how bad is it?
« Reply #5 on: September 17, 2011, 07:39:12 PM »
Thank you very much for your reply. I am definitely nervous, a wreck is probably more descriptive. However, I think I will ok. I know I took a stupid risk, that I definitely I won't take again. The guy I was with is being supportive of me, we talk daily.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I know I have a risk, but how bad is it?
« Reply #6 on: September 17, 2011, 08:57:18 PM »
OK. Well that is encouraging that he's staying connected with you about this. It augurs well for a happy conclusion to the event.

Just remember that whether with him or anyone else in the future, a condom is a must. Right now you may not be thinking you'll ever have anal again. But time passes and IF you find yourself in a situation, make sure the condoms are handy and get used.

I expect you to come out of this ok.
Andy Velez

Offline cdguy

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Re: I know I have a risk, but how bad is it?
« Reply #7 on: September 20, 2011, 02:40:47 PM »
I'm kind of freaking out again. Do ARS symptoms show up all at once, or are they staggered? My fever is gone, my throat is still scratchy, and I am coughing a lot. Today my tongue is covered in a white film and it burns/tingles when I drink. It developed really suddenly, within a hour. I don't if it is thrush or not.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: I know I have a risk, but how bad is it?
« Reply #8 on: September 20, 2011, 03:16:12 PM »
If one has ARS the come on 2-4 weeks post exposure and last 1-2 weeks. They come on all at once and leave in the same manner.

Offline cdguy

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Re: I know I have a risk, but how bad is it?
« Reply #9 on: September 20, 2011, 03:48:23 PM »
Thank you. So my symptoms showed up after 6 days, and were sporadic So I probably don't have ARS.

Offline cdguy

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Re: I know I have a risk, but how bad is it?
« Reply #10 on: October 06, 2011, 12:20:53 PM »
So, I have been trying not to research hiv symptoms and to stay calm. However, last night I noticed my lymph nodes in my armpits in both sides are swollen and tender. My throat is still scratchy. I am really freaking out now. It is four weeks since my exposure. I don't have any other signs, no fever, rash, or anything else. Should I be worried?

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: I know I have a risk, but how bad is it?
« Reply #11 on: October 06, 2011, 12:56:04 PM »
Lymph nodes swelling and scratchy throat at the height of fall allergy season? I would look to that before ARS as the culprit. I've been sneezing for a week now.

Intwo weeks you can get a fairly reliable result from an HIV test.  And, of course, in three months a conclusive result. I'm afraid that's the absolute best you can do for yourself.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I know I have a risk, but how bad is it?
« Reply #12 on: October 06, 2011, 12:57:57 PM »
Would you believe me if I told you not to be worried? I don't think so. You're worried.

But fortunately fears and doubts are not facts. Nothing you are reporting is in any way HIV specific. Leave your lymph nodes alone.They are very sensitive to the touch and you can create a real problem if you keep bothering them. If you are concerned about them you should discuss that with your doctor.

You have some waiting time to get through. You're a couple of weeks away from being able to do a 6 weeks test. Assuming you test negative at that point then the likelihood is that you will continue to test negative.
Andy Velez

Offline cdguy

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Re: I know I have a risk, but how bad is it?
« Reply #13 on: October 19, 2011, 04:17:16 PM »
I wanted to thank you all for the support and understanding. The service you offer here is so helpful. I tested today at 6 weeks, well minus 1 day, with the rapid? blood test, the test took 10 mins. It was negative. I know I'm not out of the woods quite yet, but I am getting there. At least I feel less stressed. Thank you again!

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: I know I have a risk, but how bad is it?
« Reply #14 on: October 20, 2011, 07:19:04 AM »
cd,

That is an excellent result and it is HIGHLY UNLIKELY to change. You do need to confirm at the three month point, but it's more likely than not going to be another negative (I've yet to see a six week negative change). So relax and get busy with other things while you wait to confirm.

I sure hope you've learned from this and will never again take someone's word for it that they are hiv negative. Many, many people don't actually know their hiv status - they only assume.

You can have as much sex outside your marriage as you want - that's your call. As long as you are using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, you will avoid hiv infection. Just make sure you are using them EVERY time, regardless of what the other person tells you about their sexual health or hiv status.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline cdguy

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Re: I know I have a risk, but how bad is it?
« Reply #15 on: December 10, 2011, 10:57:07 AM »
Well I got tested two days ago, after my 90 day mark, and it came back negative. Thanks again fro all your support guys

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I know I have a risk, but how bad is it?
« Reply #16 on: December 10, 2011, 10:59:56 AM »
That's great. I'm happy for you.

Now, you may not be thinking of having intercourse again outside of your marriage. But if you do, just make sure that whoever is the insertive partner is always, without any exceptions, wearing a condom. That way you won't have to go through this kind of worrisome and risky experience again.

Good luck to you.
Andy Velez

 


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