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Author Topic: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.  (Read 6944 times)

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Offline red_Dragon888

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How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« on: September 12, 2011, 07:50:17 PM »
My boyfriend's mother, found papers stating that he is HIV positive.  When she confronted him, he had told her the truth, and his father and his two brother.  His is a close knit family, but his mother stopped communicating with him.  His father and his brothers still communicates with him, but his mother seems to cut him off completely.  I can see it is eating him up inside and that it pains him that what was once a good relationship has turned into abandonment.  I tell him that she needs time, but it saddens him badly that she has stop communicating with him. 

I feel his pain but what can I do?  I fear for his mental well being for he is acting out and looking rather depressed over it all, and I want to confront her, but it may make matters worst.  Will this ever get better?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

“Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline next2u

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Re: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« Reply #1 on: September 12, 2011, 08:06:49 PM »
Don't know if it will get better but just be there for your boyfriend. Don't contact his mom, they will work it out when the time is right.
midapr07 - seroconversion
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Offline WillyWump

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Re: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« Reply #2 on: September 12, 2011, 08:29:29 PM »
Do not confront her, that will only complicate things horribly.

Just be there for him, encourage him to speak about it with you, support him all you can in this matter (as you are doing)

She most likely will come around, but if she doesn't then that is her bad choice and he can really not do much about it. But since his father and siblings are speaking to him something tells me she will come around, it may just take time.

such a sad situation, i wish you and he luck.

-will

POZ since '08

Last Labs-
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Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir
.

Offline Joe K

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Re: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« Reply #3 on: September 12, 2011, 09:16:04 PM »
As much as you want to help, this is between your boyfriend and his mother. They must both find their way back to each other. Until then, just keep loving him like you always do.

Offline anniebc

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Re: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« Reply #4 on: September 12, 2011, 09:59:49 PM »
Hi Red

I can't add any more to what the guys have already said, it's up to Mum and son to sort things out, I know you want to help but just be there for him.

Aroha
Jan :-*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline red_Dragon888

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Re: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« Reply #5 on: September 13, 2011, 08:54:46 AM »
Thanks all, and I will keep out of it, and today my Husband, or soon to be Husband, is feeling better about the situation.  He realizes that she must somehow process her issues about her son having HIV.  I feel that she has mental issues, demons really, that goes beyond the norm and the fact that her son has HIV has pushed her into dangerous psychological territories.  I feel and prayer or meditate for her because I can only imagine the mental self-inflicted pain she must be putting herself through.  My she defeat her problems, her demons, and become better from the aftermath.

I keep telling my Husband that he was Heaven sent to me as I was to him and that we are here just in time to comfort and love one another.  Our "Guardian Angels,"our protectors or facsimile there of picked the right moment for us to meet and become a loving, happy couple and I am grateful for that.  Serendipity is the word that most reflect how we met, even if it was a plain hook-up, and my or our invisible on lookers are still making sure that our lives we be good and strong for the rest of our lives.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

“Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline Joe K

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Re: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« Reply #6 on: September 13, 2011, 03:52:39 PM »
Thanks all, and I will keep out of it, and today my Husband, or soon to be Husband, is feeling better about the situation.  He realizes that she must somehow process her issues about her son having HIV.  I feel that she has mental issues, demons really, that goes beyond the norm and the fact that her son has HIV has pushed her into dangerous psychological territories.  I feel and prayer or meditate for her because I can only imagine the mental self-inflicted pain she must be putting herself through.  My she defeat her problems, her demons, and become better from the aftermath.

As much as you want to help your boyfriend, suggesting that his mother has "mental issues and demons" is anything but helpful. Being a parent, I can tell you that part of her pain, is because her son has an incurable disease and there is little she can do to help him. Sometimes life presents people with challenges that they are ill-equipped to handle and this may be one for her. Right now, she may simply be overwhelmed and not know what to do. Her silence may indicate her fear of somehow hurting her son, by saying the wrong thing and she may simply need some time to come to grips with this life-altering news.

You seem to hold the opinion that there is something wrong with mental illness, when in fact, it is a disease. I don't know his mother and maybe she has other issues with his being gay and/or poz. If so, it remains something for them to sort out and I would think you would want to support this transition and denigrating his mother will only come back to haunt you.

Offline mecch

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Re: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« Reply #7 on: September 13, 2011, 04:13:14 PM »
I think its great his father and brothers are still there, so just keep on building that relationship.  Eventually by osmosis the mother will come around on her own time, or the father will help her along, or her other sons, or your bf. 

Frankly you don't have any business messing with his mom's reaction.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline red_Dragon888

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Re: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« Reply #8 on: September 17, 2011, 09:48:01 PM »
As much as you want to help your boyfriend, suggesting that his mother has "mental issues and demons" is anything but helpful. Being a parent, I can tell you that part of her pain, is because her son has an incurable disease and there is little she can do to help him. Sometimes life presents people with challenges that they are ill-equipped to handle and this may be one for her. Right now, she may simply be overwhelmed and not know what to do. Her silence may indicate her fear of somehow hurting her son, by saying the wrong thing and she may simply need some time to come to grips with this life-altering news.

You seem to hold the opinion that there is something wrong with mental illness, when in fact, it is a disease. I don't know his mother and maybe she has other issues with his being gay and/or poz. If so, it remains something for them to sort out and I would think you would want to support this transition and denigrating his mother will only come back to haunt you.
True, but I was conveying more than I should, but I was referring to angry issues and some other things that I am assuming.  My mistake and I apologies for writing that.
« Last Edit: September 17, 2011, 09:51:35 PM by red_Dragon888 »
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

“Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline red_Dragon888

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Re: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« Reply #9 on: September 22, 2011, 05:20:31 PM »
There is some progress.  My husband gave his mother a lengthy text but she gave a one word reply.  "Hope springs eternal" that she may one day talk to him again and they can have some kind of relationship.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

“Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline red_Dragon888

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Re: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« Reply #10 on: October 07, 2011, 10:31:00 AM »
I did the impossible and probably the most stupid thing in my life.  I have sent a letter to my lover's father and mother to introduce myself and invited them over for dinner. I have also told them where they can get advice for HIV by giving them his website.  I felt like I was intruding into someone else's life but I just wanted them to get to know me and give them some advice.   I hope I did the right thing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

“Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline mecch

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Re: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« Reply #11 on: October 07, 2011, 05:05:23 PM »
Hope Springs Eternal is 3 words.  is that what she wrote back? Or said back?
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline red_Dragon888

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Re: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« Reply #12 on: October 08, 2011, 04:10:38 AM »
Hope Springs Eternal is 3 words.  is that what she wrote back? Or said back?
I just wrote to the family a little intro to get to know me.  it like meeting the parents for the first time and justifying why I should be dating their son.  My family background, the family history, the honesty, my intentions, and etc.  I did not give up the "kitchen sink," but they have some idea who I am and what I am like.  And I thought only straight people had to go through all this.  How wrong was I?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

“Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline mecch

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Re: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« Reply #13 on: October 08, 2011, 05:28:46 AM »
There is some progress.  My husband gave his mother a lengthy text but she gave a one word reply.  "Hope springs eternal" that she may one day talk to him again and they can have some kind of relationship.

I am confused.

So, there have been two letters given to this mother.  Yours, and separately, your husbands.

The mom gave a one word reply.  To her son's text.  But we in the forum do not know the reply.

And what was the reply, if any, to your text?
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline red_Dragon888

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Re: How do I get my boyfriend's Mother to speak to him.
« Reply #14 on: October 08, 2011, 06:17:05 AM »
I am confused.

So, there have been two letters given to this mother.  Yours, and separately, your husbands.

The mom gave a one word reply.  To her son's text.  But we in the forum do not know the reply.

And what was the reply, if any, to your text?
My husband text his Mom and she sent a reply of "ok, that's nice."  I have sent lengthy email to both mother and father introducing myself and giving them advice of where they can get information on HIV. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

“Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

 


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