Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
Newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr Instagram
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
December 22, 2014, 06:09:03 PM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 650173
  • Total Topics: 49630
  • Online Today: 192
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online
Users: 5
Guests: 127
Total: 132

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Welcome to Am I Infected

IMPORTANT UPDATE
Posted Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Welcome to the "Am I Infected?" POZ forum.

New members -- those who have posted three or fewer messages -- are permitted to post questions and responses, free of charge (make them count!). Ongoing participation in the "Am I Infected?" forum -- posting more than three questions or responses -- requires a paid subscription.

A seven-day subscription is $9.99, a 30-day subscription is $14.99 and a 90-day subscription is $24.99.

Anyone who needs to post more than three messages in the "Am I Infected?" forum -- including past, present and future POZ Forums members -- will need to subscribe, with secure payments made via PayPal.

There will be no charge to continue reading threads in the "Am I Infected?" forum, nor will there be a charge for participating in any of the Main Forums; Meds, Mind, Body & Benefits; and Off Topic Forums. Similarly, all POZ and AIDSmeds pages, including our "How is HIV Transmitted?" and "Am I Infected? (A Guide to Testing for HIV)" lessons, will remain accessible to all. 

NOTE: HIV testing questions will still need to be posted in the "Am I Infected?" forum; attempts to post HIV symptoms or testing questions in any other forums will be considered violations of our rules of membership and subject to time-outs and permanent bans.

To learn how to upgrade your Forums account to participate beyond three posts in the "Am I Infected?" Forum, please click here.

Thank you for your understanding and future support of the best online support service for people living with, affected by and at risk for HIV.

Author Topic: HIV & CSW Risk Question  (Read 6094 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline fuan

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
HIV & CSW Risk Question
« on: September 06, 2011, 09:12:43 PM »
First I wanted to thank the staff who answer questions in these forums you really do provide an invaluable service. I am a circumcised white male in my early 30's married with a daughter and living in Japan. I have had OCD as long as I can remember and in recent years it seems to have become more severe.

In the past 2 years I have visited 5 different prostitutes here in Japan for a total of 9 encounters. All were condom protected using the polyurethane condoms provided by the love hotel. The last two encounters I had were threesomes. The first one that happened last year I was drunk but quite in control mentally. I received unprotect oral by one of the women and had condom protected sex with both of them alternating between the two but using the same condom.

The most recent encounter was another threesome involving one of the same girls as before and one new girl. The same thing happened condom protected sex this time we changed condoms each time I changed girls. The condoms were provided by them. I was a bit drunk this particular time and had maybe half of an erection and the condom was kind of hanging there (if that makes sense) off my penis. After a vigorous few minutes I couldn't finish so I stopped. After kneeling down a while on the bed and talking I noticed then the condom was off my penis and to the side of me. This is what alarmed me. I am not sure what exactly happened I don't believe I was inside her without the condom on but I can't rule it out completely. If I was it would have been brief but the thrusting was vigorous (does that even matter?) If a condom is on a half erect soft penis and appears a bit bunched up at the tip is it still adequately protecting me?

I apologize this is so long I must also state that I have been seeking help for my OCD and whatever else is ging on with me because to be honest I don't have a bad marriage there is no reason for me to be doing this stuff. I have a compulsion to engage in self destructive behavior. It is really hard to explain. I last had an HIV/STD test about 3 years ago everything was all clean. I have found that I almost feel compelled to constantly engage in foolish behavior so that I can worry about the consequences endlessly. Have I gone mad? I hate this feeling, I don't enjoy the sex with these women, I rarely even finish in those situations and I always regret it immensely afterwards. I know this is no mental help forum but from an HIV standpoint what are the risks in the situations I have mentioned above? I will take a test soon but am scared to death. Logically I read these forums and I feel I should stop worrying then I read some people post here and on other forums that they rubbed their penis briefly on a persons anus and contracted HIV without even penetration and I start to freak out. Are such cases true do you think?

If you took the time to read this I truly do appreciate it!

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: HIV & CSW Risk Question
« Reply #1 on: September 07, 2011, 06:37:17 AM »
Fuan,

First off, two things. One - people who live with hiv are not dirty. One does not get a "clean" result from hiv testing, one gets a positive or negative result.

Secondly, people are not high or low risk as you state in the title of your thread. It's not WHO you do, it's HOW you do it. The only true risk group is that group of people who have unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse with people of positive or unknown hiv status.

Nothing you did was a risk for hiv infection. It sounds like the condom fell off while you were talking the time you are worried about. Sex workers make their clients use condoms to protect their own health and livelihoods, not yours, the client. You would not have been permitted to go bare with her.

Your worries are more about the guilt you're feeling than any basis in the science of hiv transmission. You didn't have a risk.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline fuan

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
Re: HIV & CSW Risk Question
« Reply #2 on: September 07, 2011, 08:02:08 PM »
Ann,
Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post. When I used the term "clean" I meant that the STD tests were all negative. I certainly did not intentionally use insulting terminology so if it came off that way I apologize and thank you for informing me that using the word "clean" to describe a negative test might be offensive to somebody who is positive. I assure you no disrespect was intended. My only follow up is this: There is a very real possibility that towards the end I could have been inside the woman unprotected. All I can say is after exiting her I was half soft and condomless with the condom being off to my left side. Logically I am in agreement with what I have read on these forums and elsewhere that the chance of contracting something from this is minuscule however I get seriously worried when I read about people saying they contracted HIV from what appears on the surface to be less risky behavior. I read one account of a gay man testing positive after just having another man rub his penis on his anus with no insertion. Also there are stories of others having brief unprotected heterosexual contact with a CSW and testing positive. Is it safe to assume these stories are being recalled incorrectly or the HIV transmission is 100% due to another encounter? I am not trying to intrude on other peoples posts but they are helpful and have led me to wondering how despite the advice that is constantly given here and elsewhere that people are coming up with different results.


 I read the MedHelp forums as well and the doctors over there seem to be held in high regard. Several men have reported brief unprotected encounters with working females and often the doctor says that he wouldn't even advise testing for a one off exposure. In your opinion is this solid advice?

Thank You

Offline fuan

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
Re: HIV & CSW Risk Question
« Reply #3 on: September 07, 2011, 08:06:27 PM »
Sex workers make their clients use condoms to protect their own health and livelihoods, not yours, the client. You would not have been permitted to go bare with her.

One more just to cleat this up. Condoms were changed three times as I rotated between both girls they were insistent about that. When I finished she was on all fours and I was behind her. As I said it was a bit on the vigorous side and I don't know if she wouldn't have known if I was inside her without a condom or not. I always withdraw and make sure the condom is on and intact when I have sex and just remember being shocked that it was off and to the side.

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 25,396
Re: HIV & CSW Risk Question
« Reply #4 on: September 08, 2011, 07:54:54 AM »
Like Ann I don't see yours as a risky situation with regard to HIV. But there is a simple solution to your resolving your concerns. Get tested. Do it at 3 months past the most recent incident and you will get a conclusive result, one which I expect will be negative.

There is one alarm bell sounding in your report: casual sex while drinking excessively. It should be avoided because it impairs your ability to practice safer sex and is the cause of too many sad stories.  We also recommend that anyone who is sexually active ought to at least annually have a full STD panel done because other STDs are much easier to acquire than HIV.
Andy Velez

Offline fuan

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
Re: HIV & CSW Risk Question
« Reply #5 on: September 08, 2011, 10:48:09 PM »
Andy, Thank you for the reply. You are right about alcohol. I am never so inebriated that I have sex unprotected the main problem with alcohol is that I put myself in the position of having casual sex to begin with. Since I have no physical addiction to alcohol I have eliminated it from my life as I obviously make such mistakes only when drunk. Since my last encounter I haven't repeated this behavior.

I have posed a couple of questions here that have gone unanswered and it has resulted in me pouring over available information online. Dr. Handsfield at MedHelp seems to be held in high regard at least from what I gather. I imagine a man of his specialty has treated numerous people who are infected with the HIV virus. He has stated the following: "Every patient with HIV I have ever known had experienced multiple unprotected anal or vaginal sex episodes with large numbers of partners who were either known to be infected or to be at obvious high risk." couple this with numerous instances on that site where a heterosexual man has a one time vaginal encounter with a female CSW or unknown person and receives the advice that testing isn't necessary except for peace of mind.

This seems to go against many stories (some of which are on this site) I read of people who have tested positive for HIV and really are at a loss as to how they contracted it or claim they had a one time exposure that is labelled low risk. Either these people are not telling the full truth about their exposures or something is missing here. In such cases where the person cannot pin down where they got HIV the advice to them often is to not focus on where they got it from. This doesn't make sense to me.

I imagine an HIV specialist has seen hundreds of HIV positive patients and not a single one contracted it by any other means than repeated unprotect vaginal or anal sex with multiple partners?

I am just in search of the truth is all.

Offline jkinatl2

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: HIV & CSW Risk Question
« Reply #6 on: September 08, 2011, 11:16:07 PM »
Quote
Every patient with HIV I have ever known had experienced multiple unprotected anal or vaginal sex episodes with large numbers of partners who were either known to be infected or to be at obvious high risk." couple this with numerous instances on that site where a heterosexual man has a one time vaginal encounter with a female CSW or unknown person and receives the advice that testing isn't necessary except for peace of mind.

While it is certainly rare for a male to acquire HIV from a single episode of unprotected vaginal sex, it is indeed possible.

Quote
This seems to go against many stories (some of which are on this site) I read of people who have tested positive for HIV and really are at a loss as to how they contracted it or claim they had a one time exposure that is labelled low risk. Either these people are not telling the full truth about their exposures or something is missing here. In such cases where the person cannot pin down where they got HIV the advice to them often is to not focus on where they got it from. This doesn't make sense to me.

Why does it not make sense to you? As someone who has struggled with alcohol abuse, and the subsequent blurring of memory that follows? Try to imagine what blackout after blackout does to a person. Or drugs like Meth or crack? They all impact inhibition and given enough, they can certainly create craters in a person's memory. Add to that the fact that people are often extremely embarrassed to admit to doctors, to an internet group, and even to themselves.

It makes perfect sense. And with precious few exceptions, time usually brings a little more clarity. This process can often take years. Some people get diagnosed and wait for years to seek treatment, until their physical health begins to fail because they can't hide it from themselves any longer.

This is why patient report is notoriously unreliable. And why HIV transmission theory was hugely advanced by the breakthrough medications that allow people to live long and health, sexually active lives.

Quote
I imagine an HIV specialist has seen hundreds of HIV positive patients and not a single one contracted it by any other means than repeated unprotect vaginal or anal sex with multiple partners?

Similar to pregnancy, it usually takes repeated encounters. But in reality, it can happen from one exposure. It's not likely, but it's possible.

While it is unlikely that you could have acquired HIV from the incident you described, it exists within the realm of possibility. A test at 13 weeks would be prudent, even if it is not technically necessary.


"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline fuan

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
Re: HIV & CSW Risk Question
« Reply #7 on: September 11, 2011, 02:07:05 PM »
I went the doctors office yesterday and he convinced me to take a test and I complied. For those who frequently use the MedHElp forums I also posted over there just to tap into a different set of opinions. I really don't thin I can face these results and go back to the office in 2 days time. I was very foolish and keep thinking of what I have done. I can't sleep. It seems whenever somebody mentions they have some kind of symptom this forum and over at MH say they are not consistent with HIV. Surely this can't be 100% correct.

Here is what I have experienced:
I continuously have the lymph nodes under my jawbone get sore. This comes and goes frequently with a heavy feeling of sorts.

I am overweight and notice small pea shaped balls of what feel like fat but my doctor says are lymph nodes. Maybe these are called lipoma I don't know. I have these all in my groin/inner thigh and they have been there a long time. They are also in my inner arm but are not as noticeable to the touch. Is this cause for concern?

I have jock itch that only goes away temporarily with anti-fungal cream but does not go away completely.

Cracks in my feet that do not heal and swollen feet.

Lymph node on the nape of my neck has hardened is small in size and does not go away.

I forgot one previous encounter I had previously. I was with a CSW who had severe bad breath we didn't have sex of any kind and all she did was provide a handjob but she had performed prolonged analingus on me and I have hemorrhoids/fissures. I imagine this gives her unclean mouth direct access to an open sore/bloodstream.

I probably sound like I am crazy but if somebody would respond with honest answers please help me. I am so scared to go in for the result but know I have to eventually. It is doubtful that I escape a positive verdict but if I do I am absolutely not putting myself at risk ever again. I said this once before but convinced myself I could be safe and handle this but clearly I cannot. I am not cut out for this.

Offline RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,288
Re: HIV & CSW Risk Question
« Reply #8 on: September 11, 2011, 03:15:54 PM »
You never had an exposure.

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 25,396
Re: HIV & CSW Risk Question
« Reply #9 on: September 11, 2011, 05:51:29 PM »
Only your HIV test result can give you the answer you want. There is nothing HIV specific about any of the so-called symptoms which you are worried about. Nothnig you have reported of your activities leads me to expect other than a negative result.

If you can't handle the situation emotionally then I suggest you see a therapist or other profesisonal to address your problems. We cannot address that in this setting.

I am also going to warn you that if you continue to return here with yet more questions about this same situation, you are going to find yourself getting a Time Out from the site for at least 28 days.

Believe it or not HIV is not your problem. Getting your test result will confirm that.
Andy Velez

Offline fuan

  • Member
  • Posts: 6
Re: HIV & CSW Risk Question
« Reply #10 on: September 14, 2011, 01:37:13 AM »
I just wanted to add an update.
I went in to get my test results today and as the kind folks on this forum have expected the results were negative. This was a real stressful time for me and I wanted to sincerely thank Ann, RapidRod, jkinatl2, and Andy Velez for responding to me. In a way I am grateful for this experience because I am sure to not be one of the people who pop back up on here in a months time with the same worries. I learned my lesson and a lot about myself.

One thing I really got from all of this is if I went through a mere 5 or so days of stress over this and came out negative I can't imagine what some people have gone through. I can't help but to feel for somebody who indeed made a mistake is in a relationship and had togo home and tell their partner that they are HIV+ or closeted gay folks who have to confront a chronic illness and coming out. I can't imagine it and it makes me feel silly for getting worked up before I even knew my status. If any of the experts on this forum know of where I can donate some money I would like to do that. I would especially like to donate to a cause that helps people who can't afford medicine or to one that offers counseling if such an organization exists that you deem trustworthy please share it with me.

Again,
Thank You

edit: Also thank you Ann for correcting my use of the word "clean" for negative. I never stopped to think how that could come off as  insensitive before you alerted me to it. Thank You. I shall correct my speech in the future so as not to offend anyone needlessly. Take Care
« Last Edit: September 14, 2011, 01:41:54 AM by fuan »

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: HIV & CSW Risk Question
« Reply #11 on: September 14, 2011, 05:38:20 AM »
Fuan,

I would suggest that you donate (or even volunteer) at an ASO (Aids Service Organisation) locally near you. You can find local ASOs by using the searchable database at aidsmap.com.

It's good to know that you understand why using the term "clean" to describe your own or anyone else's hiv status can be offensive. Thanks.

Remember to always use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!!!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.