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Author Topic: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends  (Read 16746 times)

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Offline marriedmansam

  • Member
  • Posts: 45
hello everyone.

i am a 46 tear old married man with wife and two teenage children living in Yorkshire. i received a call back from the GUM clinic on Aug 31 to ask me to go back in for a second test because the first had been 'responsive' to the HIV test. I was shocked. i had not expected that.

I was away from home and in London so went to a walk in clinic for a HIV test. this was done right in front of me. the spots appeared and the very nice health worker told me this was a positive response. i am due to visit my local GUM clinic at on Monday 5 Sept and i already know i am positive.

I have not slept since. i have been to some very dark places. i have considered suicide but i think i am a coward. I have always practiced safe sex with my wife since the birth of our children so i don't think she has been exposed. i am terrified of telling her and loosing my family. i know i my wife and i know she will be very very upset and hurt and will not want me there if she find out.  i know she will out me and my life will be unbearable and i will loose everything; personally and professionally. My tears are flowing now and i am not an emotional person usually.

what i have realised is that i don't really have any friends and that my family is my life. I have taken them for granted and i get very sad at the prospect of loosing them. if she wants me out i can't blame her but i have nowhere else to go and funds will be very tight.

what is consuming me most? dealing with HIV or loosing my family?

I am pleased that i found this forum - it has helped me to get some perspective - it may prove to be my life line.
I was especially pleased to see some UK members, including Ann.

So how do i tell my wife? and deal with the response? i am back home and leading a normal life this weekend. meeting friends, going out for drinks and walks. shopping. I have loved doing all of these normal family things with my wife and children. i took it all for  granted and sad and terrified at the prospect of loosing the simple things. (more tears)

on the health side... since finding out the outcome i have realised that i could be experiencing Sero conversion... for a few weeks i have been running a high temperature and feel cold, especially my arms. some of my muscles are achy and i have not had much of an appetite. in fact after eating even a small meal i have been feeling nauseous. my worry is if this is sero conversion or am i experiencing the beginning of something more threatening? if it is sero conversion can i use paracetamol or other flu type treatment products?

I am worried that the GUM clinic near where i live (Hull) is too small to provide what i need. i am worried about confidentiality and, don't trust the staff to be discrete. When i explained the the health care worker in London where i lived she made a comment that made me question how effective the Hull clinic will be.

I know that in due course i will need to register to attend a HIV clinic - any advice? i think there are others in Leeds, York and Scunthorpe. Another bizarre thought is that i don't have time to be ill and deal with HIV. i have a demanding job.

I have already looked for local support groups and there is nothing. THANK GOD i found this and the THT.

I want to start treatment right away. i am struggling with the idea of having to wait for tests over the next 3-6 months before being in a sensible position to discuss treatment. But i want to know that i am doing something and terrified at the idea that i might get some opportunistic illness and need to be hospitalised.

I am beginning to ramble.
i don't expect any of you to solve all of my problems but any help and advice will be welcomed
« Last Edit: September 05, 2011, 08:39:30 AM by marriedmansam »
June/July 2011- Infected
30 Aug 2011    - First test
31 Aug 2011     - Call to tell me first test was poz

3 Sept 2011       - Joined this forum
5 Sept 2011       - clinic appointment for retest
16 Sept 2011     VL 75 400 CD4 428 and 28%
next appointment  3 Jan 2012
3 Jan 2012          - VL 71 300 CD4 460 and 23%

Offline spacebarsux

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,350
  • Survival of the Fittest
Hi marriedman,

Sorry to hear about your diagnosis.

I can see that a host of emotions are running through your mind, as is only natural when one is newly diagnosed.

While receiving a poz diagnosis is traumatic it is not the end of the world. Millions of others have gone through this and you will too. You’ve now embarked on a journey which might have a slightly bumpy start but in time you’ll get to calmer waters and it will be much smoother sailing  :). You might not be able to see that today, but that day will come. So, please erase any sort of suicidal thoughts from your mind because the truth is that in 2011 you have near normal life expectancy.

As far as disclosing to your wife is concerned, I feel you should disclose to her as soon as you possible/practicable. She needs to know the truth since she is directly affected. I appreciate how hard this may be for you but it does need to be done.

On the medical front, yes you’ll need to go to a HIV clinic and get registered. I don’t know about Hull, but I am certain Manchester, Leeds and Liverpool have many HIV clinics. Ann (the moderator) gets treated at Liverpool. As regards the high temperature you are experiencing it could be Serocoversion if your infection is recent or not. Once you get you lab tests done (CD4 and VL), it will give you a snapshot of the state of your immune system.

With today’s treatment options, there is no reason you can’t fulfil your duties in a demanding job.

All the best and welcome to the forums.

Big Hug :)




« Last Edit: September 04, 2011, 07:12:07 AM by spacebarsux »
Infected-  2005 or early 2006; Diagnosed- Jan 28th, 2011; Feb '11- CD4 754 @34%, VL- 39K; July '11- CD4 907@26%,  VL-81K; Feb '12- CD4 713 @31%, VL- 41K, Nov '12- CD4- 827@31%

Offline emeraldize

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,334
Hi MM,

Where to start. First, welcome.

Second, get some sleep -- by whatever means necessary -- your body and mind need it.
Your ability to navigate is going to be greatly diminished if you don't.

Third, take one of my newly favorite Ralph Waldo Emerson quotes to heart.
“Always do what you are afraid to do.”

The good news I read in your thinking thus far is that you've already imagined the worst outcome--that you'll be asked by your wife to leave, things will be tight financially and uncomfortable. You've assessed that your life has largely been about family and consequently you've not got many friends for support. Well, you neatly addressed that gap by coming here---so although they are for now e-relationships, you nevertheless have a place to off-gas, seek opinion, etc.

So, you have to figure out when the time and place is right to speak with your wife. She obviously needs to be tested. And, hopefully, she'll be able to listen deeply and envision the ramifications to you, her and the kids as she decides how she'll react. I sense you've already imagined what it would be like to be her. To not only discover another side to a trusted spouse, but to learn your health may have been compromised as well.

It's a lot to take on, but the longer you wait, the more you prolong your agony and anxiety. She may surprise you. There are people who are actually cooler than we might think when faced with devastating news. Were it mine to do, I would go somewhere on foot with her, perhaps a park which affords some calm and privacy. If that's not possible, a time when the kids are not within earshot and again, there is privacy. Present in this site's members are thousands of stories of telling spouses, partners, siblings, employers and friends -- the range of experiences is vast and many have been met with great compassion.

Ann and Newt are among the best UK resources for insights to accessing the health system and there are others, too.

You will get through this, all of it, and you have children who should be your inspiration for keeping yourself as intact as possible while being understandably stressed.  

Best to you.
Em

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,136
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Hi Sam, welcome to the forums.

I haven't heard a lot of good about the GUM at Hull either. Nothing specific, but I've heard they have a lot of unhappy clients. Leeds, on the other hand, I've heard lots of good about. Great staff, by all accounts.

As you had previously been testing regularly, it sounds as though you're dealing with a very new infection. For this reason there is no reason to think you'll have to take time to be ill. Many of our forum members have demanding jobs and they do just fine. There's no reason to think you're suddenly going to get an opportunistic infection. OIs normally only strike after a person has been poz for years without knowing and/or without treatment. Now that you know your status you will be able to start treatment long before you have to worry about OIs.

If you are currently still feeling the effects of seroconversion, there's not much you can do aside from getting enough rest and taking paracetamol for the fever and aches. It shouldn't last more than a week or two.

Regarding your wife, well, you are going to have to tell her. While the fact that you've been using condoms means she's extremely unlikely to also test positive, she would still be wise to test.

She's going to want to know how you came to be hiv positive, but I'm thinking it may be best to break the news about hiv first and let her digest that before you tell her about your bisexuality. One step at a time, eh? You never know - she just might surprise you by being supportive.

You can find a fairly comprehensive listing of hiv services in the North East at the MESMAC North East website. Newcastle seems to have more services than any other area, but that may be because that MESMAC is based in Newcastle.

MESMAC also has a website based in Yorkshire click here Hope you find the links useful.

Good luck and hang in there. Ultimately you're going to be ok.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,225
  • red pill? or blue pill?

She's going to want to know how you came to be hiv positive, but I'm thinking it may be best to break the news about hiv first and let her digest that before you tell her about your bisexuality. One step at a time, eh? You never know - she just might surprise you by being supportive.


This was my first thought as well.

Half your fear is about HIV and going forward. (we can predict how your future can be:  great meds, you will be ok!)

Half your fear is about being bi AND AND AND living a lie AND AND AND not being an acceptable husband anymore because of bisexuality and lying. (you can't predict how any of this will go...)  If you love your wife and want to be with here, this might be a good time to make sure she knows that.  

For what its worth, I know a fair amount of formerly married men with children who are now divorced and out as bisexuals or gays and they haven't "lost everything".  

Added:  I wanted to say, all the most hideous possible outcomes are ruminating in your head, this is quite common...   You live in England and are English??  In so many countries, a father isn't going to be denied his right to be a father because he's gay or bi or HIV+.  Also, many countries have workplace anti-discrimination laws. 

You will want to start talking to people who can start getting real facts about the real situation in your living area, into your head.  ASAP.   All the facts will help cutting down on the rumination but it takes time and of course living through this change is very difficult.

There is absolutely no need for suicide or self-destruction.  In your case as a father (and husband and son, brother, uncle etc etc) it would be very selfish and based only on your present fears about the worst outcomes.  Many of these fears are surely unfounded.   


 
« Last Edit: September 04, 2011, 10:40:38 AM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Assurbanipal

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,173
  • Taking a forums break, still see PM's
Hello Sam

Your post sounds like you are in the middle of a whirlwind of fears about your future, your health, your marriage, your children.  And basically you are projecting your worst fears as if they were realities. 

They won't be; you are going to be ok. 



It's great you are reaching out for help -- here are some additional suggestions.

Your post mentions you have found THT.  Did you know they have a helpline as well as a web presence?

You've also said that you looked for support groups and they are pretty scarce around you.  In your situation, where you are trying to deal with a new infection, disclosing to your wife and thoughts about your sexuality as well as your infection I'd suggest skipping the search for a support group and that instead you find a therapist.  A therapist will keep your information private and be able to help you work through the issues -- they are a lot more common than you think.  And therapists / counselors tend to be a lot better geographically distributed than support groups.

As far as general disclosure is concerned you may find the lessons on this site helpful http://www.aidsmeds.com/cn/printView.php?page=/articles/Disclosure_7570.shtml&domain=www.aidsmeds.com

As far as disclosing to your spouse you may also want to look at the following resources and read some stories -- many marriages survive these disclosures and those that don't often come to amicable resolutions.

http://www.straightspouse.org/home.php  -- This is targeted at current and former spouse's of gay and bi men.  There's a lot of diversity and support here for spouses -- understanding the different alternatives may help you.

http://gay-married.com/  -- this is a website for a Washington DC support group for gay married men -- but they have a great set of resources and you may find it helpful to read some of the stories. 

http://www.parentsofgays.co.uk/ -- they are based in NE England focused on helping gay youth, but may well be able to link you to better local resources (This is the English link from PFLAG)

Frankly you need to tell your spouse; that is the only way you will get out of this whirlwind of fears.  Before you have that discussion you should think very clearly about what you want to convey.  This will be a very hard discussion for you and for her and it is important that you be focused and truthful.   Keep it simple, answer questions directly (you don't need to lead with your bisexuality, but you should not lie about it).  And most importantly think about your intent.  After all, you've been married a long time; your intent will convey itself. 

If you can see a therapist first, that may help you understand what your intentions are and how to convey the message.  I'd recommend it.  But if you love this woman, you owe her a fairly quick disclosure of what is wrong with you and how that may affect her and your family.

Best
Assurbanipal
 
5/06 VL 1M+, CD4 22, 5% , pneumonia, thrush -- O2 support 2 months, 6/06 +Kaletra/Truvada
9/06 VL 3959 CD4 297 13.5% 12/06 VL <400 CD4 350 15.2% +Pravachol
2007 VL<400, 70, 50 CD4 408-729 16.0% -19.7%
2008 VL UD CD4 468 - 538 16.7% - 24.6% Osteoporosis 11/08 doubled Pravachol, +Calcium/D
02/09 VL 100 CD4 616 23.7% 03/09 VL 130 5/09 VL 100 CD4 540 28.4% +Actonel (osteoporosis) 7/09 VL 130
8/09  new regimen Isentress/Epzicom 9/09 VL UD CD4 621 32.7% 11/09 VL UD CD4 607 26.4% swap Isentress for Prezista/Norvir 12/09 (liver and muscle issues) VL 50
2010 VL UD CD4 573-680 26.1% - 30.9% 12/10 VL 20
2011 VL UD-20 CD4 568-673 24.7%-30.6%
2012 VL UD swap Prezista/Norvir for Reyataz drop statin CD4 768-828 26.7%-30.7%

Offline marriedmansam

  • Member
  • Posts: 45
Thank YOU all for your very prompt and supportive responses; all have helped me. After writing my first post on here i began to write a letter to my wife. I thought I would be able to express my feelings better and more clearly.

Anne, thank you for the info about Hull. I think i will tell Hull that i would like to attend the HIV clinic in in Leeds.

I have spent the last two days doing very normal things and it has made me realise just how much I could loose.

I know  that I have to tell my wife and I do like Emeral's suggestion of a quiet, calm place with no distractions where I can tell her and give her my letter to read. I think it will have to be one evening this week. I am actually due to travel to London for an overnight stay on Monday and she has an important week at work. So i am just need plan for the best time and place! or do I cancel work?

The THT counsellor that I spoke to a few days ago, when I was a little emotional, suggested that I might want to make some arrangements, like alternative living arrangements, just in case she wants me to leave - which i expect!

The idea of separating the HIV and my sexual preferences/bisexuality make some sense. but i suspect her first question will be HOW did you get it?

I am tempted to lie about the bisexuality. Afterall I have lived with this secret/lie for the last 20 years.
In reality I doublet I will ever have sex ever again. For the first time that I can remember I have absolutely no interest in sex and have decided to erase all of my on line profiles and I have already deleted all of my mobile phone sex contacts. (I have kept the very small number that need to know because they have had recent contact and need to be advised to get checked out)

So perhaps the bi side need not be addressed just now. I could lie about how i was exposed - a good idea?

can anyone remind me what the time window is for beginning and ending seroconversion? (yes i am trying to work out with some definate idea the date that i picked this up!)

sam






June/July 2011- Infected
30 Aug 2011    - First test
31 Aug 2011     - Call to tell me first test was poz

3 Sept 2011       - Joined this forum
5 Sept 2011       - clinic appointment for retest
16 Sept 2011     VL 75 400 CD4 428 and 28%
next appointment  3 Jan 2012
3 Jan 2012          - VL 71 300 CD4 460 and 23%

Offline Joe K

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 3,493
Hey Sam,

I was also married when I became poz and I can tell you that nothing but the truth will work.  I was a closeted gay man, with a wife and daughter, who was having sex with men.  As hard as it might be, you owe your wife the absolute truth, because eventually she will know everything and it's better to hear it from you.  I can empathize with your fears, about losing your family, but you brought this upon yourself.  I'm not judging you, just reminding you that your fears, about who and what you are, have brought you to this moment and if you want to salvage your marriage, you need to tell the truth, so your wife can decide on what she may want to do.

I know this is so hard, I really do, but eventually living a lie, comes back to haunt us.  I can't imagine your doing anything worse, than to continue lying to her about how you became infected.  Surely you know that she will figure it out and if you lie about it now, how do you ever expect her to trust you again?  You have violated your marriage and you must be sensitive to that fact when talking about these issues.

I wish I had an easy answer for you, but I don't.  All I can offer is that the truth is the only thing that can save you, because without being truthful, you will never be able to regain her trust.  Right now, her feelings and perceptions are paramount to yours.  You are not going to get sick any time soon, so focus your thoughts on how you can tell her and be there for her, because she is going to need an awful lot of support.

Also, you and your wife will have to decide on when and how you are going to tell your children.  Sadly, there are many victims here.
« Last Edit: September 04, 2011, 03:58:00 PM by killfoile »

Offline kellybryana

  • Member
  • Posts: 96
Hey there. I agree with killfoilie. Here's my story...My boyfriend infected me, and I found out from one of the guys he cheated with that he was bisexual.

The best thing is to tell her the truth. I forgave my bf immediately. After I found out about everything, he was very strong and was there for me the whole way. We tested positive Oct. 25th 2010 and I found out he is bi and that he cheated on me on December 2nd 2010. After that, he told me all the time how guilty he felt about everything. I can't imagine what it feels like to know you've hurt the person you love the most so badly. He was there to hold me when I cried, and it really helped to ease the pain. Even though he screwed up really badly, he's done a pretty damn good job trying to fix it.

I have decided to break it off with him though...This isn't necessarily a happy ending I regret to say. My ex has  a lot of issues to deal with. His family is a mess! His sister put nair in my conditioner when I lived with them (long story), and his mother went off on me and was cursing at me calling me names when we went to Las Vegas because I let him go to a casino while I went back to the room (apparently you shouldn't leave people stranded in a casino that is a $5 cab ride away). And on top of being a closeted bisexual, he has a drinking problem and little motivation. I don't think he has ever really come to terms with his father being a transgender either. As you can see, my situation is a very unique one...

I still love him though, and will remain very close friends with him, but I need some time for myself as you can imagine.

I don't know your wife or how sympathetic she is, but I'll be honest. There is a very very small chance she will stay with you. If you tell her the truth though, and come clean, you have a better chance. When I confronted my boyfriend, he tried to hold on to his lie. He did it for about an hour and intended on doing so until I told him that I forgave him, and would only think about staying with him if he told me the truth. He finally came clean, and I've been trying to make it work these past 9-10 months, but ultimately, all the issues have proven to be too much.

I have heard of women staying with men after things like this. I went to a therapist and he told me that one of the men in his support group is in the same exact position as you and his wife decided to stay with him after everything. Every situation is different, and it is going to take a LOT of work no matter what happens.


Offline rocky48

  • Member
  • Posts: 37
Hey married man

I am married and had to tell my wife about being positive.  It was not easy and we did go for counseling and are still together. So, you don't know till you tell her and she can get tested. My was neg. I understand the sex part but my and I do not have sex anymore.  I am bi and see another pos guy now and then.

I think everyone has given you some good information now its up to you.

Good luck she may surprise you.
Started Atripla on 4/23/11
5/27/11   CD4 - 572 VL - 130
9/30/11   CD4 - 566 VL - UD
3/23/12   CD4 - 640 VL - UD
9/21/12   CD4 - 699 VL - UD

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,225
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Don't worry about your missing sex drive.  This will take a while to reboot.

If you have shame about being bi, or if you have shame about cheating, or if you have shame about lying, then you might think that HIV is a punishment.  It isn't.  All sexual persuasions of both genders -- and even the inbetween genders -- do get HIV.  It's passed from unsafe sex, not from bad person to bad person!  8)

HIV is just a nasty virus.  This you will understand in time but those around you - it takes a long time, and some can never remove their morals and judgements and stereotypes and fears.

Getting a place as a back up to sleep isn't the worst idea.  Just in case.  Fact that you mentioned it seems like you have some survival tactics and some practicality.

I hope you can also get some regular sleep again soon.  Don't hesitate to take a sleeping pill if you find that you can't sleep at all these days.   Being rested is VERY helpful for dealing with all the stressy things.

“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline marriedmansam

  • Member
  • Posts: 45
Everyone has given me GREAT advice and brill support- many thanks to all.

I know that I have to tell my wife... but i need a little more time to let me get sorted.

I will tell her this week - I owe her that much.

I still have much to learn about my condition.

June/July 2011- Infected
30 Aug 2011    - First test
31 Aug 2011     - Call to tell me first test was poz

3 Sept 2011       - Joined this forum
5 Sept 2011       - clinic appointment for retest
16 Sept 2011     VL 75 400 CD4 428 and 28%
next appointment  3 Jan 2012
3 Jan 2012          - VL 71 300 CD4 460 and 23%

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,225
  • red pill? or blue pill?
If you are ready to tell her this week fine. I dont see a problem in waiting 5 days or 10 days, as long as you are not having unsafe sex.  On that tiny little note, my perspective is you should not have any sex with her until you have told her you are positive, cause it would be another lie.

Also, did you mention if you ever had an HIV test before?  And your wife?  

As to worrying if you are presently going through seroconversion, I think usually any symptoms of seroconversion are before you test HIV positive.  Takes a bit of time for the antigens.

Some people have no seroconversion symptoms. Some don't notice. Some have violent illness.  

After seroconversion (acute or primary HIV) there can be several months of misc fevers and illness, rashes etc.  Other people, nothing.

If you don't know or don't have a precedent HIV negative test, you can't know you are experiencing a very recent infection now.  Unless you ask a doctor to investigate this, and doctors can't often answer.  And once positive, don't see the reason.

In my case they caught my seroconversion in the process, in fact a few days after the violent illness and yet a few days before I was HIV positive in fact.  Very expensive testing, by the way.  But I had a sort of meningitis as the illness so they and myself were determined to get to the bottom of it.  Also I was used to getting HIV tests pretty regularly.



« Last Edit: September 04, 2011, 07:09:37 PM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline marriedmansam

  • Member
  • Posts: 45
i have been having regular HIV and other STI tests for severalyears.

All tests have been negative. The most recent previous tests were in April 2011 and before that it was Jan 2011.

I don't routinely have unprotected sex and most of the contacts I have anal sex with have been known to me for a while. I suck on a first meet but nothing much else!

On the subject of sex i don't think i will ever have sex again. I will not be having sex with my wife before i tell her and we have not had unprotected sex since she was pregnant some 16 years ago.

I feel that i am experiencing sero conversion because my body is doing some strange things... like i get cold in areas of my back and parts of my arms. i have hot sweats. i have little appetite and when i have eaten i feel nauseous.

How long will these symptoms last? Do you think it is not sero conversion? Could it be in my head?

Sam
June/July 2011- Infected
30 Aug 2011    - First test
31 Aug 2011     - Call to tell me first test was poz

3 Sept 2011       - Joined this forum
5 Sept 2011       - clinic appointment for retest
16 Sept 2011     VL 75 400 CD4 428 and 28%
next appointment  3 Jan 2012
3 Jan 2012          - VL 71 300 CD4 460 and 23%

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,225
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Someone here with more technical knowledge can tell you the rough time periods for infection to seroconversion. 

With the info you provided it would seem your wife should be negative, so that's good.  Another reason that its not an emergency to tell your wife immediately, tomorrow!  You just had a huge shock so you deserve a moment to gather your wits and strength to disclose from a position of strength, because as you say, you don't know what reaction you will get.

By the way, it just takes one time, one risky act.  "For the most part safe sex" - half the positive people can relate to you on this point! 
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Joe K

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I feel that i am experiencing sero conversion because my body is doing some strange things... like i get cold in areas of my back and parts of my arms. i have hot sweats. i have little appetite and when i have eaten i feel nauseous.

How long will these symptoms last? Do you think it is not sero conversion? Could it be in my head?

Sam

Given what you are going through, I can remember my reaction to what I had done and there were physical aspects as well.  I would hope you could find someone to talk with about this, because you have so many emotions right now, or at least to understand that just because you feel something, does not make it real.  I suggest you give yourself permission to feel, whatever it is you feel and not to worry about doing anything about those feelings.  At some point, you are going to realize the true horror of what has happened and that's what it really is, because you betrayed a good women who deserved better.

Hopefully you can sort out where to start and focus your efforts there, as you health is fine right now.  Sam, I'll be honest with you, you are in for some major hurt, not because of who you are, but because you didn't have the strength to be honest about "who" you are.  This is not a judgement, honestly, I understand how and why you did what you did, but now the truth is coming out and things will develop, based on all parties involved.

Take it slow and try and keep the stress down.  This is going to be a very difficult time for you, so be good to yourself and just take it one day at a time.

Offline spacebarsux

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How long will these symptoms last? Do you think it is not sero conversion? Could it be in my head?

Sam

It could be serconversion or it couldn't. If these symptoms have manifested after your diagnosis it's  possible it is psychological-or not. Either way, I urge you to rest and try not stressing about it too much as that won't help the situation.

As far as disclosing to your wife is concerned, I agree with Mecch that 5-10 days isn't going to make much of a difference to the outcome but your mental state would likely be more composed a week hence than it is today.

Best
« Last Edit: September 05, 2011, 03:43:28 AM by spacebarsux »
Infected-  2005 or early 2006; Diagnosed- Jan 28th, 2011; Feb '11- CD4 754 @34%, VL- 39K; July '11- CD4 907@26%,  VL-81K; Feb '12- CD4 713 @31%, VL- 41K, Nov '12- CD4- 827@31%

Offline emeraldize

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Hi Sam,

In one of your earlier posts, you noted "she has an important week at work".  I think that might be the key thing to navigate in terms of timing when to tell her. If her work week ends Friday, may I suggest Saturday morning which gives you both a stretch of two days in which to talk, strategize regarding the kids and get your heads back in the game for work on Monday.

Hope you're getting some sleep.
Em

Offline marriedmansam

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thank you all for all of your support... it helps me knowing that you are all out there...


s
June/July 2011- Infected
30 Aug 2011    - First test
31 Aug 2011     - Call to tell me first test was poz

3 Sept 2011       - Joined this forum
5 Sept 2011       - clinic appointment for retest
16 Sept 2011     VL 75 400 CD4 428 and 28%
next appointment  3 Jan 2012
3 Jan 2012          - VL 71 300 CD4 460 and 23%

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #19 on: September 05, 2011, 09:10:26 AM »
Sam, just to add a few words to some of the excellent advice and support you have already received...

First of all, you are going to get through this. That doesn't mean that some of it is not going to be difficult and painful, but you and your family will get through it. Your kids are still going to want their Dad. This will certainly test your relationship with your wife, but I have certainly known many situations like this in which somehow things get worked out.

I know you're planning to speak to her about it soon. Taking a little time to get with this yourself is a good idea. And I agree with your plan to not have sex with her again until she knows. If you have consistently used condoms with her then like Ann, I do expect she will test negative.

You might even consider seeing a counselor or other professional to discuss the situation before you speak with your wife. Talking things out in a safe space might be helpful if you can arrange that.

Meantime we are here and you can always ask questions and discuss anything you want to.

 
Andy Velez

Offline marriedmansam

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Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #20 on: September 05, 2011, 12:34:04 PM »
Many thanks for all of your comments. I had another lot of bloods taken today for a confirmation test. Have also asked them to analyse for VL and CD4. i will have to wait until Friday 16th for my next appointment but i am expecting a call to confirm the outcome before then.

The health worker there agreed that i should take some time to prepare how and when i will tell my wife and stressed that it is totally my choice. He suggested that i didn't actually tell anyone until after my next appointment. to give me more time to get used to the idea.

i did actually manage some sleep last night- 5 hours ! so i feel much better.

i have made contact with a local'ish support group.

I think i have read every page on the THT website and many many of the threads on this forum and its associated website.


i do still have these very cold patches on my body and have hot sweats. But the doc i saw was not convinced i was sero converting, but accepted that i could still be. i have lost at least half a stone in the last 5 days but my appetite is improving.

June/July 2011- Infected
30 Aug 2011    - First test
31 Aug 2011     - Call to tell me first test was poz

3 Sept 2011       - Joined this forum
5 Sept 2011       - clinic appointment for retest
16 Sept 2011     VL 75 400 CD4 428 and 28%
next appointment  3 Jan 2012
3 Jan 2012          - VL 71 300 CD4 460 and 23%

Offline emeraldize

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Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #21 on: September 05, 2011, 12:47:24 PM »
Hey Sam,

You may have already addressed this with your doc, but it's not a bad idea to speak with him (you can do this with his staff over the phone usually) about a prescription for Alprazolam (Xanax) to take the anxiety edge down and keep you functional and/or a sleeping aid. Some people successfully use Benadryl OTC   while others use Ambien and others.

I'm not suggesting long-term use, but something on deck that you can access quickly. Doc/nurses understand the value of having something in the early days post-dx.

Em

Offline Theyer

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Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #22 on: September 05, 2011, 04:13:23 PM »
Welcome Sam,
I'm am sorry this is happening to you but glad you have found the forum and am using it so constructively. As to your current health concerns the stress you are under will get better and that will have a impact on your health.
I am based in London and Orkney and there are a no of UK members, though off course the majority is US , Ann,s Knowledge is encompassing and I secretly believe nos no bounds, Are you aware that you can be treated for your HIV anyware in the UK? Its your choice. Hope that things are going as you hope keep in touch with us all and feel free to PM if that would be helpfull. RE telling your wife all---Its a time for complete honesty its allways the best bet in the long run.
take care
theyer
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

Offline marriedmansam

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Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #23 on: September 05, 2011, 06:38:55 PM »
again ... many thanks for your support...
June/July 2011- Infected
30 Aug 2011    - First test
31 Aug 2011     - Call to tell me first test was poz

3 Sept 2011       - Joined this forum
5 Sept 2011       - clinic appointment for retest
16 Sept 2011     VL 75 400 CD4 428 and 28%
next appointment  3 Jan 2012
3 Jan 2012          - VL 71 300 CD4 460 and 23%

Offline Valmont

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Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #24 on: September 06, 2011, 11:12:05 AM »
Hi Sam, I´m so sorry about your diagnostic but you´re going to see that life still go on and that you can have a very good life quality and make great projects...

My case is very similar yours, I´m also a married man, with children, and who had sex with other men.

I got infected at the beginning of the year and had to deal with something very similar you have.  It cost me a lot telling about my infection to my wife, but was necessary, then she decided to go on with the relation, this was a surprise for me...  It took me around 10 days for that.  It is important for you to be good and ready to have an open conversation, taking a couple of weeks won´t change anything, but sooner is better.  Sure this will impact her a lot and maybe make her pass her worst life times, but you understand it, you cannot hide it.

Anyway, you may be surprised of her reaction.  It is impossible to know what she is going to do, you have to be prepared for the worst; if she goes, don´t blame her, all this may be a real and big shock...

By another way, it is important for you to know what you want.  You cannot keep your actual lifestyle, marry man dating with men.  You have to choose.  What is the life you want? 

And about your children, don´t worry, HIV won´t made you a worst father, love you can give to your children has nothing to see with your situation.  It is important to show them all this.

In my case, I decided to focalize on my family.  I had very little experience meeting men and I was doing it for curiosity, I infected myself with only one exposition, but what is done is done, past can´t be changed but future can be better....  I am very lucky my wife supported me and gave me a chance to build another time our family, even if that means dealing and having to solve many problems...

These are many things to deal with in a short time, I was also thinking of suicide, but this don´t sirve, it is a bad idea of escape, you have children and family...  Anyway you´ll be much more better in a very few time, happens what happens, trust me...

If you want to talk with me about that, don´t hesitate to send me a PM...
Apr 2011: Diagnotized
Jun 2011: CD4: 504  VL: 176.000
Dic 2011: CD4: 714  VL: 95.000
May 2012: CD4: 395 VL: 67.000
Jun 2012: CD4: 367
Agu 2012: Starting Emtricitabine 200 mg / Tenofovir 300 mg and Efavirenz 600 mg (2 pills) different brands or VIRADAY/ATRIPLA/Mylan....
Sep 2012: VL: 138
Dic 2012: CD4: 708 VL: <34  %CD4: 32%
Jan 2013: CD4: 707 VL: <20
May 2013: CD4: 945 VL: <34 %CD4: 33%
Agu 2013: CD4: 636 VL: <34 %CD4: 50%
Dic 2013: Latent TB, started Isoniazid

Offline marriedmansam

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Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #25 on: September 06, 2011, 05:40:24 PM »
Volmont... many thanks for your comments.

I have read your previous posts and realised that we were in a simiar position. I am pleased that you and your wife have worked things out. I really don't know how things will pan out for me.

I have recieved great advice and support from people off here and i am sleeping (albeit only a little) and no more thoughts of suicide.

still many emotions and lots and lots of worry

June/July 2011- Infected
30 Aug 2011    - First test
31 Aug 2011     - Call to tell me first test was poz

3 Sept 2011       - Joined this forum
5 Sept 2011       - clinic appointment for retest
16 Sept 2011     VL 75 400 CD4 428 and 28%
next appointment  3 Jan 2012
3 Jan 2012          - VL 71 300 CD4 460 and 23%

Offline Valmont

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Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #26 on: September 06, 2011, 08:01:58 PM »
Well, you´re going to see that these forum are very very helpfull.  Sure sometimes you can read other opinions what you would like to hear, but I think it is also necesary.  People here won´t judge you, feel free about looking for support.

In my case, I cannot help a lot because before I have to solve my own problems but one think is important : orden and priority in life.  It is the opportunity for a great change...  I notice you hare very worried for your wife and family, give them all the love you can, but also respect her decision...  About your children, this don´t have to change anything in regard that they are still your children, that you love them and that they need a lot from you, your children will always need you as their father, you are the best for that and nobody else can do it better than you...

Take care
Apr 2011: Diagnotized
Jun 2011: CD4: 504  VL: 176.000
Dic 2011: CD4: 714  VL: 95.000
May 2012: CD4: 395 VL: 67.000
Jun 2012: CD4: 367
Agu 2012: Starting Emtricitabine 200 mg / Tenofovir 300 mg and Efavirenz 600 mg (2 pills) different brands or VIRADAY/ATRIPLA/Mylan....
Sep 2012: VL: 138
Dic 2012: CD4: 708 VL: <34  %CD4: 32%
Jan 2013: CD4: 707 VL: <20
May 2013: CD4: 945 VL: <34 %CD4: 33%
Agu 2013: CD4: 636 VL: <34 %CD4: 50%
Dic 2013: Latent TB, started Isoniazid

Offline ThatsAll

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Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #27 on: September 07, 2011, 04:36:59 PM »
Sorry to hear about your situation. Only advice I can give is to be truthful. What happens after will happen. Your kids will love you with HIV or not. Isn't that what is most important? Nobody knows what your wife will do. Only way to find out is to tell her. You never know, she can be really supportive and stay with you. I had the same fears leading up to telling mine. I just went ahead and got it over with. Good luck, friend. I'm hoping for the best.

Offline marriedmansam

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Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #28 on: September 07, 2011, 06:56:55 PM »
It has been exactly one week since my world changed.

At the heart of it my situation has not changed but I feel a little better about my situation. In fact every day has felt better than the previous one.

I have slept. I understand how my health, well the HIV, could be managed in the future. I have read about other people's successes on treatments. And this forum has been invaluable.

There are still loads of issues ahead for me to deal with. some sooner than others but i am beginning to think of a future.

I have to wait for my blood stats and third HIV test (do other people have to wait for a week or more?) and i have an appointment to get the results.


Again many thanks for your wise words and support

s
June/July 2011- Infected
30 Aug 2011    - First test
31 Aug 2011     - Call to tell me first test was poz

3 Sept 2011       - Joined this forum
5 Sept 2011       - clinic appointment for retest
16 Sept 2011     VL 75 400 CD4 428 and 28%
next appointment  3 Jan 2012
3 Jan 2012          - VL 71 300 CD4 460 and 23%

Offline mecch

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Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #29 on: September 07, 2011, 07:50:24 PM »
Takes me a week to get blood results usually.
Took two tests and several weeks to confirm my HIV diagnosis. And then more tests when I started with my infectious disease specialist.

Good to hear the HIV diagnosis is starting to seem manageable and you are readying yourself for the other challenges ahead.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline older-wiser

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Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #30 on: September 07, 2011, 07:55:15 PM »
Has anyone suggested asking your wife to read this forum and the thoughtful replies to your anguished questions?    It strikes me that the raw emotions on both your side and the responses of others contain a great number of truths and suggestions for the future.

Also, my guess is that your wife's initial reaction may not reflect her eventual decisions.
« Last Edit: September 07, 2011, 07:57:28 PM by older-wiser »

Offline Valmont

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Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #31 on: September 07, 2011, 09:24:56 PM »
For answering you, it took me 3 to 5 days for the Elisa (that came undeterminated and had to be done twice), 15 to 20 for WB and between 15 to 30 days for VL and CD4 when machines are working...

Other rutine blood test as glicemy, cholesterol and so on, I have them the following day. 

All depent of the capacity of the laboratories, the demand in the moment and the machine availability...

That is great to see you better...
Apr 2011: Diagnotized
Jun 2011: CD4: 504  VL: 176.000
Dic 2011: CD4: 714  VL: 95.000
May 2012: CD4: 395 VL: 67.000
Jun 2012: CD4: 367
Agu 2012: Starting Emtricitabine 200 mg / Tenofovir 300 mg and Efavirenz 600 mg (2 pills) different brands or VIRADAY/ATRIPLA/Mylan....
Sep 2012: VL: 138
Dic 2012: CD4: 708 VL: <34  %CD4: 32%
Jan 2013: CD4: 707 VL: <20
May 2013: CD4: 945 VL: <34 %CD4: 33%
Agu 2013: CD4: 636 VL: <34 %CD4: 50%
Dic 2013: Latent TB, started Isoniazid

Offline Searching06

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Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #32 on: September 09, 2011, 12:32:31 AM »
Hello married man,

I have been married 21 years to a loving and supportive woman. She knows about my HIV staus and about my attraction to men. We have three teenage children. My wife and my kids are all HIV negative.
In 2002, I was hospitalized for two weeks after a prolonged bout of fever, chills, fatigue, a severe cough and breathing difficulties which developed into pneumonia. Even with all of those symptoms, I still was blown away by the HIV diagnosis and tests results. My CD4 count was 16 and my viral load was off the chart. I had lost 30lbs.

Once I was discharged from the hospital, I knew that telling my wife this news was going to be even more difficult than when I told her about having had sex with men before we were married, and my occasional tristes during our marriage. (Silly me, I actually thought the attraction would go away if I prayed hard enough and used my will power, redirecting my energies into my church activites.)

Although her response was one of disbelief, anger, fear and sadness, at no time did she ever threaten retalliation or divorce, etc... It soon became clear that even though I had screwed up, deep down in side we truly loved one another and that this was going to be another one of life's major hurdles.

I don't know what kind of relationship/friendship you and your wife have and I'm not sure of what resources and support systems are available to you. To disclose this information to her will be difficult,  to say the least. If you fear the worse, perhaps you can secure alternative/temporary housing in the event that she does request that you leave? Are there any free counseling agencies, HIV support groups or phone hotlines that can help you and her through this emotional roller coaster?

You are a brave man for sharing your struggle in this forum. I pray that I can be an emotional/spiritual support as you wrestle with how to share this truth.

Offline Theyer

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Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #33 on: September 09, 2011, 05:09:17 AM »
Hi waiting for results yes a week sounds pretty normal. The wait is based , how long the actual procedure takes + the running off the clinic. Glad you are sleeping better,
theyer
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

Offline ricferriANP

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    • Richard Ferri
Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #34 on: September 14, 2011, 05:47:11 AM »
You are going thru normal emotional trauma and it will get better.  I can virtually assure you of that.  I tested poz many years ago but can still remember those raw and confusing emotions like yesterday.  Best thing for you to do right now is take a deep breath, know you are loved and NOT ALONE, and that life will move forward; there is no other choice.  I also recommend, for now anyway, talk and vent, here on line where it is "safe".  Do not disclose to anyone yet.  You have to disclose a lot of stuff to YOURSELF before opening up your mouth to others and keep your dick in your pants.  (I know sex is the farthest thing from you mind today but tomorrow you never know...having sex of any sort will only be confusing and add to your emotions.  Sex is not an emergency and for the most part neither is HIV.

Once you can breath find a certified AIDS medical specialist DO NOT GO to your family doctor.  The family doc will not be able to competently treat your health now.  You wouldn't ask your family do open heart surgery so why do so many think the generalist can deal with the complexity of AIDS?  Beats me.

Finally, all things being what they are....(not knowing your lab values etc) you are NOT going to die from HIV.  Simple as that.  You have many choices and opportunities.  You can get into the best shape and health of your life with HIV or you can drink, drug, fuck and squander.  It is up to you.  Talk to your higher power (you do have one.  If not talk feel free to talk to mine...His name is Art; I will mention that you will be getting in touch.
Ric
Richard S. Ferri, PhD, ANP, ACRN, FAAN
www.RichardFerri.com

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #35 on: September 14, 2011, 06:11:38 AM »
Talk to your higher power (you do have one.  If not talk feel free to talk to mine...His name is Art; I will mention that you will be getting in touch.

I love this! Tell Art that Ann said hello. ;)
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline emeraldize

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Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #36 on: September 14, 2011, 07:25:47 AM »
I love this! Tell Art that Ann said hello. ;)

Is that Art or perhaps, ART? If the latter, what a concept!! A higher, expensive, power.

Offline marriedmansam

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Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #37 on: September 14, 2011, 01:48:28 PM »
Hey there everyone.

Many thanks for your ongoing support. I continue to need all of the help i can get.
I am indeed happy to communicate with any higher power! Art included.

This is two full weeks now since my world changed! each day things do indeed get easier, but there are still terrific challenges ahead.

cheers everyone!
June/July 2011- Infected
30 Aug 2011    - First test
31 Aug 2011     - Call to tell me first test was poz

3 Sept 2011       - Joined this forum
5 Sept 2011       - clinic appointment for retest
16 Sept 2011     VL 75 400 CD4 428 and 28%
next appointment  3 Jan 2012
3 Jan 2012          - VL 71 300 CD4 460 and 23%

Offline marriedmansam

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Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #38 on: September 16, 2011, 09:08:36 AM »
got my 'confirmation' results today along with stats-

VL 75 400     CD4 428 and 36%

with another visit in a month's time.

I know that these figures should be reassuring to me. But they aren't !!

Yesterday in a moment of 'regret' and 'what if'' i fantasised about going to the clinic and being told it was all a mistake! was this a natural thing for me to do? not quite denial but almost!


Thank you all for being there and supporting me from afar!

s
June/July 2011- Infected
30 Aug 2011    - First test
31 Aug 2011     - Call to tell me first test was poz

3 Sept 2011       - Joined this forum
5 Sept 2011       - clinic appointment for retest
16 Sept 2011     VL 75 400 CD4 428 and 28%
next appointment  3 Jan 2012
3 Jan 2012          - VL 71 300 CD4 460 and 23%

Offline emeraldize

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Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #39 on: September 16, 2011, 10:44:26 AM »
Yep, that is a perfectly natural fantasy. I had it and scoured the internet to put legs under it in the first couple of weeks.  And, don't be surprised if you have it again sometime. That's the beauty and sometimes horror of a fantasy -- its recurrence. Your percentage is fab and I hope you like your clinic doc.

Is it overstepping to inquire if you've had a chance to speak with your wife? We're all concerned that it go/went as you hoped and not be too emotional an upheaval.

Em

Offline marriedmansam

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Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #40 on: September 16, 2011, 01:11:11 PM »
My wife has been fab!

She has been very supportive and that has made me stronger.

We have decided not to tell our teenage children yet.


s
June/July 2011- Infected
30 Aug 2011    - First test
31 Aug 2011     - Call to tell me first test was poz

3 Sept 2011       - Joined this forum
5 Sept 2011       - clinic appointment for retest
16 Sept 2011     VL 75 400 CD4 428 and 28%
next appointment  3 Jan 2012
3 Jan 2012          - VL 71 300 CD4 460 and 23%

Offline Valmont

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Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #41 on: September 16, 2011, 02:16:30 PM »
Good to read you could talk to your wife and receive her support.  I´m imagine how hard might be this moment for you and your familly.  You´ll be good...
Apr 2011: Diagnotized
Jun 2011: CD4: 504  VL: 176.000
Dic 2011: CD4: 714  VL: 95.000
May 2012: CD4: 395 VL: 67.000
Jun 2012: CD4: 367
Agu 2012: Starting Emtricitabine 200 mg / Tenofovir 300 mg and Efavirenz 600 mg (2 pills) different brands or VIRADAY/ATRIPLA/Mylan....
Sep 2012: VL: 138
Dic 2012: CD4: 708 VL: <34  %CD4: 32%
Jan 2013: CD4: 707 VL: <20
May 2013: CD4: 945 VL: <34 %CD4: 33%
Agu 2013: CD4: 636 VL: <34 %CD4: 50%
Dic 2013: Latent TB, started Isoniazid

Offline emeraldize

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Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #42 on: September 16, 2011, 06:11:30 PM »
Excellent news regarding your wife's reaction. Glad for you that you will have that much-needed support as you move forward and an ally in the parenting department.

Offline rocky48

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Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #43 on: September 16, 2011, 06:34:15 PM »
Great that your wife is supporting you. I know the feeling of having to tell my wife that I was positive. She to is so supportive and told me would have a long life together.  So, happy for you that things are looking up.
Started Atripla on 4/23/11
5/27/11   CD4 - 572 VL - 130
9/30/11   CD4 - 566 VL - UD
3/23/12   CD4 - 640 VL - UD
9/21/12   CD4 - 699 VL - UD

Offline marriedmansam

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  • Posts: 45
Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #44 on: October 02, 2011, 05:03:46 PM »
Hey everyone,

Its now a full month since I tested positive. So much worry. sleepless nights, crying and irrational thought has been expended.

I wanted to update this to give other 'newbies' some reassurance. Time goes help.

One month on I am in a different place. Yes i still worry for the future, regret things i did and did not do but I am beginning to deal with things. I am still with my wife and family and there may yet be tough times ahead.

This forum has really helped.

I still can't fully believe that this infection will not shorten my life- but then none of us know how long we have.

So many people on here share their stats and it is so impressive that their meds have such a dramatic effect on their VL. I now have so much more respect for all of the many forum member who have been dealing with this infection successfully for so many years and I feel that i can ask you all for help.

I am currently trying to decide how to have the best 10-years of my life. Starting now!

June/July 2011- Infected
30 Aug 2011    - First test
31 Aug 2011     - Call to tell me first test was poz

3 Sept 2011       - Joined this forum
5 Sept 2011       - clinic appointment for retest
16 Sept 2011     VL 75 400 CD4 428 and 28%
next appointment  3 Jan 2012
3 Jan 2012          - VL 71 300 CD4 460 and 23%

Offline anniebc

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  • Posts: 5,937
  • AM member since 2003
Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #45 on: October 02, 2011, 05:17:58 PM »


I am currently trying to decide how to have the best 10-years of my life. Starting now!



Why only Ten?...just curious.

Jan
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline marriedmansam

  • Member
  • Posts: 45
Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #46 on: October 02, 2011, 06:08:07 PM »
Good question Jan

maybe i will be able to push it to 15 or 20!

i have had a wonderful 46 Years so far and don't want to be too greedy!

I am tryuing to look at this infection not as somthing that will define me ....but will make sure i get the best from life!


sam
« Last Edit: October 02, 2011, 06:17:40 PM by marriedmansam »
June/July 2011- Infected
30 Aug 2011    - First test
31 Aug 2011     - Call to tell me first test was poz

3 Sept 2011       - Joined this forum
5 Sept 2011       - clinic appointment for retest
16 Sept 2011     VL 75 400 CD4 428 and 28%
next appointment  3 Jan 2012
3 Jan 2012          - VL 71 300 CD4 460 and 23%

Offline Miss Philicia

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  • Posts: 23,883
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #47 on: October 02, 2011, 06:08:53 PM »
We're supposed to have just 10 years? I'm 13 years past my expiration date then.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline Valmont

  • Member
  • Posts: 331
Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #48 on: October 03, 2011, 05:00:40 PM »
I believe you can project you at least for 30 years more...  This is the way I see the things...  And I believe HAART can allow probably more time with a relative good health situation...

Anyway, it is also very possible to die from another cause that has nothing to see with HIV, so live your life normally, enjoy each new day and don´t think you´re going to die because this has no way, it is the only certitude we all have, HIV or not we will all die one day....

I´m happy to see you better !!!!
Apr 2011: Diagnotized
Jun 2011: CD4: 504  VL: 176.000
Dic 2011: CD4: 714  VL: 95.000
May 2012: CD4: 395 VL: 67.000
Jun 2012: CD4: 367
Agu 2012: Starting Emtricitabine 200 mg / Tenofovir 300 mg and Efavirenz 600 mg (2 pills) different brands or VIRADAY/ATRIPLA/Mylan....
Sep 2012: VL: 138
Dic 2012: CD4: 708 VL: <34  %CD4: 32%
Jan 2013: CD4: 707 VL: <20
May 2013: CD4: 945 VL: <34 %CD4: 33%
Agu 2013: CD4: 636 VL: <34 %CD4: 50%
Dic 2013: Latent TB, started Isoniazid

Offline jkinatl2

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  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: married man -tested poz 31 Aug -sad -terrified -not sleeping- need friends
« Reply #49 on: October 03, 2011, 11:44:00 PM »
30 years? Only if you are already 50 years old.

Lets leave the histrionics behind us, ok? People testing positive now will have, with access to treatment, a full life span. This means a hundred years give or take.

Of course, most of us will eat or stress ourselves into the grave before then.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

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