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Author Topic: Atypical but not an Aberration  (Read 2186 times)

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Offline spacebarsux

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Atypical but not an Aberration
« on: June 28, 2011, 10:07:33 AM »
Already as a pre-adolescent, he knew he was different. It was hard for him to pin-point exactly why, but he could never really fit into the main-stream.

While other boys couldn’t get enough of cricket and football, such sports never really roused any interest in him.  Seemed like a chore. Each time he was on the sports field, even though he put on his best “I’m enjoying the game” face, his mind was thinking “let’s get this over with quickly”.  He could never really understand what all the other boys in his class found so exciting. “It’s nothing more than a stupid game so what’s the bloody fuss about ?”.

When puberty struck it became undeniably clear to him that his proclivities were more in common with members of the opposite sex. He found it easier to befriend women. Atypical but not an aberration ; Almost unique- he secretly liked to think of himself.

Except that as time passed, his frustration and loneliness only multiplied. Despite his best efforts to fit in, he constantly found himself apart from the rest of the crowd.  Most of his women friends seemed to put his friendship on the back-seat as other men assumed more importance in their lives.

He entered University. New and close friendships formed rapidly. However, there was a void that was left unfilled. His sense of loneliness and the desire for normalcy was only exacerbated when he saw boys and girls walking around hand-in-hand.

Fortunately, the stifling isolation was to soon come to an end.

At a College party he met a young man. This person stood out amongst the crowd like no one he had ever met or seen before. He was not like the rest of the boys he had known.  He was dazed that this person shared his taste in music, movies and books, loved to cook, and a lot more. He looked beautiful. Almost God-like. His talk and personality was so much more friendly and welcoming than any of the other boys he had previously known. This person was just like him.  Atypical.

Before he knew it, one thing led to another and all inhibitions were cast aside. The two of them thought they were as close as two people could ever be, in all respects. However, the intimacy did not last more than a few short months.

As the years rolled by he met many such likeminded people. The sense of isolation started to fall away as more people with similar leanings and desires started to take precedence in his life. New friendships were forged and many old ones dropped. He couldn’t have felt happier. The vaccum in his life had been filled. His heart didn’t ring hollow like it once did. He felt complete. Desired and wanted. Cherished. He no longer felt distinct or inferior from the mainstream in any way. He may have been atypical but by no means did he think of himself as an aberration. He was sure of himself. Confident in his skin.

He had no idea that in the very proximate future his self-esteem would plummet to the depths of the darkest valley.

He can never forget that day. The day that changed everything. Those two words written on a piece of yellow paper were potent enough to fundamentally and profoundly alter his life forever.

On hearing the news, he literally lay prostrate in grief for a month. He knew things would never be the same again. He thought his life was over and even if it wasn’t- there was no purpose to it as he already felt dead from within. His mind was consumed with anger, fear and regret. It was hard enough being different to the majority, but being a minority within a minority was too unbearable a reality to face, he thought.

He had arrived at the morbid and absurd conclusion that not only was he atypical but he was also the vilest aberration that ever existed and for that reason alone did not deserve love or respect of anyone. He enjoyed wallowing in self-pity for a long time.

Fortunately, as things turned out, he, yet again, came across a loving bunch of people who were just like him. These wonderful people had been through the exact same thing that he went through/is going through. They reassured and gave him hope that there was a future.  They rightly reminded him that he is the same person he was before that day. They gave him sound and practical advice at each step during those difficult months and continue to do so.

They drove some sense in his messed up head that even though he maybe atypical to the rest of the world he is by no means, and will never be, an aberration or a deviant. He slowly began to realise that,  he is still the same unique and special person.

He will never forget and always be grateful for their unwavering support and help.

Thanks for reading.
« Last Edit: June 28, 2011, 12:14:51 PM by spacebarsux »
Infected-  2005 or early 2006; Diagnosed- Jan 28th, 2011; Feb '11- CD4 754 @34%, VL- 39K; July '11- CD4 907@26%,  VL-81K; Feb '12- CD4 713 @31%, VL- 41K, Nov '12- CD4- 827@31%

Offline jb1973

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  • Posts: 68
  • To thine ownself be true
Re: Atypical but not an Aberration
« Reply #1 on: June 28, 2011, 10:40:13 AM »
Very nice, sir.   :)
??Infected - 08-09??
3/3/11-tested POZ
3/18/11 - CD4-534 VL-6,600
6/24/11 - CD4-642 VL-10,800
10/11 - CD4-580 33% VL-9,900
1/12 - CD4-602 ?% VL-9,700
3/12 - CD4-552 27% VL=10,684
8/12 - cd4-550 24% VL=9.865
Started Isentress/Truvada
10/12- CD4-613 31% VL=UD

Offline Basquo

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Re: Atypical but not an Aberration
« Reply #2 on: June 28, 2011, 01:06:23 PM »
Well done. You sure this is for Off Topic?  :)

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Atypical but not an Aberration
« Reply #3 on: June 28, 2011, 01:06:38 PM »
Space, as this is ultimately about being diagnosed hiv positive, I'm moving it to Living.

Nicely written piece. Did you write it yourself?
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline spacebarsux

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  • Survival of the Fittest
Re: Atypical but not an Aberration
« Reply #4 on: June 28, 2011, 01:13:26 PM »
Thanks Ann. Yes, I just wrote it this afternoon cos i was too bored to do any work. lol
Infected-  2005 or early 2006; Diagnosed- Jan 28th, 2011; Feb '11- CD4 754 @34%, VL- 39K; July '11- CD4 907@26%,  VL-81K; Feb '12- CD4 713 @31%, VL- 41K, Nov '12- CD4- 827@31%

Offline sevillano

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Re: Atypical but not an Aberration
« Reply #5 on: June 28, 2011, 01:21:29 PM »
ufff, Am I just way too self-confident and narcissist or I can really find myself in your lines? : ::) ::) ::)

hope to see you soon ... in Tehran   :o, Istanbul  :P or here in the EU  ;)?

Take care and .... you still have some "hours" to live ... "your train" hasnt come YET ::::DDDDDDDD
----------------------------------------
dec 2010       - tested neg
22.01.2011    - infection
10.02.2011    - tested poz (test of 4th generation)
18.02.2011    - ELISA test poz
                    - VL: 5 mio
                    - CD4: 421 (19 %)
                    - CD3: 1709 (78%)
                    - CD8: 1267 (58%)
may 2011 - CD4: 428 (21%)
                  VL: 250 000
august 2011 - CD4: 398 (24%)
                      VL: 50 000
november 2011 - CD4: 320 (24%)
                           VL: 134 000
09.12.2011 - CD4: 284 (26%)
16.12.2011 - started TRUVADA/REYATAZ/NORVIR
16.3.2012 - CD4: 373 (25%), VL: 459

Online Joe K

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  • 31 Years Poz
Re: Atypical but not an Aberration
« Reply #6 on: June 28, 2011, 01:33:39 PM »
Beautiful piece of writing.  However, you are mistaken in one respect.  You always knew that you were not really atypical or the vilest aberration ever, but you forgot... and we helped to remind you of who and what you are.

Offline wolfter

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Re: Atypical but not an Aberration
« Reply #7 on: June 28, 2011, 05:05:56 PM »
Nice introspection and very well written.
Complacency is the enemy.  ;)  Challenge yourself daily for maximum  return on investment.

Online bmancanfly

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Re: Atypical but not an Aberration
« Reply #8 on: June 28, 2011, 05:30:33 PM »
well said,  thanks for sharing.
"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt."

 Bertrand Russell

Offline karry

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Re: Atypical but not an Aberration
« Reply #9 on: June 28, 2011, 06:17:38 PM »
Thanks Ann. Yes, I just wrote it this afternoon cos i was too bored to do any work. lol

lol..if this beautiful piece was inspired by boredom, then please, please be bored more often!
Karry.
Take it a day at a time....and be positive about it too!

Offline spacebarsux

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  • Posts: 1,350
  • Survival of the Fittest
Re: Atypical but not an Aberration
« Reply #10 on: June 28, 2011, 09:53:07 PM »
Thanks everyone
Infected-  2005 or early 2006; Diagnosed- Jan 28th, 2011; Feb '11- CD4 754 @34%, VL- 39K; July '11- CD4 907@26%,  VL-81K; Feb '12- CD4 713 @31%, VL- 41K, Nov '12- CD4- 827@31%

Offline elf

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Re: Atypical but not an Aberration
« Reply #11 on: August 22, 2011, 07:11:38 AM »
Beautiful.  :-*
Let's have a Kiki!

Offline Since2005

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Re: Atypical but not an Aberration
« Reply #12 on: August 22, 2011, 01:28:48 PM »
Code: [Select]
Fortunately, as things turned out, he, yet again, came across a loving bunch of people who were
just like him. These wonderful people had been through the exact same thing that he went
 through/is going through. They reassured and gave him hope that there was a future.
- Very true

Nice writing Space. I have enjoyed reading this!!

Offline newt

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  • Posts: 3,885
  • the one and original newt
Re: Atypical but not an Aberration
« Reply #13 on: August 22, 2011, 01:31:29 PM »
Like :-)
"The object is to be a well patient, not a good patient"

Offline socalpoz

  • Member
  • Posts: 80
Re: Atypical but not an Aberration
« Reply #14 on: August 22, 2011, 09:12:04 PM »
Thanks for posting!
Diagnosed Jan. 22, 2011
feb/11 cd4 547, cd4% 37, vl 527
mar/11 cd4 650, cd4% 37, vl 97
may/11 cd4 698, cd4% 37, vl 303
jul/11 cd4 744, cd4% 39, vl 239
aug/12 cd4 675, cd4% 39, Vl 42
Jun/13 cd4 594, cd4% 38, Vl 1860
Jul/3/13 started Stribild
Aug/13 cd4 758 cd4% 43, vl ??

Offline WillyWump

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  • your ramblings bore Yamaguchi Kitteh
Re: Atypical but not an Aberration
« Reply #15 on: August 22, 2011, 09:16:37 PM »
Very nice Space.

-Will
POZ since '08

Last Labs-
6/3/14 CD4- 736, UD 34%
6/25/13 CD4- 1036, UD,
2/4/13, CD4 - 489, UD, 28%

Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir
.

Offline Rev. Moon

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Re: Atypical but not an Aberration
« Reply #16 on: August 22, 2011, 09:33:04 PM »
Quite nice, Space. Thanks for sharing.
"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

 


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