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Author Topic: Is it too late to start over after 30 years ?  (Read 2668 times)

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Offline weasel

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Is it too late to start over after 30 years ?
« on: August 09, 2011, 08:04:53 PM »

                My husband is pushing the envelope too far  >:(

          After   BOB had died on the table  during heart surgery he has become

           A  hateful Bastard .   I am not sure how long I can put up with it !

         He was  never  a  really   compatible   man  .    More of a baby needing help .

             But the older he gets the worse it has been .

                  He has   always   felt my family was  better than his !
             
                   I can Not help how I was raised or where .  Fairfield  County is rather wealthy .

                    It also provided us with a good life !
   
                     Bob does nothing but   BITCH !

                  My family loves him , But knows He is a whack job .

                    I am NOT    allowed  to speak to his sisters  , His mother KILLED herself 13 years ago !

                        It was her last attempt  to control her kids


                      I just need to  unload .....................

                     Tomorrow will be another day

                       But sometimes It just gets to be too much !

                         I have worked my ass off and  today he is PISSED because  his niece wants us to come
           
                      over for Thanksgiving  ??????????????

                         AM I crazy or what ?   
                                                                    Weasel
" Live and let Live "

Offline mecch

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Re: Is it too late to start over after 30 years ?
« Reply #1 on: August 09, 2011, 08:12:17 PM »
Tell him if he doesn't become kinder you'll move him into a shithole in the South End of Bridgeport and only visit once a month. 
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline WillyWump

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Re: Is it too late to start over after 30 years ?
« Reply #2 on: August 09, 2011, 08:22:25 PM »
Weasie,

You are one of the nicest kindest guys I have ever met, heart of gold! So, no for you it would not be too late because you would be snatched up in a heart beat as soon as you were single.

However, I know you are just venting and it sounds like you have a right too. I know you love Bob immensely so just give him a swift kick in the keister and tell him to straighten up and fly right  ;D

-Will
POZ since '08

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.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Is it too late to start over after 30 years ?
« Reply #3 on: August 09, 2011, 08:39:14 PM »
Weasel, isn't it a bit early for anyone to get worked up about Thanksgiving? I mean the way things are going, it might be cancelled this year by Standard and Poors.

It sounds like you have good cause to go postal. Keep breathing and watch MILDRED PIERCE if you have a copy or some other similarly perfect creation. Do you have enough junk food in the house? Is it too late to get a pedicure this evening? Those are all sometimes helpful tools for getitng through.

Relationships with a capital R. What a pain the butt, no pun intended.

Best to you. 
Andy Velez

Offline Jody

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Re: Is it too late to start over after 30 years ?
« Reply #4 on: August 09, 2011, 11:08:54 PM »
Weas...it does get better - as you say tomorrow is another day and things have a way of working out- Long before Thanksgiving!!!

I can see Joan Crawford's trademark shoulder pads as I read your Mildred Pierce movie watching advice Andy!

And then thoughts about dead birds under silver platters, wire hangers and so on! :D

Jody
« Last Edit: August 09, 2011, 11:40:59 PM by Jody »
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 "Try to discover that you are the song that the morning brings."

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Offline Danny47

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Re: Is it too late to start over after 30 years ?
« Reply #5 on: August 09, 2011, 11:25:12 PM »
Nope. Not 30, nor 40, nor 50 or 85 for that matter.  It is not a matter of "starting  over" but ending whatever calls forth your "misery" once and for all.  One day at peace is worth more than 10 years in misery. Also remember what stress and stressful situations does to our overall wellbeing...go ahead and start by saying " enough" and start stepping it up a notch by saying that you are staying home for Thanksgiving even if it means being by yourself eating a Tuna sandwich in the peace of your own space....
Negative on Feb. 3, 2008, Positive Elyssa Feb. 3, 2009
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Offline Robert

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Re: Is it too late to start over after 30 years ?
« Reply #6 on: August 09, 2011, 11:52:47 PM »
I wish you the best and I promise, if you remember my name next week in Seattle,  I will be a good listener and commiserate  with you to the very end   ;D

robert (who first met michael back in 1980 so knows what you mean you say you're in for the long haul.)

robert
..........

Offline Basquo

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Re: Is it too late to start over after 30 years ?
« Reply #7 on: August 10, 2011, 09:07:29 AM »
Not too late, but if I remember correctly you gents are married now so it's not just a walk-away, you now have to go through a divorce. Wouldn't counseling be cheaper and have a better outcome?

In the meantime, you will enjoy your time away in Seattle, and I bet he'll be glad when you get back. Teach him a little Weasel appreciation!

Offline denb45

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Re: Is it too late to start over after 30 years ?
« Reply #8 on: August 10, 2011, 09:28:26 AM »
Carl, you & Bob have way too much history together, it's nice to vent some, I too have to same problem, but , we both have our own hobbies, that we can do in different rooms of the house, so we don't get on each others nevres, hang-in-there Carl.....  :-*

it's hard to live & be around someone 24/7, cause they can & will push you over the top, when that happens both Bob & I are both the same age and were double Scorpios, so we just have extreme sex with each other, if we didn't we'd both KILL each other  :D
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline denb45

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Re: Is it too late to start over after 30 years ?
« Reply #9 on: August 10, 2011, 09:28:44 AM »
Not too late, but if I remember correctly you gents are married now so it's not just a walk-away, you now have to go through a divorce. Wouldn't counseling be cheaper and have a better outcome?

In the meantime, you will enjoy your time away in Seattle, and I bet he'll be glad when you get back. Teach him a little Weasel appreciation!
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline denb45

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Re: Is it too late to start over after 30 years ?
« Reply #10 on: August 10, 2011, 09:29:20 AM »
Carl, you & Bob have way too much history together, it's nice to vent some, I too have to same problem, but , we both have our own hobbies, that we can do in different room of the house, so we don't get on each others nevres hang-in-there Carl  :-*

it's hard to live & be around someone 24/7, cause they can & will push you over the top, when that happens both Bob & I are both the same age and were double Scorpios, so we just have extreme sex with each other, if we didn't we'd both KILL each other  :D
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline denb45

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Re: Is it too late to start over after 30 years ?
« Reply #11 on: August 10, 2011, 09:31:22 AM »
Carl, you & Bob have way too much history together, it's nice to vent some, I too have to same problem, but , we both have our own hobbies, that we can do in different room of the house, so we don't get on each others nevres hang-in-there Carl  :-*

it's hard to live & be around someone 24/7, cause they can & will push you over the top, when that happens both Bob & I are both the same age and were double Scorpios, so we just have extreme sex with each other, if we didn't we'd both KILL each other  :D

I'm seeing double here, and I only posted ocne, the site must be having some porblems  :-\
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline mecch

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Re: Is it too late to start over after 30 years ?
« Reply #12 on: August 10, 2011, 10:25:52 AM »
Everyone needs to vent.
I am sure if you can stick to it and work out the kinks, its the most beautiful solution. 

That said, everyone needs fulfillment and kindness. So if by some unfortunate history one finds oneself single after a 30 year relationship, I am quite sure it is NEVER to late to start anew.

My grandma dated and fell in love after the youngish death of my grandpa.  She's always a great example for me.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Buckmark

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Re: Is it too late to start over after 30 years ?
« Reply #13 on: August 10, 2011, 11:03:28 AM »
Weasel,

Sometimes you just need to unload and get things off your chest.  Often it is better to do it here first, rather than lash out at loved ones.  So, go ahead and rant.  The whole thing about you not be allowed to speak to his sisters seems especially odd to me.

Just focus on your trip to AMG next week!  Maybe Bob will appreciate you more after you've been away! :)

Cheers,

Henry

"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline David_CA

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Re: Is it too late to start over after 30 years ?
« Reply #14 on: August 10, 2011, 12:35:16 PM »
While I agree that one being away for a few days may cause a SO to appreciate you, it shouldn't come to that.  Every couple needs to appreciate each other, though I'm sure that absence may make the appreciation greater.  What do you guys like doing together?  What about your husband makes you want to so things with and spend time with him?  How about him with you?  Without SOME common interests, hobbies, etc, a relationship would be very un-fun to me.  It would be like being stuck with a person that I had no interest in (except perhaps sexually).  Maybe a change of scenery for both of you together is in order in the near future. 

I know that when hubby and I start getting annoyed with each other, a change often snaps us out of it.  Whether it's a friend coming over to socialize, a trip to the campground, whatever.  It just needs to be something to distract us from the annoyance and let us concentrate on why we're together in the first place... primarily because we enjoy being with the other (and care and love, etc). 

It does sound like he has some family issues to resolve.  Things like worrying about Thanksgiving this far in advance is a bit odd to me (unless they've already discussed it).  The niece wants both of you to come over; it would be totally different if she wanted only him (or you) to join her.  At any rate, I hope things are better today and look forward to seeing you next week.  ;-)
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Offline wolfter

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Re: Is it too late to start over after 30 years ?
« Reply #15 on: August 11, 2011, 05:31:19 AM »
Hopefully some time apart will help.  As much as I loved Bill, I couldn't imagine being around him (or anyone) 24/7.  All people need their "me" time.  When you're constantly together, the little things that normally wouldn't mean crap suddenly become major life issues.   We had our joint activities but also our own individual interests.  He hated golf and shopping and I hated spending entire days looking at cars and discussing them incessantly.

Looking forward to having a drink with you in Seattle.

Greg
productivity breeds content

Offline weasel

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Re: Is it too late to start over after 30 years ?
« Reply #16 on: August 11, 2011, 06:33:03 PM »


                        Thanks GUYS ! 

                    MY venting helped me .....................................

                  I think Bob feels  my trip to Seattle  as a threat  ?

                    He need not worry , I have not  strayed in over  25 years .

                   I am so looking forward to a fun few days ! 

                    Drinks & A Party sound good to me    :)

                     @   Mecch an apartment in Bridgeport sounds  horrid  :o

                     I think when I get back Bob & I need to take a little trip together .

                     A week end in Saint Louis ?    Works for me ! 

                  I need a little more GAY in my life   :P


                                                         See yous soon ,
                                                                                  Weasel

               P.s. : I thought this  post never  got posted  ???

                       But knowing you guys are there is a GOOD feeling   :-*
" Live and let Live "

Offline denb45

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Re: Is it too late to start over after 30 years ?
« Reply #17 on: August 12, 2011, 07:38:58 AM »
Yeah, I seem to have the same problems w/ my other-half Bob, as you do, sometimes I just have to give him a reality check, and tell him, that everything isn't always about him, he may not like it when I do this, but in the long run he understands, at least most of the time.....

 Back in JUNE we took a trip and drove all the way to upstate-NY to see bob's Mom & Dad, it was fun and we got to do a lotta things we had not done together in a while  :D
Carl, do things, go places with each other, it really helps, life is really too dam short, might as well enjoy each other while you still can  ;D
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline weasel

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Re: Is it too late to start over after 30 years ?
« Reply #18 on: August 12, 2011, 02:34:28 PM »
Yeah, I seem to have the same problems w/ my other-half Bob, as you do, sometimes I just have to give him a reality check, and tell him, that everything isn't always about him, he may not like it when I do this, but in the long run he understands, at least most of the time.....

 Back in JUNE we took a trip and drove all the way to upstate-NY to see bob's Mom & Dad, it was fun and we got to do a lotta things we had not done together in a while  :D
Carl, do things, go places with each other, it really helps, life is really too dam short, might as well enjoy each other while you still can  ;D

 Thanks Den ,
                      We really do get along most of the time !

              I should mention Bob has NOT smoked it 35 days , So a blow up in eminent  :o
             WE went shopping yesterday  , Bob bought me cloths so I shall look  nice  :-*
            Been a long HOT summer .
            Things will return to normal when he gets to spend  all day outside .
              His living with COPD is a problem in itself .
               And MY HIV BRAIN is of no help either .
                 It's a good day for me to clean up the yard .

                                                                           Weasel
" Live and let Live "

Offline bocker3

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Re: Is it too late to start over after 30 years ?
« Reply #19 on: August 12, 2011, 05:25:40 PM »
              I should mention Bob has NOT smoked it 35 days , So a blow up in eminent  :o
             

Oh well -- this might explain some of it.  I remember back in '93 when Sid quit smoking -- lord, he was a raving bitch for what seemed like ever (ask him in Seattle, he'll admit it).
I, on the other hand, quit smoking 6 months before him and was as pleasant as always...   ;D

See you in a few days!!

Mike
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Offline weasel

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Re: Is it too late to start over after 30 years ?
« Reply #20 on: August 12, 2011, 07:38:34 PM »
Oh well -- this might explain some of it.  I remember back in '93 when Sid quit smoking -- lord, he was a raving bitch for what seemed like ever (ask him in Seattle, he'll admit it).
I, on the other hand, quit smoking 6 months before him and was as pleasant as always...   ;D

See you in a few days!!

Mike

    Well     Mike  , I was as sweat as a pea when WE Quit ! That was 27 years ago !  Only Bob started  back up a few months later !
     I am always  a  JOY  ::)
  Bob quits  a few time a year  :o

Right now Bob is cooking Mexican  & I am going to bathe and dream  of a fantasy  man ...........
 IF THE SITE WOULD ALLOW I WOULD EDIT , BUT IT IS BEING A P.I.T.A.

See you all next week !


 One  Round of drinks on me  :)

                                                              Weasel
" Live and let Live "

Offline wolfter

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Re: Is it too late to start over after 30 years ?
« Reply #21 on: August 12, 2011, 09:13:49 PM »
I enjoy dreaming of Mexicans, Puerto Ricans, etc.....
productivity breeds content

Offline denb45

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Re: Is it too late to start over after 30 years ?
« Reply #22 on: August 14, 2011, 10:16:45 AM »
Thanks Den ,
                      We really do get along most of the time !

              I should mention Bob has NOT smoked it 35 days , So a blow up in eminent  :o
             WE went shopping yesterday  , Bob bought me cloths so I shall look  nice  :-*
            Been a long HOT summer .
            Things will return to normal when he gets to spend  all day outside .
              His living with COPD is a problem in itself .
               And MY HIV BRAIN is of no help either .
                 It's a good day for me to clean up the yard .

                                                                           Weasel

Carl your Bob sounds a lot like my Bob, the similarities are uncanny, hang-in-buddy, I feel ya  ;)
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

 


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