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Author Topic: I still cant believe this......  (Read 14545 times)

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Offline ngo1

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I still cant believe this......
« on: April 06, 2011, 02:46:04 AM »
m a 28 year old male from Uganda who went out to have a bit of fun in November using a thin latex condom(Bareback brand) that never broke but was shocked to learn I had contracted HIV from that incident  through a routine test 5 weeks ago.

I haven't done much talking since I got the news,been crying all the
time. Our health care system isn't the best in the world in terms of
HIV care so that's another reason for my concern. I feel suicidal and
honestly do not know how you cope.
I will hopefully find some support groups to help me work through this
and see where to go from here. I got the urge to test after getting an unexplainable rash and
fever in early February,I thought everything was okay coz I do not remember engaging in
unsafe sex.
How have u coped?Do you get scared sometimes?Do your worlds feel
small?Mine most certainly does feel like its crashing

I'm an ID pharmacist.I had gotten a scholarship to Australia for a public health master's degree but it looks like I've to cancel that as they require an HIV test for a visa application. What do I do?Amazing what 10minutes of sex can do to one's life ???
"Those who pray hundred times a day are not necessarily better than those who masturbate a couple of times a day"......

Offline mecch

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #1 on: April 06, 2011, 03:26:23 AM »
Hi. Welcome.

How have u coped? - Shocked me. Most people feel shock. So, communication and time and knowledge - thats how I have coped.

Do you get scared sometimes? I did when I serocoverted.  I have not "gotten scared" too much since then but i guess HIV has added a layer of anxiety that is permanent.  

Do your worlds feel small? Mine most certainly does feel like its crashing.  -  Yes it did a bit at the beginning but as with everything about HIV - ones experience is very individual.  I dont feel that way anymore.

I'm an ID pharmacist.I had gotten a scholarship to Australia for a public health master's degree but it looks like I've to cancel that as they require an HIV test for a visa application. What do I do? -  I think its important that you follow through to get exact answers about what is possible for you in Australia, even having HIV.

(Finally - as a sort of aside - either that condom was badly made, or the transmission didn't happen in that act of intercourse. If it didn't break, then the only way you got HIV during that intercourse would mean it was porous in a way you couldn't see.  Also it sounds like you were the active. Must have been a pretty awful condom then.  What a horrible bad joke if in fact you got HIV using a condom called "bareback".  :o
My point is - How you got it doesn't really matter to most of us HIV+ people.  You mentioned it two times, at the beginning and end of your post.  I know how we got HIV matters a lot to OTHER people, that's for sure!)

I hope you can find lots of support and information in this column.
« Last Edit: April 06, 2011, 03:33:44 AM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline ngo1

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #2 on: April 06, 2011, 03:56:28 AM »
Mecc,thanks for the response.was beginning to feel shunned.

To be honest,i feel like the unluckiest guy in the world.I work with the largest hospital in Uganda,head the ID pharmacy department and have given PEP to some friends of mine who have had condom accidents some with poz girls and non of them has seroconverted. I would have taken PEP if it had broken.I had always sworn by condoms and this bareback(I know how ironic that sounds!) brand in particular.It's made by Ansell and marketed in Africa. I have since tried to do a check on the internet and most sights in Europe and the US show it was withdrawn yet it is still the largest selling thin latex condom in Africa. I don't know why it was withdrawn in those countries.I wish the condom had broken but it didn't and this was the only intercourse I had,once with a "stray bird"! I do have a feeling heat could have affected it in someway coz i went back to the shop i bought them from and it displays them in a way that allows direct sunlight through the window and this is African heat!I thot if condoms fail,they just rupture but not leak so this is a bad way to learn a latex lesson

I am obviously venting coz i really need to,i know it doesn't matter how one gets HIV coz ultimately its there and u have to deal with it but knowing how it happened brings closure to the whole episode.

About the Australian issue,they don't offer visas to HIVers unless its just a visitor's visa so am cooked there.Its pretty sad for me, thanks though for the advice.
"Those who pray hundred times a day are not necessarily better than those who masturbate a couple of times a day"......

Offline mecch

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #3 on: April 06, 2011, 04:02:08 AM »
Wow that really sucks about the condom.  If you're feeling generous, you might want to tell that shop to get their condoms out of the african sun and heat!

Who gave you the scholarship? Uganda, or Australia. The school in Australia or the government of Australia?

Also, what about a Masters in a country that does NOT block HIV+ people, then.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline mecch

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #4 on: April 06, 2011, 04:04:52 AM »
Oh, PS, nobody is going to shun you here!  Its just the time difference. Euros tend to come online in the afternoon in Europe. And a lot of the dialogue is among North Americans.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline ngo1

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #5 on: April 06, 2011, 04:33:01 AM »
I went and talked to the Indian proprietor of the shop about removing condoms from direct sunlight and he gave me this wtf look.I didn't feel like getting into a fight with him or giving him details so i walked off
The scholarship is offered by the Aussie govt to students from developing countries.It is such a life changer but heck,I just blew it in 10 minutes of sex,really sucks!!

After all is said and done,where do I go from here?I haven't slept in ages,feel suicidal often and i just keep indoors.We do not have insurance to cover meds so its either govt funded treatment which starts with CD4s below 300 or private payment. Its a tough world my friend
"Those who pray hundred times a day are not necessarily better than those who masturbate a couple of times a day"......

Offline mecch

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #6 on: April 06, 2011, 04:48:28 AM »
I understand your location isn't going to make this a cake walk, thats for sure.

“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline ngo1

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #7 on: April 06, 2011, 05:07:37 AM »
Thanks Mecch
"Those who pray hundred times a day are not necessarily better than those who masturbate a couple of times a day"......

Offline mbpoz6

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #8 on: April 06, 2011, 08:06:55 AM »
Wow that is shocking....Sad to hear the news. :(

Good thing is you found this site. The support is just great.

Offline ngo1

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #9 on: April 06, 2011, 09:50:09 AM »
Thanks mbpoz6, u guys make me feel welcome.Thx again
"Those who pray hundred times a day are not necessarily better than those who masturbate a couple of times a day"......

Offline MiniPozToyota

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #10 on: April 06, 2011, 11:14:40 AM »
Hey man welcome to this site Sorry you had to come here at these times but all the people on this site is very supportive and any question or concern you have can be anwsered here I've just recently became positive as well and still have many questions about the virus there's alot of people here who has had it for many years and don't made helping answering questions although everybody is different with there progression you can still relate. Hope everything goes well and don't stress it, it's not like you can take it back and put it back on the shelf the only thing now is to manage it and not let it take control. Eat healthy and get rest try getting a one a day vitiumn. I go to my first doctor visit this coming monday so I'll post how it goes. Good luck man.
April 2010- tested neg.
April 1 2011 -  CD4 346 VL 46856 22%
July 27 2011- Started Atripla
(Meds are good) needed more space to update been UD now for three years. Current down below
Jun 5 2014 - CD4 704 VL UD % 44.0

Offline spacebarsux

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #11 on: April 06, 2011, 12:39:13 PM »
Hi ngo1,

Sorry about your diagnosis, but welcome to the forums nonetheless. There is 'NO POINT' whatsoever going over the past and the 'what ifs'. Its best to just accept it and look forward now. I am newly diagnosed too and we're all dealing with similar issues. As time goes on we all find ways to best cope with the virus; and how one copes maybe quite different to someone else.

First there is shock and disbelief, then anger and self-loathing, followed by grieving and finally acceptance. Everyone on this forum has gone through this and you will too. Welcome to the forums.

BTW, have you tried writing to your the Australian Uni or the Aus Embassy in Uganda regarding your circumstances. I mean worst they could say is NO. You have nothing to lose. Try writing to them. I also have to say it is most ironic that you wanted to pursue a Masters in Public Health!! I think you should just go ahead and do it elsewhere if not in Aus, it would probably have a lot more meaning, now that you're poz!

Good luck.

Spacebar
Infected-  2005 or early 2006; Diagnosed- Jan 28th, 2011; Feb '11- CD4 754 @34%, VL- 39K; July '11- CD4 907@26%,  VL-81K; Feb '12- CD4 713 @31%, VL- 41K, Nov '12- CD4- 827@31%

Offline mecch

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #12 on: April 06, 2011, 03:16:50 PM »
Yes you must contact the people at the uni and the embassy officials to see what is possible. 
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Inchlingblue

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #13 on: April 06, 2011, 08:36:46 PM »
Are you able to access medications when necessary and get your labs done, see a doctor etc?

Offline ngo1

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #14 on: April 07, 2011, 03:06:19 AM »
Mecch, I will contact them but am not holding out much hope.
Inch,yes I can do my labs but the national treatment guidelines are made is such a way as to delay HAART as much as possible just to cut costs.Its a crazy world
"Those who pray hundred times a day are not necessarily better than those who masturbate a couple of times a day"......

Offline mecch

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #15 on: April 07, 2011, 03:57:50 AM »
Novartis sinks money into this Swiss based Master's.  There are some FULL STIPENDS.  Check it out, too.
http://www.swisstph.ch/teaching/msc-in-infectious-diseases.html

Bit of advice on the education - you have got to believe there is an opportunity out there.  If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I couldn't get the education I wanted, I'd have about 500 bucks. Instead I pushed and pushed and pushed, politely but insistently, and there is always a door that opens - and its usually some sort of secret door, guarded by a person, not a rule.  So instead of 500 bucks I got full tuition scholarships.  

Most of the world plays by the officially published rules and believes the limitations.  Now, especially since you have joined the HIV+, you have got to think shrewdly and act cunningly or all of life's opportunities will pass you by.

“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline hope4love

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #16 on: April 07, 2011, 04:28:27 AM »
I am Sorry to hear about your HIV and welcome to the forums. This forums for sure will give you more information and confidence to live with HIV.  I understand in Africa the access to HAART drugs is difficult, until you start your medication from the Government or private you should have Tab Nutrimune - this is a a multivitamin/mineral table which is highly recommended for all HIV positive people especially if the CD4 is 300 or less. Below is the link for you to check the full details of the tablet. Another tablet that you should consider taking is Tab Ciplin DS - Antibiotic. These two tablets was recommended to me by my Doctor in India until I started HAART. My Doctor, who is also a researcher tells that many in Africa who do not have any access to HAART are prescribed this drugs which would prevent opportunistic infections and delay the progress of HIV.

http://cipladoc.com/therapeutic/pdf_cipla/nutrimune.pdf

For sure there are lot of restrictions for people with HIV to travel, study, immigrate but there are certain countries which has no restrictions.
Details of countries and their entry restrictions: http://www.namlife.org/cms1255072.aspx.
There is also a website called www.hivtravel.org that you might find useful.
You need to research more and prepare in advance and most of all and more important you need to take care of yourself physically and mentally.

Best wishes.

Jan 2009 - Sero Negative
Jan 2010 - Sero Positive
               CD4 - 275, VL - 18,000
Oct 2010 - CD4 - 241, Started - Vonavir; Oct 2011 - CD4 - 474;Jan 2012 - CD4-620; Aug 2012-CD4-600, VL- UD; Jan 2013 CD4-493, VL-72 IU/ml   (Blip)

Offline ngo1

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #17 on: April 07, 2011, 05:14:39 AM »
Thanks Mecch,you are one of the kindest people I've "met"!
I know this is a silly question but do you ever wish you had found this website before you became poz?I certainly feel that way coz the lessons I've learnt in just a few days certainly would have been life changing.
It seems like the course is offered in both Switzerland and Singapore.Does Switzerland allow stay for POZ people?I know Singapore is kinda tricky.I however am going to give this a try.
One thing I'm counting on is I'll be able to delay medz as much as possible to allow me "finish" school but the trouble is in getting into those countries in the first place.Am sure though thre'll be a way out of this
"Those who pray hundred times a day are not necessarily better than those who masturbate a couple of times a day"......

Offline mecch

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #18 on: April 07, 2011, 01:42:26 PM »
Am sure though thre'll be a way out of this

Yes that's the necessary thinking!

How is your internet access? I'll tell you what, when I have some more time next week I'll get some more info on this program and have a look at others around these parts.  But there must be hundreds of MSs in Public Health in this world. The US doesnt have a restriction on HIV+ people anymore, you know that?
And the top institutions are rolling in money and social consciousness.  

Switzerland invites tons of Africans to their universities, too.  I teach lots of students from Western Africa and from North Africa.  A lot of them don't have any money but they make it through with the help of family and jobs and also because Swiss institutions don't charge an arm and a leg.

A caveat is that many European universities are moving fast to monetized their Masters programs and they've started with their business, law and medical degrees, charging HARVARD prices.  The "rationale" - a shitty one - is that these people will make money later on.  I don't know the trend for Public Health.  

What language(s) can you deal with for instruction?  I suggest you make a list of all the English speaking countries and check out which one's have HIV+ restrictions for students, too.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline ngo1

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #19 on: April 07, 2011, 02:10:14 PM »
Thanks Mecch,you are far too kind!

I can only look up English-instructed courses so that's what I'll do.
Trouble with studying with HIV especially when you are from Africa is in getting insurance I guess.We mostly rely on scholarships coz we can hardly afford to pay for our daily needs let alone post grad study so you can understand my predicament.I doubt any organization would be interested in sponsoring an HIVer,sounds like a big burden.I have written to the Aussies and am awaiting their response,am not holding out much hope though.

I'm getting better at taking this shock in but without any further studies,I'll feel like I failed myself.I know I already feel that way but this  would just compound my misery
"Those who pray hundred times a day are not necessarily better than those who masturbate a couple of times a day"......

Offline mecch

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #20 on: April 07, 2011, 03:45:55 PM »
Some of these questions you can't possible have the answers to.

This is why we have urged you, when you are over a bit of the shock of diagnosis, of course - to contact the school that already accepted you to see what the people who are responsible for things such as the mandatory insurance, and grants, and student visas, have to say about your situation.

Many big state universities, and private universities, in the US, for example, have mandatory insurance for ALL students, its pooled, and nobody can be refused coverage.  Thats not to say the coverage would be generous.  But also, the total costs of attending schools are taken into consideration when stipends and financial aid is awarded to graduate students.  

Keep in mind how rich some institutions - in the US especially - are. Some colleges have so much money they can take who ever they want - but this is for the Bachelor's.**  The situation becomes much more complicated for a Masters.  This is why you can't know the answers - especially not being from a different culture.

Many people around the world don't know this about American education. They just hear that it is so expensive.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_colleges_and_universities_in_the_United_States_by_endowment#Endowments_.3E_.241_billion

Here is a list of dozens of American Universities with more than 1 billion USD in Endowment. That is money that helps the institution in many ways be excellent, and also it is used to support the students it wants.

So the first step, when you are ready, is to get an institution who really wants you to come and study. Then you explain your needs.  

You never explain your needs first. You always show how you can contribute to the campus, and how the degree and knowledge you get will contribute back to your community.  Its a bit of a sales job.
« Last Edit: April 07, 2011, 03:48:34 PM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #21 on: April 07, 2011, 04:25:20 PM »
Thanks Mecch,you are far too kind!

I can only look up English-instructed courses so that's what I'll do.
Trouble with studying with HIV especially when you are from Africa is in getting insurance I guess.We mostly rely on scholarships coz we can hardly afford to pay for our daily needs let alone post grad study so you can understand my predicament.I doubt any organization would be interested in sponsoring an HIVer,sounds like a big burden.I have written to the Aussies and am awaiting their response,am not holding out much hope though.

I'm getting better at taking this shock in but without any further studies,I'll feel like I failed myself.I know I already feel that way but this  would just compound my misery

Try contacting the Australian Federation of AIDS Organisations: http://www.afao.org.au/index.asp. They may be able to help.

MtD

Offline ngo1

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #22 on: April 09, 2011, 10:30:42 AM »
Good God,why does my world feel so small?Its been a while since I got this news but nothing seems to be moving in my life. Every day comes with its own suicidal thoughts. How do I get through this?
"Those who pray hundred times a day are not necessarily better than those who masturbate a couple of times a day"......

Offline Inchlingblue

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #23 on: April 09, 2011, 10:36:11 AM »
Good God,why does my world feel so small?Its been a while since I got this news but nothing seems to be moving in my life. Every day comes with its own suicidal thoughts. How do I get through this?

It will definitely get better.

You may not have to start meds for years. You just recently sero-coverted, right?

Are there resources in your country for you to get blood work done every few months from this point onward?

Offline hope_for_a_cure

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #24 on: April 09, 2011, 10:40:40 AM »
Good God,why does my world feel so small?Its been a while since I got this news but nothing seems to be moving in my life. Every day comes with its own suicidal thoughts. How do I get through this?

Sometimes the gravity of being HIV+ is overwhelming for many.  Accepting the diagnosis is different for each of us and the ways we cope will vary as well.  Suicide is never the best solution and I would at this point seek the counsel of a professional who can give you tools to help cope.  Its ok to ask for help and there are qualified individuals who can provide the help you so desperately need with this.  

Try therapy as a step towards getting through this, your life is still valuable and you owe it to yourself to make that attempt.


Offline ngo1

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #25 on: April 09, 2011, 11:15:19 AM »

Try therapy as a step towards getting through this, your life is still valuable and you owe it to yourself to make that attempt.


Hope,I guess one of the reasons I'm finding it hard to get a therapist is that I do counsel my clients every work day and I can't help thinking this is the same stuff the therapist will be telling me. This country isn't the best place to be POZ and I say that with all the patriotism in the world.

Inchlingblue,yes there are resources for that albeit one equipment for just about a million clients so it does take time and lots of lining up to have these tests done.I sero-converted in February from an early November exposure but am frankly distraught.All I do is stay home,reading each and every post on these forums,its crazy!
I have replayed the whole episode that exposed me but I can't quite figure out how I got infected.I believe it would feel better just knowing how it happened.Oh,no!!!!!!
"Those who pray hundred times a day are not necessarily better than those who masturbate a couple of times a day"......

Offline ngo1

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #26 on: April 14, 2011, 12:34:16 PM »
At what point does it get better because am feeling worse by the day.
This is such a lonely world my friends,makes the thought of death seem bearable.I need hellllllllllllllllp!
"Those who pray hundred times a day are not necessarily better than those who masturbate a couple of times a day"......

Offline Inchlingblue

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #27 on: April 14, 2011, 08:04:12 PM »
At what point does it get better because am feeling worse by the day.
This is such a lonely world my friends,makes the thought of death seem bearable.I need hellllllllllllllllp!

Remember it could be years before you need meds and many things can change. Hang in there. It does get better. You have a lot to offer.

Offline ngo1

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #28 on: April 21, 2011, 09:19:27 AM »
thanks Inch,it will get better hopefully.

Now here's a question;are there cases of people having a negative western blot but repeatedly positive elisa 5 months into the infection?My fiancee has a completely negative WB with no band whatsoever yet her antibody tests are reactive so we are kind of confused.Our 7month old girl has a negative PCR but has had all the symptoms.Someone here to help me explain this?

One of the reasons I've been so down is because of those 2.it never occured to me that they were in danger whatsoever
"Those who pray hundred times a day are not necessarily better than those who masturbate a couple of times a day"......

Offline BigDaneDogs

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #29 on: April 21, 2011, 09:43:44 AM »
WOW -- memories of the past for me.  18 years into this "event" in my life.  If you have a child I can tell you to try and focus your energy right now on him/her (sorry, my memory SUCKS - lol).  This child is your reason for living.  I remember just wanting to get to the day when I could wake up, get through the day and not have to think "OMG - I have HIV".  It took several months for me, but that is just me.  You do really need someone to talk too.  Start working through the process of seeking services.  Make this a mission.  It will give you something to focus on instead of dwelling on your situation.  This board is a GREAT place to be right now.  The folks on here have ALL been in your shoes and have ALL gotten through it in time.  You will find there is no greater support for you than those who have paved the road.  Everyone is MORE than willing to listen, talk and whatever it takes to help you get through this and eventually you will be "one of us" helping someone else. 

For me I came to the conclusion that this had come into my life for a reason.  There was a purpose in my infection and my job was to find that purpose.  I spent the first 3 years after my dx speaking to high school and jr. high kids about HIV/AIDS.  I decided if I could save one other person from this event in my life then my dx would have served a purpose.  You WILL get through this.  This is NOT the end of your life but the beginning of a new phase for you to make something great where you never thought something great could happen and only because of your dx will you be able to ascend to the new heights in your life.
BigDaneDog because I have two big Danes.
Member since 1993

Offline ngo1

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #30 on: April 21, 2011, 10:08:33 AM »
bigdane,wow,thats inspiring!

I know stuff gets better with time but that time doesnt seem to be coming for me.I dont knw how many times I've thought about suicide.Yes i do have a 7month old girl who is my world and i was set to get married next month.unfortunately,i made the greatest mistake of my life but thot i was not at risk so i exposed the mum who was breastfdng so here I am rooting for them and hoping they are fine which is why i asked that upper question.i wd feel better if they test negative but its not looking good
"Those who pray hundred times a day are not necessarily better than those who masturbate a couple of times a day"......

Offline drewm

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #31 on: April 21, 2011, 05:57:45 PM »
Welcome to the forums. Sorry you need us but glad you found us! Suicide is a fleeting thought for a lot of folks upon diagnoses. It is not a solution. This virus is manageable and is not worth ending it over. Take some deep breaths give yourself some time. It gets better.  ;)
Diagnosed in  May of 2010 with teh AIDS.

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Offline Inchlingblue

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #32 on: April 22, 2011, 08:26:05 AM »
There are some members on here who have some knowledge of how the tests work but they might not see your question. You might want to start a new thread with that particular question, in the Living With HIV Forum, and more people will see it.

Offline ngo1

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #33 on: April 27, 2011, 03:16:40 PM »
Had a much better day,played with my daughter and nothing else seemed to matter,not even HIV but its bed time now and life feels crazy again!
Inch,do I have to start another thread in there?I was under the impression everyone is entitled to just one thread on the forum
"Those who pray hundred times a day are not necessarily better than those who masturbate a couple of times a day"......

Offline Inchlingblue

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #34 on: April 27, 2011, 10:56:26 PM »
Had a much better day,played with my daughter and nothing else seemed to matter,not even HIV but its bed time now and life feels crazy again!
Inch,do I have to start another thread in there?I was under the impression everyone is entitled to just one thread on the forum

You can start as many threads as you want. There are different forums depending on the subject of the thread. Very nice to hear you're doing better. You will be fine, stay strong.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #35 on: April 27, 2011, 11:00:20 PM »
The "one thread" rule applies only to the Am I Infected? forum. AMI has special rules which are explained in it's  Welcome Thread.

Most of our forums have a Welcome Thread which explains the posting guidelines for that particular forum. If you're unsure about the rules governing a particular forum, check for the welcome thread which will be stickied at the top of the list of threads in that forum.

MtD

Offline Ann

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #36 on: April 29, 2011, 12:47:30 PM »
You can start as many threads as you want. There are different forums depending on the subject of the thread. Very nice to hear you're doing better. You will be fine, stay strong.

NGO, Until you get the result of your WB test, I'd rather you stick to this one thread. If your WB comes back positive, then you can start as many threads as you want. But as we've discussed via PM, I do not think you are actually hiv positive.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Inchlingblue

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #37 on: April 29, 2011, 09:54:53 PM »
ngo, you might not have hiv . . . u should get the Western Blot, as Ann suggests.


Offline ngo1

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #38 on: May 07, 2011, 03:00:36 AM »
hi all!thought I should let you know that Tonny tried to take his own life and we are now in hospital.he is out of danger but still needs your support and prayers.thanks for being there for him.
"Those who pray hundred times a day are not necessarily better than those who masturbate a couple of times a day"......

Offline RichardfromIndy

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I still cant believe this......
« Reply #39 on: May 07, 2011, 04:21:41 AM »
Hello ngo1,

Tonny, you must realize that sometimes life throws a real curveball at us.  You have a child that needs you more than ever.  I know the shock and bewilderment that can come from finding out that you are hiv+, but you need to have the western blot test done asap.  You could have gotten a false-positive and need to make certain of your medical condition.  While you are at it, get a CD4 count done so that you know what your baseline is in case you need it for future reference.  You need to hang in there for yourself and your child.  If indeed you are hiv+ it is not the end of the world for you.  C'mon man!!!!!  You can do it.  You just need to trust in yourself and in your Higher Power to get you through this.  I know it seems as if your world is crumbling, but you are strong enough to get through this.  Stay in touch and let us know how you are doing. 

Offline Ann

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #40 on: May 07, 2011, 06:42:49 AM »
hi all!thought I should let you know that Tonny tried to take his own life and we are now in hospital.he is out of danger but still needs your support and prayers.thanks for being there for him.

Am I correct in assuming that the person who wrote this is Tony's fiancée? Did Tony ever have a Western Blot test done and if so, what was the result?

I'm sorry to hear that he attempted to take his own life. Hiv may not be a bed of roses, but it's nothing to kill yourself over either. It would not seem that Tony even HAS hiv. Please clarify whether or not he's had a WB test.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline ngo1

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #41 on: May 07, 2011, 08:30:26 AM »
Thanks people for the words of support.
Ann,am the fiancée. I just figured since he had spent most of his time over the last 2 months or so on these forums you guys were his main support so it's only right I let you know how he's doing. He is yet to do a WB but 2different types rapids are  repeatedly reactive. Mine too are reactive but the WB is not at all. I did mine 2 weeks or so back,around 4months post exposure. I'm going to do a DNA PCR and take it from there.

We have asked the hospital to do a WB for him but that's a diagnostic test that's rarely used in UGanda.
Listening to what Tonny tells me about the exposure he had, I find it hard to believe he got infeced that way but even the girl he was with says she can't be blamed since she asked him to use a condom and according to her he did. I'm learning to accept the fact that he could have gotten unlucky and didn't see the condom had broken. He has found it hard to forgive himself which is why we are at this point. As soon as he is back on his feet, i'll let him know you guys sent your support.   
"Those who pray hundred times a day are not necessarily better than those who masturbate a couple of times a day"......

Offline Ann

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #42 on: May 07, 2011, 08:40:54 AM »
You really need to push for him to have a WB. You yourself have had positive antibody tests but a negative WB, and I fully expect this to be the case with him as well. You do not need PCR testing - you do not have hiv.

Many things can cause a false negative rapid antibody result, including pregnancy, some autoimmune diseases and so can malaria.

I cannot stress it enough - HE NEEDS A WB TEST!!!! Maybe now that he's suicidal the doctors will agree to a WB. Be firm with them. He NEEDS to have this done.

Good luck. I understand how stressful this must be for both of you.
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Ann

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #43 on: May 07, 2011, 08:48:25 AM »
I meant to add, if you're going to go against my advice and have a PCR test done anyway, you want to make sure it's an RNA PCR and not a DNA PCR test.

DNA PCR tests are not approved for diagnostic purposes as they have a high rate of false positive results. The last thing you need is another false positive.

It does not matter how many positive rapid antibody tests you have, if you have a negative WB, then you do not have hiv and you do not need further testing. You do not have hiv and it's unlikely Tony does either.
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline PozPom

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #44 on: May 10, 2011, 01:14:41 PM »
Hi

I'm not sure how you are or if you have confirmed that you are positive yet, but if you are indeed positive all I can say is don't give up.  I tested positive in May 2008 and at that time everything looked bleak.  Today I am (mostly) happy, very healthy and on meds and everything is going well.  Of course I still think about HIV a lot, but there is a silver lining to that cloud and you will get through it.

In terms of getting a visa/scholarship to Australia - don't give up on that either.  I live in Australia and a friend who is HIV+ still got his student visa here.  It involved getting a migration agent and applying for a health waiver, but it can be done.  I am originally from the UK and just got my own permanent residency here even though I tested +ve while in Australia.  

Get some advice from a migration agent and don't give up.  And from what I can gather, there is a lot of love and support on these forums.

I hope you are well.

Offline ngo1

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #45 on: July 17, 2011, 04:49:31 PM »
Guys I need help,TOny has tried suicide again!
"Those who pray hundred times a day are not necessarily better than those who masturbate a couple of times a day"......

Offline spacebarsux

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #46 on: July 18, 2011, 05:50:32 AM »
I am so sorry to hear this. I hope Tony is alright.

I would suggest you find some one on one counselling for Tony with a mental health professional- ON AN URGENT BASIS.  Also anti-depressants would help, if required. I think this is necessary.

I sincerely pray and hope everything turns out fine.

Keep us informed.
Infected-  2005 or early 2006; Diagnosed- Jan 28th, 2011; Feb '11- CD4 754 @34%, VL- 39K; July '11- CD4 907@26%,  VL-81K; Feb '12- CD4 713 @31%, VL- 41K, Nov '12- CD4- 827@31%

Offline Since2005

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Re: I still cant believe this......
« Reply #47 on: August 02, 2011, 08:19:48 PM »
I hope Tony is okay.. can anyone let us know???

 


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