Main Forums > Someone I Care About Has HIV

Hello, I'm new.....I think I am after some advice!

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mecch:
Does your husband want to have another baby too?  

Seems to me there are two good reasons for him to let you know more about how his body is dealing with hiv.

1) Because you are his long term partmer, and mother of his children.  Oh, and you are having sex I guess!  You just have a right to know, if you want to know. Its a pretty big deal, like other things in a relationship - needs negotiation so both can be content.    If he can't give you that much -- information -- then I would ask for an explanation why not, and offer some therapy and some time limits.  You don't have to blackmail him with ultimatums but maybe secretly you should start the program to get the info about his health - from him - that you want and if finally you never are going to get it.  Get out of the relation.   He already burned you once with lies.  ("Fool me twice, shame of me" I believe it is the expression.")

2) If you are going to have another kid then also all his health information needs be on the table and you all got to get a medically approved plan to do it safely.

Best of luck!

Doodle:
Thanks for your comments mecch.

Yes, my partner does want another baby  - it is something that we had talked about, even before his diagnosis - so this is not a decision taken lightly.

I don't think it is that he can't give me the information about his health, I truly believe he is just not ready to talk about it yet - I am sure that in time, and with support from his docs he will be able to.

I don't want to be too pushy about it until he is ready but I do understand that there should be some time limits - but I also feel that he will open when he is ready to.

Yes he has lied to me once, but he does regret it & he is deeply sorry for what he did, he just did not know how to handle the situation - that is something that we have talked about a lot & so far have been able to work through it.

I do not want the relationship to end - I still love him as much as I always did - the fact that he is HIV+ makes no difference to that & never will.

Thank you for your advice and I will be mindful of the fact that I NEED to know about the state of his health & that I should try to find out more sooner rather than later.

Thanks again, e x

Doodle:
Hi all,
I recently posted in 'someone I care about' in relation to my partner who is positive.

We always use condoms for intercourse since his diagnosis back in November - but last night we had a slight mis-hap with the condom.

Basically after vaginal intercourse it slipped off and was left inside me - after digging about I pulled it out and inspected it and i am about 85% sure that the semen was contained.

Obviously I cannot be 100% certain and I am slightly worried about this risk and wanted to know if anyone thinks I should seek pep?

Just a bit more background on my partner:
He was diagnosed in November 2010 with a cd4 count of 114 (don't know about viral load as he can't remember & didn't tell me at the time)
He started on Atripla in November.
His last bloods showed cd4 of 1000+ (again he doesn't know the exact number & doesn't know what his viral load was, although he does think it was a low number - but he doesn't think it was undetectable)

I know I have had a small risk, but is it enough for taking pep? Especially if he has a low viral load?
I have read how pep can have some nasty side effects and would like to avoid it if possible, but obviously will take it if necessary.

Sorry it's a bit long and any opinions would be welcomed.

Thanks
Doodle x

Andy Velez:
Doodle, I've moved your latest thread over to this section as it is in part at least a continuation of your previous concerns.

In the future please keep your entries in this same thread. Thanks for your cooperation with our rule.

As for this latest concern, I think you are most likely right that the condom contained his sperm after it stayed in when he pulled out. It's a not uncommon kind of event. In the future when pulling out it would be a good idea for him to hold on to the condom at the end of his penis as he withdraws. Or you can hold on to it.

Personally I wouldn't consider what happened to have been the kind of accident that warrants doing PEP, but that is a decision you will have to make for yourself.

It's also concerning that the sharing of information between you two seems to be spotty. It might be good for you two to have a meeting together with his doctor. That would allow you to ask any questions you may have such as about his viral load, CD4 count, etc. You may have other questions which would if answered properly put your mind at ease and draw you two closer together.

Whether you do PEP or not I do think you ought to get tested at 13 weeks just to confirm your negative status. It's not something to be left wondering about.

You can test initially at 6 weeks. A negative at 6 weeks is unlikely to turn positive at 3 months.

Doodle:
Thanks Andy.
Sorry that i posted in a new thread - i head read the rules about posting in the same one, but assumed as this was more about me it would warrant a new thread  ??? sorry  ???

We do normally do as you say hold onto the condom, but in this instance it had already kind of disappeared and i couldn't get hold hold of it until after he had removed his penis.

I do understand what you are saying about our communication & we are trying to deal with this - he has agreed for me to go to his next appointment with him which is a massive step in the right direction & i am pleased about that - things are looking up!

His main problem is nt understanding what the docs say & not taking it all in & i think i can help him with that.

I think i will get him to phone his doc tomorrow to see what they say abut pep.

Thanks for the advice.

Doodle x

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