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Author Topic: Andy, Ann, and others, please help  (Read 1770 times)

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Offline mas911

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Andy, Ann, and others, please help
« on: July 21, 2011, 09:57:16 PM »
Hello,

First of all, I would like to thank all of you for helping people on this forum. It is a greatly appreciated. Here is my situation. I am a bisexual male, and I have a permanent partner, who I am currently separated from. I recently made a couple of huge mistakes, and I am very scared and worried about the possibility that I may have contracted HIV.

1) About 2 weeks ago, I had sex with a female CSW. We engaged in anal sex for about 10 minutes or so, with a condom. I'm very worried because after it was finished, she removed the condom in a hurry. I only looked at it for a few seconds, and there was a moderate amount of blood and rectal secretions on it. I didn't notice a any breaks in the condom.

I'm worried that there was smaller breaks that I didn't notice. Or, maybe it wasn't a good quality condom. It was her's, and she put it on me. I didn't see the brand name or the expiration date.

2) A few days after that, I gave a blow job to another man. He did not ejaculate in my mouth, but I tasted a good amount of Pre-cum. So I know at least his pre-cum was inside my mouth. I'm worried about this encounter because I flossed not long before this, and my gums were bleeding.

I asked him about his HIV status, and he said he was negative, and that he tested a couple of months ago.

Was I at a huge risk for HIV? I'm living with a lot of guilt now, for cheating on my partner, but that's something else I'm dealing with. It's weighing on me very heavily now, and its really affecting my daily life. As far as HIV is concerned, should I be worried? Also, could I resume unprotected sex with my partner, considering the recent exposures I've had?

Thank you so much!

Offline RapidRod

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  • Posts: 15,280
Re: Andy, Ann, and others, please help
« Reply #1 on: July 21, 2011, 10:03:31 PM »
Had the condom failed you would have known and oral sex is not a risk of contracting HIV.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Andy, Ann, and others, please help
« Reply #2 on: July 22, 2011, 04:34:49 AM »
Had the condom failed you would have known and oral sex is not a risk of contracting HIV.

Quite right Rod!

So tell us, when a condom fails how can we tell?

MtD

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Andy, Ann, and others, please help
« Reply #3 on: July 22, 2011, 04:57:36 AM »
Quite right Rod!

So tell us, when a condom fails how can we tell?

MtD
Use the search function, it's been explained thousands of times on this forum.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Andy, Ann, and others, please help
« Reply #4 on: July 22, 2011, 05:06:39 AM »
Use the search function, it's been explained thousands of times on this forum.

Quite right Roddles! But sometimes the search function, it doesn't work. :(

How can we know when a condom has failed? Would you be so good as to explain it to us?

For the benefit of the record.

MtD

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Andy, Ann, and others, please help
« Reply #5 on: July 22, 2011, 05:10:04 AM »
Quite right Roddles! But sometimes the search function, it doesn't work. :(

How can we know when a condom has failed? Would you be so good as to explain it to us?

For the benefit of the record.

MtD

Don't have time for your games today Matty.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Andy, Ann, and others, please help
« Reply #6 on: July 22, 2011, 05:17:19 AM »
Don't have time for your games today Matty.

So you don't know when a condom has failed? I'm sorry to hear that Rodney.

:(

For the benefit of the record, I can say that condoms only fail under major stress. They are designed to fail catastrophically. So you know a condom has failed when it shreds around your weeny.

What can make a condom fail? Being out of date. Being smeared with hydrocarbon based lubricants and being stored contrary to the label.

When a rubber fails it looks a bit like a hula skirt.

MtD
« Last Edit: July 22, 2011, 05:20:36 AM by Matty the Damned »

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Andy, Ann, and others, please help
« Reply #7 on: July 22, 2011, 08:34:22 AM »
Mas, you are worrying needlessly.

As has been pointed out, when a condom fails it's not about the imagined itsy bitsy little holes. The entire thing goes and ends up looking like a fringed hoop on your penis.

Guilt is a whole other issue. You did what you did and you can't undo that. You were not at risk for HIV in anything you did. But for guilt you would test off the charts right now. Do everyone concerned a big favor now, accept what you did, let it go and move on. Holding on to guilt is not a sign of higher character on your part so drop it.

Only unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse are confirmed risks for the sexual transmission of HIV. As long as you consistently use condoms for those activities you won't be putting yourself or your partner at risk.

You have no sound basis for further concern about HIV nor any need for testing.   And yes, you can resume unprotected sex with your partner.

« Last Edit: July 22, 2011, 08:36:30 AM by Andy Velez »
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Andy, Ann, and others, please help
« Reply #8 on: July 22, 2011, 08:37:44 AM »
Mas,

Sex workers use condoms to protect themselves, not you, so don't go imagining that she used some inferior type of condom. If the condom had broken, she would not have been happy and probably would have asked you about your sexual health. As Matty said, a broken condom is VERY obvious.

As for the blowjob, not only is saliva not infectious, but it also contains over a dozen different proteins and enzymes that damage hiv and render it unable to infect. Also, hiv can only infect a very few, very specific types of cells and these cells are not found in abundance in the mouth. Unless you flossed immediately before giving the blowjob and you were bleeding profusely, then that is not going to increase your risk.

Giving blowjobs is only a theoretical risk for hiv infection. It's also a theoretical risk that a meteorite may fall on your head the next time you step outside, but do you worry about that? You are far more likely to become infected with something like herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia or syphilis than hiv while giving unprotected blowjobs. If you are uncomfortable giving unprotected blowjobs, don't do it.

This is very important - relying on what a person tells you about their hiv status is no way to protect yourself. Sometimes people only assume they are hiv negative and unfortunately, some people will lie. You need to assume that ANYONE you have sex with is hiv positive and protect yourself accordingly.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

ALTHOUGH YOU DO NOT NEED TO TEST SPECIFICALLY OVER YOUR CURRENT CONCERNS, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline mas911

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: Andy, Ann, and others, please help
« Reply #9 on: July 22, 2011, 12:12:23 PM »
Andy, Ann, Rod and Matty:

Thank you very much for your responses. I appreciate it. I will take your advise and try to put this issue behind me.

Mas

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Andy, Ann, and others, please help
« Reply #10 on: July 22, 2011, 01:25:02 PM »
That's a good move.

And you're welcome.
Andy Velez

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Andy, Ann, and others, please help
« Reply #11 on: July 22, 2011, 05:38:43 PM »
Mas,

Sex workers use condoms to protect themselves, not you, so don't go imagining that she used some inferior type of condom. If the condom had broken, she would not have been happy and probably would have asked you about your sexual health. As Matty said, a broken condom is VERY obvious.

As for the blowjob, not only is saliva not infectious, but it also contains over a dozen different proteins and enzymes that damage hiv and render it unable to infect. Also, hiv can only infect a very few, very specific types of cells and these cells are not found in abundance in the mouth. Unless you flossed immediately before giving the blowjob and you were bleeding profusely, then that is not going to increase your risk.

Giving blowjobs is only a theoretical risk for hiv infection. It's also a theoretical risk that a meteorite may fall on your head the next time you step outside, but do you worry about that? You are far more likely to become infected with something like herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia or syphilis than hiv while giving unprotected blowjobs. If you are uncomfortable giving unprotected blowjobs, don't do it.

This is very important - relying on what a person tells you about their hiv status is no way to protect yourself. Sometimes people only assume they are hiv negative and unfortunately, some people will lie. You need to assume that ANYONE you have sex with is hiv positive and protect yourself accordingly.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

ALTHOUGH YOU DO NOT NEED TO TEST SPECIFICALLY OVER YOUR CURRENT CONCERNS, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann

If you continue to surf the web I can promise you will find so-called information to feed your worst fears and all to no good purpose. Nothing you are asking or commenting about is a risk for HIV.

Period.

You need to get on with your life.
Andy Velez

Offline mas911

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: Andy, Ann, and others, please help
« Reply #12 on: July 22, 2011, 05:43:06 PM »
Andy,

It's seems like your last comment was directed towards me. However, someone else posted the comment about the google search results.

I'm trying to get on with my life, and to forget about my recent indiscretions. It's difficult, but I'm trying.

Thank you again for all of your help.

Offline Andy Velez

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  • Member
  • Posts: 24,414
Re: Andy, Ann, and others, please help
« Reply #13 on: July 22, 2011, 06:02:44 PM »
You're right. Sorry about that. He's not supposed to be writing in someone else's thread.

Keep it simple, Mas. You did what you did. That's done. Don't ruin now with what was then. And you don't need to be worrying about the HIV issues.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline mas911

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: Andy, Ann, and others, please help
« Reply #14 on: July 22, 2011, 06:15:26 PM »
No problem, Andy. And thank you again for helping me. You and the others really deserve a lot of credit for doing this. It's so hard to find good, reliable information on the internet. As the other poster pointed out, there is even information available in a Google search that confirms my worse fears - that I was at a significant risk. I try to not to think about that though, because after all, you can find information online to support any wild theory if you look long enough.

You, Ann, Rod, and Matty have a lot more knowledge and experience about these issues than me, and I have to trust in that. My situation happened just as I described it - no hidden details... so I'll let it go, and work on my guilt as a separate issue.

Thank you again!


Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Andy, Ann, and others, please help
« Reply #15 on: July 22, 2011, 09:25:28 PM »
You're welcome. We're glad to have been of help.
Andy Velez

 


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