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Author Topic: I could really use some guidance!  (Read 2363 times)

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Offline seekinghelp

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I could really use some guidance!
« on: July 05, 2011, 01:37:34 PM »
Hello and thanks for allowing me to be a part of this community.  I've read through a lot of the info on this site, but like many people on here, I'm hoping to hear from the experts on this forum.  I'm a married bisexual man who is wondering if I should get tested.  It's been 6 months since I had a sexual encounter outside my marriage.  Over the course of 4 years I've done the following and have now spent weeks wondering what in the world I was doing for a number of reasons...not the least of which being putting myself and my wife at risk.

- I have met up with three different women over the years.  I originally met each of them online.  With one woman she gave me a blowjob while I was wearing a condom and I never came.  I also had protected sex with her using a condom.  The other two women I met with gave me blowjobs (one of them I also had protected sex) both without condoms (I came in one woman's mouth) and even though I have read the info on here I'm like a lot of other folks in that I've read from CDC and others that there is a risk of HIV infection, and I've heard others make claims that they've gotten infected giving blowjobs and even kissing.  So I'm basically up at night wondering if I am now infected and have put my wife at incredible risk.

- A little over a year ago I gave a blowjob to a guy I met online.  He wore a condom and he did not cum in my mouth.  I feel like I was pretty cautious with this encounter but am still a bit freaked out that maybe I touched his penis or other part of his body and then touched the condom before I started giving him oral sex, and therefore, the condom would have been infected with something as I was giving him head.

- I have met with six other men where they have either given me a handjob or I have given them a handjob.  On one occasion, the guy came on my hand and I suddenly realized I had a hangnail type cut on my thumb and his semen was all over that area before I quickly wiped it off.  On a couple of these occassions, in between giving a handjob, I would rub the man's penis on parts of my face but never in my mouth.  And on a few other occasions some of these men did ejaculate on my chest.  Again...I am wondering how much risk there is for HIV infection with these encounters.

I would really appreciate everyone's input as I am trying to figure out if I need to get tested and how "at risk" I truly am.  Even writing this I cannot believe all the things I have done over the years.  Truly upsetting!

Offline RapidRod

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Re: I could really use some guidance!
« Reply #1 on: July 05, 2011, 02:03:41 PM »
Oral sex and hj's do not transmit HIV.

Offline seekinghelp

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Re: I could really use some guidance!
« Reply #2 on: July 05, 2011, 02:35:52 PM »
Thanks for the quick reply RapidRod.  You all have explained the issue with cuts on your hands scenario throughout this forum, but I just cannot get my head around the fact that I am not at risk when someone gave me a blowjob without protection.

So you are saying no need to get tested?  Or should I do it to make sure?  I'm just so completely anxious as I go through my mind about everything.

And the actual sex, even if vaginal juices may have gotten on my scrotum or other areas of my body, or teh abse of my penis while the condom was on is not putting me at risk for HIV?

Offline RapidRod

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Re: I could really use some guidance!
« Reply #3 on: July 05, 2011, 02:37:17 PM »
HIV is unable to reproduce outside its living host (unlike many bacteria or fungi, which may do so under suitable conditions), except under laboratory conditions; therefore, it does not spread or maintain infectiousness outside its host.

Offline seekinghelp

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Re: I could really use some guidance!
« Reply #4 on: July 05, 2011, 03:17:40 PM »
So I have had NO risk of HIV infection based on the events I described?  No testing needed?

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I could really use some guidance!
« Reply #5 on: July 05, 2011, 05:10:27 PM »
That's right. Nothing you have reported from among the various incidents put you at risk for HIV transmission.

There is no cause for further concern nor any need for testing. Period. 
Andy Velez

Offline seekinghelp

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Re: I could really use some guidance!
« Reply #6 on: July 05, 2011, 07:28:12 PM »
Thanks to you both for taking the time to read what I posted and give me your input.  Invaluable!

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I could really use some guidance!
« Reply #7 on: July 05, 2011, 07:41:32 PM »
You're welcome.

Use condoms everytime for intercourse and you will be well protected against sexual transmission of HIV. It really is that simple.
Andy Velez

Offline seekinghelp

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Re: I could really use some guidance!
« Reply #8 on: July 06, 2011, 07:43:10 AM »
Andy, Ann, Rapid Rod,

Thought I'd post here quickly as I've noticed there are a lot of folks lately questioning whether oral sex is in fact a risk for infection not.

What are the reasons why the CDC and others say it is still a risk?  Reading some of these other posts gets me anxious again when I was feeling much better after your posts yesterday.  Drives me crazy when others say they know someone who got HIV just from oral sex or some other way besides unprotected vaginal or anal sex.







Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I could really use some guidance!
« Reply #9 on: July 06, 2011, 08:22:42 AM »
Andy, Ann, Rapid Rod,

Thought I'd post here quickly as I've noticed there are a lot of folks lately questioning whether oral sex is in fact a risk for infection not.

What are the reasons why the CDC and others say it is still a risk?  Reading some of these other posts gets me anxious again when I was feeling much better after your posts yesterday.  Drives me crazy when others say they know someone who got HIV just from oral sex or some other way besides unprotected vaginal or anal sex.








If you continue to surf the net you will undoubtedly find material with which to feed your worst fears. And all to no good purpose. We're not responsible for what other sites including the conservative CDC put out. Despite reports from time to time and hearsay about oral sex, claims of infection in that manner never seem to hold up.

Theoretically the only 100% safe sex is with your own hand. So yes, theoretically one could become infected through oral sex. However, longterm studies have been conducted of sero-discordant couples, both gay and straight, who had lots of variations of oral sex mutually. And only protected vaginal and anal intercourse. To date not a single sero negative partner has become infected.

If you are an adult who is having sex you need to decide what is acceptable for you and what is not. We can only give you answers based on the science-based information we have and decades of experience in the epidemic.
Andy Velez

Offline seekinghelp

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Re: I could really use some guidance!
« Reply #10 on: July 07, 2011, 01:42:59 PM »
Hey again.  I've seen lots of postings about guys concerned when they get a handjob.  Was wondering about when you give a handjob and a guy cums all over your hand.  As I mentioned before, I gave a handjob and I had a cut on my thumb near my nail.  Cum went all over it before I could clean it off.  Am I safe?

Also...years ago I had an electric shaver and I let someone borrow it, a doctor friend of mine said I was crazy to do so because what if the guy borrowing it shaved and got blood on it and then I used it.  As a doctor...he seemed to think any risk of touching blood or some other body fluid would put you at risk.  I'm assuming he was way off...true?

Offline RapidRod

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Re: I could really use some guidance!
« Reply #11 on: July 07, 2011, 01:46:34 PM »
HIV is unable to reproduce outside its living host (unlike many bacteria or fungi, which may do so under suitable conditions), except under laboratory conditions; therefore, it does not spread or maintain infectiousness outside its host.

No risk.

Offline seekinghelp

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Re: I could really use some guidance!
« Reply #12 on: July 07, 2011, 02:18:58 PM »
Thanks!  I always appreciate the quick and clear responses.

Offline seekinghelp

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Re: I could really use some guidance!
« Reply #13 on: July 10, 2011, 12:26:45 PM »
Hi again everyone.  All of these questions I had started when I decided to get life insurance for my family.  So I did the bloodwork and have been waiting a week and a half going through this process.  I get my bloodwork mailed to me this week so I am really anxious!  I've just been thinking about my indiscretions while married and a few incidents prior.

So I am really hoping to hear from Andy and Ann as I try and get through this.

As I think about things I've done I recall an incident 14 years ago when a friend had a bachelor party and one of the dancers gave me an unprotected blowjob.  Is this anything i should be worried about?  She gave a pretty aggressive one and I remember my penis being sore for a few days after from the rubbing but that's it.

I read some forums with Dr. Hartsfield and Hook who say getting a blowjob is low risk but just wanted to ask again, as I'm hoping it is NO risk!  I learned of them through Rapid Rod's amazing reply to a woman who was arguing about doctors dissagreaing.  He quoted several sources and the docs themselves so thanks for that Rapid Rod!

And finally, I cannot get out of my head the handjob a gave a guy who came on my hand.  Still worried about a cut I had around my thumbnail since hos cum went all over it.

Help!





Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I could really use some guidance!
« Reply #14 on: July 10, 2011, 12:33:19 PM »
Getting a blowjob is not low risk. It's NO RISK. It's one of the most common of sexual activities and in the entire history of the epidemic there has never been a single confirmed case of transmission in that manner.

Giving/getting handjobs are also non-risks.

Nothing you are reporting would suggest that you can expect anything other than a negative HIV test result.

Seems like you have the pre-test result jitters which is pretty common for anyone getting tested. I don't see an HIV problem for you in the cards.
Andy Velez

Offline seekinghelp

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Re: I could really use some guidance!
« Reply #15 on: July 10, 2011, 01:02:52 PM »
Thanks for the quick reply Andy.  I am definitely getting anxious as this builds up which has had me playing tapes of all my sexual encounters.  Not fun at all.

I appreciate you taking the time!

And while handjobs are not a risk...it wouldn't matter if I had a cut and the guys semen went on my cut?  I just heard some docs say handjobs aren't a risk unless there is a cut with semen or blood contact.  It was a minor cut around my thumb from a hangnail I pulled.  I don't remember if it was open or not.  It was sore and red I know.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I could really use some guidance!
« Reply #16 on: July 10, 2011, 01:08:16 PM »
Between now and what I expect will be your negative test result I am afraid your mind is going to continue to churn up more what ifs.

Again, nothing you have reported is a risk for HIV transmission. More than that I cannot say so you are just going to have to be as patient or impatient as you choose. I expect you to come out of this ok and frankly that's all I can say. Except you will do yourself a big favor by focusing on other things in your life while waiting for the result.

Don't bother saying you are too worried to do that. That kind of response will not fly in here. JUST DO IT.
Andy Velez

Offline seekinghelp

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Re: I could really use some guidance!
« Reply #17 on: July 10, 2011, 01:17:13 PM »
Will do and thanks Andy.  Much appreciated.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I could really use some guidance!
« Reply #18 on: July 10, 2011, 01:50:46 PM »
You're welcome.
Andy Velez

Offline seekinghelp

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Re: I could really use some guidance!
« Reply #19 on: July 11, 2011, 09:33:37 PM »
One or two more days before I get my test in the mail.  I have appreciated all the expert advice.  Just having a down moment right now and was hoping to get a little support.

Again...bi guy, married, have given a bunch of handjobs over the years.  Still a bit worried that one guy i stroked came on my hand and I had a slight cut, or handgnail or something like that.  It was red and a little pulled back.  With the semen getting on my hand and on the cut area so quickly I'm worried I was exposed and could get HIV from that.

And then the two unprotected blowjobs I received from two different women.  One of which I came in her mouth.

Just really and truly worried as I wait!

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I could really use some guidance!
« Reply #20 on: July 11, 2011, 09:43:42 PM »
Worry away as I see no reason to expect other than a negative test result. And that's all I have to say.
Andy Velez

Offline seekinghelp

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Re: I could really use some guidance!
« Reply #21 on: July 12, 2011, 10:44:23 AM »
Thanks Andy.  I know I am asking the same questions over and over again.  I just needed someone to touch base with last night.  I truly appreciate it.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I could really use some guidance!
« Reply #22 on: July 12, 2011, 12:55:37 PM »
OK. Understood.

Good luck with what I expect will be a happy result.
Andy Velez

 


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