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Author Topic: Worried sick  (Read 2056 times)

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Offline Sportsaddict01

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Worried sick
« on: June 29, 2011, 10:11:01 AM »
Hi, I just need some help guys.

About two months ago I met up with a new acquaintance for some fun. I had zero intentions of doing anything involving insertion so I didn't bring a condom to tempt myself. We did make out and jerk off and he eventually asked if I has a condom. I said no because I don't have full sex with basically stranger.  He got out lube and we engaged in just rubbing for a while. After a while I mindlessly agreed just to put the head of my penis in with lube on. I asked "shouldn't we use a condom for this" to which he responded "we're fine just don't cum in me". This should have been my first clue of his recklessness. We continued this head right at the entrance thing for probably 5 minutes.  I pulled out and jerked to finish. I didn't even think twice about his status until
Months later. I think I saw something about the symptoms of HIV and got panicked and realized I could possibly have set myself up for them. I thought back to the suggested period and realized I did have a slight sort throat for a day, no fever, but a lot of head congestion. I also have a lot of allergies so it didn't stick out to me at all. I also for a few hours one day had two red pimple like bumps pop up that were itchy then gone  later that day(felt fine no fever) which has happened again weeks after in the same place on my wrist. I know I need to get tested - doing research I found out he was raped 6-7 years ago and got HIV (so  he says to a random guy who messages him) but not to me who has asked him several times to be honest. We've literally kept in contact for 2 months (mostly because I was suspicious of him) and he has never told me. Do you all
think I'm ruined? Should I even bother confronting this liar?

Thanks in advance- I'm worried sick.

Offline Ann

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Re: Worried sick
« Reply #1 on: June 29, 2011, 11:02:50 AM »
Sports,

While frottage (rubbing genitals on genitals or the anal area without penetration) is not a risk for hiv infection, you went a little further than that.

What you engaged in is called "dipping" and dipping IS a risk for hiv infection, although somewhat lower on the hiv risk scale than being the receptive partner in "dipping" anal intercourse.

The areas on a man's body where hiv can infect are in the lining of the anus, the lining of the urethra as well as the inside of the foreskin (the portion that is hidden when the foreskin is pulled over the head). As an insertive partner, you need to have the head of your penis covered by a condom even if you're "only" dipping.

This means you do have to test. However, I would not expect you to test positive over this brief, shallow, insertive experience, although it is a possibility.

You can test now for a good indication of your status. The vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by six weeks, with the average time to seroconversion being only 22 days. A six week (or more) negative MUST be confirmed at the three month point, but is highly unlikely to change.

Neither symptoms nor the lack of symptoms will ever tell you a single thing about your hiv status. ONLY testing at the appropriate time will reliably inform you of your true status. None of your symptoms point to hiv - and btw, the rash that sometimes accompanies seroconversion does NOT itch.

You said, "This should have been my first clue of his recklessness." MY first clue to YOUR recklessness was the fact that you went out for "some fun" and didn't take a condom with you so you didn't "tempt myself". What you were doing was deluding yourself. It's not the condom that is going to tempt you, it's the other guy's fit body and nice ass that's going to tempt you.

You need to be prepared for your good intentions to go out the window in the heat of the moment. Sexual arousal can be very strong and difficult to resist and lead you to do things you wouldn't otherwise. Be prepared!  I carry condoms with me each and every time I leave the house, because you just never know what the future holds.

You also need to understand that asking other people about their hiv status is absolutely NOT the way to protect yourself and remain hiv negative. Most people do not accurately know their hiv status. Some will lie about having a recent test done but assume they're negative anyway. ASSUME. And unfortunately, some people who do know their status will lie.

It doesn't matter if they claim to be a virgin or even if they admit to having sex with hundreds of people. It's not WHO you do, it's HOW you do it. All you have to do to protect yourself is to use condoms. Condoms have been proven to prevent hiv infection. There have been long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Good luck with your testing. Sorry about the long post, but you really need to understand that 1) dipping is not a safe activity, even if it is not at the top of the risk scale and 2) asking a person about their hiv status is not a good strategy for remaining hiv negative.

Ann
« Last Edit: June 29, 2011, 11:10:45 AM by Ann »
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Sportsaddict01

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Re: Worried sick
« Reply #2 on: July 01, 2011, 12:27:56 AM »
Thanks Ann for all the information. I definitely took all of it to heart and like I said immediately realized how ridiculously careless I was.

I can't seem to shake the nerves behind all of this. I'm loosing a lot of sleep every night.

I haven't felt sick or ran any temperature or anything, but I had a lymph node pop up in left groin area, it went away. Then one in left arm pit, it went away. Now I think I had one pop up in very back of neck down by shoulders. With this guys HIV status, I can't help but think that I have it too. I plan on getting tested as soon as I get a day off work, but I can't shake the fact that lymph nodes keep poping up. The one in my groin area happens often for no reason so I didn't think twice about it. Any thoughts?

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Worried sick
« Reply #3 on: July 01, 2011, 07:05:47 AM »
Sports,

Lymph nodes will swell for all sorts of things - it's what happens when they're doing their job against any bacteria, viruses or whatever they find roaming your body. They can also swell if their owner is constantly poking, prodding and otherwise touching them all the time to see if they're swelling, so give them a break and keep your hands off.

I can pretty much guarantee you that if you keep worrying about this to the point of losing sleep, you will start to feel ill. That's what constant stress does to a body.

Just because you have been exposed to hiv one time does not mean you have been infected. As the insertive partner in dipping, the odds are definitely in your favour of a negative result. However, if you do get a negative, don't let that delude you into thinking dipping is safe. Just think of it as a lucky escape and don't do it again.

What he said about being raped and positive to some anonymous guy on the internet doesn't make it true - he could have been going for the sympathy vote or even using it as a knock back. Not everything you read on the internet is true. ~shock/horror~ You need to remember the "not everything you read" adage when cruising dating sites when guys say things like DDF, UB2. Not everything you read on the internet is true!!! Regardless of what anyone tells you about your hiv status, you need to use condoms for anal intercourse, every time, no exceptions.

As I said previously, you can test now for a good indication of your hiv status. A negative result (which is what I'm expecting) must be confirmed at the three month point.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Sportsaddict01

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Re: Worried sick
« Reply #4 on: July 02, 2011, 07:28:34 PM »
To Ann or anyone else. Thanks for your continued answers. Honestly its helped me to even get through a day.

I wanted to inquire about viral load. I got the guy who is lying to me to tell the "stranger" he is at an undectable viral load. Do you think that this is why he has an overconfidence and would allow dipping? I know from research that this does not warrant "worry free" barebacking or anything of the kind but only makes the risk perhaps a bit smaller.

All of the clinics around me are closed until later this week due to holidays. I now have another small lymph node popping up on the back of my trap (I think thats what it is) and I havent had anything to eat or gotten myself out of bed today. I'm freaked out.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Worried sick
« Reply #5 on: July 02, 2011, 08:32:49 PM »
To Ann or anyone else. Thanks for your continued answers. Honestly its helped me to even get through a day.

I wanted to inquire about viral load. I got the guy who is lying to me to tell the "stranger" he is at an undectable viral load. Do you think that this is why he has an overconfidence and would allow dipping? I know from research that this does not warrant "worry free" barebacking or anything of the kind but only makes the risk perhaps a bit smaller.

All of the clinics around me are closed until later this week due to holidays. I now have another small lymph node popping up on the back of my trap (I think thats what it is) and I havent had anything to eat or gotten myself out of bed today. I'm freaked out.

Ok you need to wake up to yourself.

Dipping, as Ann has told you already, is a marginal risk at worst. You should test but it's really just a formality. I expect that you will test negative for HIV as should you.

All this crap about the other guy lying is just that, crap. You were the one who decided to have sex and you have to be responsible for the consequences of your actions. It's happened now and you have no-one but yourself to blame.

So stop feeling sorry for yourself, wait until the clinics open and get tested.

MtD

Offline Sportsaddict01

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Re: Worried sick
« Reply #6 on: July 02, 2011, 08:41:55 PM »
I'm sorry if it really seems like i'm feeling sorry for myself. Like you said Matty this is very much my own fault; I do however wonder with everything that someone who finds out they are infected goes through, how they could ever wish that on someone else. I don't deny that I was an IDIOT to say the least, but I think that's the question that keeps tumbling in my head as well. "what was I thinking?" and "how could he do this" as well. I realize that I need to get up and out of this, but I think my mind is really playing games today. I want to make sure to apologize to you however because I realize a lot more people have a lot bigger fish to fry. Thanks for you help Matty.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Worried sick
« Reply #7 on: July 02, 2011, 09:56:17 PM »
I'm sorry if it really seems like i'm feeling sorry for myself. Like you said Matty this is very much my own fault; I do however wonder with everything that someone who finds out they are infected goes through, how they could ever wish that on someone else. I don't deny that I was an IDIOT to say the least, but I think that's the question that keeps tumbling in my head as well. "what was I thinking?" and "how could he do this" as well. I realize that I need to get up and out of this, but I think my mind is really playing games today. I want to make sure to apologize to you however because I realize a lot more people have a lot bigger fish to fry. Thanks for you help Matty.

Son,

I don't want you to be sorry. I want you to see the pattern of behaviour that you are exhibiting and change it so you don't end up like me, or Ann or any of the other experts who answer questions around here.

Because believe me, the day you test positive is the day you really know what is is to be "sorry".

You can't control what other people do or say. When it comes to fucking, you rely on the word of your sexual partners at your own enormous peril.

The only thing you have control over is what you decide to do.

You can choose to insist on condoms everytime you have anal or vaginal sex. That way it won't matter what the other one does or what diseases she or he might have. Condoms used properly and consistently will protect you from HIV and sundry other infectious nasties.

It really is that simple.

So stop carrying on like a prom queen who's had one too many ciderjacks. Pull yourself together and get your pansy ass tested when the clinics open on Tuesday.

MtD

Offline Sportsaddict01

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Re: Worried sick
« Reply #8 on: July 03, 2011, 12:35:37 AM »
I think I can do that Matty. This is definitely a life-changing matter and I only hope that for me it's not too late. Either way I am committed to NEVER make this type of mistake again. I definitely see how serious the path I was on is and no moment of passion could ever be worth some of the possibilities of such actions.  I want you and Ann to know how great of a thing it is what you guys do. That probably doesn't mean much coming from a little jerk like me, but know that from the bottom of my heart you guys make me feel like there's good in this mad world. Please be sending positive thoughts my way, and again thank you to both of you for being selfless and helping people, like myself, by educating us and sometimes kicking our asses like we need to have kicked.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Worried sick
« Reply #9 on: July 03, 2011, 12:50:51 AM »
I think I can do that Matty. This is definitely a life-changing matter and I only hope that for me it's not too late. Either way I am committed to NEVER make this type of mistake again. I definitely see how serious the path I was on is and no moment of passion could ever be worth some of the possibilities of such actions.  I want you and Ann to know how great of a thing it is what you guys do. That probably doesn't mean much coming from a little jerk like me, but know that from the bottom of my heart you guys make me feel like there's good in this mad world. Please be sending positive thoughts my way, and again thank you to both of you for being selfless and helping people, like myself, by educating us and sometimes kicking our asses like we need to have kicked.

Sounds like the message has been received. Rubber up and all will be well.

The next post I want to see from you is when you get your 13 week negative result. :)

MtD

 


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